A Good Politician Is As Unthinkable As An Honest Burglar

If America is going to continue having presidential debates, they have to come up with a format that is not biased and doesn't insult the intelligence of voters. The idea of having a moderator seems to miss the point. To moderate is to control the debate, keep things in focus and restrict the candidates as to time limits.

The moderators thus far have failed as bad as the temporary NFL football referees. Time limits should be enforced and if it were up to me, I would cut off the speakers microphone along with a very loud horn signaling "time's up!" after the allotted speaking time.

When you give a politician a microphone, you have to assume that they will continue to talk as long as you let them. Politely calling out their name will not stop them.

It is also essential that the moderator does not have a personal agenda (which is nearly impossible). As we've seen thus far, candidates have been cut off or interrupted while making a point. Mama Cass (Candy) Crowley interrupted Romney 28 times while interrupting Obama 9 times.

Yep, they need to either reform the debate format or air it at 3 o'clock in the morning. It's really not necessary to watch the debates live anyway because all of the news organizations will air and discuss their vetted versions the next day.

My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. To tell the truth, there's hardly any difference.

The News As I See It: Last night's presidential debate was what they call the town hall format, which is where real voters get to ask questions and the candidates ignore them and just talk about what they wanted to in the first place. Overall, I believe both candidates performed well and the moderator, Mama Cass was terrific.

Mitt Romney canceled his appearance on the "The View" according to Barbara Walters. He was scheduled for an interview, but he canceled at the last minute to prepare for the debate. Barbara said, "You do not cwoss me, Mitt Womney. I will have my wevenge."

One of Obama's goals in the next and final debate is to win back female voters. This explains why Obama is going to answer every future question with a passage from "Fifty Shades of Grey."

Nobody in the debate talked about the big story out of Europe — the big art heist at a museum in Rotterdam. You have to hand it to these thieves. It is not easy sneaking up in the Netherlands. Usually your wooden shoes give you away.

A company just came out with a car that will retail for only $3,000. They are calling it the 1997 Toyota Corolla.

This Date In History: 1777; British Gen. Burgoyne surrendered in Saratoga, N.Y. during the American Revolution. 1931; Mobster Al Capone was convicted of income tax evasion for which he was sentenced to 11 years in prison.

1933; Albert Einstein arrived in the United States as a refugee from Nazi Germany. 1979; Mother Teresa was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for her work with the poor in Calcutta, India. 1989; An earthquake measuring 7.1 in magnitude killed 67 and injured over 3,000 in San Francisco.

2011; Occupy Wall Street, an organized protest in New York's financial district, expands to other cities across the U.S., including Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles, and San Francisco.

Occupy Wall Street defines itself as a group of activists who stand against corporate greed, social inequality and the disproportion between the rich and poor. I define them as a group of aimless assholes and agitators.

Picture Of The Day: When the fight is over and the smoke clears, a little kiss always seems to make things better.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I'm glad I don't have to hunt for my food. I don't even know where Sandwiches live. 2) Pro-gas-ti-na-tion is defined as waiting to fill up your tank while hoping the price of gas might actually go down. 3) Halloween is coming and that means the cobwebs in my house have just become decorations. 4) Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.  5) Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Libra - October 17th: Screaming "Death to the Infidel!" as you're walking through busy airports or the shopping center will leave you with bruises in special places. Destiny is more like a buzz-word than something you'll ever have to think about. Romance is in the air today, just over the north of France. Parlez vous Francais?

Birthdays: My pals Elaine and Joanne - Happy Birthday girls 19XX, Nathanael West, novelist 1903, Irene Ryan, actress 1903, Arthur Miller, playwright 1909, Rita Hayworth, actress 1918, Montgomery Clift, actor 1920, Evel Knievel, daredevil 1938, Margot Kidder, actress 1948, Ernie Els, golfer 1969.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: One Sunday, an older couple was sitting at the breakfast table, discussing life in general. Suddenly, the man said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to sell my stuff immediately." His wife said, "Why would you want me to do something like that?"

Her husband said, "I figure a woman as fine as you will eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff." She look at him intently and replied, "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello?" A man says, "Mrs. Sanders, please." The lady replies, "Speaking." The man says, "Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

Mrs Sanders asked nervously, "What do you mean?" The doctor said, "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which." Mrs. Sanders said, "That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" The doctor replied, "Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

Mrs. Sanders asks, "Well, what am I supposed to do now?" Doctor Jones replied, "The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car." Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks, they went in to the study, where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You've brought your grades up, I've observed that you have been studying your Bible and participating a lot more in the Bible study groups. But, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut."

The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair also." His father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

A loving grandfather always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she'd take their granddaughter for the drive.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. He asked, "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" The little girl replied,  "Oh, yes, Grandpa, it was really wonderful. We didn't see a single asshole, blind bastard, dipshit or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"

That's it for today, my little moon pies. Remember, silence is golden unless you have kids. Then, silence is just suspicious. It's happy hour time in AREA 51. See you there. That's it for now. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !