The New Samsung Galaxy S5 Copy - The iPhone6 Has Arrived

Apple released the iPhone6 today. Good news for some, I guess. I use my cellphone to make phone calls, text, take an occasional picture or video and GPS to find my way home from the bar. They can keep the rest of the "new technology."

It has taken Apple months to come out with their version of the Samsung Galaxy, a far better phone. The only thing that the iphone has made better is that it takes three months for the glass to crack or break.

According to the news, people have been waiting in line, even camping, in front the Apple store to be one of the first to own the new phone which will be obsolete in one month.

I used to camp out when I was a kid. I can't imagine camping out in front of a store unless it is beside a river. The neat thing is that there are people you can pay who will sit in line for you. This way, after paying the kid to sit in line for you, your new (soon to be obsolete) iphone will cost you $2,250. Such a deal !

As for me, I'm going to stick with my Blackberry Q10. It took me too long to almost learn how to operate it and, as I'm told, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. An old dog, however, has usually saved enough money to pay some liberal arts graduate to sit in line for you.....



Fear not, Apple fans, the iPhone continues to evolve

The News As I See It: The people of Scotland voted on whether to declare independence from the United Kingdom. Scotland voted against independence. Great Britain's major concern was that they would lose Scotland and could be cut off from a major supplier of bagpipes and kilts.

The official ballot was one line: "Should Scotland be an independent country?" And that's it. Why is it that I have to go through 18 pages of terms and conditions to download iOS 8 while a whole country can secede from the United Kingdom by checking a box that says "Yes"?

At San Francisco's airport last Tuesday, customs officials confiscated 20 giant millipedes. You should never bring a millipede on an airplane. There's just not enough leg room.

The NFL continues to disappoint. The Good News: A member of the Baltimore Ravens has retired from football so he can donate a kidney to his brother. The Bad News: Since receiving the new kidney, the brother has committed six felonies.

In other NFL news, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has put his post-college resume online for everyone to see. It worked. He starts tomorrow at Quiznos.

Royal Caribbean cruises will soon be adding robotic bartenders that can shake drinks, cut limes, and precisely measure alcohol. While Carnival Cruises announced they will soon be adding plumbing.

This Date In History: 1881; President James Garfield died of a gunshot wound inflicted by a disappointed office seeker the previous July 2nd. 1934; Bruno Hauptmann was arrested for the Lindbergh baby kidnap-murder.

1955; President Juan Peron of Argentina was deposed and exiled after a military coup. 1957; The United States conducted its first underground nuclear test in the Nevada desert.

1962; Gov. Ross Barnett blocked James Meredith from enrolling in the University of Mississippi. 1985; The Mexico City area was struck by the first of two devastating earthquakes that claimed thousands of lives. The second earthquake hit 36 hours later.

1994; U.S. troops entered Haiti to enforce the return of exiled president Jean-Bertrand Aristide. 2001; The Pentagon ordered combat aircraft to the Persian Gulf following the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

Picture Of The Day: Let the indoctrination begin.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Every time I'm watching something on TV that I really like, my girlfriend starts talking to me as if her words are going to expire if she doesn't use them. 2) My tattoo? I got it to remind me not to make impulsive decisions based on fleeting trends that I'd regret for the rest of my life.

3) Every time my dentist is kind enough to tell me I need to floss, I am kind enough to tell him that he needs to trim his nose hair. 4) When people say things like "You can't change the past", I can't help but wonder what it must be like to be that brilliant. 5) Is it just me or are fewer and fewer mustachioed villains tying women to the train tracks these days?.....and that's five !

Bonus Sixth: Parenting Pro Tip: If a 5-year-old says he needs a potty stop or he's going to take a dump in the minivan, he's not making idle threats.

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 19th: Changing your lifestyle and underwear are always a good way to start the weekend. Don't worry about the rain. it will clear up by tomorrow night. Hopefully, your skin will clear up as well. Romance and possibly money should be heading your way.

Birthdays: My friend, Emilio - Happy Birthday 19XX, George Cadbury, manufacturer, social reformer 1839, William Hesketh Lever, soap-maker, philanthropist 1851, Benjamin Reifel, Sioux activist and U.S. representative 1906, Sir William Golding, English novelist 1911, Jim Abbott, baseball pitcher 1967.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs.....enough times till her husband says, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" She answers with a seductive smile, "Yes..."

Her husband says, "Thank God, for a minute I thought the stuffing was coming out of the sofa."

There was a loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time, just he and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she'd take their granddaughter for the drive.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked. The little girl said, "Oh, yes, Grandpa, it was really wonderful. We didn't see a single asshole, blind bastard, dipshit or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally settled on a parrot that was perched in the back of the store for $50.

She asked the shopkeeper why the parrot was so cheap, to which he replied, "Well, I have to tell you, the birds last owner was a madam at a whorehouse and he occasionally makes off color remarks that offend some people."

Thinking that the price was right and she could handle anything he might say, she took him. When she got home she set the parrot down on the table. The parrot looked around and said, "New house, new madam." The woman thought, "That's not so bad."

A little while later, her daughters got home from school, and the parrot spoke again, "New house, new madam, two new whores." Even though she felt a little insulted, she thought that wasn't so bad either. Later that evening, her husband Ray came home. The parrot said, "Hi Ray!"

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

The mother-in-law asked, "What are you doing?" The daughter-in-law said, "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work. I am wearing my love dress." The mother-in-law said, "Love dress? But you're naked!"

The daughter-in-law replied, "My husband loves me to wear this dress. It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home.

He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. Her husband said, "What are you doing?" His wife whispered sensually, "This is my love dress." Her husband replied, "Needs ironing....."

That's it for today, my little pinto beans. Remember, never play leapfrog with a rhinoceros. I'm going to happy hour at AREA 51. See you there!

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !