Meet Miss P

 
Miss P won the Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club Show held at Madison Square Garden on Tuesday. The nearly four-year-old beagle is the grandniece of Uno, the first beagle to ever win the big show, in 2008.

Miss P, who is retiring to motherhood, did not exhibit the charm of Uno, who howled at strategic points when he was judged at Westminster. She has not met Uno, who lives in retirement in Austin, Texas, and will soon turn 10.

Michelle O'Barko was disqualified from the Westminster Dog Show competition for apparently wearing a weave in lieu of her natural mane

The East Coast is going through one of the worst winters in history. Schools have had a record number of snow days. The only math kids are doing is how many glasses of wine their mom drinks before 2 p.m.

In Washington, they closed federal offices, so Congress was forced to get nothing done from home. Meanwhile, Barry Obama spent Monday playing a round of golf in sunny California and then flew back to Washington on Air Force One. The next day, the 10,000 people stranded at Boston's Logan Airport changed their political affiliation to Republican.

Yesterday a federal judge suspended Obama's executive order on immigration. He still doesn't understand that there's a playbook called the Constitution and that he just can't make up his own rules as he goes along. Then again, he can't remember that on 22 separate occasions, he has said he didn't have the power to change the immigration law.

Michelle revealed that she has banned boxed macaroni and cheese from the White House. It was tough on Joe Biden because he couldn't make his wife any jewelry for Valentine's Day.

A recent poll shows that New Jersey residents feel Hillary Clinton has the "right look" to be president, while Chris Christie does not. Today, Christie was spotted at JCPenney, trying on pantsuits.
 

The News As I See It: Congress is considering a law that would allow commuters to bring their dogs and cats on Amtrak trains. It's all part of their plan to make Amtrak smell better.

New York City has gone 12 days without a murder. Why? The only thing I can think of is the ground is too frozen to dig shallow graves.

The Westminster Kennel Club's dog show is this week. They say it's a predictor of the Academy Awards.

This Date In History: 1546; Martin Luther, German leader of the Protestant Reformation, died. 1564; Michelangelo Buonarotti, Italian painter, sculptor, and architect, died. 1885; The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain was published.

1930; Pluto, the ninth planet in the solar system, was discovered by American astronomer Clyde Tombaugh. 1953; The first 3-D movie, Bwana Devil, opened in New York.

2001; FBI agent Robert Philip Hanssen was arrested and charged with spying for Russia. 2001; Dale Earnhardt, Sr., died from injuries sustained at the Daytona 500.

Picture Of The Day: Miss P, Best in Show, stands proud.
 

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) It's sad to see how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning seven tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike. 2) Only kids of the 50's, 60's and 70's will remember this! "Go Play Outside!"

3) Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I'm supposed to be doing. So, yes, your secrets are safe with me. 4) If really good-looking people are "eye candy", I guess that puts me somewhere around the "eye asparagus" category.

5) I remember when my ex-wife and I decided not to have children. The kids took it pretty hard......and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 18th: Admitting to shooting the sheriff is not a good alibi when being accused of shooting the deputy. Any time you feel restless this week, try to imagine what it would be like to take Viagra and Ritalin at the same time.

Birthdays: Louis Comfort, Tiffany artist, decorative designer 1848, Sholem Aleichem, author 1859, Charles Michael Schwab, steel magnate 1862, Helen Gurley Brown, editor, author 1922, George Kennedy, actor 1925, John Travolta, actor 1954, Matt Dillon, actor 1964, Molly Ringwald, actress 1968.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose, but only collects 2-3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase full of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose, "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?" Jose says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?" Carlos' sign reads, "I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support."

Jose says, "No wonder you only get 2-3 dollars." Carlos says, "So what does your sign say?" Jose shows Carlos his sign. It reads, "I only need another 10 dollars to move back to Mexico.

A young Arab asks his father, "What is this weird hat that we are wearing?" 'The father said, "It's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun!"

The son then asked, "And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?" The father replied, "It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!"

The boy continued, "And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?" The father answered, "These are 'babouches' which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!"

The boy said to his father, "Tell me, Papa. Why are we living in New Jersey and still wearing all this shit?"
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a warning sign that read, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the door. Inside, he noticed a harmless little dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.

The stranger asked, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" The owner. "Yep, that’s him." The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. "That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

The owner explained, "Because, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

At St. Peter's Catholic Church, they have weekly husband's marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, '"Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!"

The priest responded, "Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?" Giuseppe proudly replied, "I gonna go pick her up."

That's it for today, my little snowballs. Remember, nothing says "I love you" more than a waitress bringing you another beer before you ask. The road to AREA 51 is inviting me.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !