Two Steps Forward And One Step Back

It's been a week since I've been dealing with this congestion and persistent cough and I've noticed national reports of a current flu bug affecting the nation. The odd thing is that, apart from the aforementioned symptoms, I feel relatively well.

The problem is that I feel good in the evening and end up being awakened in the middle of the night by my own cough. The frequent coughing also has made my stomach muscles hurt. The pesky cough and subsequent sleep interruptions leave me frustrated.

Each day has gotten better, but it looks like this may linger for a few more days. I guess I can't really complain though as I haven't had a "cold" in ten years.

I have never gotten a flu shot in my life and I recently read that this year's flu shot is ineffective anyway. So, I'll continue to fight this thing off, keeping in mind that there are a lot of people who have far greater problems than mine.....

The News As I See It: Senator Harry Reid fell over the weekend and fractured bones in his face. His other face escaped injury.

This Date In History: 1492; Muhammad XI, the leader of the last Arab stronghold in Spain, surrendered to King Ferdinand II and Queen Isabella I. 1788; Georgia was admitted to the Union as the 4th state. 1839; Louis Jacques Mandé Daguerre took the first photograph of the Moon.

1905; The Russo-Japanese war ended. 1923; The African-American town of Rosewood, Fla., was burned by a white mob. 1935; The Bruno R. Hauptmann trial began for the kidnap and murder of the Lindbergh baby.

1959; The first spacecraft to fly by the Moon and also to orbit the Sun, Mechta (Luna 1) was launched by the USSR. 1994; Rudolph Giuliani is inaugurated as New York City's mayor.

Picture Of The Day: Words of wisdom.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Forrest Gump's Facebook account has been hacked. His password was "1forrest1". 2) If you play a game with your girlfriend where you pick one person you’d be allowed to sleep with, choose a celebrity and not "Liz from Accounting." 3) I have a cold and my doctor recommended coffee enemas. I can never go back to Starbucks. 4) I gave my girlfriend a tip how she could wash the dishes better. On a side note, Dawn detergent is really starting to make my hands softer. 5) When I ask my girlfriend if she wants sex, she changes the subject and asks if a bear shits in the woods, like I'm some sort of bear scientist or something.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 2nd: Temptation is everywhere, especially if you're willing to look everywhere for it. However, you will discover that temptation itself is not as harmful as running the streets naked shouting, "It's not my fault, I'm looking for temptation!" Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you're gonna need some beholdin' today.

Birthdays: James Wolfe, British general 1727, Rudolf Clausius, mathematical physicist 1822, Henry Flagler, financier 1830, Ernst Barlach, expressionist sculptor, graphic artist 1870, Saint Theresa Carmelite, nun 1873, Michael Tippett, composer 1905, Dennis Hastert, congressman 1942, Cuba Gooding, Jr. actor 1968.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."

The host asked, "Why is that?" The blonder replied, "Because after one drink I can feel it. After two drinks.....anyone can!"

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs.

Finally, after she had crossed her legs enough times, her husband asks, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" She answered with a seductive smile, Yes." Her husband replied, "Thank God. For a moment, I thought the stuffing was coming out of the sofa."

(He never heard the gunshot.)

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A father picked up his son from school one afternoon. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted that day, he asked his son if he got a part.

His son enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." His father said, "That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

A young woman walked into the confessional and said to the priest, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned." The priest replied, "Confess you sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night, my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."

The priest said,"Squeeze the juice of seven lemons into a glass and drink the juice." The woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The priest answered, "No, but it will wipe that smile off your face."

Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school. The teacher asked, "What's your name?" He replied, "Mohammad." The teacher said, You're in America now, so from now on you will be known as Kevin."

Mohammad returned home after school and his mother asked, "How was your day, Mohammad?" He answered, "My name is not Mohammad. I'm in America and now my name is Kevin."

His mother said, "Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" and his mother beat him. Then she called his father, who beat him again.

The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises and asked, "What happened to you, Kevin?" He replied, "Well ma'am, not too well. The first thing that happened after becoming an American, I was attacked by two f**king Arabs."

That's it for today, my little doodle bugs. Remember,Life is better when you can share it with a friend who's just as sick and twisted as you.  AREA 51 is just wishful thinking tonight.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !