Muskrat Susie and Muskrat Sam Are Divorcing

Toni Tennille and Daryl Dragon, better known as "The Captain and Tennille" are getting a divorce after 39 years. Yep, Muskrat Susie and Muskrat Sam are calling it quits. All is not lost musically however as I'm told the two are working on their follow up album, "Love Will Keep Us Together For 39 Years."

Come on guys, say it ain't so. The 71-year-old Daryl "Captain" Dragon and 73-year-old Toni Tennille are going their separate ways after nearly 40 years of marriage. According to ABC News, Tennille filed for divorce January 16th. Dragon reportedly told TMZ on Wednesday that he was blindsided by the filing, "I don't know why she filed, I gotta figure it out for myself first."

Dragon and Tennille toured with the Beach Boys, as keyboardists, in the '70s. They later began touring as a duo and released their first album, "Love Will Keep Us Together" in 1975.

Some of their hit tracks include: "Do That To Me One More Time," "Muskrat Love," a cover of the Miracles' hit "You Better Shop Around" and "The Way I Want To Touch You."

Reportedly, Parkingson's Disease has prevented Dragon from playing music as well as he once had in recent years. Tenille blogged in 2012, "His condition causes him to have tremors, pretty severe at times. Some days he does pretty well and other days his playing is severely compromised."

What's unclear is whether it's possible Toni really filed for health insurance reasons where Daryl's health coverage might be better if they were divorced. Either way, the Captain won't be hearing Toni lament, "Do That to me One More Time" any more. It's a sad day for muskrats.....

The News As I See It: Justin Bieber was arrested in Miami Beach late Wednesday night and charged with DUI, possession of drugs, resisting arrest and drag racing. Justin was clocked going 60 miles an hour in a Lamborghini. Wow, 60 miles an hour in a Lamborghini? Hey Justin, it’s called second gear. Try shifting to third. Police took possession of the rented 2013 Lamborghini Gallardo, but the main reason for the Bieber tirade was because police confiscated his booster seat.

Obama is giving the NSA new guidelines on gathering data on American citizens. He says the NSA can no longer violate anyone's constitutionally protected right to privacy. That will be Target's job.

Anthony Weiner makes between three and four hundred thousand dollars a year as a political consultant. Anthony Weiner! How bad can a politician be doing in the polls when he says to himself, "What would Anthony Weiner do now?"

Chris Christie is getting a lot of support from New Jersey's Hispanic community. Some Hispanics like his moderate conservatism while others believe if you hit him he'll break open and spill out candy.

Target announced that it is dropping health insurance for part-time employees and they’re blaming it on Obamacare. I guess now if Target employees need to pay for healthcare, they'll just have to use their customers' credit cards.

The Captain and Tennille were discovered by Neal Sedaka

This Date In History: 41; Roman emperor, Gaius Caesar, better known as Caligula, was murdered. 1848; Gold was first discovered in California, in Sutter's mill. When President Polk announced the news in December, the gold rush began.

1908; Robert Baden-Powell organized the first Boy Scout troop in England. 1943; The Casablanca Conference with Franklin D. Roosevelt and Winston Churchill concluded. 1965; Winston Churchill died in London at age 90.

1972; Japanese soldier Shoichi Yokoi was discovered in Guam, having spent 28 years hiding in the jungle thinking World War II was still going on. 1986; Voyager Two space probe passes within 51,000 miles of Uranus.

1993; The first African-American to sit on the Supreme Court, Thurgood Marshall, died. 2003; The Department of Homeland Security, under Tom Ridge, became a cabinet department.

Picture Of The Day: Justin Beiber fresh out of the slammer.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) People sometimes ask where Condoleeza Rice's first name came from. Neither her Uncle Ben nor her less successful sister Apartmentleeza Rice knew. 2) The only time that my girlfriend screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep. 3) (911 Caller): "Hello, Miami Police, the suspect is in a yellow Lamborghini." (911): "Okay, thanks Ma'am, that narrows it down to 67,000 people in Miami." 4) "People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that?" - "Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking." 5) I'm ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - January 24th: Your resolution to learn to play the piccolo will be cut short when you realize that you have no idea what a piccolo is.

Birthdays: My friend TerryAnn - Happy Birthday! 19XX, Frederick the Great, Prussian King 1712, Robert Motherwell, artist 1915, Ernest Borgnine, actor 1917, Maria Tallchief, ballerina 1925, Neil Diamond singer, songwriter 1941, Aaron Neville, singer 1941, Warren Zevon, singer, songwriter 1947, John Belushi, actor, comedian 1949, Mary Lou Retton, gymnast 1968, Matthew Lillard, actor 1970, Mischa Barton, actress, model 1986.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man was on a plane waiting to take off when he noticed a beautiful woman coming down the aisle towards him. His heart raced when she took the vacant seat beside him. Nervously, he said hello and the woman told him she was going to Las Vegas to a nymphomaniac convention.

She said, "I'm a lecturer and I'm going to debunk a few misconceptions of sexual behavior. The man said, " Really? What kind of myths?" She said, "Everyone thinks that African men are the most endowed, when in fact, it's the Native Americans who have that distinction."

She continued, "People think that Frenchmen are the best lovers and it's really Jewish men who are the best. I also discovered that Southern Rednecks have the best stamina.".

Suddenly, the woman became uncomfortable. She said, " \I'm sorry", I shouldn't be telling you all this. I don't even know your name." The man answered, "Tonto,...Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba !" 

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties.

Maude and Thelma, two old spinsters, are watching from the front porch swing across the street when Maude says to Thelma, "These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $1,000,000.00. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is." The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?" Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Guido trembles and signs back, "Okay! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Obama walks into a New York bar with a frog on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, that's cool ! Where did you get it?" The frog answers, "In Chicago, there's thousands of them up there."

Two cows were grazing on the side of a hill and one turned to the other and said, "Moo." The other cow replied, "Damn, I was just going to say that."

That's it for today, my little prairie dogs. Remember the old gray males, they ain't what they used to be! I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !