2016 Off To A Bad Start

Yikes! First Monday of 2016. Obama wants more gun controls, the market is down and the Iran-Saudi conflict grows. Fear not! Obie and Sasquatcha are soon moving back to Chicago, the market will recover and the Middle East will still be where Fred and Wilma live.

Oh, and there's more. A group of armed protesters took over a building in an Oregon federal wildlife refuge, accusing officials of unfairly punishing ranchers who refused to sell their land.

Prosecutors said the ranchers burned land to cover up poaching. The ranchers said they burned the property to stop invasion of unwanted growth.

Either way, the farmers were sentenced to five years in prison. A bit of overkill for the crime when you consider arson and looting by protesters in other cities. Still, the taking of a federal building by armed protesters isn't a very good idea.

Bill Clinton took to the stump today on Hillary's campaign and I look forward to the banter between the Clinton and Trump camps.

Mondays have never been very enjoyable for me and 2016 has begun just like any other Monday. The doo-doo has hit the oscillator.....

The News As I See It: Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics show that Egyptians believed that nobody in history would ever worship and revere cats like they did. Then came the Internet.

This Date In History: 1885; Dr. William W. Grant of Davenport, Iowa, performed what is thought to be the first appendectomy. 1896; Utah was admitted as 45th state in the United States.

1904; In Gonzales v. Williams, the U.S. Supreme Court decided that citizens of Puerto Rico are not aliens and can enter the U.S. freely. 1948; Burma (Myanmar) gained independence from Great Britain.

1951; During the Korean War, North Korean and Communist Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. 1965; President Johnson outlined his "Great Society" in his State of the Union address.

1999; Former wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn in as Minnesota's governor. 1999; The U.S. Mint began distributing the 50 State Quarters.

2007; California Democrat Nancy Pelosi becomes the first woman U.S. Speaker of the House of Representatives.

Picture Of The Day: A giraffe kiss.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Judging by their knives, I'm thinking the Swiss Army are mostly bartenders. 2) If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. 3) I love the way the employees working the drive thru at Burger King speak English as a 4th language. I went there this afternoon and got a frog and an avocado. 4) I politely asked a woman on my flight if she could put her screaming kid in the overhead compartment and she looked at me like I was crazy or something. 5) The guys at the barber shop asked me what actress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with. I told them the one who knows how to fix elevators. I'm old, I'm tired and I pee a lot. ..... and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 4th: Never trust any one who says, "A little birdie told me." Besides the fact that little birdies can't speak, they're renown liars. If for some unknown reason, the person is able to communicate with little birdies, chances are he or she escaped from a farm.

Birthdays: Sir Isaac Newton, mathematician, scientist 1643,  Benjamin Rush, physician, signer of the Declaration of Independence 1746, Jakob Grimm, German folkorist and co-author of Grimm's Fairy Tales 1785, Louis Braille, inventor of Braille system 1809, Sir Isaac Pitman, inventor of phonographic shorthand 1813, Tom Thumb, entertainer 1838, Jane Wyman, actress, producer 1914, Floyd Patterson, boxer 1935.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capital building?" The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 16 bus. It'll take you right there."

She thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capital building, I said to wait here for the number 16 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?" The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 15th bus just went by!"

Murray and Jake were talking and Murray says, "So, how's your sex life?" Jake replies, "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." Murray says, "Social Security sex?"

Jake answers, "Yeah, you know. I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my friend Jim for his contribution to today's stories.

A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck pulling a boat with a coffin in it. A passer-by remarked, "That guy must have been a vary avid fishermen."

One of the mourners remarked, "Oh,he still is. As a matter of fact, he's headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife."

At a parent-teacher meeting in Kansas City, a teacher asked a mother how to pronounce her child's name, "Le-a." The teacher guessed, "Leah"? The mother answered, "No." The teacher tried, "Lee-A?" The mother replied, "Nope."

The teacher continued, "Lay-a?" Again, the mother said, "No!" The mother becomes irate because everyone is getting her child's name wrong.

She finally says, "It's pronounced 'Ledasha'.". When the mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "The dash don't be silent."

That's it for today, my little niblets. Remember, men and women can be just friends, but only if one of them is ugly. 

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !