A Frustrating Weekend and A Balky Computer Connection - I'm Gonna Smash It !

It's amazing how grumpy one can become when confined to an easy chair with one's foot propped up. Instead of partying this weekend in AREA 51, I spent the majority of my weekend watching TV and trying to maintain what little sanity I have. I tried to limit getting up to do necessary duties to save the stress, wear and tear on my foot and ankle. Unfortunately, when you're a charter member of the Old Timer's Club, trips to the kitchen are usually more numerous as, once I get to the kitchen, my mission and purpose suddenly eludes me. This is, of course, is until I return to my chair at which time, like a vision from God, my memory returns. It's sort of like when your cable television goes out for a few minutes.

The television was my babysitter and the first thing I noticed was a plethora of con men, swindlers and thieves flooding the commercial markets. I guess the recession is affecting them as well and they were out and about in numbers. The ever annoying Billy Mays seemed to be on every other commercial hawking anything and everything his shrill, pathetic, monosyllabic voice could attest to.

The newest variation of the "only $19.95" scam finds Vince, the dimwit who markets "Sham Wow" and resembles Popeye on crack, pushing a new product. It's called "Slap Chop" which ostensibly slices, dices and cuts anything by simply putting a helpless tomato or potato under a plastic doo-dad with built in knives, and hitting the button on top several times. This product is for the people who have not yet mastered using a kitchen knife (or walking or pouring coffee...).

The variation is that the new price is $24.95, probably setting a new trend and price level for all the "only $19.95" products. This is easily understandable as most companies are either downsizing the size of their products while keeping the same price or just simply raising prices. But wait!....you also get the "Graty" which grates cheese and fruits, absolutely free (except for the fact that they raised the total price by $5.00). As Vince says, "You've gotta order now because we can't sell at prices like this all day" (true, but you can offer it for ten to twenty minutes every day).

This great value can be yours for "only $24.95" plus shipping and handling (usually $7-8 dollars, which for the same price, you can ship and handle a hammer which can be used to hit yourself in the head for being so stupid as to purchase this garbage).

Here are the actual terms taken from the website: "Today you can get the Slap Chop for $24.95 plus $7.95 shipping and handling and as a special bonus you'll also receive the Graty for cheese, you just pay a separate $5.00 processing fee." Such a deal !

Tomorrow is the inauguration of president-elect Barack Hussein Obama and despite any differences I have with his candidacy, I respect the office of the president and wish him a successful term as President of the United States. As it has been said many times, we all may belong to different parties and have different views as to who shall lead this nation and how he or she will lead it, but the fact remains, after all, that we are all Americans.

That fact notwithstanding, I took potshots at George Dubya Bush during his presidency for stupid moves and statements and, being an equal opportunity critic, I shall take potshots at President Obama as well. For that matter, I will continue to take shots at anything or anybody that deserves it in the world according to Jimmy.

Today's entry may or may not have pictures as my Comcast connection seems to come and go. The technician is supposed to come Tuesday morning and hopefully the problem will be resolved. As it stands now, I'm able to type but I don't know if the pictures will upload using dial-up. We'll see. In the interim, I will make today's entry uncharacteristically early and then I'm going to shoot my modem!

Two new songs on my playlist: "New York State of Mind" by Billy Joel and "Harlem Nocturne" by Me; Torme. Remember you can select the song you'd like to hear by simply clicking it. I hope you enjoy the new additions.

This Date In History: 1840; United States explorer Charles Wilkes claims part of Antarctica for the United States. 1937; On this day in 1937, Howard Hughes flew from Los Angeles to Newark, New Jersey, in 7 hours and 28 minutes, setting a new transcontinental flight speed record. 1983; Klaus Barbie, Nazi German SS officer, known as “the Butcher of Lyons”, is arrested in Bolivia. 1966; Indira Gandhi, daughter of Jawaharlal Nehru, becomes prime minister of India.

Picture Of The Day: It's pretty clear that president-elect Obama has a tough row to hoe in his coming term in office and we will certainly need him to implement his campaign promises and make them a reality. According to Dell Comics, this task has been done in the past and I know for a fact that Dell Comics would never say something that wasn't true. Here's hoping for a better 2009.

Birthdays: My sister, Jeanne. Happy Birthday Sis! 19XX, My pal, Alfonso 19XX, James Watt, inventor 1736, Robert E. Lee, Confederate general 1807, Edgar Allan Poe, American writer, known as a poet and critic but most famous as the first master of the short story form, especially tales of the mysterious and macabre 1809, Paul Cézanne, French Post-Impressionist painter 1839, Janis Joplin, singer 1943, Dolly Parton, singer 1946.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.

The doctor said, "On a woman, the heart would be just below the left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

A 91-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?" George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof, the light goes off." The doctor says, "Wow, that's incredible."

A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife and says, "Ethel, George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done poof, the light goes out?" Ethel exclaims. "Oh hell, He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" The little old man replied, "No, arthritis."

That's it for today my little carrot cakes. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !