We Had No Idea He Was There

Pakistan receives 1.5 billion dollars per year in aid from the United States. One would think that with such a sizeable financial aid package, Pakistan would have been aware that Osama Bin Laden was living for the past five years within walking distance of Pakistan's equivalent of West Point.

Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani, in his first address to parliament since the covert U.S. raid that killed the al-Qaida chief a week ago, lashed out at allegations Pakistan knew where bin Laden was hiding, though he offered no details on what the country did know about his location. He also warned the U.S. that any unilateral raids in the future would be met with "full force."

New signs are emerging of Pakistan's anger over the unilateral action taken by the U.S. in sending Navy SEALs into the country from Afghanistan in helicopters with radar-evading technology. In apparent retaliation, Pakistani media have leaked what they said was the name of the CIA station chief in Islamabad, possibly seeking to damage covert American activity in the country.

In my opinion, the 1.5 billion dollars per year Pakistani aid package would be far better invested in sealing and guarding the U.S.-Mexican against illegal immigrants. We should only send enough money each year to Pakistan so that they can continue to purchase bath towels to cover their heads. Once they get the hint, maybe they'll find a way to be more in line in stopping terrorists from living freely in the rat hole they call Pakistan. But, that's just me.....

Look for President Obozo to make a speech tomorrow on immigration when he visits El Paso, Texas. The president wants to see a path to legalization for the millions of illegal immigrants in this country. Hispanic lawmakers are pressing Obozo to take executive action to stop or slow some deportations which he's so far refused to do. Coincidentally, Obozo has begun his campaign for reelection with a focus on immigration, a key issue for Hispanic voters.

Just like his 2008 shuck and jive campaign, where he told voters anything they wanted to hear to get elected, Obozo has left the immigration problem at the bottom of the list. Now that it's time for Shuck and Jive 2012, all political lies and promises are being dusted off and put on the table again. The immigration ruse that he will put forth tomorrow is simply a ploy so that republicans will oppose it, thus aiding his campaign reelection hopes. If you voted for Obozo in 2008 to prove you're not a racist, you need to vote for someone else in 2012 to prove you're not an idiot.

The News As I See It:Mother’s Day was tough this year. Did you go to the ATM and take out $150 for roses or did you use the $150 to fill up your car to go visit mom?

The price of oil is now under $100 a barrel. The oil companies say they should be passing on the savings to us in the next six or seven years.

Supporters of Osama bin Laden want to rename the Arabian Sea after bin Laden’s death. They want to call it "Martyr’s Sea." Please, hiding in your bedroom for six years with the blinds closed? How about "Chicken of the Sea?"

l always enjoy Cinco de Mayo. It celebrates the day that St. Cinco drove all the piñatas out of Tijuana. I celebrated the way I do every year, by pressing "Español" on the ATM machine.

They celebrated Cinco de Mayo at the Pentagon. In keeping with the times, five Navy Seals whacked a giant piñata and then gave it a burial at sea.

The White House is releasing more information on the details of that attack on Osama bin Laden. They said the helicopters were able to fly in undetected because it was 1:00 a.m. and the Pakistan air traffic controller was sound asleep.

Eighty-five-year-old Hugh Hefner and his 25-year-old fiancée Crystal Harris have sent out the invitations for their June 18 wedding. She told guests to wear white — but bring black, just in case.

This Date In History: 1914; Mother's Day became a public holiday. 1926; Explorers Richard E. Byrd and Floyd Bennett flew over the North Pole. 1936; Fascist Italy annexed Ethiopia. 1962; The Beatles signed their first recording contract and hired George Martin to be their producer.

1978 The body of slain former Italian prime minister Aldo Moro was found in an automobile in Rome. 1984; It took the Chicago White Sox 25 innings, eight hours, and six minutes, over two days, to finally defeat the Milwaukee Brewers, 7-6. It was the longest game (in elapsed time) in major-league history.

1994; The South African parliament chose Nelson Mandela as president. 2004; Chechnya's Moscow-backed leader, Akhmad Kadyrov, was killed in a bombing. Six others were killed and another 60 wounded.

Picture Of The Day: Ya gotta love the pic of the day (above) reflecting the photoshop gang's reflection of bin Laden's final days.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Alcohol is not the answer, it just helps you forget the question. 2) Everyone has the right to be stupid, but a lot of people are abusing the privilege! 3) A friend is someone who will help you move. A good friend is someone who will help you move a dead body. 4) Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless. 5) If you think a sweet little old lady wouldn't say the "F word", go to the retirement community activities night and wait until another sweet little old lady yells, "Bingo!".....and that's five!

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Taurus May 9th: Walk without shoes for a day and you will soon understand the true nature of the soul. Life will throw many things at you over the coming months, including a book-shelf which you will have to assemble yourself because you're so cheap, you bought it from Ikea. You will overhear gossip today about your love life while you are on the toilet. This may cause you to dam your flatulence so you can hear the really juicy part.

Birthdays: Belle Boyd, spy in the Civil War 1844, Sir James Barrie, playwright 1860, Howard Carter, Egyptologist 1873, "Pancho" Gonzales, tennis player 1928, Glenda Jackson, actress 1936, Albert Finney, actor 1936, John Ashcroft, attorney general 1942, Billy Joel, musician, singer, songwriter 1949.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A woman realized that her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The woman goes to the drug store and to get some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The woman says, "I'm not using it under my arms." The druggist says, "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days." The lady woman says, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer." The druggist saya, "Stay off your bicycle for at least a week."

A woman tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building. She changed her mind at the last minute, so she just flipped over and landed on her feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turned to the other and said, "See, that's how it's done."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?" Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." The nun said, "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first." The nun said, "What a wonderful answer!"

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet." The nun looked at him with a bewildered look on her face and said, "Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?" Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night. Mom had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God! I'm coming!'" If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

The kids' weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off, saying, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30. My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." The teacher said, "Very good Sally!"

Little Jenny was next and reported, "I sold magazines. I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." The teacher said, "That's great, Jenny."

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk and said, "$750!" The teacher, "$750? What in the world were you selling?" Little Johnny said, "Toothbrushes? How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

Little Johnny replied, "I found the busiest corner in town. I set up a Dip & Chip stand I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!" Then I said, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

Three islamic women were sitting around one day discussing their children. The first woman says, "My son loves Allah so much that he strap a bomb on himself and blew up the town center. The second woman says, "My son Mohammad loved his country so much he drove a tanker truck full of gasoline into the gates of the enemies and he is in heaven with the virgins. The third woman replies,"Children..they blow up so fast now a days."

That's it for today, my little puddle jumpers. Remember, to err is human. To blame it on somebody else shows management potential. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !