December 7th - 1941

On Dec 7, 1941, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, killing more than 2,300 soldiers and civilians and injuring many more. The unprovoked attack woke up a sleeping giant and came to an end in 1945 when Japan surrendered to America after two devastating H-bomb drops on the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Today is a day to remember the men and women, both past and present, of our armed forces.

In Politics: I'm amazed that no one in the Obama administration or the Department of Justice were aware of Operation Fast and Furious. Obama didn't know, the Attorney General didn't know, Homeland Security didn't know....yet it has come to light that everyone received email and memorandums on the subject. I wonder how much longer the public will stand for these lying, corrupt bastards? Where are the snipers when you need one?

The News As I See It: Obama is getting some flak for his planned 17-day Christmas vacation. That's a long time, 17 days. I mean, even Mary and Joseph only took the day off for Christmas.

Herman Cain has suspended his presidential campaign, but he has asked the Secret Service if they could continue to provide him protection until his wife cools off.

Due to the bad economy, the Queen of England’s salary will be frozen for the next four years. In fact, to make ends meet the queen is thinking of having a yard sale and getting rid of a lot of stuff they don't use anymore, like Canada.

Occupy Wall Street protesters were in the dairy department at the grocery store today protesting the 1 percent milk.

This Date In History: 1787; Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1917; The U.S. declared war on Austria-Hungary in World War I. 1941; The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. 1972; America's final moon mission, Apollo 17, blasted off from Cape Canaveral.

1975; Indonesia invaded East Timor, leading to a 25-year occupation. 1988; A 6.9 magnitude earthquake hit Armenia, killing 25,000. 2001; Taliban forces fled from Kandahar, their last stronghold in Afghanistan.

2002; Iraq formally declared to the UN that it had no weapons of mass destruction. 2004; Hamid Karzai was sworn in as Afghanistan's first popularly elected president.

Picture Of The Day: The tragedy of Pearl Harbor was a major mistake by Japan. The first law of the jungle is not to screw with a sleeping giant. Two atomic bombs later, the point was effectively made.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Alcohol was illegal in this country from 1919 to 1933. So for 14 long years, not a single person sang karaoke. 2) Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies. 3) My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years. 4) If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants. 5) The kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to a man with rugged, masculine features. If she is menstruating, however, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 7th: It's hump day so let your hair down and have a good time tonight. Dinner and a date might not be a bad idea. Chance of romance is high but beware of slightly scattered cold showers.

Birthdays: Richard Warren Sears, merchant 1863, Willa Cather, novelist 1873,
Ted Knight, actor 1923, Noam Chomsky, educator and linguist 1928, Ellen Burstyn, actress 1932, Harry Chapin, songwriter, singer 1942, Reginald Lewis, business leader 1942, Tom Waits, songwriter, singer, actor 1949, Larry Bird, basketball player 1956, Aaron Carter, singer 1987.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" The smirking male clerk replied, "One kiss per yard." The girl said, "That's fine. I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package, pointed to a little old man standing beside her, smiled and said. "Grandpa pay the man."

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?" The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?" The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave the officer her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen." The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" The priest replies, "Just water, officer." The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

A group of friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacMurphy, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so.

The Moral of the Story: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars !

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen, and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped. Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a sales person didn't pop up right now.

But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Ma'am, if you farted simply from touching it, you're gonna shit when you hear the price."

That's it for today my little ducklings. Remember, the tea kettle, though up to its neck in hot water, continues to sing. Happy hour in AREA 51 should be fun tonight. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !