Mundaynes

Mondays are always a bit sluggish for me especially after a great weekend which included the Grammy Awards. The cold and snow seems to be leaving the New England area which once again reminds me of why I live in South Florida.

Early news this morning indicate that the Pope will retire later this month leaving the media cranking up all kinds of stories and theories as to who will take his place. Word has it that Barry Obama has already submitted his application.

The only good thing about Mondays is that it starts the week rolling toward the weekend. We're not too far away from the beginning of Speed Weeks at Daytona International Speedway and the Daytona 500 which marks the beginning of the Nascar season and the end of the countless number of basketball games.

The News As I See It: According to a leaked report from an upcoming U.N. study on climate change, solar activity may play a greater role in global warming than previously thought. The sun may be involved in global warming. It's always the last place you'd think, isn’t it?

Geologists say in a hundred million years, Asia and America will smash into each other and become one big super-continent. How ironic is that? Just about the time when we have our loan to China paid off, we are China.

Happy Chinese New Year. It's the Year of the Snake. All day long I've been mistakenly writing "Year of the Dragon." on my checks. Let me be first to say, "Gung hay fat choy." That means "Best wishes for a prosperous new year." Either that or I just threatened to invade Taiwan.

Hillary Clinton's tenure as secretary of state is over. They had a going away party for Hillary. She had a couple of drinks and admitted she doesn't know the difference between Paraguay and Uruguay.

Astrology is very different from "astronomy." Astronomers spend years in school and know a lot of facts and stuff about science. Astrologers just spout mystical mumbo jumbo that sounds good but isn't true. It's like the difference between Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil. Astrology is derived from the root word "astrologia", a Latin word that means "bullcrap." I don't put much stock in astrology. It's all made up. But then, I'm a Taurus so I would think that.

A man in Florida was arrested for drunk driving on a motorized shopping cart at a Walmart. He led cops on a chase that reached 90 aisles per hour.

This Date In History: 1805;Lewis and Clark's Shoshone guide Sacajawea gave birth to a son, Jean Baptiste. 1809 Robert Fulton patented the steamboat. 1858; Saint Bernadette of Lourdes first saw a vision of the Virgin Mary at Lourdes, France, leading to the foundation of the shrine of Lourdes.

1929; Lateran Treaty was signed, with Italy recognizing the independence and sovereignty of Vatican City. 1945; Yalta Agreement signed by President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, and Soviet leader Josef Stalin during World War II.

1970; Japan became the fourth country to put a satellite into orbit. 1979; Ayatollah Khomeini's followers seized control of the Iran government. 1989; The Episcopal Church Boston diocese consecrated Barbara Harris as the church's first woman bishop.

1990; South African resistance leader, Nelson Mandela, was released from prison after more than 27 years. 2011; As a result of the Arab Spring protests, Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak announces his resignation and hands power of the country over to the military.

2012; Pop star Whitney Houston died at the Beverly Hilton hotel in Los Angeles, the night before the annual Grammy Awards.

Picture Of The Day: The Eurasian Lynx, probably one of the most beautiful animals in the world.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work. 2) In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. 3) A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been robbed and mugged yet. 4) If you think you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around. 5) I'm one bad relationship away from having 10 cats.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 11th: The right moment could grab you at any moment. This horoscope may destruct in 10 seconds. Don't panic or flail your arms about. The future looks good assuming we get by the aforementioned minor problems. 10, 9, 8, 7....... 

Birthdays: Lydia Child, author and abolitionist 1802, Alexander H. Stephens, political leader 1812, Thomas Edison, American Inventor 1847, Sir Vivian Ernest Fuchs, geologist and explorer 1908, Joseph L. Mankiewicz, director, screenwriter, producer 1909, Eva Gabor, actress 1919, Farouk I, king of Egypt 1920, Burt Reynolds, actor 1936, Manuel Noriega, Panamanian General 1938, Sheryl Crow, singer 1962, Jennifer Aniston, actress 1969.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Bubba is driving down a back road in Louisiana. A sign in front of a restaurant reads: "Happy Hour special - Lobster Tail and Beer." Bubba says to himself, "Wow! Them's my three favorites!"

Emmy Sue fell down the steps and broke her leg, so Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. The operator asked Bubba, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. A couple of weeks later the friend comes by to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't look at the cows. His friend suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull. The following week his friend returns to see if the vet helped.

The farmer says delightedly, "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows! His friend says, "Wow! What did the vet do to that bull?" The farmer said, "Just gave him some pills" His friend asked, "What kind of pills?" The farmer said, "I don't know. They sort of taste like peppermint."

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question, "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" Her husband answered, "Definitely not!" His wife asked, "Why not? Don't you like being married?" The husband replied, "Of course I do." His wife said, "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" The husband said, "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

With a hurt look, his wife said, "You would?" The husband groaned audibly. His wife asked,  "Would you live in our house?" Her husband said, "Sure, it's a great house." The wife asked, "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" Her husband replied, "Where else would we sleep?"

The wife asked, "Would you let her drive my car?" Her husband answered, "Probably, it is almost new." The wife persisted,  "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" The husband said,  "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

His wife said, "Would you give her my jewelry?" Her husband answered, "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." The wife asked, "Would she use my golf clubs?" The husband replied,  "No, she's left-handed."

Wife: (silence). Husband: "Shit !"

That's it for today, my little rosebuds. Remember, you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !