A Very Sad Monday

It hasn't been a very good Monday. Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher died early this morning from a stroke. A British government source said she died at the Ritz Hotel in London. Thatcher served from 1975 to 1990 as leader of the Conservative Party. She was called the "Iron Lady" for her personal and political toughness. Mrs. Thatcher was 87 years old. Rest in peace Mrs. Thatcher.

On another sad note, Annette Funicello, the undisputed queen of the "Mickey Mouse Club", has died, according to Disney's official fan club Twitter. Annette had been hospitalized in Bakersfield due to complications from multiple sclerosis and had been in a coma for years.

Funicello disclosed in 1992 that she suffered from multiple sclerosis. She lost the ability to walk in 2004, could no longer speak by 2009 and required round-the-clock care.

For those of us old enough to remember the "mickey Mouse Club" of the fifties, she was a major staple of the club activities including the "Adventures of Spin And Marty." Annette was 70 years old. She will be missed. Rest In Peace Annette !

The News As I See It: Obama called California’s attorney general, Kamala Harris, "the best-looking attorney general ever" at a recent fund raiser. After the comment, the Secret Service added extra security to protect the president from first lady Michelle.

Barry said it was just a joke. Then Michelle said, "Well, here's another one. Who's black and white and sleeps on the couch?"

Obama apologized for those remarks. Of course, he had to apologize to Vice President Joe Biden because it’s Joe’s job to say stupid stuff that embarrasses the White House.

Good news: our buddy Wesley Snipes — remember he went to prison in 2010 for tax evasion — he got released earlier this week. The bad news: He's only got 10 days to file his taxes.

Dunkin' Donuts is testing a new food item. A glazed donut egg sandwich. If it tests well, it's gonna be used in prisons as a form of lethal injection.

This Date In History: 1513; Ponce de León claimed Florida for Spain. 1913; The 17th Amendment was ratified, requiring the direct election of U.S. senators by popular vote rather than by the state legislators.

1935; The Works Progress Administration (WPA) was approved by Congress to help alleviate joblessness during the Great Depression. 1946; The League of Nations assembled for the last time.

1973; Artist Pablo Picasso died. 1974; Henry "Hank" Aaron hit the 715th home run of his career, breaking Babe Ruth's record. 1986; Actor Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, California. 1992; Tennis ace Arthur Ashe announced that he had AIDS.

Picture Of The Day:

Baby squirrel who fell from it's nest is doing well with it's new "mother."

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If I'm ever missing, I want my picture on a wine bottle, not a milk carton. This way, my friends will know I'm missing.2) After seeing enough episodes of "Cops", I know that you should avoid all people with blurry faces. 3) I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." 4) We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. 5) Impotence is nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - April 8th: Don't trust little birdies, they're renown liars. The story of the tortoise and the hare will make you rethink things the coming week. Don't worry, the tortoise still wins because the hare doesn't read fairy tales.

Birthdays: My sweet friend Lynn and my pal Robert - Happy Birthday 19XX, Harvey Williams Cushing, neurosurgeon 1869, Mary Pickford, actress 1893, Sonja Henie, skater 1912, Betty Ford, former First Lady 1918, John Havlicek, basketball player 1940, Michael Bennett, choreographer 1943, Barbara Kingsolver, writer 1955, Patricia Arquette, actress 1968.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked. "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

A man's small grandson got lost at the shopping mall. The little boy approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The guard asked, "What's his name?" The little boy answered, "Grandpa."

The guard smiled, then asked, "What's he like?" The little tyke hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Jack Daniels whiskey and women with big tits."

On the left is "Walter" - Jeff Dunham's dummy. The one on the right - is Obama's

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Jim for his contribution to today's stories.

A customer asked the clerk, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?"

He continued, "If I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?" The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."

A pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Asking questions during children's sermons is crucial. Asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

After the pastor asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

That's it for today, my little rose buds. Remember, the probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !