Outsourced Customer Service Calls - A Comedy Of Errors

I called my bank this morning for some information and a man whose voice sounded like he worked at a 7-11 responded, "Hello, My name's Billy. How can I help you?" I asked, "Billy, are you in America?" He replied, "No, I am in India." I said, "Is Billy a common name in India?"

The first rule of communication is that in order to have a conversation, you must be able to understand each other. If a customer service representative is able to understand my problem and I am able to understand his response, step one is complete. If the rep can then answer your question or resolve your problem, step two is complete and mission accomplished. In this case, "Billy" was able to resolve the matter.

Some of my latest customer service calls were answered in India, the Philippines and Costa Rica. Each rep had a name like "Mary", "Tom" or "Susie". Oddly enough, there were no "Biffs" or "Buffys".

Many companies, in order to save money, ship their customer service calls overseas. Whether you support this practice or not is immaterial. The main point of customer service is usually to resolve problems and answer questions. I have hung up many a time because either I didn't understand the rep or he didn't understand me. Sometimes both.....

When speaking to customer reps in America, I always make a point to tell any company my experiences with their customer service and I tell them when it's is terrible. I also advise them that I will spread the word. It may not ever solve the problems, but it makes me feel better......

The News As I See It: According to a new study out of Harvard, it is easier for people to be moral in the morning. They say people are more moral at the beginning of the day, but they become more dishonest as the day goes on. So when people say Congress is as dishonest as the day is long, we now have scientific proof.

Scientists say that women with larger asses are smarter. I believe the study was funded by the Kardashian Institute for Scientific Research.

NSA leaker Edward Snowden got a new job in Moscow. Not only that, but he was also able use his computer to sign up for "PutinCare."

Forbes magazine has named Russian President Vladimir Putin as the most powerful person in the world. Vladimir Putin, the most powerful person in the world. Number two: Kelly Ripa.

Last week, CNN had its lowest ratings in more than a year with just 385,000 viewers. You can tell they're worried about money by Wolf Blitzer's new show: "The Situation Roommate."

Last Sunday, the New York City Marathon was won in both the men's and women's divisions by Kenyans. Coming in a close second were some other Kenyans. The Kenyan man ran the marathon, collected his first-place medal and then ran back to Kenya. They're going to make the marathon really exciting next year. They're going to open all the manholes.

This Date In History: 1860; Abraham Lincoln was elected president of the United States. 1861; Jefferson Davis was elected president of the Confederate States of America. 1869 The first intercollegiate soccer game took place.

1893; Composer Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky died in St. Petersburg, Russia, at age 53. 1913; Mohandas Gandhi led a march of miners in South Africa. He was arrested three times in the first four days of the march.

Picture Of The Day: Well, yesterday the theme was waterfalls and, as promised, today's pictures are from marvellous caves around the world.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If you ever get caught sleeping on the job, slowly raise your head and say, "In Jesus name, amen". 2) To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.  3) I purchased an hourglass for my desk at work to flip when people stop by to make them uncomfortable. 4) I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer. 5) Good luck to the 13 year old girl who is pregnant and wrote "California" for ethnicity on her clinic forms.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Libra - November 6th: A report of startling significance will reveal to you everything you need to know about the feelings of another co-worker. A light is coming closer and soon you will see exactly what the future holds for you and that person. The light is a little bit blinding though, so you might want to duck out of the way when it gets closer. I think it's a light. I've discussed it with a few other astrologers and it's either a light or a train.

Birthdays: My friends Beverly, Judi and Cousin Rocky - Happy Birthday all 19XX, John Philip Sousa, American Bandmaster and Composer 1843, James Naismith, inventor of basketball 1861, Thomas H. Ince, filmmaker 1882, Walter Johnson, baseball player 1887, Harold W. Ross, editor 1892, James Jones, novelist 1921, Mike Nichols, actor and director 1931, Sally Field, actress 1946, Maria Shriver, TV newscaster 1955, Ethan Hawke, actor 1970.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Rick says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Dave continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm. She hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast.

At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They are knocked over, but continue to ask, "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?" Bob replies, "I lied about my age." They ask, "What, did you tell her you were only 50?" Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two young Louisiana men were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy.

Soon after the test began the first guy turns to the second guy and asks, "Old MacDonald had a what?" The other replies, "He had a farm." The first asks, "How do you spell it?" To which the second replied, "E-I-E-I-O."

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!" The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity."

The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!" The preacher said, "No shit?"

That's it for today, my little Cracker Jacks and Jill's. Remember, ain't no sunshine when she's gone.....or sandwiches. Ain't no sandwiches either. I.m heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !