Born In Miami

I was born at Jackson Memorial hospital basically because it was the only one around. Dad told me that alcohol was illegal in Miami from 1919 to 1933, so for 14 long years, not a single person sang karaoke.

I started out as a child and we lived all over South Florida, beginning in Miami, to south Miami, then to Miami Springs and finally, Hialeah, where I spent most of my formative years.

Vague memories come to mind, one being going through the 1948 (or '49) hurricane in the stairwell of a building the locals called "Dr. Robert's Hotel." The building was on the Tamiami Trail intersecting where the not-yet constructed Palmetto Expressway would be today.

We abandoned our nearby house on one acre because of flooding concerns, as back in the day, there were no drainage canals and the flood waters were inundated with water moccasins and 'gators.

I recall my mother putting my brother and I in square steel washing tubs, lashing us to her waist and wading in mid-thigh water with us floating behind her to the mailbox. The reason for this was that it was common to have rats, snakes and/or 'gators seeking higher ground. They literally would enter the house.

There was another occasion in 1949 where my parents had friends over and while they were talking, Brother Kirt and I got into the family car. It was a stick shift Chevrolet and sat in the driveway which inclined down to a tool shed.

We were playing "Drivers" pretending to steer the car. For no apparent reason, I put my foot on the clutch and the car began to roll toward the tool shed. My mother told me later that she looked up at and saw my brother and I drive past the window in the car.

Fortunately, the incident scared my brother and I and we bailed out of the car. Once I took my foot off the clutch, the car chugged to a halt just before taking out the tool shed.

I once mentioned to my brother that we could write a book about our escapades. He, in turn, reminded me of several still-outstanding warrants.....

The News As I See It: A new study says that Republicans are more religious than Democrats. That includes Obama and everyone else praying every day for his term to end. Barry was in the news today crowing about his accomplishments(?) and deriding Congress for leaving on recess.

O'Bozo had to cut his comments short because he had to pack his bags for his 16-day vacation in Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, on a $12 million, 10-acre forested estate on the southwestern corner of the island.

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg told reporters that, despite her age, she does not plan on retiring and is likely to remain on the court for a while — after which she was immediately traded to the New York Knicks.

Congress is now getting ready to take a month off. They need to recharge their batteries for another year of gridlock.

A new study found that having a sense of purpose can actually help you live longer while having a sense of porpoise can help you swim longer.

Actor Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber got into a fist fight during an argument at a night club in Spain. It was brutal. Mascara was flying everywhere. There were no broken bones, but sadly, a few broken nails.

Arnold Schwarzenegger recently had a birthday. Arnold celebrated quietly at home with his friends and his families.A new study found that most Internet-connected home gadgets and appliances are vulnerable to hackers. It's only a matter of time before your blender steals your credit card number.

This Date In History: 1876; Colorado became the 38th state in the United States. 1936; Adolf Hitler presided over the opening of the Berlin Olympic Games.

1946; President Truman signed the congressional acts that established the Atomic Energy Commission and the Fulbright Scholarship program. 1981; MTV made its debut at 12:01 AM. The first video shown was Video Killed the Radio Star by the Buggles.

Picture Of The Day: The Miami skyline

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) A spider just fell from the ceiling and landed right on my friend. Now he has to explain why a woman was screaming in his cubicle. 2) I like to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing. 3) I can't wait to finish today's post, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next. 4) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I'd be willing to bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Budweiser than with Kay. 5) I told my doctor I had been noticing a burning sensation in my eyes and difficulty breathing after sex. He told me it was just the Mace.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - August 1st: The evidence for love is staring you in the face but you can't see the forest for the trees. If you find this is true for you, I think the best thing to do is to stop wandering into forests. Wandering is dangerous. Had this been an actual emergency, I would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.

Birthdays: S. S. Kresge, merchant, philanthropist 1867, Jean Dubuffet, painter and sculptor 1901, Milton Friedman, economist 1912, Whitney M. Young Jr, social reformer 1921, Wesley Snipes, actor 1962, J. K. Rowling, writer and author 1965.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" Mabel pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."

After eight days of backpacking with his wife, the pair were looking pretty scruffy. One morning, she came to breakfast in a baseball cap, her shoulder length hair sticking out at odd angles.

She said to her husband, "Does my hair make me look like a water buffalo?" He thought for a moment, then said, "If I tell you the truth, do you promise not to charge?"
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: One morning a man comes into the church on crutches. He stops in front of the holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches.

An altar boy witnessed the scene and runs into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. Without batting an eye, the priest says, "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?" The alter boy replies, "Flat on his ass, Father, over by the holy water."

A man goes to visit a fortune teller. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic said, "You complain about your wife's constant nagging and yelling, yet you still remain married. There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your wife will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the man stares at the fortune teller's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. He took a few deep breaths to compose himself. He simply had to know. He met the fortune-teller's gaze, steadied his voice, and asked, "Will I be found guilty?"

** A Massachusetts man was arrested for illegally keeping over 400 birds in his home. He tried to keep it a secret, but he couldn't keep the birds from tweeting about it. **

That's it for today, my little tadpoles. Remember, never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

As the superstar country music singer-songwriter Hank Williams once said, I'm gonna "Move It On Over" to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !