A Lazy Weekend

This weekend is going to be laid back. Just chillin' with my cat Samantha, watching the Nascar race at Pocono and American Pharoah's quest for the Triple Crown on Saturday at Belmont Park. And try as she will, I won't let Samantha get my goat.

American Pharoah is the favorite to win the 2015 Belmont Stakes and capture the Triple Crown. The horse was favored in both the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness Stakes, and he delivered both times, winning by seven lengths in the latter race.

But history is against American Pharoah pulling it off, given that it's been 37 years since Affirmed won the last one in 1978. Prior to Affirmed's Triple Crown win, Secretariat won the Triple Crown in 1973 and probably was the better horse of the three. Secretariat won the Belmont Stakes, the final leg of the championship, by 23 lengths and pulling away.

Saturdays race at Belmont Park will be televised and should be exciting.

1978 Triple Crown Winner Affirmed

The News As I See It: According to a new poll, the number of Americans who trust Hillary is dropping. Specifically into a hole that Hillary covered with leaves.

In a recent survey, people from Baltimore, Chicago and Detroit were the most likely to have had sex in the shower! The survey, carried out for leading toiletries firm Brut, show that a huge 75 percent of the residents said they have enjoyed sex in the shower. The other 25 percent said they hadn't been to prison.

This Date In History: 1783; Joseph and Jacques Montgolfier gave the first successful balloon flight demonstration. 1884; Civil War hero Gen. William T. Sherman refused the Republican nomination for president with the words, "I will not accept if nominated and will not serve if elected."

1933; The United States went off the gold standard. 1947; Sen. George Marshall proposed a plan (Marshall Plan) to help Europe recover financially from the effects of World War II. 1967; The Arab-Israeli Six-Day War began. 1968; Sen. Robert F. Kennedy was shot by an assassin and died the next day.

1981; The Centers for Disease Control published the first report about the disease that would later become known as AIDS. 2002; Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped from her Salt Lake City home. 2004; Former president Ronald Reagan died.

2013; The British newspaper the Guardian published the first of many stories based on leaks by Edward Snowden about the top-secret surveillance activities of the National Security Agency.

Picture Of The Day: The great Secretariat, whose 1973 Triple Crown win was the first since the famed Citation in 1948.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Although I'm still on my game, I think my wild oats are slowly turning into shredded wheat. 2) I bought some $200 sunglasses and lost them in 15 minutes. I bought some Walmart sunglasses and I've had them for 13 years. 3) One of my blonde girlfriends thinks that an erection is when Japanese people vote. 4) Nothing says "I don't take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him. 5) I only watch Storage Wars to see if they find my ex's body. Just kidding.....I like the show. Besides, she's buried in the woods.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 5th: There are days when it feels like the whole world is a tuxedo and you're a pair of brown shoes. This happens from time to time, but fret not. Drinking and sex makes you alert and ready to face the world. It's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.

Birthdays: Thomas Chippendale, cabinetmaker 1718, Francisco "Pancho" Villa, Mexican revolutionary 1877, John Maynard Keynes, economist 1883, Ruth Benedict, anthropologist 1887, Federico García Lorca, poet and dramatist 1898, Tony Richardson, director 1928. Bill Moyers, journalist, public official 1934, Margaret Drabble, novelist 1939.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An old man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the man and asks how old he is. The old man responds, "I'm 85 years old."

The woman says, "85 years old? Don't you realize you've had it?" The old man says, "Oh, sorry. How much do I owe you?"

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and placed his hand on her thigh. She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." The woman yelled, "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole!" The drunk muttered, "You sound like her too!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two elderly folks, Murray and Rose, lived in a nursing home wanted to get married. Their doctor took each one into his office separately to try and talk them out of it.

He called in Rose and said, "Rose, you know Murray has already suffered two heart attacks." Rose said, "I don't care. I love him and I want to get married."

The doctor called in Murray and said, "Look, Murray, I know you want to get married, but I must tell you that Rose has acute angina." Murray said, "I know, she's got great tits too!"

An elderly man lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died and he went to the parish priest and asked if he would say a mass for his poor departed pet.

The priest replied, "I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane." The old man said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

The priest exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't 'ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"

Two hunters in Louisiana are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

That's it for today, my little furballs. Remember, the difference between Congress and a federal prison is that one is filled with liars, thieves, tax evaders and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !