Be Vewy Vewy Careful Today

At least it's Friday. People were yelling warnings at movie screens long before Jason's escapades. Scary movies keep people on the edge of their seats and once that eerie music begins, everyone knows not to leave that cabin or go up those stairs. But noooo.....!

Friday the 13th is considered an unlucky day in Western superstition. Realistically, any day you step in dog shit is bad luck, as well, so everything is relative. Of course you can make matters worse by making bad decisions.

Take into consideration the Canadian man and his family who were just released by the Taliban after five years because he thought taking a hike in Afghanistan was a good idea. But, I digress.

Friday the 13th ( the movie) had a long run and produced many sequels (ad nauseum). Of course, the older crowd might remember Frankenstein, The Werewolf, Dracula and The Mummy as nail-biters as well.

One of my favorites as a kid was The Blob and The Creature From The Black lagoon, the latter being the first horror film produced in 3-D.

My suggestion for today is to take things in stride and bad luck be damned. This particular thought was seconded by my black cat, Samantha, who suggested that things could be worse. You could be married to Bill or Hillary Clinton.....

The News As I See It: The big story this week is the Harvey Weinstein scandal. Some very serious allegations came out about his sexual misconduct. You can tell they’re bad because Anthony Weiner just unfriended him.

Reports say Netflix is raising its prices next month. Wow, that's gonna be quite a burden on whoever’s password I’m using.

A man from Italy just set a Guinness World Record by putting on 13 pairs of underwear in 30 seconds. On the downside, he’s now banned from Victoria’s Secret.

This Date In History: 1775; The Continental Congress authorized the construction of a naval fleet. 1792; The cornerstone of the White House was laid. 1843; The Jewish organization B'nai B'rith was founded. 1903; Boston defeated Pittsburgh in the first World Series.

1943; Italy declared war on Germany, its former Axis partner, during World War II. 1974; Ed Sullivan died in New York City at age 72.  1981; Egypt's vice president Hosni Mubarak was elected president, one week after Anwar Sadat's assassination.

Picture Of The Day: The Creature From The Black Lagoon.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I was born, I was given a choice - to be well hung or have a good memory. I can't remember what I chose. 2) At six, I was left an orphan. What the hell is a six year old supposed to do with an orphan? 3) In an intellectually equal society, who will be the busboys? 4)  I found out my girlfriend was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning! 5) I wish that Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Libra - October 13th: Temptation is everywhere, especially if you're willing to look for it. The best places to look are wedding receptions and class reunions.

Birthdays: Yves Montand, actor, singer 1921, Margaret Thatcher, British political leader 1925, Paul Simon, musician 1941, Jerry Rice, football player 1962, Nancy Kerrigan, figure skater 1969, Ashanti, singer, actress 1980, Ian Thorpe, swimmer 1982.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man goes to visit a fortune teller. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic said, "You complain about your wife's constant nagging and yelling, yet you still remain married. There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your wife will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the man stares at the fortune teller's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. He took a few deep breaths to compose himself. He simply had to know. He met the fortune-teller's gaze, steadied his voice, and asked, "Will I be found guilty?"

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I do?"

Mabel reached up to her ear, pulled out the suppository and stared at it. Then she said, "I think I know where to find my hearing aid."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.

The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for'small, $6,500 for medium and $14,000 for large. The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.

The doctor came back into the room and found the man looking dejected. The doctor asked, "Well, what have the two of you decided?' The man replied, "She said she would rather remodel the kitchen."

A man and woman were in divorce court awaiting the judge's ruling on the financial and property settlement. The judge said, "Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $750 a week."

Mr Clark said, "That's very fair, your honor, and every now and then, I'll try to give her a few bucks, myself."

That's it for today, my little turtle doves. Remember, there's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More next week.

Stay Tuned !