In The News - Some True, Some Not So True

Scotland's decision to release Abdel Baset al-Megrahi, the asshole convicted for the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie is reprehensible and outrageous. The convicted terrorist, along with others never apprehended, ended the lives of 270 people in the explosion.

Al-Megrahi was convicted in 2001 of taking part in the bombing on Dec. 21, 1988, and sentenced to life in prison. The airliner exploded over Scotland and all 259 people aboard and 11 on the ground died when it crashed into the town of Lockerbie.

He was sentenced to serve a minimum of 27 years in a Scottish prison for Britain's deadliest terrorist attack. But a 2007 review of his case found grounds for an appeal of his conviction, and many in Britain believe he is innocent

Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi lobbied hard for the return of al-Megrahi, an issue which took on an added sense of urgency when al-Megrahi was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year. He was recently given only months to live.

At the military airport in Tripoli, where al-Megrahi's plane touched down, thousands of youths were on hand to warmly greet him. He left the plane wearing a dark suit and a tie and accompanied by Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi's son, Saif al-Islam Gadhafi.

Barack Obama, in a no-balls, no-guts statement, said the Scottish decision to free terminally ill Abdel Baset al-Megrahi on compassionate grounds was a mistake and said he should be under house arrest. Obama warned Libya not to give him a hero's welcome. What he should have done was to condemn Scotland's dastardly decision and make it perfectly clear to Libya that there would be dire ramifications if they treated al-Megrahi like a returning hero. But Obama, like most of his teleprompted speeches and statements, typically chose a middle of the road, make me look good, reaction.

My question is how do we know that al-Megrahi could not have surgery that would allow him to live longer? How do we know that he could not undergo chemotherapy and radiation treatments which might allow him to regain enough strength to go out as a hero and martyr and kill more innocent people of the world?

In Other News: The Afghanistan elections are being held now and preliminary results are in — Al Franken is ahead, but there are already reports of irregularities in Florida.

Paper money contains high traces of cocaine, regardless of whether or not the paper money came into direct contact with the drug. The U.S. bills take the top spot, covered in the greatest amount of the illegal powder, while Spanish notes are the most highly contaminated in Europe.

I wonder which bills contain the most cocaine? I doubt if it's hundred dollar bills...that's what they pay with and probably use the singles for the coke. This thought, in turn, makes me wonder if these are the same singles they use to put in various parts of stripper's attire. Do I smell a conflict?

Cop fired after waitress poses with rifle on car. A Texas sheriff fired one deputy and suspended three others without pay after a scantily dressed waitress holding a rifle posed for photographs on the hood of a patrol vehicle. Police said Round Rock officers were dispatched to a restaurant after someone reported the waitress with the weapon, which had been given to her by a Midland County deputy.

The incident occurred last week in the parking lot of a Twin Peaks restaurant, which promotes its "fun, friendly and sometimes flirty atmosphere!". I wonder where they got the idea to name the restaurant "Twin Peaks"?

Divorced Texas man complies with court order to return truck to ex-wife. Bubba Johnson's divorce was final yesterday, and in the divorce settlement his wife was awarded the double-wide mobile home and his pickup truck. So, as per the Dallas court order, Bubba delivered the truck to her yesterday. Bubba left his ex-wife a note on the windshield that read: If you need to get hold of me, I'll be staying with my folks until I can find me a place.

This Date In History: 1808; A British army led by the future Duke of Wellington defeats a French army at the Battle of Vimiero, the first major battle of the Peninsular War. 1911; The Mona Lisa, by Leonardo da Vinci, is stolen from the Louvre Museum, in Paris, and remains un-recovered for two years. 1959 Hawaii becomes the 50th state of the United States.

1961; Kenyan nationalist Jomo Kenyatta is released by the British colonial government after having spent nine years in prison for involvement in the Mau-Mau Rebellion. 1983; Philippine opposition leader Benigno Aquino is assassinated by allies of President Ferdinand Marcos as he steps off an aeroplane in Manila to end his three-year exile from the Philippines.

Picture Of The Day: I'm not too happy with the Scottish government right now but I tried to tone down my anger after I blew off some steam over the release of the Lybian terrorist.

I found this picture of the theoretically perfect public toilet and, one hand, it struck me as funny. On the other hand, I thought how nice it would be to actually find a clean public restroom any where.

Birthdays: Philip II, king of France 1165, William IV, king of Great Britain and Ireland 1765, Jules Michelet, French historian and moralist 1798, Count Basie, American jazz pianist and bandleader 1904, Princess Margaret, younger sister of Elizabeth II 1930, Peter Weir, Australian film director 1944.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. 2) My pinky toes are absolutely useless. I often wonder why there were included in the package of toes other than to serve as a bumper stop for the rest of the toes. The pinky toe's only real use is to find that part of the doorway that makes you scream in pain. 3) Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 4) I recall one day leaving the grocery store with my wife and the cashier ran out with a new broom that was left behind by one of the shoppers. The cashier said to my wife, "Excuse me ma'am, did you forget your broom?" I said, "Thanks miss, but she came by car." It wasn't that bad sleeping on the couch that evening. 5).The United States border patrol reports that more and more illegal aliens are crossing the U.S.-Mexico border simply by driving through border checks posing as families visting relatives in America. Border patrol agents are now seaching all older cars more carefully as pictured below....and that's five !

The AREA51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Cash For Clunkers: If your body was a car, you would qualify for the clunker program if: 1) You have bumps, dents and scratches. 2) Your headlights are out of focus and it's hard to see things up close. 3) Your traction is not as good as it once was. You slip, slide and bump into things even in the best of weather. 4) It takes you hours to get up to your maximum speed. 5) Every time you cough or sneeze, either your radiator leaks or your exhaust backfires.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt, my pal Garnett, and my pal Kay for their contributions to today's entry.

Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because it would be a sign that he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos! As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off his weenie, clattered across the ground, and came to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest. He bent over to pick it up.......and all the other bells started to ring.

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher... I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "No, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" The drunk says, "No, I did not Reverend."

The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and asks the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

Here's a thought and a follow-up letter on how to deal with tax increases and change.....

Dear Employees:

As the President of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barack Obama is the President and that our taxes and government fees have increased in a big way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%. But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead.

This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go. So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change, I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.

THE BOSS

That's it for today my little lily pads. Remember that people who drive like hell are bound to get there. It's Friday and I'm going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour and see my pals. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

"The Time Traveler's Wife" A Review?

The Time Traveler's Wife, a movie which hit the theaters last Friday, is based on the 2003 debut novel of American author Audrey Niffenegger (I don't make up the names folks, I just copy them).

The novel tells the stories of Henry DeTamble (born 1963), a librarian at the Newberry Library in Chicago, and his wife, Clare Abshire (born 1971), an artist who makes paper sculptures. Henry has a rare genetic disorder that causes him to involuntarily travel through time.

Henry begins time traveling at the age of five, jumping forward and backward relative to his own timeline. He is unable to control his travels: when he leaves, where he goes, or how long his trip will last. His destinations are tied to his subconscious—he most often travels to places and times related to his own history.

Certain stimuli such as stress can trigger Henry's time traveling. He often goes jogging to keep calm and remain in the present. He also searches out pharmaceuticals in the future that may be able to control his time traveling and seeks the advice of a geneticist, Dr. Kendrick.

Henry cannot take anything with him into the future or the past. He always arrives naked and struggles to find clothing, shelter and food. He amasses a number of survival skills including lock-picking, self defense and pickpocketing. Much of this he learns from older versions of himself.

I have always been fascinated by the idea of time traveling and, in fact, I may have a variation of the same genetic disorder as the fated Mr. DeTamble. On the other hand, I may have also discovered a method of future time travel. In either case, after embarking on journeys in the past and partaken of the spirits of Johnnie Walker Black, I have awakened two days into the future in places that I care not to remember.

Although the story line interests me very much, it seems to me that one of the drawbacks to this type of time travel would be the aspect of arriving anywhere naked. Despite the fact that I'm not particularly shy, the mere thought of arriving naked at a Starbucks coffee shop or into my lady's kitchen unannounced while she was frying bacon would be dangerous to one health.

Another drawback would be the lack of knowledge of the time one would be transported into a different era. Timing being of the utmost importance, I believe that one would be a bit miffed if was one was transported to another time while in the proverbial saddle, or worse, on the proverbial throne. The thought of arriving naked anywhere in time, in either of those conditions, is disturbing to say the least.

Be that as it may, it would be interesting to go back a few hundred years and be able to see such great events as Washington crossing the Delaware, the signing of the Declaration of Independence, Barbara Walters getting her first interview and things of that nature.

If there was just a magical spirit that one could drink that would transport one back in time, imagine the revelations and sights one might find. There is one spirit that comes to mind that would allow this possibility....tequila. Unfortunately, it probably would only transport you back to the last time you woke up in a dumpster.

In any case, The Traveler's Wife is an imaginative concept that should be interesting. The movie has been rated an average of three stars (out of five) by critics.

This Date In History: 1561; Mary, Queen of Scots arrives in Leith, Scotland, to assume the Scottish throne after spending 13 years in France. 1745; Charles Edward Stuart, or “Bonnie Prince Charlie”, raises his standard at Glenfinnan in his claim to the English and Scottish thrones, igniting The Forty-Five uprising.

1936; The celebrated Spanish writer Federico García Lorca is executed without trial by the Nationalists at the start of the Spanish Civil War. 1942; An Allied raid on German-occupied France during World War II to temporarily seize the Normandy town of Dieppe ends in disaster for the predominantly Canadian force.

1953; Royalist forces acting on behalf of Reza Shah Pahlavi, with the aid of the US Central Intelligence Agency, overthrow Iranian premier Mohammad Mossadegh. 1991; Communist hard-liners attempt a coup in the Soviet Union, putting Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev under house arrest and declaring a state of emergency, but it ends in failure two days later.

Picture Of The Day: Aside from the obvious featured picture at the top of today's entry, there is, in fact, another celebrity that seems to be appearing everywhere on the net.

Melissa and Jackson Brandts of Watertown, Minnesota were on vacation in Alberta, Canada, last May when a squirrel popped up in their camera shot. The Brandts, were sitting in the background on the shore of Lake Minnewanka with the camera set on a rock. Up close is the squirrel — attracted, the couple thinks, by the sound of the camera focusing.

It was interesting to me as well, not only for the novelty of the accidental shot, but by the fact that I, too, was focusing my attenti....camera on one of my favorite subjects and guess who jumped into the shot. No, not a beaver, but the same little squirrel, who I think was attracted to the aforementioned dam builder (work with me on this one folks, I'm trying to keep this paragraph as clean as I can).

Birthdays: John Flamsteed, first Astronomer Royal 1646, Orville Wright, American pioneer of aeronautics 1871, Georges Enesco, Romanian violinist, pianist, conductor, and composer 1881, Coco Chanel, French fashion designer 1883, Ogden Nash, American humorist 1902, Bill Clinton, 42nd president of the United States 1946.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I spent an hour last night speaking with my oldest daughter Jeannie. We took a nostalgic trip to the past when she was younger and laughed at all of the funny events that happened. 2) My grocery trip yesterday was a good reminder to eat before grocery shopping. 3) Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. 4) On the other hand, you have different fingers. 5) I hate it when you're watching a movie and the sound goes out in one of your ears. You know....when it seems someone just pulled the plug on one of the speaker connections to one ear. The first time it happened, I went to the doctor and he said not to worry and that it happens to everybody. For a while, I thought it was just a casualty of being married....and that's five !

The AREA51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Since today's subject is about time travel, I'd like to see what I'll look like when I'm ready to slow down and take it easy. One thing for sure is that I'll probably meet new friends every day.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A man got on a bus and took a seat. At the next stop, a beautiful young woman boarded the bus and took the seat beside him. He smiled at her and said, "Good morning." The woman, forcing a smile, replied, "It hasn't been so good for me."

The man said, "I'm sorry to hear that. What's the matter?' The woman said, "My analyst just can't seem to help me." The man said, "I'm sure that he'll do better next time. What seems to be your problem?"The woman answered, " I can't bother you with my problems. I don't even know you that well."

The man said, "That's exactly why you should tell me. You can be honest with me because you don't know me." The woman responded, "Well, the problem is that I'm a nymphomaniac but I only like having sex with Jewish cowboys."

The woman blushed and said to the man, "I'm sorry, I'm burdening you with my problems and I don't even know you name. My name is Shelly Taylor, what's yours?" The man replied, "Hopalong Goldstein."

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan said, "Aren't you afraid of me?" The man said, "Nope." Satan said, "Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?" The man calmly replied, "Yep."

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, '"Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."

That's it for today my little buttercups. Remember that people who eat many prunes usually get a good run for their money. It's Hump Day and I'm going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour. More on Friday

Stay Tuned !

Can You Spare A Square Of Toilet Paper?

The most frustrating thing that can happen to mortal man (or woman) is to run out of toilet paper. The average person can run out of most anything......booze, cigarettes, or even grocery items and not panic. When you run out of toilet paper, it's time to panic. Most of us can normally resolve this problem with a quick trip to the local supermarket or convenience store. The island nation of Cuba, however, has a whole new problem that has the country sitting on the edge of their toilet seats.

It seems that Cuba is running out of toilet paper and by the end of the year, Cubans could be wiping their butts with newspapers and banana leaves. After three devastating hurricanes last year, Cuba does not currently have the raw resources to produce its own supplies of toilet paper. Cuban officials say they are reducing the prices on a range of basic goods, but may not receive more toilet paper supplies until later this year.

Cubans living in Miami, a long time source of aid to family members still living on the island, have offered to send Cuba the newly manufactured "Fidel Toilet Paper" but have not received a government response.

In the past Cuban and American families alike, especially those living in rural areas, could rely on the Sears catalog as an emergency source of relief. Fortunately today, this practice is no longer necessary in America. We will never have Cuba's toilet paper problem with the inflation that is resulting from Obamanomics. We can just use our own currency.

The American government has not responded to the Cuban toilet paper crisis as yet. My sources tell me that Obama is sending our Constitution down there for them to use as toilet paper as he has no need for it. Realistically, the toilet paper crisis is not a problem. With the way the Federal government is printing money, even Cuba will soon be able to afford to use American dollars as toilet paper as that’s about all they will be good for!

The bottom line (you'll excuse the expression)? If the Cuban government cannot obtain toilet paper until late this year, the feces will hit the oscillator (that's "The shit will hit the fan" for the hard of understanding).

Hurricane Bill is the first hurricane of the season and the Carribean has all of a sudden become very active. Tropical storm Claudette hit the Pensacola area in the Florida panhandle area yesterday and Tropical depression Ana is rumbling toward the Dominican Republic. As for Hurricane Bill we really don't know what's up with him until Hurricane Monica appears.

This Date In History: 1790; The federal capital of the United States moves from New York to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where it will remain until it moves again to Washington, D.C., in 1800. 1896; Gold is discovered in Bonanza Creek, a tributary of the Klondike River, in western Canada, sparking the Klondike Gold Rush.

1947; Indonesian nationalist leader Sukarno proclaims the country's independence from the Netherlands and becomes its first president. 1969; Hurricane Camille batters Louisiana and Mississippi, killing over 250 people. 1987; Former Nazi leader Rudolph Hess commits suicide in Spandau Prison, West Berlin, aged 93.

Picture Of The Day: Sometimes it's easy to find good pictures to go along with each entry I make and sometimes it's very difficult. Oddly enough, while perusing through some pictures on a different subject, I stumbled across this excellent cartoon of Fidel Castro on the presidential throne.

Birthdays: Pierre de Fermat, French mathematician 1601, Davy Crockett, American frontiersman, pioneer, and politician 1786, Mae West, American actress 1892, Jiang Zemin, Chinese political leader 1926, V. S. Naipaul, Trinidadian novelist and essayist 1932.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I haven't quite figured out why men reach their sexual peak between the age of 18 to 24 and women reach their sexual peak at the same time that men discover they have a favorite chair. 2) People who live in glass houses should get dressed in the basement 3) I'm having amnesia and Deja Vu at the same time. 4) If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done. 5) In the many years I've spent in the social world, I've found that 30% of women think their ass is too fat. Another 10% of women think their ass is too skinny. The other 60% of women said they didn't care, they loved him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world.......and that's five !

The AREA51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: The only thing I think that would not be tolerated in the AREA 51 RHBaG is any resident sending naked pictures of themselves to other residents. The wear and tear of seeing such a ghastly sight might cause severe nausea.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt, my pal Victor and my pal Linda, for their contributions to today's entry.

One morning, a woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?" He answers, "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra, It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunch time, she asks, Would you like a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" The husband says, "The Viagra really trashes my desire for food."

Later, at dinnertime, she asks, "Would you like a juicy porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? He declines saying, "Nah, still not hungry." His wife says, "Well, would you getting off of me? I'm starving."

An old man walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, "I'd like to by some Viagra. Can you cut them into quarters?' The pharmacists says, " I can cut them into quarters if you like, but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection."

The old man said, "I'm 92 years old. I don't want an erection. I just want it sticking out enough so that I don't piss on my slippers."

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in El Paso, Texas, while awaiting their respective flights. One is an American Indian from Montana, another is a Texas cowboy on his way to Dallas for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived in the U.S. from the Middle East.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face.The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping, but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few." The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward ans sneers, "Once my people were few and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth, and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'!"

That's it for today my little lemon wedges. Remember that everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have a scotch on the rocks. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

Listen To The Music

Brother Kirt, Sister Jeanne and I began singing together when we were kids, usually while going on vacation with our parents. Both Mom and Dad sang well and I guess most of our musical ability came from them.

In the 1950's, Brother Kirt and I would sing songs that we learned from the radio. Since neither of us could play guitar, we would grab the old straw broom and strum to it, pretending it was the guitar. Our parents bought us hard plastic four stringed guitars that could be played by strapping a gismo on the neck and pressing different buttons which would play the chords.

Later, in the sixth grade, I took my plastic guitar to school and performed two songs for my class. My teacher, Mr. Hall, took me aside and said that he played the guitar and would show me how to play. I was elated and every lesson that Mr. Hall taught me, I would later show to Brother Kirt.

The rest is history as Brother Kirt and I later formed a band and played many venues through our teenage and young adult years. We were even asked to perform on a local television music show at ages eleven and twelve, but we chickened out. The Draft and subsequent Vietnam era caused the eventual end to our musical plans. Brother Kirt moved and got married. I continued playing solo and in groups in various nightclubs but as a young man, I spent as much time chasing skirts as I did practicing my music.

I did return to music as I got older and learned to play the piano and keyboards, as well. I still perform at different places now and then and I enjoy performing at many of the karaoke venues. My current project is singing and recording some of my favorite songs with my new home studio program.

One of the musical influences in my life was the great Les Paul.....

Guitar great Les Paul died Thursday of complications from pneumonia in White Plains Hospital, New York. Paul was married to Mary Ford and the two singer-guitarists fascinated the music world with a barrage of top ten hits including five top ten hits within nine months. Their memorable recordings include "Tennessee Waltz", "Mockin' Bird Hill", "How High the Moon" ( #1 for nine weeks) and "Vaya Con Dios" (#1 for 11 weeks).

Les Paul was a pioneer in the development of the solid-body electric guitar which made the sound of rock and roll possible. His many recording innovations included overdubbing (also known as sound on sound), delay effects such as tape delay, phasing effects, and multitrack recording. His innovative talents extended into his unique playing style, including licks, trills, chording sequences, fretting techniques and timing, which set him apart from his contemporaries and inspired many of the guitarists of the present day.

Les Paul and Mary Ford had their own radio show and later moved to television with "The Les Paul and Mary Ford Show." In 1978, Les Paul and Mary Ford were inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame. A two time Grammy Award winner, Paul was inducted into the Rock and Roll hall of Fame in 1988.

Les Paul was still performing in clubs prior to his illness and subsequent death. Les Paul was 94 years old. Here's a clip form Les Paul and Mary Ford that I hope you enjoy (remember to turn off the music from my playlist on the left sidebar).

I always admired the talents of Les Paul and have played many of the guitars that he designed. I'm sure he'll be playing guitar for the angels. Rest In Peace, Les.

This Date In History: 1880; Construction of Cologne Cathedral is completed, 632 years after it began, making it for 4 years the tallest building in the world. 1834; Britain passes the Poor Law Amendment Act, thus abandoning the centuries-old system of outdoor relief by which parishes looked after their poor and replacing it with the workhouse.

1941; Prime Minister Winston Churchill and President Franklin D. Roosevelt sign the Atlantic Charter, a joint declaration of common principles in Anglo-American policies to be followed in the post-war period. 1945; Japan announces its surrender, ending World War II.

1951; American publisher and political figure William Randolph Hearst dies at the age of 88 in Beverley Hills, California. 1969; At the start of The Troubles, British troops are sent to Northern Ireland in to restore law and order and support the government.

Picture Of The Day: Most of my pictures of my earlier teenage and young adult years are hiding in a secret place that I have not yet been able to locate. The top picture was taken by Sister Jean while Kirt and I were performing at a party at the Holiday Inn Hotel. The second picture was taken by a lady friend when I performed at Skywalkers Penthouse Restaurant and Lounge.

Above, that's Brother kirt, myself and our dog Beannie rehearsing at home. Finally, below right is Sister Jean and I aboard a Carnival Cruise Line ship that was used to host the Carnival employee Christmas party. I ended up performing several songs with the piano player in one of the lounges on board the ship.

Birthdays: Pius VII, pope 1742, Hans Christian Oersted, Danish physicist and chemist 1777, John Galsworthy, English novelist and playwright, who was one of the most popular English novelists and dramatists of the early 20th century 1856, Gary Larson, American cartoonist 1950.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've often wondered why psychics have to ask you for your name. 2) My friend, Paula in Texas defines laughing stock as cattle with a sense of humor. 3) Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? 4) I remember being amused at all the weird and funny noises my father made when he first woke up from a nap. I no longer find it amusing as I now make the same weird and funny noises. 5) If you're going to choose between the lesser of two evils, chose the one you haven't tried before....and that's five !

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: I wrote and mailed a check last week and it arrived today. The only minor problem is that I mailed it to myself. I hope you call or visit me when they put me in the new AREA 51 home.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt and my pal, Jerry, for their contributions to today's stories.

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" The boy replied, "Eight."

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."

One morning little Johnny woke up and went down stairs for breakfast. His mother told him that he would have to feed the chickens, pigs, and cows before she gave him anything. Stomping and mumbling he headed to the barn. First, he began to feed the chickens and as they came close he kicked as many as he could. Then he went over to the pigs and fed them.

As they were finishing, Johnny getting even hungrier, kicked as many pigs as he could. Finally, Johnny got to the cows. Fed them and out of anger once again kicked them. When Johnny got back inside there was a bowl of dry cereal waiting for him.

Johnny asked his Mom, "Why only dry cereal!" His mother said, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week. I saw you kick the cows so, no milk for a week".

As she was finishing, Johnny's Dad came in apparently frustrated, slammed the door and kicked the cat which was in his way. Johnny looked up and said, "Mom, do want to tell Dad or do you want me to tell him"

That's it for today my fruit loops. Remember that while swimming in the ocean, most people discover that they scream the same way whether they are about to be devoured by a Great White shark or if a piece of seaweed touches their foot.

Thank God it's Friday! I'm going to AREA 51 to follow the president's wishes that we socialize. Have a great weekend and more on Monday,

Stay Tuned !

Someone Has Hacked My Computer

For some reason, I cannot upload pictures to my journal today, yet pictures are appearing. I think that there maybe someone who has hacked into my computer. I have run several spyware programs in an effort to ascertain what the problem is but so far, I haven't found anything.

My suspicions are that it's someone close to me and I have an idea who it is, but thus far, I have no proof. I have two clues that I'm working on. A clandestine message was sent to Possum S. Hemmingway (Shithead) via my cell phone asking him if the sender could meet him at Litter Box Area 51 this evening. I showed the message to Possum and he said he did not know who it was from, yet that same little female has been hanging around lately.

The second clue is that Possum had been watching a lot of Bush Beans commercials lately and he seems to be very interested in what Jay Bush's dog, Duke, has to say. I explained to Possum that Duke can't really talk and Possum said that I didn't know what I was talking about. I need to investigate this further!

For those who care, I think Obamacare is just another attempt at socialized medicine. I do not care to accept a change to our current health care programs for a bill which doesn't even exist in the Senate. The House version has over 1,000 pages which most of congress have not read nor understand.

I certainly am not in favor of any bill which would cover anyone who is not an American citizen or does not have verifiable proof of legal residency and proof of registration with the Social Security Administration. When asked where he would get the funds to provide free universal health care coverage for all 43 million uninsured Americans, including the full 40% of whom simply did not bother to work last year, Obama boasted that he would cut Medicare and Medicaid by more than $500 billion, completely gutting those long-established programs.

Additionally, it proposes a panel of government-ordained "experts" to ration out health care to those they think deserve it most. Obama pulled no punches in pronouncing that his rationing police would have to take a long, hard look at "the chronically ill and those toward the end of their lives who are are accounting for potentially 80% of the total health care bill out here."

I would like to see a worthy and well thought out national health care plan. Electronic record keeping, for example, would definitely expedite the care of patients and reduce the cost of insurance claims. It would insure that the poor and indigent community would have access to doctors and medicine, among other things.

What I will not stand for is to be hustled into a vague and poorly thought out health care plan so that Barack Obama or any other president can use to add to his list of accomplishments so to insure his place in history.

In The News, President Obama met with the leaders of Mexico and Canada. He said would work with Mexico to solve the immigration problem, and he would work with Canada to solve the Celine Dion problem.

Obama and Mexican President Felipe Calderon discussed the immigration problem at the Mexican president’s home, which is now in Los Angeles.

Former President Clinton gave a speech to a group from Haiti and he urged them not to give up hope. Clinton said, “Things can start to look bleak and then all of a sudden you’re on an airplane with two hot Asian chicks.”

This Date In History: 1898; The United States formally annexes Hawaii. 1944; Operation Pluto sees pipelines under the English Channel start transferring vital fuel from England to Allied forces in France, two months after D-Day. 1949; The Fourth Geneva Convention is signed, providing for the protection of civilians in war.

1953; The Soviet Union tests its first thermonuclear weapon, or H-bomb, only the second country to do so after the United States the previous November. 1981; IBM announces the introduction of the world's first personal computer, or PC.

Picture Of The Day: I suspect that a certain seven-toed feline has been on my computer while I was in AREA 51, but I can't prove it....yet! In the interim, while I'm trying to find out why I couldn't load my choice of pictures to Jimmy's Journal today and someone else could, please enjoy the pictures. Although they're a little biased in favor of the animal kingdom, they're pretty good.

Birthdays: Thomas Bewick, engraver 1753, George IV, king of Great Britain and Ireland 1762, Robert Southey, poet 1774, Cecil B. DeMille, American film director and producer 1881, Erwin Schrödinger, physicist 1887.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) In the old days, young people safely hitch-hiked and I was one of them. On my way to the stock car races on evening, a car screeched to a halt and I got in. The guy said to me, "What Are you doing in my car?" I said, "You stopped to pick me up." He said, "I stopped for the red light, get out of the car!" Oops! 2) I suffer from Frisbee-tarianism, the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. 3) Last night, I decided to stir fry some string beans in butter, garlic and olive oil. While eating them, one slipped from my fork and fell on the floor. My cat, Shithead, ate it. Imagine that, a cat that likes string beans. 4) A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 5) If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.......and that's five !

Jimmy's AREA51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Wednesday is Hump Day and it's a tradition to go out and celebrate the apex of the work week with a glass or two of your favorite spirits. Methinks this tradition could be easily incorporated into retirement years, the understanding being that there will be no drinking and driving. Of course the definition of "drinkin and driving" would be expanded to include residents in wheel chairs who have drunk too much prune juice. Accidents happen, you know.....

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city. The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house." The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me and expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed. "Grandson I wanna you lisin to me. I want for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me." His grandson said, "But grandpa I really don’t like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead."

The Mafia Don said "You lisina to me, soma day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino. Soma day you goina coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. What do you do than? Point to your watch and say, times up?"

That's it for today my turtle doves. Remember some people are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to management is knowing which mules are which.

It's Hump Day and I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !