Who Let The Dogs Out?

Hillary barking like a dog, Trump insulting everybody and Harry Reid ranting over Republican intentions of not filling Scalia's vacancy until the elections while a 2007 democratic speech video took the same stance provide me with pages of fodder for my journal.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell took to Twitter to announce his intentions of not filling Justice Scalia's vacancy until after Americans have chosen a new president.

Meanwhile, in response to McConnell, Nevada Senator Harry Reid said it would be, "unprecedented in recent history for SCOTUS to go year with vacancy" and called a failure to replace Scalia a "shameful abdication of our constitutional responsibility."

That is, until Chuck Schumer's 2007 speech (YouTube) was rediscovered where he advocated that Democrats not fill a Supreme Court vacancy until after George W. Bush left office. Uh, Harry, I think that is a precedent.

On another presidential candidate stage, Hillary Clinton was in the middle of a riff about how, in her view, Republicans say things that are not true, when she remembered a radio ad that she said ran in rural Arkansas while her husband, Bill Clinton, was running for office.

She said,"They (Republicans) actually, with a straight face, say that the great recession was caused by too much regulation on Wall Street."

Hillary continued, "One of my favorite political ads of all time was a radio ad in rural Arkansas where the announcer said, 'Wouldn't it be great if somebody running for office said something, we could have an immediate reaction to whether it was true or not. Well, we have trained this dog. Well, the dog, if it is not true, he is going to bark and the dog was barking on the radio and so people were barking at each other for days after that."

She went on, "I want to figure out how we can do that with Republicans. We need to get that dog and follow them around and every time they say these things like, 'Oh, the Great Recession was caused by too much regulation,' arrf, arrfh, arrh, arrh," letting out a barking noise that caused the audience to laugh and some people to mimic her. 

Clinton concluded, "I think we could cut right through a lot of their claims."

Methinks if that "dog" were to have existed, loud barking would have been heard throughout the land from Bill Clinton's White House (Monica Lewinsky) and would continue to bark incessantly every time Hillary opens her mouth. But, that's just me.....

The News As I See It: The 31st annual LA Marathon was last weekend. Between the marathon and Obama's visit it was a big week for Kenyans screwing up LA traffic.

The Ted Cruz campaign has pulled a new ad after it was revealed that the actress in it has appeared in soft-core porn; and now Jeb has hired her to teach him how to act like he's enjoying something.

Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders were both in Las Vegas over the weekend. Hillary attended a campaign rally, while Bernie played the nickel slots.

Prostitutes at a Nevada brothel have launched a campaign for Hillary Clinton called "Hookers for Hillary." Apparently they want to donate money to the Clintons, or as they call it, "Giving back.

This Date In History: 1674; The Netherlands and England signed the Peace of Westminster, by which New Amsterdam passed to the English (and was renamed New York). 1807; Aaron Burr, vice president under Thomas Jefferson, was arrested for treason. He was later acquitted.

1878; Thomas Edison patented the gramophone (phonograph). 1942; President Franklin Roosevelt signed an executive order that resulted in the internment of thousands of Japanese-Americans living on the West Coast.

1945; The U.S. Marines went ashore at Iwo Jima. 1959; Britain, Turkey, and Greece signed the agreement granting Cyprus independence. 1968; The first nationwide broadcast of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood aired on PBS.

1997; Deng Xiaoping, Chinese Communist leader, died. 2008; Fidel Castro resigned as President of Cuba after 49 years in power. Raúl Castro, Fidel's brother, succeeded him as president.

Picture Of The Day: He rants, he raves, he insults and yet, he remains at the top of the polls. Maybe America is just looking for a president with balls.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Being dyslexic has drawbacks. I once went to a toga party dressed as a goat. 2) People who complain about the way the ball bounces are usually the ones that dropped it. 3) I had amnesia once - maybe twice. 4) My credit is so bad that Mastercard is now sending me my bills in Spanish. 5) It's hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 17th: The evidence for love is staring you in the face, but you can't see the forest for the trees. If you find this is true for you, I think the best thing to do is to stop wandering into forests. Wandering is dangerous. Had this been an actual emergency, I would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.

Birthdays: Nicholas Copernicus, Polish astronomer 1473, David Garrick, actor and dramatist 1717, Eddie Arcaro, jockey 1916, Carson McCullers, novelist 1917, Lee Marvin, actor 1924, Smokey Robinson, singer 1940, Amy Tan, novelist 1952.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The owner of small business was confused about how much he should pay for an invoice, which included a volume discount. So he decided to ask his blonde secretary.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from college, and I need some help. If I were to give you $7,525 minus 12.5% for a discount, how much would you take off?" She paused briefly and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

A sailor said to his captain as he saluted, "Skipper, a special message just came in for you from the admiral. I have it right here." The captain ordered, "Read it to me!"

The sailor began reading nervously, "You are without a doubt the most idiotic, lame-brained officer ever to command a ship in the United States Navy." The skipper responded, "Have that communication decoded at once!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man goes to visit a fortune teller. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic said, "You complain about your wife's constant nagging and yelling, yet you still remain married. There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your wife will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the man stares at the fortune teller's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. He took a few deep breaths to compose himself. He simply had to know. He met the fortune-teller's gaze, steadied his voice, and asked, "Will I be found guilty?"

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. He mumbles from behind the mask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely, "Are - my - test - results - back?"

That's it for today, my little cupcakes. Remember, a relationship is the period of time between "I love you" and "Everything you do pisses me off." I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Who Will Replace Judge Scalia?

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was found dead Saturday apparently of natural causes at a Texas resort. There are rumors that U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch might be the president's choice to replace Scalia on the Supreme Court.

According to Tom Goldstein of the highly respected SCOTUS Blog, which covers all things relating to the Supreme Court, Goldstein predicts Obama wants a black nominee for the court. He writes, "The fact that Lynch was vetted so recently for attorney general also makes it practical for the president to nominate her in relatively short order."

The chance of lame duck Obama getting any nominee nominated is highly doubtful. What is alarming is that Obama himself maybe nominated for that position if Witch Hazel Hillary Clinton wins the presidency. If that were to occur, the only chance of stopping that nomination is that the republicans retain control of the senate.

Shamefully, Judge Scalia has been dead for only a few days and politics has quickly arose from the ashes. Rest In Peace Judge Antonin Scalia.

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The News As I See It: An Army laboratory has created a ready-to-eat pizza that lasts for three years. When he heard this, the CEO of Papa John’s said, "Challenge accepted."

In the movie "Ghostbusters ll" which came out in 1989, they say the world is going to end on Valentine's Day 2016, which was yesterday. I'm betting there are some people who wished they hadn't canceled their Valentine's dinner reservations.

This Date In History: 1859; Oregon became the 33rd state in the United States. 1912; Arizona became the 48th state in the United States. 1920; The League of Women Voters was founded. 1929; Members of Al Capone's gang killed rival gang members in the St. Valentine's Day massacre. 1989; Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini issued a fatwa, calling for the death of Salman Rushdie, author of The Satanic Verses. 2001; The Kansas Board of Education reversed its 1999 ruling and restored evolution to the state's science curriculum.

Picture Of The Day: Attorney General Loretta Lynch is rumored to be at the top of Obama's short list to be nominated for the Supreme Court. The chance of Lynch, an Obama clone, being confirmed by the senate is nil.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Once, I boarded  a plane to New York and I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York and send the other one to Los Angeles." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!" 2) My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years. 3) A woman gave birth on an airplane. The airline said that the woman and her new $40 carry-on are doing just fine. 4) My friend and his wife have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, they go to a nice restaurant, drink a little wine and a romantic dinner. She goes on Tuesdays, he goes on Fridays. 5) It never ceases to amaze me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 15th: Do not dwell on your personal peccadilloes. Everyone has their own. Keeping tic-tacs in your pocket lets people know you're more embarrassed of your breath than you are of sounding like a human maraca.

Birthdays: George Jean Nathan, editor and drama critic 1882, Katherine Stinson, pioneering pilot 1891, Jack Benny, comedian 1894, Florence Henderson, actress 1934, Donna Shalala, educator, public official 1941, Michael Bloomberg, businessman, politician and general asshole 1942, Gregory Hines, dancer, actor 1946, Jim Kelly, NFL Pro QB 1960.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women from England, Wales and Scotland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No." So, she gave him a hug and walked on. The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said, "No." So she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Scottish woman came to him and said, "Have ya ever been fooked, laddie?" The man broke into a big smile and said, "No," She said, "Aye, ya will be when the tide comes in."

A man goes into a bookstore and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises? She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." The man says, "Yeah that's the one, I'll take a copy please."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, "You have no idea what I had to go through to get to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend."

The second guy said, "That's nothing. I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool." The third guy said, "Man, you guys have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her."

They continued to play several more holes when they realized that the fourth guy had not said a word about how he managed to get out of the house. So the first guy said, "You haven't said a word about what you had to do to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

The fourth guy smiled and said "Well, I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. When it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave my wife a nudge and said, 'Golf course or intercourse?' and she said, 'Wear your sweater'."

Obama took a jog near the White House and on each run, he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. One day, as he approached the corner, the hooker shouted from the curb, "Hey Barack, a hundred dollars!" Obama fired back, "No, ten dollars!"

This ritual between the prez and the hooker continued for several days. He'd run by, she'd holler, "One hundred dollars" and he'd yell back, "No, ten dollars!"

One day, Michelle decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the now infamous street corner, Obama suddenly realized the "pro" would bark her $100 offer for all to hear (including Michelle) and he would have to come up with a darn good explanation for his wife.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past her, Obama became overcome with anxiety on how to handle the situation. Sure enough, there she was - standing where she always did.

Obama tried to evade the streetwalker's eyes as she looked up at the jogging executive. Then, from the sidewalk, she yelled, "Hey Barack, see what you get for ten bucks?"

That's it for today, my little lily pads. Remember, always sing like no one is listening and dance like you need to be shot with a tranquilizer dart.

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Saint Valentine's Day Is Sunday

Just a reminder, especially for my male readers, the purchase of a giant teddy bear is a bad idea. The most import thing to remember is that what you give should be from the heart and within your means. Women understand and appreciate that.

Always purchase your Valentine a card. While gifts are always appreciated, the time you take to pick out that particular card that says how you fell is of the greatest importance.

I've always enjoyed taking my significant other to dinner, but restaurants are notorious for raising prices for holidays, so I always go there the night before. It avoids crowds, the prices are usually reasonable and it's still romantic.

One of the things I always buy for my Valentine is chocolates. I've never met a woman who didn't like chocolates. It just so happens that I love chocolates, as well. What a coincidence.....

So, enjoy this St. Valentine's Day opportunity to show the ones you care for, your deepest sentiments. Happy St. Valentines Day to all my friends and readers.

The News As I See It: HillaryClintonandBernieSanders faced off last night in a debate on PBS, or as PBS called it, "Antiques Roadshow." Hillary said it's a "low blow" for Bernie Sanders to criticize her for not being progressive enough. If you want to know more about that story, do not Google "Clinton low blow."

Bernie Sanders recently had breakfast in Harlem with race baiter "Podium Al" Sharpton. That's interesting. Usually, the only reason white people go out to Harlem is because they fell asleep on the train.

J.K. Rowling will publish another Harry Potter book this summer and in this one, Harry is a father.....until chapter three, when Maury Povich shows up.

It'sbeenreported that infamous drug lord El Chapo will stand trial in Brooklyn. Though I'm not sure it's a good idea to try him in a place that already has, five tunnels.

This Date In History: 1554; Lady Jane Grey, queen of England for nine days (in 1553), was executed for high treason. 1733; Led by philanthropist James Edward Oglethorpe, the first English colonists arrived in Georgia, at the site of Savannah.

1818; Chile formally proclaimed its independence from Spain. 1870; The Utah Territory granted women the right to vote (revoked in 1887). 1909; The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) was founded.

1912; Pu Yi, the last emperor of the Manchu (Ch'ing) dynasty in China, renounced his throne following the establishment of a republic under Sun Yat-sen. 1973; The first release of American prisoners of war from the Vietnam war took place.

1999; The Senate voted to acquit President Clinton on charges of perjury and obstruction of justice. 2002 Yugoslavian ex-president Slobodan Milosevic went on trial for war crimes.

2010; The 2010 Winter Olympics opened in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. The games got off to a tragic start when a luger from the Republic of Georgia, Nodar Kumaritashvili, dies tragically in a crash during training run.

Picture Of The Day: Love is shown in many ways.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've noticed since everyone has video capabilities on their cell phones these days, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to. 2) Rectitude is defined as the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists and a Pokemon is a Rastafarian proctologist. 3) I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. 4) One of the nice things about owning a cat is that a cat will not wake you up in the middle of the night to ask, "If I died, would you get another cat?"  5) This is America and a man can wear a towel on his head any time he wishes, but my suggestion to him is to wear a John Deere hat on travel days!.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 12th: Romance is in the air the entire weekend, moving south-westerly the north of France. If you don't happen to be near the north of France, don't panic! Wind directions can vary as much as the accuracy of this horoscope.

Birthdays: Charles Darwin, naturalist 1809, Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States 1809, John L. Lewis, labor leader 1880, Anna Pavlova, ballerina 1881, Omar Bradley. general 1893, Costa-Gavras, director 1933, Bill Russell, basketball player 1934, Judy Blume, writer 1938, Christina Ricci. actress 1980.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A Texas cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning. The clerk says, "Congratulations!"

Looking at the cowboy, he asks, "Would you like the bridal then?" The cowboy says, "Naw, thanks, I reckon I'll just hold her by the ears 'til she gets the hang of it."

The divorce court judge said, "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

The husband said "That's very fair, your honor, and every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself !"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man woke up with a bad hangover after a long evening of partying. As his girlfriend was coming out of the bathroom, she asked him how he was feeling. He replied, "Well, I think I'll be okay. Did you enjoy last night?"

She replied sarcastically, "Well, if you consider having your boyfriend fall asleep during reciprocation as fun, what do you think?" The boyfriend answered dejectedly, "Well, I guess that explains why I dreamed I was kissing Abraham Lincoln."

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students and said, "Human beings are the only animals that stutter." A little girl raises her hand and said, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

The little girl said, "Well, I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

The teacher said, "That must have been scary."The little girl said, "It sure was! My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff' and before he could say 'F*ck', the Rottweiler ate him!"

That's it for today, my little wallabies. Remember, don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Happy Saint Valentine's Day to all the sweethearts. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

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2016 Presidential Race - Politics As Usual

Bernie trounced Hillary in New Hampshire yesterday and Trump destroyed the GOP field. I was amused at Hillary's losing speech as she immediately began pandering to the poor and minorities of South Carolina, including gays. But exit polls show most voters found Hillary untrustworthy.

While most democrats seem to vote in blocs, there's no doubt that a lot of people feel that Hillary is, indeed, untrustworthy. But it's too early to tell if she'll be able to elude the FBI investigation.

There's already rumors that republicans are desperately searching for a way to dump Trump. It seems that his ways don't jibe with the republican hierarchy.

Which brings me too the today's point. All politicians are liars and thieves.....

The News As I See It: During the Super Bowl, Quicken Loans debuted a new app that lets people get a mortgage instantly on their phones by just tapping the screen. The app is called, "What could possibly go wrong?"

Chris Christie, in a new interview, continued to criticize Marco Rubio for his performance in this weekend's debate and said Rubio is scripted and not spontaneous. To which Marco Rubio replied, "That's not true, comma. I speak from the heart, exclamation point."

Yesterday was the 100th anniversary of the New Hampshire primary. They've been doing this primary in New Hampshire since Bernie Sanders was 5 years old.

Bernie is very popular in New Hampshire. Hillary Clinton today spent the whole day quietly googling the words "life expectancy for old man in snowy weather."

This Date In History: 1763; Treaty of Paris signed, ending the French and Indian War. France ceded Canada and all its North American territories east of the Mississippi to Great Britain. 1837; Russian poet and novelist Alexander Pushkin was killed in a duel. 1840; Queen Victoria married Prince Albert.

1942; Glenn Miller received the first ever gold record for selling a million copies of "Chattanooga Choo Choo." 1962; The Soviet Union exchanged captured American U-2 pilot Francis Gary Powers for Rudolph Abel, a Soviet spy held by the United States.

1967; The 25th Amendment was ratified, establishing presidential succession. 1996; IBM's computer, Deep Blue, beat the world chess champion, Garry Kasparov, in the first game of their match. 2005 Pulitzer Prize winning playwright Arthur Miller died.

Picture Of The Day: In spite of the growing amount of Bernie followers, being considered untrustworthy and the FBI investigation of classified material in her private emails, Hillary continues her beleaguered campaign

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The difference between Obama, Congress and a federal prison is that one is filled with terrorists, tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. 2) A man was walking down the road and saw his Afghanistan neighbor Achmed standing on his second floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. He shouted up to him, "What's wrong, Achmed? Won't it start?" 3) Why do people say "needless to say"?

4) I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough... 5) The principle differences between an engineering student, a philosophy student and a fine arts student is that the engineering student asks,"How and why?" and the fine arts and philosophy students ask, "Do you want fries with that?".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 10th: (Your horoscope for today has been checked for problems, but we found none. Our engineers are working on it.) The latin phrase for what you're feeling right now is: "Non semper inquisit damascus aroooooof". Ok, there's a little bit of dog language mixed in, as well. Nice and butch is how you like it, but you might want to play it down in certain circumstances, especially around women who slow dance together.

Birthdays: Jimmy Durante, comedian, actor 1893, John F. Enders, bacteriologist 1897, Bertolt Brecht, dramatist 1898, Leontyne Price, opera singer 1927, Robert Wagner, actor 1930, Roberta Flack, singer, songwriter 1939, Peter Allen, singer, songwriter 1944, Mark Spitz, swimmer 1950, Laura Dern, actress 1967.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The Catholic Church requires women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informed her that she could not enter without it.

A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without wearing a blouse."

The woman replied, "But Father, I have a divine right !" The priest says, " I can see that and your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church."

My father walked six miles a day, barefoot through snow, uphill both ways, to get to school. At least that's what he told me the first time I complained about walking a half mile to school.

Years later, my friend, who had recently undergone a colonoscopy, was telling Dad about the pain and pressure that he felt while the camera was in "Neverland".

Dad told him that, back in the day, his colonoscopy was done by a sketch artist.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal, Wally, for his contributions to today's stories.

We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.

Two girlfriends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "You don't like getting flowers?" The redhead says, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers. I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when an old cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't. The aged cow was struck and killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She said that he should resist any request from the farmer to pay for the animal, but she said, “You killed it, so if they have to have money, it will come out of your pocket!” She stayed in the car making phone calls.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

Hillary asked, "What happened to you?" The driver replied, "Well, the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me. All I did was step inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

That's it for today, my little ducklings. Remember, although you may think that Deja Vu is when you're doing something you've done before, it's really that God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Super Bowl 50 ~ Denver 24 Carolina 10

Defense decided the outcome of Super Bowl 50. Both quarterbacks performed somewhat well against strong defenses, but to no avail. The bonehead of the game was Aqib Talib, whose two stupid penalties and thug-like tactics almost cost the Broncos the game.

Von Miller dominated the AFC Championship game with 2 ½ sacks and a huge interception of Tom Brady. He was just as dominant in the Super Bowl with another 2 ½ sacks, including two forced fumbles that set up the Broncos’ two touchdowns. Miller was the clear choice as the Super Bowl MVP. He was just the fourth linebacker to win the award.

One of two Aqib Talib's unnecessary penalties, this one for grabbing the face mask after the receiver beat him.

Cam Newton finished just 18 for 41 for 265 yards and three turnovers. Newton’s receivers didn’t do him any favors, but he overthrew a bunch of passes and curiously pulled away from trying to recover his own key fourth quarter fumble.

Newton also sulked through his post game press conference and walked out in the middle of it. His lack of sportsmanship showed on and off the field.

Peyton Manning, now a 2 time super bowl champ, became the first player to play 200 games. Peyton's character and class shown both on and off the field. Rather than be a "it's all about me" player, he continually praised other players and coaches on their performance.

The game was hardly a masterpiece with the teams combining for 15 punts and six turnovers. They converted only four out of 29 third downs and it was only the fourth Super Bowl ever not to feature a touchdown pass.

I didn't care too much for the half-time show as I am not a fan of any of the participants. Lady Gaga's rendition of the national anthem was superb.

The bottom line? Football is over and the Nascar season begins next Saturday.....

Cam Newton was manhandled by the Broncos' defense

The News As I See It: At a CNN town hall debate for the democrats, Hillary Clinton said that during her time in the White House, she would actually put on a baseball cap and sunglasses so she could walk around Washington, D.C., unnoticed. The only time it went wrong was when Bill pulled up and said, "Hey baby, do you — oh, never mind."

At the MSNBC democratic debate, Hillary addressed the controversy of her personal email server and said she has "no concerns about it whatsoever." Democrats were like, "yeah, that's what concerns us."

Hillary also told Bernie Sanders that it's time for his campaign to "end the very artful smear" against her. Incidentally, "very artful smear" is also how Bernie orders a bagel. "Gimme a whole wheat with a very artful schmear of veggie cream cheese!"

The newest issue of Playboy does not feature any full-frontal nudity and instead focuses on social media. So be sure to pick up the final issue of Playboy.

This Date In History: 1587; Mary Queen of Scots was beheaded. 1693; College of William and Mary in Williamsburg, Va., received its charter, becoming the second institution of higher learning in the United States. 1870; The National Weather Service was established under the U.S. Army Signal Corps.

1904; The Russo-Japanese war began when the Japanese launched a surprise attack on the Russian fleet at Port Arthur in northeast China. 1915; D. W. Griffith's controversial epic, The Birth of a Nation premiered in Los Angeles.

1924; The gas chamber was used for the first time as a method of execution in the United States. Gangster Gee Jon was put to death at the Nevada State Prison in Carson City.

1960; The payola (pay for broadcast airplay) hearings opened in the U.S. House of Representatives. Dick Clark would testify in April. 1980; President Jimmy Carter revealed his plan to reinstate selective service draft registration.

Picture Of The Day: Peyton Manning, a class act !

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I was eight, I saw a picture of myself in one of those strollers for twins. I asked Dad why there were two seats in the stroller. He said I used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.  2) Americans and Britons have different ways of saying things. They say "lift", we say "elevator". They say "President", we say "Liberal narcissist asshole". 3) I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world. 4) Throwing pregnancy tests into the shopping carts of random couples at Walmart breaks the tedium when I have to shop there. 5) My friend said to me, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art." I said, "Really? What kind is it?" He said, "Twelve-thirty.".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 8th: Horoscopes have always had a tendency to be wrong for you, but today's will be a peach. This year looks like it's going to be a great one. Full of vigorous situations, sweaty encounters and trysts in mysterious places.

Birthdays: William Tecumseh Sherman, American General 1820, Jules Verne, novelist 1828, Kate Chopin, author 1851, Martin Buber, philosopher 1878, Dame Edith Evans, actress 1888, Elizabeth Bishop, poet 1911, Lana Turner, actress 1920, Jack Lemmon, actor 1925, James Dean, actor 1931, John Williams, composer, conductor 1932, Nick Nolte, actor 1940, John Grisham, novelist 1955, Gary Coleman, actor 1968.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm and let it go in the morning?" He says, "Okay, get in the car with it"

His wife asked, "Where shall I put it to get it warm?" He says, "Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there." She asked, "But what about the smell?" The man replied, "Just hold its little nose." (The man is expected to recover in two or three days.)

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking drifter who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?" The drifter said, "No, I stopped drinking years ago.

The man asked, "Will you use it to gamble?" The drifter replied, "I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive." The man questioned, "Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?" The drifter answered, "Are you nuts?! I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The drifter was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad." The man replied, "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals, Jack and Wally, for their contributions to today's stories

A man went to see a movie the other night and sat in an aisle seat as he usually does because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working her way out,"Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me."

By the time she got to him, he was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient, so he said, "Couldn’t you have done this a little earlier?" She said in a loud whisper, "No, the 'turn off your cell phone please' message just flashed up on the screen and I left mine in the car."

The year is 2020 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Susan Goldstein. She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?" Her Mom says, "I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again."

Susan said, "Don't worry about it, Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door." Her Mom replied. "I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy; what on earth would I wear?" Susan replies, "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown, custom-made by the best designer in New York."

Mom complains, "Honey, you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat." The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way. Mom, I really want you to come."

So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2021, Susan Goldstein is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a Senator sitting next to her and says, "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States?" The Senator whispers back, "Yes, I do." Mom says proudly, "Her brother is a doctor."

That's it for today, my little sweet potatoes. Remember, the consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !