We'll Return To Our Story Right After These Crumby Commercials

The New Year has settled in and hopefully we're on our way towards better times. The economy is still pinching everyone's wallet and things will be tight for some time to come, but I think we're close to the bottom of the market. As I watch the advertisements on TV lately, there seems to be more scam ads being run. While the old P.T. Barnum quote "There's a sucker born every minute", is relatively true, some of these ads are downright insulting....even to a sucker!

The "Yours for only $19.95" adds are permeating the market with some of the sleaziest products and sales pitch persons I've seen in a while. Of course, if you "act now", they will double your order for the same price. This means you'll receive twice the amount of garbage that has a total value of about $4.00. They make even more money because you have to pay "shipping and handling" twice.

These "only $19.95" ads often employ the annoying monotonous voice of Billy Mays. This jerk is on the tube more than ever, hawking any and every piece of crap imaginable. Anything I see being hawked by Billy Mays goes right into the "do not purchase" category. Someone should force him to listen to his own commercials for about an hour and perhaps his tone would change occasionally

Then, there's the ugly wife of the man that owns and touts the "Cash 4 gold" company that wants to buy your "old, unwanted jew-ler-y." They don't say she's his wife in the ad but if she isn't his wife, she's his sister. The commercial is so cheaply made, you can be sure that the old, ugly broad is his wife and the younger, whining princess is his daughter.

Attorneys are coming back with newer ads and newer things to sue you for so, they must be hurting as well. It couldn't happen to a better bunch of people. The only thing in the world lower than attorneys and politicians is whale shit, which is at the bottom of the ocean.

In Miami, the scam artists are having a field day with greedy victims who they approach with a supposed winning lottery ticket. The tell the "victim" that they cannot cash the ticket because they are illegal aliens and promise to give the "victim" a large amount of "under the table" cash in exchange for cashing the ticket for them. Of course, they need a small amount of "good faith" money from the "victim". In the end, the greedy "victim" gets taken for his money and deservedly so.

Probably the saddest and most annoying advertisements are for Extenze, a theoretical pill that promises men growth of "that certain part of the male body." If you're stupid enough to buy it, then you deserve it. Aside from the fact that the company is being prosecuted in several states, greedy media types still permit this kind of advertisements. It would be funnier if the pill actually worked, but the growth in the assumed "certain part of the male body", was that the buyer had to wheel his testicles around in a wheelbarrow.

This Date In History: 1895; Richard Dreyfus is publicly cashiered (a term associated with the dismissal of military officers of high rank) in Paris. 1933; Construction begins on the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, California. 1971; England and Australia play cricket's first one-day international. 1972; U.S. President Richard Nixon launches the space shuttle program.

Picture Of The Day: I had to search around for some corresponding graphics for today's entry and I stumbled across some of these animals whose poses sort of represented today's thoughts. They're a bit eclectic, but as my pal, Nancy says, so am I.

Birthdays: Special Happy Birthday wishes to AREA 51 members Rose Jan 3rd 19XX, and Linda Jan 4th 19XX, Stephen Decatur, American naval officer 1779, Konrad Adenauer, first Chancellor of West Germany 1876, Alvin Ailey, American dancer and choreographer 1931, Umberto Eco, Italian literary scholar noted for his novel Il Nome Della Rosa (The Name of the Rose) 1932.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Urgent Bulletin:

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States and Canada that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America and Canada's supply of convenience store managers.

If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by AOL and Verizon customer service reps.

A Truck Driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride. A ways down the road the Truck Driver saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He turned the truck on a direct course with the lawyer.

Then he thought "Oh no, I have a priest in the truck I can't run down this lawyer" and at the last second the Truck Driver swerved to miss the lawyer. But, the Truck Driver heard a thump outside of the truck, he looked in his rear-view mirror but didn't see anything.

He turned to the priest and said "Sorry Father, I just missed that Lawyer at the side of the road" And the priest said "Don't worry son, I got him with my door."

That's it for today my little Tiger Lillies, more on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !