If You Think There's A Controversary Over The Obama Chia Pet, Wait 'Til You See Mine !

Opportunists never cease to amaze me and the reactionaries are always there to cry foul. The latest thing to cause the likes of "Podium Al" Sharpton to piss and moan is the Obama Chia Pet. Walgreen's stores in Tampa and Chicago have pulled the "Chia Obama" from their shelves, after some customers complained the plants were racist.

When contacted by Jimmy's Journal correspondents, "Podium Al" Sharpton surprisingly remarked that, although he thought the Obama Chia Pet was in poor taste, he did not feel it was overly racist. Sharpton said, "I have axed my peoples to investigate the racist charges and I will have more to say after I have read the reports."

Our correspondent then asked about the rumors of an Al Sharpton Chia Pet that would soon be on the market. Mr. Sharpton angrily responded that he was not an opportunist and he has not suggested or done anything to fuel the rumors.

When asked about subtle changes in his hair color that might suggest that he had, in fact, jumped on the Obama Chia Pet gravy train, Sharpton snapped, "The only reason that my hair color has changed a bit is that I was celebrating Saint Patrick's Day in honor of our Irish president, Barack O'Bama. If the Chia Pet company sees any reason to create an Al Sharpton Chia Pet and compensate me, it would be un-Irish of me not to accept their generosity."

Sharpton went on to say he is not one to jump on just any cause or subject for the money, publicity and notoriety.........

This Date In History: 1652; Cape Town, South Africa, is founded by Jan van Riebeeck as a supply post for the Dutch East India Company. 1973; Spanish painter and sculptor Pablo Picasso dies at his villa in France, aged 91. 1904; Britain and France sign the Entente Cordiale. 1994; Rock star Kurt Cobain commits suicide at his home in Seattle, Washington.

Picture Of The Day: Every time I try to keep my political satire in check, some dufus comes up with something stupid and, quite honestly, I just can't resist shooting political ducks in a barrel. I heard the news on Monday that an Obama Chia Pet had been introduced to the market and was being sold in Walgreens. Almost immediately, the usual cry of racism was on the news and Walgreens pulled the product from the market.

So, I went to my handy dandy paint program and voila ! - the Al Sharpton Chia Pet for your dining and dancing pleasure. Naturally, I wanted an even better product, than the Obama and Sharpton Chia Pets, so I made the Jimmy Chia Pet. It's a little more expensive than the other products because of the price of the seeds, but when you trim it and dry the leaves, you can smoke it.

Birthdays: Buddha, founder of Buddhism 563 BC, Giuseppe Tartini, Italian violinist and composer 1692, Harvey Cushing, brain surgeon 1869, Adrian Boult, conductor 1889 Mary Pickford, professional name of Gladys Smith. American actress and film producer 1893.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I don't sweat the petty things and I definitely do not pet the sweaty things. 2) The majority of intelligent conversations that I get involved in are with women, with the exception of shoe sales, of course. 3) I once got a sweater for Christmas but what I really wanted was a screamer or a moaner. 4) I've always wondered how do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? 5) I have pictures of myself with women in AREA 51 and although I remember the times and their faces, I cannot remember their names. This is one of them. It appears that I'm having a good time.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Some psychiatrists were attending their first seminar on emotional extremes and the leader asked, "Just to establish some parameters, Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?" Mr. Nichols replied, "Sadness." The leader continued, "And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?" Mr. Biggs answered, "Elation."

The leader turned to Bubba and said, "And you sir, how about the opposite of woe?" Bubba replied, "I believe that would be giddyup."

A man was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night. As he got well into the cemetery, he heard a voice say, "Mark! Mark!". Pretending not to let it bother him, he pulled his coat a little tighter and kept walking. Again the voice said, "Mark! Mark!". That did it. He took off full speed and didn't stop till he was well outside the gates. As he stopped to catch his breath, the moon broke through the clouds enough so he could see what had been following him. It was a dog with a hare lip.

On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and walked from his bunk on the floor of the Alamo up to the observation post on the west wall. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were up there already. The three gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily towards them. Davy turned to Bowie with a puzzled look on his face and said, "Jim, are we landscaping today?"

A teenager takes a seat on a bench next to a middle aged man reading a newspaper. After a few minutes the man looks over and stares intensively at the youth's multicolored Mohawk haircut. The teenager looks over at the man and says "What's the matter old man, you never done anything interesting in your life?" The man responded, "Yeah, I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot and I was just wondering if you were my son."

That's it for today my little chipmunks. It's Hump Day, so I'm going to AREA 51 to see my pals.

Stay Tuned !