There's No Fool Like An April Fool.....Or So They Say

After putting it off until Old Mother Hubbard's proverbial cupboard was nearly bare, I went to the grocery store yesterday to stock up and the sticker shock just about floored me. Now I am not one who normally worries too much about prices and I simply make a list, go the store and purchase the items on the list. Seems simple enough, doesn't it?

I left for the grocery store about 1:00 pm and after a brief stop at the drug store, I went into Publix and began filling up my cart. I enjoy the excursion once I get to the store, it's just mustering up the desire to get up and go there that leaves me with an empty refrigerator and pantry.

I normally go to the store in the middle of the week at a time that most people are working. This gives me a rather empty and normally childless store to wander about at will. In addition to the uncluttered aisles there's usually two or three lovely women shopping as well, adding a little extra spice to the experience.

I knew that my bill would be higher than usual because it had been a while since I went shopping and I really didn't think too much about the checkout line. Of course, I totally disregarded the number one cardinal rule of shopping....eat before you go.

So, there I was, wandering through the aisles, purchasing the "I'm really hungry" equivalent of chocolate covered ants or anything else that caught my eye. There was an aisle or two that I don't really remember exactly what I put in my cart as I was watching a shapely lady in front of me and I was trying to pass her to see what she looked like.

When I got to the checkout line, I was pleased that I had not forgotten anything and there was no one in the line. As I unloaded the cart, I saw a man walk in the store with a wet umbrella and, as usual, mine was in the car in case the car needed it. That should have been an omen to me but it wasn't.

I heard someone say, "that will be $247.00" and I didn't look up because I knew she wasn't talking to me. That person said anew, "Sir, that's $247.00," and it was my cashier. After recovering from the sudden rush of blood to my head, I thought. "I'm going to take some of this crap back, especially the chocolate covered ants." And I would have too, but the shapely young lass that I had been watching in the "chocolate covered ant" aisle and was waiting to check out her order and.......

Free credit report companies....you've seen them; you've heard their little musical parodies song by a bunch of nimrods in pirate costumes. Well, the outfits are somewhat descriptive of these companies. They are pirates and they're out to scam you out of your money. If they wanted to be more visually truthful, they should be dressed as thieves.

The government is also aware of their scams and have established a credit report site called https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp Don't fall for the hype. You can end up spending $10-15 a month for something that is free.

The credit report companies have always been required by law to furnish a yearly free credit report, free of charge, to all that request one. The companies you see advertising on television are nothing more than opportunists using the unregulated Internet to scam innocent users.

AREA 51 Breaking News And Reports: Washington AREA 51 member and correspondent Linda reports that in honor of the 44th President of the United States, Baskin-Robbins has issued a new flavor called "Barocky Road." It's half vanilla, half chocolate and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. When purchased, it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but then the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you. Thus you are left with an empty wallet, no change and holding an empty cone with no hope of getting any ice cream. Reports are that not many people are feeling stimulated.

This Date In History: 1621; Massasoit, chief of the Wampanoags, and John Carver, governor of Plymouth Colony, sign the first peace treaty between Native Americans and Pilgrims. 1918; The Royal Air Force is created following the amalgamation of the Royal Flying Corps and the Royal Naval Air Service. 1945; US forces invade the Japanese island of Okinawa during World War II. Coast Guard petty officer James Sullivan receives a picture of his newborn son, James Jr, and proudly shows his newborn son's picture. Petty officer Sullivan points proudly at the size of his son's manhood until he is told that it's the boy's umbilical cord.

1979; Following a referendum, Iran is declared an Islamic Republic by the Shiite Muslim leader Ayatollah Khomeini. 1984; Soul singer Marvin Gaye is shot dead by his father in Los Angeles. 1991; The Warsaw Pact military alliance of Communist Eastern Europe is dissolved. 1999; Nunavut becomes the third independent territory in Canada.

Picture Of The Day: It's April Fool's Day, dontcha know and I'd be remiss if I didn't have today's theme reflect some of the parodies and jokes of the past. Then again, just about everything I write is a joke about somebody or something. Well, just about everything...

Nevertheless, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I expect to see the media doing their own little April Fool's day ditties, not realizing that a lot of the media themselves are a constant, 24-7-365 April Fool's day joke.

Birthdays: My Sweet Nicole. Happy Birthday, mi flaca linda ! 19XX, William Harvey, physician 1578, Abbé Prévost, French novelist 1697, Otto von Bismarck, German statesman 1815, Edmond Rostand, French playwright 1868, Edgar Wallace, mystery writer 1875.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've learned that a man can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as he buys her a few drinks first. 2) The picture of me with a drink in my hand on my sidebar was taken aboard a Carnival Cruise line ship during a Christmas Party for Carnival's employees. I attended the party with my sister Jeanne and ended up performing at a piano bar. 3) I wonder if infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery. 4) While fishing with my buddy Victor in the Florida Everglades, our boat motor broke down and we had to paddle 4 miles with one oar before we got back to the fishing camp. Needless to say, it took all night. 5) I never worry about anything I can't change....except for diapers.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

In the early 20th Century, Thomas Edison was spreading the word about electricity. Once, while vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux reservation. Edison was shocked to learn that there was no indoor plumbing, and that he would have to use an outhouse. In fact, he was told, the Sioux had to use the outhouse regardless of the weather. To help the Sioux, Edison installed lights in the outhouse. With this kind act, he became the first person to wire a head for a reservation!

A man had a bunch of Canadian dollars he needed to exchange, so he went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. The line was short with the exception of an an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo dis many yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations" The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people, too."

Did you see my April Fool's Day joke? It's not hidden but it's well disguised.

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation. The cowboy said, "Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him? The Indian replies, "Dog no talk." The cowboy turns to the dog and says, "Hey boy, how's it going?" The dog responds, "Doin' alright."

The cowboy asks the dog, "Is this Indian your owner?" The dog replies, yep." The cowboy says "How does he treat you?" The dog answers, "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

The cowboy asks the Indian, "Mind if I talk to your horse?" The Indians says, "Horse no talk." The cowboy turns to the horse and says, "Hey horse, how's it going? Is this Indian your owner? The horse says, "Yep, he's my owner and he treats me great. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."

The cowboy then asks the Indian,"Mind if I talk to your sheep?" The Indian replies, "Sheep liar."

That's it for today my little April showers. I'm heading to AREA 51 to see if there's any April Fools. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !