Pull My Finger

I don't know what age I was when my father first did the the old "pull my finger" trick, but I'll never forget the tears of laughter that streamed down his face. Being rather young, my first reaction was how did he do the trick. My second reaction (and my first lesson) was the trick came with a rather unpleasant aroma that even offended the family dog.

I'm unsure if many females ever had that particular trick played on them, but in the case of men and boys, it's a tradition that's passed down from generation to generation. As a strong believer in family tradition, I, too, passed this tradition on to my son, Kevin, at a tender age and he just thought that it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen.

Being quick to learn, Kevin soon perfected the art of the trick and proceeded to play it on his mother, sisters and anyone else young or naive enough to fall for it. Naturally, every time he pulled the trick, all eyes were immediately directed at me. Of course, I feigned complete innocence, alluding that it was probably something he learned at school. I always stuck to that story and I don't think anyone ever believed me.

If you want to know how bad the U.S. economy really is, a good indication might be that in 2008, the number of Mexicans apprehended by the U.S. Border Patrol (662,000) was 40 percent below the peak of 1.1 million in 2004, reflecting in part the sharp decline in the number of new immigrants arriving into the U.S.

Mexico is the origin of most U.S. immigrants, accounting for one-third of foreign-born residents and two-thirds of Hispanic immigrants. About one in 10 people born in Mexico now live in the United States.

The total number of apprehensions by the Border Patrol in 2008 (724,000) was at the lowest level since 1973. More than 90 percent of people detained by Border Patrol are Mexican.

So, the next time you feel overwhelmed by the failing economy, you can always look for the brights spots. Of course you may have to cut your own lawn and pick your own fruits and vegetables, but what the hell....

On May 5, 2009 in a Financial Services Committee question and answer session with Inspector General of the Federal Reserve Elizabeth A. Coleman, Florida congressman Alan Grayson (Dem-Orlando) asked about the trillions of dollars lent or spent by the Federal Reserve and where it went, and the trillions of off balance sheet obligations. The Inspector General responded that she does not know and is not tracking where this money is. The exchange was posted on YouTube, receiving over 900,000 views in the first two months after posting.

Grayson is a member of the Congressional Progressive Caucus, consisting of 70 liberal House members plus Vermont Senator Bernard Sanders.

The Federal Reserve apparently can't account for $9 trillion in off-balance sheet transactions because they are inept, non-caring and well paid and that's the real reason why nobody at the Fed seems to have any idea what the losses on its $2 trillion portfolio really are. This story was brought to my attention by my pal, Victor, and is a prime example of the uninformed, ignorant spending and lack of follow-up by our government. I really don't think I can handle much more change.

Now, Obama wants another one trillion plus medical package for the 45 million Americans(?) that don't have medical insurance? Who are the 45 million? I doubt if they are tax-paying Americans that have to work for a living!

Odds And Ends: Rapper Chris Brown must be taking lessons from the Obama presidential campaign speeches. In his televised public "apology" to singer and ex-girlfriend Rihanna for beating her up, he read his statement from a teleprompter and lied like a dog. Brown copped a plea for the felony and will receive five years probation and community service. I'm doubt this sentence will set much of an example for men who abuse women. On the contrary, the message seems to be if you have enough money........

This Date In History: 1917; Aleksandr Kerensky is named prime minister of the Russian Provisional Government established after the overthrow of Tsar Nicholas II. He only lasts in office until the Bolshevik revolution that autumn. 1933; In his monoplane, the Winnie Mae, American aviator Wiley Post completes the first solo around-the-world flight. The flight takes him 7 days, 18 hr, 49 min.

1943; The Italian city of Palermo is captured by the Allied forces. 1977; The Chinese Communist Party expels the “Gang of Four,” who had tried to seize power after the death of Mao Zedong. Deng Xiaoping is reinstated as deputy premier. 1986; Members of the British parliament vote against corporal punishment in state schools.

Picture Of The Day: Wonders of the world which struck my fancy are, from top to bottom, Milford Sound, New Zealand, Great Barrier Reef, Australia, El Yunque, Puerto Rico and Puerta Princessa, Phillipines. Aside from being beautiful, they have absolutely nothing to do with today's entry, Now, pull my finger!

Birthdays: Edward Hopper, painter 1882, Alexander Calder, American sculptor 1898, James Whale, motion-picture director 1886, George Clinton, singer and bandleader 1941, S. E. Hinton, American author 1948.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Never trust a naked bus driver. 2) A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 3) My cat, Possum, has a new secret hiding place and I have no idea where it is. 4) I have no idea how today's entry became so long, but I had to write it, so you have to read it. 5) This politically correct thing is really getting out of hand. Now you have to refer to blondes with limited intelligence as a light-haired detour off the information superhighway.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to Brother Kirt and my pals, Garnett and Victor, for their contributions to today's stories.

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a real man you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself.

A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could find no problems. I did notice one abnormality however." Running doe asks, "Oh, what is that, Doctor?" The doctor said, "Well, you have no nipples." She replied, "None of the people in my tribe have nipples."

The doctor said, "That is amazing. "I'd like to write this up for The Montana Journal of Medicine if you don't mind. First of all, how many people are in your tribe?" She answered, "Approximately 500." The doctor asked, "And what is the name of your tribe?" Running Doe replied, "We're called "The Indiannippleless Five Hundred."

A very gentle Texas lady was driving across the Pecos High Bridge in Texas one day. As she neared the middle of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' to (means 'getting ready to' in Texas ) jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."

The man said, "Mom and Dad are both dead, I'm going to jump." She said, "Well, think of your wife and children. "He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."

She said, "Well, Remember the Alamo!" He replied, ''What's the Alamo?'' She replied, ''Well, bless your heart, just go ahead and jump, Yankee.''

A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife yells back to him, "He wants your underwear!"

That's it for today my little sunflowers. Remember that it's best to always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !