Air New Zealand's "Cuddle Class"

Air New Zealand, with its brand new Boeing 777-300ER now has long non-stop flights, the inaugural from Los Angeles to London. But its range isn’t the big story. The new airplane features the airline’s innovative "Skycouch" seating, also known as "cuddle class." I'm not much of a cuddler but the "Mile High Club" does come to mind.

The airline also offers lie-flat seating with thicker memory foam mattresses and full size pillows in its Business Premier class, while a Spaceseat is designed to provide unmatched legroom in Premium Economy. Air New Zealand covers a number of long haul routes, including non-stop flights from San Francisco, Los Angeles, Honolulu and Vancouver to New Zealand, as well as Los Angeles to the Cook Islands.

The airline also flies non-stop from Los Angeles to London and London to Hong Kong. However, the "cuddle class" seats will initially only be available on flights between Los Angeles and Auckland or London. Whether the redesigned seats lead to a growth in the numbers of people joining the mile high club remains to be seen.

The airplane also features induction ovens on board allowing food to be cooked to a passenger’s own taste as well as the latest in in-flight entertainment. Apparently the airline has a good sense of humor as well. The wallpaper in one of the lavatories was decorated with books with titles such as, The Insider’s Guide to Nude Skiing and The Mile High Club Tell-All Stories. Suddenly, the term "Fly United" takes on a whole new meaning.

The News As I See It: President Obozo’s basketball bracket got busted. None of his picks are going to the Final Four. I mean, the one time he takes quick, decisive action, and look what happened.

On Friday Obozo called Vice President Joe Biden into the Oval Office to get his advice about Libya. Then he said, "April Fools’!"

A message in a bottle was found in Russia, 24 years after it was written. Unfortunately, the note said, “Help! Stranded with enough food for exactly 23 years.

A woman in the United Kingdom left her daughter out of her will because she didn’t like the name of one of her grandchildren. That means no inheritance for the woman, or for her baby, little "Grandma Sucks."

According to a poll, 55 percent of college students approve of the job President Obama is doing. That may change once they graduate and try to find a job.

This Date In History: 1818; Congress adopted a U.S. flag with one star for each state. 1841; President William Henry Harrison died from pneumonia, one month after his inauguration. 1905; Earthquake in Kangra, India, killed more than 20,000.

1945; The Ohrdruf death camp was liberated from Nazi occupation.1949; The treaty establishing the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was signed. 1973; The ribbon was cut to open the World Trade Center in New York City. 1979; Pakistan prime minister Zulfikar Ali Bhutto was executed by the military.

1981; Henry Cisneros became the mayor of San Antonio, Texas: the first Hispanic mayor of a major U.S. city. 1983; Sally Ride became the first U.S. woman in space aboard the space shuttle Challenger.

Picture Of The Day: The concept of "cuddle seats" is an interesting idea but, it looks to me like it requires three seats. This suggests to me that the price won't be cheap. Then again, I guess it's cheaper than a hotel and a much easier way to become a member of the Mile High Club than the conventional way.

My fear of flying has never allowed me to become an official member of the Mile High Club, but I once had a weekend tryst at a Holiday Inn in Denver, Colorado.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Flying is not dangerous. Crashing is dangerous. 2) If you were in a aircraft that could travel at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen? 3) If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"? 4) I discovered I scream the same way whether the plane I'm in is about to crash or if a cockroach touches my foot. 5) There's a fine line between cuddling in an airplane at 30,000 feet and holding someone down so they can't get away.....and that's five!

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Aries - April 4th: Thinking and driving at the same time can be hazardous for you today. Many of the truths you desparately cling to are beset by the fact that you read only comic books and talk to children. Your vision won't fail so long as you avoid sticking forks into your eyes.

Having had a taste of victory last week, this week may seem like the ideal opportunity to go wild but don't try it naked. The tattered remains of your heart will serve you well today. They will prevent you being at all charitable and will enable you to purchase ridiculously high price-tag items that your own credit card will not afford you.

Birthdays: My pal Julie Happy Birthday Baby 19XX, Edward Hicks, painter and preacher 1780, Dorothea Dix, social reformer 1802, William H. Jackson, painter artist and pioneer photographer 1843, Maurice de Vlaminckpainter 1876, Robert Sherwood dramatist 1896, Muddy Waters, musician 1915, Heath Ledger, actor 1979.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill:

Dallas ATC: "Tower to Yemen Air 911--You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R."

Yemen Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R --Allah be Praised!!"

Dallas ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711--You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R.- -Allah is Great!!"

Pause: Static............. Yemen Air: "Dallas ATC! Dallas ATC!

Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Yemen Air 911?"

Yemen Air: "You have cleared both our aircraft for the same runway going in opposite directions! We are on a collision course! Instructions please!"

Dallas ATC: "Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah 'hey' for us -- ya hear?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Garnett for his contribution to today's stories.

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming: "U.S. Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, U.S. Air 2771?" The humbled crew responded "Yes, ma'am."

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of U.S. Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking, "Wasn't I married to you once?"

The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Ireland. One day he was walking down the high streetwhen he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn't happy! He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

The Reverend said, "Miss Fitzgerald, this is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?" Miss Fitzgerald slurred, "Sure!"

When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oy mate,we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub."The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand. I'm Pastor Fluff." The landlord said, "Ah well, if you're that far in, ye might as well finish."

That's it for today my little co-pilots. Remember, if you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !