June 6th, 1944 - Allied Forces Land At Normandy

On June 6th, 1944, American, Brtitish and Canadian forces stormed the shores of Normandy, France. Over 160,000 soldiers landed in the operation known as D-Day, marking the beginning of the end of World War II and Germany. It was the largest amphibious invasion in world history. The Allied casualties figures for D-Day were estimated at 10,000, including 2500 dead.

As we begin our day this June 6th, 2011, let us remember all the men and women of the D-Day armed forces who stood up for freedom and those who were wounded or gave their lives for America.

Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY) finally admitted that he lied about texting a lewd picture of himself in his underwear to a 21 year-old coed. Furthermore, he admitted to having "online relationships" with six different women over the past three years. Watching the antics of Mr. Weiner over the years, his admission of guilt was no surprise to me.

Under normal circumstances, I'm not prone to kick a man while he's down. In Mr. Weiner's case, I make exception. His years of arrogant, rude antics and constant interruptions during televised political interviews make him the exception to the rule. He has made his bed and now he will lie in it (no pun intended). I'm sure that his new wife of less than one year is thrilled with his sick escapades.

The News As I See It: Mitt Romney wanted to get the maximum exposure for his (presidential) announcement so he made it in Anthony Weiner's underwear.

Despite the news this week that our cell phones are giving us cancer, users are not giving up. They're like, okay, my cell phone could give me cancer, but actually interacting with people in person is what leads to Chlamydia.

Congress has rejected raising the debt ceiling, so if China calls, let it go to voicemail.

This Date In History: 1844; The Young Men's Christian Association (YMCA) was founded in London. 1933; The first drive-in movie theater opened in Camden, New Jersey. 1934; The Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) was established to protect investors and maintain the integrity of the securities markets.

1944; Thousands of Allied troops invaded the beaches of Normandy, France, on D-Day. 1982; Israel invaded Lebanon to drive out the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO).

2001; Vermont Republican Senator James Jeffords left the party to become an independent, handing control of the Senate back to the Democrats. 2002; President Bush proposed a new Cabinet department: The Department of Homeland Security.

Picture Of The Day: Remembering the soldiers of June 6th, 1944, who bravely landed on the shores of Normandy on D-Day. As a sidenote, I waited for days for the photoshop gang to come up with a good picture of Anthony Weiner's sideshow, but his admittance to guilt kinda screwed up my timing. Aah, what the hell, I'm running it anyway!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself. 2) Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso. 3) If you are not committing any sins, chances are you're probably not having much fun. 4) If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 5) I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you".....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Gemini - June 6th: Inhospitable service station toilets may turn out to be your best friend today. Your footsteps will seem louder today as you break in new shoes. Every reason you have for doing what you did while in the service station restroom is sound and legal . Be grateful that you have a good network of friends and family. Time and time again you are asked to wait outside the room while the "adults" discuss your situation. Buy a dozen roses just in case.

Birthdays: Diego Velázquez, painter 1599, Pierre Corneille, dramatist 1606, Nathan Hale, officer 1755, John Trumbull, painter 1756, Aleksandr Pushkin, poet, dramatist 1799, Alexandra Feodorovna, Czarina 1872, Sukarno, statesman 1901, Björn Borg, tennis player 1956.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A guy is sitting alone in a bar nursing his drink. The bartender is at the other end of the bar cleaning a glass. The guy suddenly hears a little whisper of a voice that says, "Nice hat. He looks around but he’s the only one nearby. He thinks nothing of it and keeps drinking. A few minutes later he hears this same voice, "Nice shirt."

Now he’s getting a little paranoid because there’s still no one else in the bar. He calls the bartender over and orders another drink. Several minutes later he hears the voice, "Nice tie." He just about loses it. He calls the bartender over and says, "Man, am I going crazy? I keep hearing voices!" The bartender asks, "What are they saying? The man says, "Nice hat, nice shirt, nice tie." The bartender says, "Ah, it’s the peanuts, they’re complimentary."

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks, "Do you do custom work?" The artist replies, " Yes Ma'am." The woman says, "Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh." The artist says, ?No problem. Strip from the waist down and get up on the table."

After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up, examines the tattoos and complains, "That doesn't look like them!" The artist says indignantly, Yes it does and I can prove it."

With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find who happens to be the town drunk. 'The woman spreads her legs and Asks, "Do you know who these men are?" The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says, "I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Pat in the U.K. for her contribution to today's stories.

Two ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the Los angels airport. The first lady was a California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me." The lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz. Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart." The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet. Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" The Southern lady said, "My husband sent me to charm school." The first woman cried, "Charm school? Oh, my God! What on earth for?" The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying 'Who gives a shit?', I learned to say, "Well, bless your heart."

President Obama was being entertained by an African leader. They’d spent the day discussing what the African leader had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. He said, "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."

President Obama frowned saying, "Russian roulette’s not a friendly game.
The African leader smiled. "That’s why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you’ll have to play. I’ll show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. The African leader said, "You can choose any one of these women to give you oral sex. This gained Obma’s immediate attention and he was ready to make his choice when a thought occurred to him. Obama asked, "How on earth is this related to Russian roulette?" The African leader said "One of them is a cannibal."

That's it for today my apple tarts. Remember, when you think you have someone eating out of your hand, count your fingers. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !