School Daze

It seems that the emphasis on developing learning skills in schools is not the priority that it used to be. The "dumbing down" of tests in schools to allow more students to pass and eventually graduate is a disservice to the students themselves.

The hard of understanding do not realize that the real world does not make provisions or provide excuses for those who do not strive to better themselves or continue to learn.

Although it is not necessary that all students become Rhodes Scholars, a basic grasp of the English language and skills in mathematics are a necessity. At the least, they will be able to read the instructions for installation of their new Xbox 360 video gamer.

At a bar one evening, we were discussing President Abraham Lincoln and the Gettysburg Address. Some people overheard the conversation and when they heard the phrase "four score and seven years ago", they asked what a "score" was and what the phrase meant. I told them it was a soccer phrase from the last World Cup games. It seemed to satisfy their curiosity.....

The News As I See It: Lindsay Lohan is OK after she totaled her rented Porsche. People who witnessed the accident were stunned. They couldn't believe Lindsay Lohan still had a driver's license. Authorities said they've ordered a psychiatric evaluation. Not for Lindsay — for the idiot who rented her a Porsche.

A new government survey shows that teenagers are now smoking more marijuana than they are smoking cigarettes. Experts say heavy pot smoking by young people impairs thinking, distorts perception and can be a gateway to the White House.

Illinois Representative Derek Smith has been accused of accepting a $7,000 bribe. If he's found guilty, he could serve up to four years as the state's governor.

Mitt Romney just released a new campaign ad about the economy featuring out-of-work Americans. It gets weird at the end when he says, "I'm Mitt Romney and I fired all these people."

At a recent speech, Obama said he wants to build an economy where hard work pays off. Which explains why Obama’s approval rating just went down by three Kardashians.

This Date In History: 1900; The Boxer Rebellion began in China. 1966; The U.S. Supreme Court set forth in Miranda v. Arizona that the police must advise suspects of their rights upon taking them into custody.

1967; Thurgood Marshall was nominated to become the first African American on the U.S. Supreme Court. 1971; The New York Times began publishing the "Pentagon Papers." 1983; The U.S. space probe Pioneer 10, launched in 1972, became the first spacecraft to leave the solar system.

1986; Bandleader and clarinetist Benny Goodman died. 2000; The first meeting between Pres. Kim Jong Il of North Korea and Pres. Kim Dae Jung of South Korea occurred.

Picture Of The Day: The very talented Danny Devito with a tribute to his wife Rhea Perlman.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The notion that married people live longer than single ones is a myth. It only seems longer. 2) Illiterate people don't get the full effect of alphabet soup. 3) Hide and go pee is one of the favorite games at the local retirement home. 4) Some of the most beautiful women in the world use Preparation H on their face which reduces the appearance of bags and wrinkles and I'm told it works quite well. A friend of mine actually tried using it but she quit because she said it made her feel like an asshole. 5) The most exciting variety of sex is "rodeo sex". That's when you mount your woman from behind, take her hair and pull her head back slightly, whisper in her ear, "Your sister was better than you" and then try to hold on for 8 seconds.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 13th: It's hump day so how bad can your day be? On a high note, the horoscope gods tell me that anyone born on this day is usually lucky with the opposite sex. No word yet on children and animals. Chance of romance is 33.33 percent. Take a shot, anyway!

Birthdays: My pals, Martha and Randy - Happy Birthday ! 19XX, William Butler Yeats, Irish poet and playwright 1865, Mary Antin writer, activist 1881, Dorothy L. Sayers, writer 1893, Christo artist 1935.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An older guy (not Garnett, Jack or Jimmy) can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is.

The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis and hope for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead. The doctor performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later, gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment."

The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll and disappears back into his pants.

His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" Tim, without looking up, replied tearfully, "My goldfish died and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: One night, a man rolls over in bed and gives his wife a big, knowing grin. Immediately realising his intentions she says, "Not tonight darling. I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow morning and I want to stay fresh and clean."

Dejected and disappointed, the man rolls over and tries to get to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over, prods his wife again and asks, "Do you have a dental appointment tomorrow, too?"

One day, the sheriff sees Billy Bob walking around town with nothing on except his boots. The sheriff says, "Billy Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?" Billy Bob replies, "Well sheriff, it's a long story!" Sheriff says he isn't in a hurry and that Billy Bob should tell the story.

Billy Bob continues, "Well, me and Mary Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary Lou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy. Well, Mary Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we did."

Billy Bob said, "Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and then Mary Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my boots. Then Mary Lou lay on the ground, opened her legs and said "Okay Billy Bob, go to town....."

My Music Playlist: As most of you know, the site that I use for Jimmy's Journal no longer allows anyone to embed music. After some searching, I have found a new site and have almost completed my new music playlist. The start date for the playlist is this Friday (June 15th). I look forward to your thoughts and comments.

That's it for today, my little chipmunks. Remember, forget "politically correct" while flying. Anyone whose speech sounds like he's gagging or clearing his throat is an automatic suspect. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour. Happy Father's Day to all the Dads! More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !