You're Going To Name Your Baby What ?

Currently expecting a baby and working on a name? Take this into consideration: 1) Google the name first, thus eliminating coming up with names like Fellatio Jones. 2) Refrain from making up your own names. 3) Spell it correctly. These kids will need a job someday.

Some parents just don't seem to have an imagination and thusly, we have people named Johnny Johnson, Tommy Thompson and Willie Williams.

Bad spellers have come up with some beauties, as well. An old Army buddy and rather intelligent man spelled his son's name "Eon". I asked him if he meant "Ian" and he said he liked the spelling as it was. I didn't have the heart to tell him that, in astrolgy, an "eon" is one billion years.

Back in the day, a lot of people picked their children's names from the bible, but I'd be reluctant to name a child Judas or Jezebel.

But, every parent has the right to come up with their own names as did my Aunt and Uncle. I always look forward to seeing my cousins, Rapunzel and Rumpelstiltskin.....

The News As I See It: Star Wars creator George Lucas has gotten approval to build a 300,000-square-foot museum in Chicago and if you think that sounds exciting, just wait until you've tried sex.

This Date In History: 1889; North Dakota and South Dakota became the 39th and 40th states, respectively. 1947; Howard Hughes flew the Spruce Goose on its first and only flight.

1948; Harry S. Truman defeated Thomas E. Dewey to the surprise of pollsters and newspapers, in the greatest presidential upset in history. 1959; Twenty-One game show contestant Charles Van Doren admitted that he had been given questions and answers in advance.

1976; Jimmy Carter defeated Gerald Ford, becoming the first U.S. president from the deep South since the Civil War. 1984; Velma Margie Barfield, a convicted murderer became the first woman to be executed since capital punishment was reinstated in 1976.

2003; V. Gene Robinson was consecrated as bishop by the U.S. Episcopal Church, becoming the first openly gay bishop in the church.

Picture Of The Day: Prejudice

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I was a kid, I suffered from depression. My teacher suggested that my father take me to the zoo. He did, but I found my way home. 2) The difference between roast beef and pea soup is that anyone can roast beef. 3) I read somewhere that 77% of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 percent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves. 4) Winter in Miami last year was the warmest that I can remember. I don't know if that is a sign of global warming or Old Timer's disease. 5) I gave my girlfriend a tip how she could wash the dishes better. On a side note, Dawn detergent is really starting to make my hands softer.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - November 2nd: Today will start slow, but most Mondays do anyway, so no worries. Cloudy skies will clear and the stars will come out. The moon, like a testicle, hangs low. Signs point toward a great evening and the chance of romance is 72.37 percent.

Birthdays: Jean-Baptiste-Simeon Chardin, painter 1699, George Boole, mathematician 1734, Daniel Boone, frontiersman 1734, Marie Antoinette, queen of France 1755, James Polk, 11th President of the United States 1795, Warren G. Harding,  29th President of the United States 1865, Carlos Bulosan, writer 1911, Burt Lancaster, actor 1913, K.D. Lang, singer 1961.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says "nothing's wrong" and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

A young woman walked into the confessional and said to the priest, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned." The priest replied, "Confess you sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, "Last night, my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times." The priest said,"Squeeze the juice of seven lemons into a glass and drink the juice."

The woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The priest answered, "No, but it will wipe that smirk off your face."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, Bell 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

From now on when I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When say Bell 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say Bell 3, we are going to make love all night."

The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off. When he yelled "Bell 2!", the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled "Bell 3!", they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled "Bell 4!" The husband asked, "What the hell is Bell 4?" His wife replied, "Roll out more hose, you're nowhere near the fire!"

In ancient Greece, Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

Socrates replied, "Wait a minute. Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." The acquaintance queried, "Triple filter?"

Socrates continued, "Yes. Before you talk to me about Diogenes, let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" The man said, "No, actually, I just heard about it." Socrates said, "All right. So, you don't really know if it's true or not."

Socrates continued, "Now, let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?" The man says, "No, on the contrary....." Socrates interrupts, "So, you want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?" The man says, "No, not really." Socrates concluded, "Well, if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging his wife.

That's it for today, my little lily pads. Remember, if you see me running, you'd better join me because it’s just something I don’t do.

Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

Warning For Older Men

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A "heads up" for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot or Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say no but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's. You agree and they climb into the vehicle.

On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen January 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Tell your friends to be careful and vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought them out in three of their stores. Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's to Home Depot and Walmart.

Please send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

Knysna Turaco

The News As I See It: I feel bad for those poor passengers that were stuck on that floating bedpan in the Gulf of Mexico for five days. 4,000 people stuck on a ship with foul odors, the toilets weren't working and there was long lines for food. The worst part was that the karaoke machine kept working.

As you know, the Pope is resigning. He said he feels there's just no room for advancement. It's a dead-end job.The Vatican said that as soon as the Pope resigns, he will no longer be infallible. The Vatican said it's the same thing that happened to Oprah.

Obama wants Congress to increase the minimum wage. Believe me, when it comes to doing the minimum for their wage, Congress knows what it’s talking about.

On Valentine's Day, White Castle restaurants offered a discount to couples who dine there. Yeah, because there's no better way to tell a woman you love her than to pay even less at a White Castle.

The Republican response to President Obama's State of the Union address was given by Senator Marco Rubio. It's just one more example of rich white guys getting a Hispanic to do a job they don't want to do.

Experts are predicting that the success of Amazon is going to lead to the closure of many RadioShacks. When reached for comment, the CEO of Amazon said, "There are still RadioShacks?"

Arabian Sand Cat

This Date In History: 1764; St. Louis, Mo., was founded as a French fur-trading post. 1879; President Rutherford Hayes signed a bill allowing female attorneys to argue cases before the Supreme Court. 1898; USS Maine blew up in Havana harbor, touching off the Spanish-American War.

1913; The New York Armory Show opened, introducing America to Picasso, Duchamp, and Matisse. 1933; Chicago Mayor Anton J. Cermak was killed in an assassination attempt on president-elect Franklin D. Roosevelt in Miami.

1965; The Maple Leaf Flag officially became the new national flag of Canada. 1989 More than 100,000 Soviet troops withdrew from Afghanistan almost 10 years after the USSR invaded the country.

2002; Olympics officials resolved the judging scandal by awarding Canadian pairs figure skaters Jamie Sale and David Pelletier a gold medal while allowing the Russians, Elena Berezhnaya and Anton Sikharulidze, to keep their medal.

2003; Millions of protesters around the world demonstrated against the threat of a U.S. war on Iraq. 2012; A prison fire in Comayagua, Honduras killed 360.

Picture Of The Day: This is just one of those secluded little spots that I could spend days exploring......

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Even on Valentine's Day, my secret admirers took the secret part seriously. 2) They say that the first Black Hole was discovered in 1916, but marriage has been around a lot longer than that. 3) Sometimes I wrap myself in bows and call myself gifted. 4) The best way to lie is to tell the truth....carefully edited truth. 5) Deja Vu is not when you think you're doing something you've done before. It's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 15th: Love is a wonderful thing that can truly change your life for the better. The chances of this happening to you anytime before lunch tomorrow are remote so you might as well go home and eat ice-cream until your brain freezes. Things will be better tomorrow.

Birthdays: My ex-wife Susie. Happy Birthday Baby ! 19XX, Pedro Menendez de Aviles, colonizer 1519, Galileo Galilei, Italian Astronomer 1564, John Sutter, pioneer 1803, Cyrus McCormick, inventor 1809, Charles Lewis Tiffany, merchant 1812, Susan B. Anthony, reformer 1820, Elihu Root, cabinet member and diplomat 1845, Alfred North Whitehead, mathematician and philosopher 1861, Ernest Henry Shackleton, antarctic explorer 1874, John Barrymore, actor 1882, Jane Seymour, actress 1951.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A loving grandfather always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time.....just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, he had a cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she'd take their granddaughter for the drive.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. Her grandfather asked, "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" The little girl replied, "Oh yes, Grandpa, it was really wonderful. We didn't see a single asshole, blind bastard, dipshit or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.

After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. The old woman asked, "What's in the bag?" Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church.

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It was a 420 yard hole-in-one!  St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

Two med students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend, "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought....but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought....but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was a fart.....but I was wrong, as well."

That's it for today, my little orange blossums. Remember, alcohol doesn't solve any problems...but then again, neither does milk. I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour.

That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Here's To You Hank Williams !

Today's post is dedicated to Hank Williams, one of the most prolific singer-song writers in Country Music history. His songs have been performed and recorded by countless musical talents across the musical spectrum.

I remember listening to Hank and other artists on the RCA Victor radio when I was a kid. Brother Kirt and I used to sing along with all his songs long before we ever learned to play the guitar.

Hank had 11 number one hits in his career ("Lovesick Blues," "Long Gone Lonesome Blues," "Why Don't You Love Me," "Moanin' the Blues," "Cold, Cold Heart," "Hey, Good Lookin'," "Jambalaya (On the Bayou)," "I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive," "Kaw-Liga," "Your Cheatin' Heart," and "Take These Chains from My Heart"), as well as many other top ten hits.

On June 11, 1949, Williams made his debut singing "Lovesick Blues" at the Grand Ole Opry, where he became the first performer to receive six encores. That same year, Audrey Williams gave birth to Randall Hank Williams (Hank Williams, Jr.).

In 1951 "Dear John" became a hit, but it was the flip side, "Cold, Cold Heart", that became one of his most-recognized songs. A pop cover version by Tony Bennett released the same year stayed on the charts for 27 weeks, peaking at number one.

Many rock and roll pioneers of the 1950s, such as Elvis Presley, Bob Dylan, Jerry Lee Lewis, Merle Haggard, Gene Vincent, Carl Perkins, Ricky Nelson, Jack Scot, and Conway Twitty recorded Williams songs early in their careers.

During his last years Williams's consumption of alcohol, morphine and other painkillers severely compromised his professional and personal life. He divorced his wife Audrey and was dismissed by the Grand Ole Opry due to frequent drunkenness.

Williams died suddenly in the early morning hours of New Years Day in 1953 at the age of 29 from heart failure brought on by pills and alcohol. Despite his short life, Williams has had a major influence on country music. The songs he wrote and recorded have been covered by numerous artists, many of whom have also had hits with the tunes, in a range of pop, gospel, blues and musical styles.

The music of Hank Williams continues on with the recent release of a funky version of "Hey Good Looking" by Jimmy Buffett together other country artists. Roll on, Hank !

Hank Sr and Hank Jr

The News As I See It: Immigration is the big issue they're working on in Washington. They want to create a "path to citizenship." You have to pass a background check, you have to pay a fine, you have to pay back taxes, you have to learn English. Oh, yeah!You also have to get that statue of the Virgin Mary off your front yard and the cable channels between 17 and 23? Gone!

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said he would like to become the first Iranian to go into space. Israel said, "The flight's on us! No problem. We've got everything covered."

The White House is warning North Korea that it will face significant consequences if it moves forward with a new round of nuclear tests. Not only that — it’s also warning South Korea that it will face serious consequences if Psy makes another ad for pistachios.

Pakistan is opening an amusement park and a zoo in the same town where the raid on Osama Bin Laden took place. The zoo is pretty cool, but I’ve heard you won't be able to see the seals until it's too late.

Sunday's Super Bowl was one of the highest rated Super Bowls ever, with 108 million people watching. This year’s game added $430 million to the New Orleans economy — apparently none of which was used to pay the electric bill.

Everybody is talking about the Super Bowl's big power failure. When the lights first went out, out of force of habit, Ray Lewis started running from security. Evidently, deer antler spray works. How about that!

People from CBS were freaking out because when it gets dark around CBS, Dan Marino gets a little frisky.

This Date In History: 1788; Massachusetts ratified the U.S. Constitution, becoming the sixth state to join the Union. 1804; Joseph Priestley, British chemist, died. His work on the isolation of gases led him to discover oxygen in 1774.

1899; The Spanish-American War ended when a peace treaty between Spain and the United States was signed. 1933; The 20th Amendment to the Constitution, which set the date for the president's inauguration on January 20, was adopted.

1935; The popular board game Monopoly went on sale for the first time. 1952; Princess Elizabeth became Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain. 1971; Astronaut Alan B. Shepard hit a golf ball and Edgar Mitchell threw a "javelin" on the moon. They landed in the same crater and remain on the Moon today.

2001; Ariel Sharon was elected prime minister of Israel. 2012; The Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II marked the 60th anniversary of her accession to the throne.

Picture Of The Day: A mother's sense of love and caring is relatively equal in most animals. Their dedication is admirable.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The inventor of the doorbell apparently did not own a Chihuahua. 2) California has the highest rate of adultery and depression. It's a sad State of affairs. 3) I talk to myself. I have to because sometimes I need expert advice. 4) I've never was an Olympic athlete but I did participate in a Toyotathon once. 5) As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 6th: Raisins are a lovely dried up fruit. However, the old man who owns the hairdressers down the road is not fond of raisins. Stay with leafy vegetables and fresh fruit this week and if I were you, I'd avoid the dried up fruit down the road, as well.

Birthdays: My sweet pal Linda - Happy Birthday Baby ! 19XX, Aaron Burr, political leader 1756, Jeb Stuart, cavalry commander 1833, Babe Ruth, baseball player 1895, Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States 1911, Mary Douglas Leakey, archaeologist 1913, Zsa Zsa Gabor, actress 1917, François Truffaut, film director and critic 1932, Bob Marley, reggae singer 1945.

Macaques

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The woman quickly realized that the large wave had unceremoniously dispatched the top part of her bikini into the deep. More than a little embarrassed, she clasped her arms across her chest and made a dash for her car. She could sense everyone gawking at her along the way.

Upon entering the parking lot a little boy, who was following his mother to the beach asked, pointing to her arms, "Are you carrying puppies in there?", Not wanting to explain what had really happened, the woman replied, " Why yes, yes they are. She quickly moved on but heard the boy shout after her, "If you're giving them away I'll take the one with the pink nose!"

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called woman.

God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

God contunued, "She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give "love" and compassion whenever needed."

Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?" The rest is history...
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your Mother."

During these serious and trying times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters or the Liquor Store.

That's it for today, my little kitty cats. Remember, a diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour.

That's it for now. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Rest In Peace Hadiya Pendleton

Maybe it's time for the likes of Obama and his former lackey Rahm Emanuel to spend more time cleaning up their own city before they go on to rule which type of gun law abiding citizens in America should be allowed to own. Chicago is among the major cities in shooting deaths, along with Detroit Michigan, Camden New Jersey and New York City. One of the most recent and tragic deaths happened yesterday in Chicago:

CHICAGO - Hadiya Pendleton, a 15-year-old honors student and a majorette who took part in events at President Obama's second inauguration, was shot to death in Chicago. Police say Pendleton was shot in the back Tuesday in a South Side park and died at a city hospital.

Authorities say Hadiya was one of about 12 teenagers sheltering from heavy rain under a canopy when a man jumped a fence, ran toward the group and opened fire. The man fled the scene in a vehicle. No arrests have been made.

Police do not believe Hadiya was the intended target of the shooting. A teenage boy was shot in the leg. Police did not release his name. Hadiya belonged to the King College Prep High School band, which performed at several presidential inaugural events in Washington, D.C.

It is not the gun that causes death. Rather, it is the scumbags who roam the streets carrying illegal, stolen and black market guns looking for any opportunity to steal and they do not let the presence of a mere human life stand in their way. Chicago has one of the strictest gun control laws in America, yet they are among the leaders in the nation in crime and murder (January 2013 - 42 homicides). It's time to consider the real source.

As for the few miscreants who are born with a screw loose or the dreaded hanging chad, they will exist until the end of time unless we start to monitor people's mental health..... 
 

The News As I See It: Obama and Hillary Clinton appeared on "60 Minutes" for their first joint interview. It was a little awkward when they both showed up wearing the same suit.

At a meeting of the Republican National Committee, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal told the GOP to "stop being the stupid party." Then Texas Governor Rick Perry gave the rebuttal.

According to reports from a journal called Psychological Science, people eat more junk food and gain weight during tough economic times. How ironic is that? The biggest obstacle to Michele Obama's war on obesity is Barry Obama's economic policy.

This is the first Super Bowl ever where the head coaches are brothers. Jackie Harbaugh, their mother, said she would like the game to end in a tie. However, just to be safe, she's got 20 grand on the Ravens.

The Boy Scouts of America is now considering an end to its longstanding policy of banning gay scouts. Now, the Girl Scouts have a new policy during cookie season. It’s called "Don't ask, just sell."

The whole world is changing. In fact, the Olympic Committee said soon they may allow straight male figure skaters.

Women serving in the United States military will now be serving in combat. Finally there will be somebody in the tank who will stop and ask for directions.

Peter Robbins, the voice of Charlie Brown in the TV specials, was arrested for stalking. Apparently, Charlie Brown (Robbins) did not have the money to post bail. I think it's because he works for Peanuts.


Baby Alpaca

This Date In History: 1649; King Charles I of England was beheaded. 1933; Adolf Hitler was named Chancellor of Germany. 1948; Gandhi was assassinated. 1968; North Vietnamese forces launched attacks against the South Vietnamese, beginning the Tet offensive.

1972; British troops opened fire on civil rights marchers in Northern Ireland, sparking the "Bloody Sunday" massacre. 1979; The Iranian civilian government announced that the exiled Ayatollah Khomeini would be allowed to return.

Picture Of The Day: There's a story here, but if there was a spider, then it's understandable.....
 

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The best thing about telepathy is..... - I know, right? 2) I was asked if I had a date for St. Valentines Day. I suggested the 14th.... 3) People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. 4) According to a new report, it now costs $351,000 to raise a child for 18 years. Of course, you can double that again if the kid lives in your basement until he's twenty-six. 5) If today's journal looks a bit goofy, it's because I'm wearing a pair of those Hillary Clinton double-vision glasses.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - January 30th: Loving care is something that people write on shampoo bottles. What you need is a good hard drink. A beautiful woman will turn your head today and make you wonder whether you're as committed as you ought to be.

Birthdays: My pal Tania - Happy Birthday Baby ! 19XX, Franklin D. Roosevelt, 32nd President of the United States 1882, Barbara Tuchman, historian 1912, Douglas Engelbart, inventor 1925, Gene Hackman, actor 1930, Richard Brautigan, writer 1935, Vanessa Redgrave, actress 1937, Richard Cheney, vice president of the United States 1941, Michael Dorris, American Writer 1945, Christian Bale, actor 1974.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. The coroner says to the inspector, "The first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."

The Coroner says, "The second body is a twenty-five-year-old Scotsman who won a thousand pounds on the lottery and spent it all on whisky. He died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" The coroner says, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob is a thirty-year-old-man from Kentucky and was struck by lightning." The inspector asks, "Why is he smiling then?" The coroner replied, "He thought he was having his picture taken."

One day, Johnny was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. Tommy said, "Bubba, where'd you git that truck?" Bubba replied, "Tammie give it to me." Johnny said, "She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"

Bubba said, "Well, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want.' So I took the truck!"
 

Velvet Purple Coronet

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt for his contribution to today's stories.

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the service started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives.

Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared in front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "I been married to your sister for 48 years."

There's a new study about women and how they feel about their asses. The results are very interesting. Thirty percent of the women feel that their ass is too fat. Ten percent of the women feel that their ass is too skinny.

The remaining sixty percent say they don't care. They love him, he is a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world. 

That's it for today, my little mockingbirds. Remember, a good discussion is like a miniskirt. Short enough to maintain interest and long enough to cover the subject. I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour.

That's it for now. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !