Really ?

Are there really five decent programs playing on TV to warrant recording all five at the same time? That's one of the current selling points from some of the cable companies. Moreover, if you need to record five programs at the same time, you need to get out of the house and smell the fresh air.

A better question is "Are there really five decent shows on TV?" Excluding news and weather (a necessity), TV saturates the air waves with such memorable shows as Hooney Boo Boo, Pawn Stars, Axe men and other general crapola which will never hear the magic words, "...and the Emmy goes to..."

Added to the usual crap on TV today, I spent the day avoiding the coronation inauguration of the "anointed one" combined with continued coverage of Martin Luther King's birthday, ad naseum.

The only personally satisfying broadcasts on TV this weekend were the NFL playoff games and James Clavell's "Shogun", probably the best mini series ever shown in TV.

On a sad note, the sports world took a triple hit last week with the deaths of University of Miami baseball coach Ron Fraser (1963-1992), Hall of famer Ted Williams and Baltimore Oriole manager Earl Weaver. Rest in peace gentlemen.

The News As I See It: Notre Dame player Manti Te’o is being accused of fraud and deception over his imaginary girlfriend. Some say this hoax could harm Manti's ranking in the NFL draft. On the other hand, it could open up an entire new branch of fantasy football.

Sources say that Tiger Woods wants to marry his ex-wife and might be willing to go for a no-cheating clause. This special clause would be known as a wedding vow.

The Center for Science in the Public Interest says the top two most unhealthy restaurant dishes were from The Cheesecake Factory. The Cheesecake Factory? That's the last place I would have expected. Their most unhealthy dish is something called the bistro shrimp pasta, with 3,120 calories....and that's before the cheesecake.

The Sundance Film Festival has begun. The jury is choosing among 87 different films. I'd like be on that jury. I'd bang my gavel and say, "I find your film guilty of being self-indulgent and boring the crap out of me. I hereby sentence you to watch "Weekend at Bernie's" and anything by Pauly Shore."

Osiria Rose

This Date In History: 1793; King Louis XVI was guillotined for treason. 1915; The first Kiwanis Club was founded in Detroit. 1924; Vladimir Ilyich Lenin died in Moscow. 1950; Former State department official Alger Hiss found guilty of perjury. 1950; George Orwell died in London.

1954; USS Nautilus, the first nuclear-powered submarine was launched. 1977; President Carter pardoned most Vietnam War draft evaders. 2003; The U.S. Census Bureau reported that Hispanics had surpassed Blacks as the largest minority group.

2010; In a 5-4 decision, the U.S. Supreme Court rules in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission that the government cannot restrict the spending of corporations for political campaigns, maintaining that it's their First Amendment right to support candidates as they choose. This decision upsets two previous precedents on the free-speech rights of corporations.

Picture Of The Day: This is what Saturn would look like if it was as close to Earth as the Moon.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) How dare you incinerate that I don't know any big words? 2) The best nicknames are usually the ones people don't know they have. 3) I feel bad for Notre Dame's Manti Te'o. When I was in college things like that would happen to me. I would meet a lot of real women and they would give me imaginary phone numbers. 4) I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers. 5) I met her in a revolving door and I've been going around with her ever since.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - January 21st: Chew the cud with some friends today. Their inane chatter may amuse you. The randomness of the universe may affect you today as you search for meaning in a cornflake that looks a lot like your ex-mother-in-law.

Birthdays: My friends Mike and Vivian - Happy Birthday all 19XX, Ethan Allen soldier 1738, John C. Fremont explorer, soldier, and political leader 1813, Stonewall Jackson (Thomas Jonathan Jackson), American Confederate General 1824, Sophia Jex-Blake physician 1840, Christian Dior fashion designer 1905, Telly Savalas actor 1924, Jack Nicklaus golfer 1940, Placido Domingo tenor 1941, Geena Davis actor 1956.

Scherwin Castle, Germany

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him. The agent said, "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them." The rancher said, "Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board."

The rancher continued, "Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90 percent of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

The agent said, "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one. The rancher said, "That would be me."

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

He replied, "He sure did honey, a long time ago." The little girl asks, "Well, did God make me?" Her grandfather said, "Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago." The little girl says, "Boy, He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"

How to tell when deer season is over

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Skip for his contribution to today's stories.

A minister was seated on a plane bound from Hong Kong to the US with a stopover in Honolulu . After the stopover a crusty old Chief Petty Officer boarded and as fate would have it he was seated next to the minister.

After the plane was airborne to continue on it’s journey, drink orders were taken. The Flight Attendant asked the CPO if he wanted a drink? The CPO asked for rum and coke, which was prepared and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The ole Chief then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

She asked, "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" Her father replied, "They're mating." She asked, "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" Her father answered, "That's a Daddy Longlegs." The little girl asked. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" Her father replied. "No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot, stomped them flat and said, "Well, that might be okay in California, but we're not having any of that Brokeback Mountain crap in Texas"

That's it for today, my little canaries. Remember, the two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

That's it for now. More on Monday.

Stay Tuned !