White House Press Secretary Earnest Said What?

The White House expressed its firm belief that recently-released videos attacking Planned Parenthood are "fraudulent." Their source? Planned Parenthood.  I thought no one could out-stupid former press secretary Jay Carney but it appears current press secretary Josh Earnest is vying to be the most stupid ever.

Earnest was speaking with reporters when they raised the matter of the videos released by the Center for Medical Progress which appear to show Planned Parenthood officials discussing the sale of fetal organs for profit, a violation of federal law.

He claimed the videos were released in a "fraudulent way" with "not a lot of evidence" behind them. Earnest said, "There is ample reason to think that this is merely the tried and true tactic that we’ve seen from extremists on the right to edit this video and selectively release this edited version of the video that grossly distorts the position of the person that’s actually speaking."

But Earnest indicated that the reason he thought the videos were fraudulent was because, well, Planned Parenthood had told him so.

Somewhere, there must be a manual that White House press secretaries must follow where they attempt to master the art of pissing on you while trying to make you believe that it's raining.

Former White House press secretary and weasel Jay Carney

The News As I See It: The NFL upheld Tom Brady’s four-game suspension yesterday, and said the decision involved the fact that Brady destroyed his cellphone just before he was investigated. This upset Brady. He was expecting it to be reduced, especially since one of his colleagues only got a two-game suspension for knocking out his wife in an elevator.

Hillary Clinton, referring to the NFL decision, said, "You don’t have to destroy it. You just switch the SIM card memory chip......uh, so I’ve heard. I don't know. Bye. Gotta go."

A hot new surf destination has been discovered and it's none other than North Korea. Up until this point, surfboards have been used primarily as a means of escape from North Korea. I can't think of any country that embodies the easygoing surfer attitude more than North Korea.

A designer in New York is developing the world's first spray-on condom. True story. If you're wondering how this works — it doesn't.

This Date In History: 1498; Columbus arrived at the island of Trinidad. 1777; The Marquis de Lafayette became a major-general in the American Continental Army. 1790; The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins of Vermont for a process of making fertilizer.

1875; Andrew Johnson, the 17th president of the United States, died in Tennessee. 1954; Mount Godwin-Austen (K2), the world's second-highest peak, was climbed for the first time, by an Italian team led by Ardito Desio. 1964; The U.S. space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures of the Moon’s surface.

Picture Of The Day: My alter ego.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Last Friday's party, I ran into an old friend who told me that he broke his leg in two places. I told him to quit going to those places. 2) Thank you automatic ice dispenser. I was hoping to get either 2 or 67 ice cubes. 3) It's hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars. 4) Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status. After 3 times, it should default to "Unstable".  5) If I were to ever work as a grocery store cashier at the 10 items or less lane, the first thing I would say to that shopper who always has more than items than allowed, "Which 10 items would you like to purchase?".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - July 31st: Wake up in a trash container again? Don't let your drinking get you down. Go out and have a beer. You have many more years ahead of you. Today will be much better and, even if you wake up in the trash bin again, the food will be fresher. Chance of romance is 57 percent assuming you're able to navigate home safely.

Birthdays: S.S. Kresge merchant, philanthropist 1867, Jean Dubuffet, painter and sculptor 1901, Milton Friedman,  economist 1912, Whitney M. Young, Jr. social reformer 1921, Wesley Snipes, actor, producer 1962, J. K. Rowling, writer 1965.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two older ladies were visiting an art gallery where they happened upon the unveiling ceremony for a new sculpture. Being older ladies, by the time the ceremony was due to begin, they had managed to get to the front.

After all the speeches, the cover was duly whipped off to reveal a life sized Adonis sporting an erection. Both old ladies shot to their feet with a gasp. The first one threw her hands in the air and had a stroke. The second one was a bit shorter and couldn’t reach.

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver's ear. She said, ''Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!'' The driver didn't think much of her complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.

Later, that same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, ''Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!'' This time, he figured he'd better look into it.

A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to find out if they knew what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor beneath the seats and stooped down to question him.

The driver asked, ''Excuse me sir, could I help you?'' The elderly man looked up and said, ''Well, sonny you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it..."

The man continued, "I thought I'd located it twice, but they were parted in the middle and mine is parted on the side!''

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A New York attorney stopped by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves his tip.....one dollar. As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself, "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves."

The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him and says, "Really? Tell me, what does my tip say?" The waitress said, "Well, your tip tells me you're a thrifty man."

Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters "Hmm, true enough." The waitress continued, "It also tells me you're a bachelor." Surprised at her perception, the attorney says, "Well, that's true, too."

The waitress smiles and says, "And finally, the amount of the tip tells me that your father was a bachelor, as well."

There were twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in a nursing home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to take the pictures of them. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, "What did he say?" Her sister said, "He said we have to sit on the sofa." The photographer said, "Now get a little closer together." Again, the hard of hearing twin asked, "What did he say?" Her sister said, "We have to sit closer together."

They wiggled up close to each other. The photographer said, "Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little." Yet again, the hard of hearing twin said, "What did he say?" Her sister replied, "He says he's going to focus." The hard of hearing twin exclaimed, "Oh my God, both of us?"

That's it for today, my little snap dragons. Remember, only love can break your heart, but trans-fatty acids will also have a damn good try. AREA 51 is a bit "iffy" for today's happy hour as my feet have been paining me quite a bit this week.

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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !