The Republican Debate ~ Part Deux

Tonight's Republican debate on CNN is promising to be a three (count 'em) three hour clusterfeck with the "snowballs chance in hell" candidates gunning for Donald Trump.

I'm curious to see if the left leaning CNN moderators will come up with asinine ambush questions like the right leaning Fox News moderators did. Someone should explain to both Fox and CNN that they are moderators, not the stars of the debate.

The commercial monies earned by both news organizations is astronomical and the least they can do is have a civil, equal opportunity, debate, void of self-serving, questions and commentary.

After all, the elections are more than a year away and many more hangers-on will soon run out of money, thus paring the candidates down to those with an actual chance of the nomination.

Of course a large field of Republican squabblers should be better than a debate between Hillary the email wiper and Bernie Sanders, the Jewish Democratic Socialist, whose political position in and of itself, is an oxymoron. Maybe if Joe runs we can count on a few gaffes and laughs to liven the debate.

The reality of it all? Thus far, all the candidates for president, both democratic and republican, are an embarrassment to America.

My friend Lisa's picture of the baby squirrels in her yard. Methinks they might be attracted to the aforementioned nuts.

The News As I See It: The government has unveiled a new website that predicts your financial worth after graduating college. It doesn't give you a number, just tells you which Starbucks you'll be working at and for how long.

Mark Zuckerberg announced that a dislike button is finally coming to Facebook. Finally, a way to tell your friends how you really feel about their new baby.

Hillary Clinton is struggling in the polls. According to political analysts, Hillary Clinton is now trying to make herself seem more relatable to the average person. Today, she spent the day criticizing Hillary Clinton.

A lot of people are excited about the upcoming visit by Pope Francis. This Pope is very popular, but I saw that in a recent interview, he said that he’s felt "used" by certain people who only pay attention to him when they need something. Then God was like, "Um, hello?! That's like 99 percent of my day!

Donald Trump gave a big speech in Dallas last night, and began by pointing out that he wasn't using a teleprompter. Then he yelled at Gary Busey to hold the cue cards higher. Trump said he would replace Obamacare with something called Donaldcare. He claims it would save billions by denying coverage to preexisting Hispanics.

Taco Bell has opened a new line of more upscale restaurants they are calling “cantinas” which will feature open kitchens. It’s pretty cool. You'll be able to see both microwaves.

This Date In History: 1630; The Massachusetts village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston. 1810; Mexico began its revolt against Spanish rule. 1908; General Motors was founded by William C. Durant.

1919; The American Legion was incorporated by an act of Congress. 1940; The United States first adopted peacetime conscription when President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Selective Training and Service Act into law.

1974; President Ford announced conditional amnesty for Vietnam War deserters and draft evaders. 1975; Papua New Guinea became independent. 1982; Lebanese Christians massacred hundreds of Palestinian refugees in Beirut.

1987; The Montreal Protocol was signed by 25 nations, limiting production of substances that harm the ozone layer. To date, 197 nations have ratified the protocol.

Picture Of The Day: The beautiful view from Rock City, on Lookout Mountain, Georgia.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they're making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.  2) My cat Samantha acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner. 3) I wonder if cops yell "Freeze!" to bad guys in Alaska or is it just understood? 4) My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 years old now and we have no idea where the hell she is. 5) By the way, I'm a vegan until my next paycheck.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 16th: Half of what I say is meaningless, the other half is pure gold, purer than any snow that ever fell. Purer than the white cover on that classic Beatles' album. The trick here is to ascertain which half. Hell, flip a coin. That's what I usually do.....

Birthdays: James Jerome Hill, railroad builder 1838, Albrecht Kossel, physiologist 1853 Jean Arp,  sculptor, painter 1887, Allen Funt, radio and television producer 1914, Lauren Bacall, actress 1924, B. B. King, guitarist 1925, Charlie Byrd, jazz guitarist 1925.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A woman had bags under her eyes and wanted to get them removed. She went to a plastic surgeon and asks the doctor, "I can't get rid of these bags, can you help me?"

The doctor told he is willing to try a new experimental technique on her. He will put a crank in the back of her head and when she sees bags under her eyes, she is to use the crank and the bags will go away.

She gets the crank put in her head and leaves. It works for a while until one day, she can't get rid of the bags under her eyes. She cranks and cranks as hard as she can, but they just wont go away. So she goes to the doctor.

She says to the doctor, "This was working for a while, but I can't seem to get rid of these bags under my eyes." The doctor replies, "Those aren't bags....those are your boobs." The woman replied, "I guess that explains the goatee."

About 200 dead crows were found near Boston, Massachusetts and there was great concern about the possibility of "Avian Flu". They had a bird pathologist examine the remains of all the crows and he confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.

However, he did determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks and only 2% were killed by impact with cars.

The city then hired a Ornithological Behaviorist to determine why there were such disproportionate percentages for "truck versus car" kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in very short order.

When crows eat road kill, they always post a "look-out crow" in a nearby tree, to warn of any impending danger. His conclusion was that the lookout crow could easily say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck"!

A rustic 102-year-old cabin in Live Oak, Florida

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt for his contribution to today's stories.

Letters To Bob:

Dear Bob:

I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with "the girls" a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep.

Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my bass boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone’s car, buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment, while crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?

Signed
Befuddled

Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walked a young chick with a low-cut blouse that revealed a beautiful rose tattooed on one boob.

One woman leaned over to the other and said, "Poor thing. She doesn't know it, but in 50 years she'll have a long-stemmed rose in a hanging basket."

That's it for today, my little quackers. Remember, the life you are about to lead contains strong language, adult situations and nudity. Discretion is advised. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !