Political Parties Just Blow Smoke Up Your Ass

Political parties are nothing more than pseudo national corporations competing to buy the government for the next four years for the sole purpose of feathering their own nests. They are immoral and corrupt and they could care less about average citizens.

Starting with Obama's knowing "Lie of the year" ("If you like your doctor, you can keep...." ad nauseum) and all the politicians before him, there might be ten percent with good intentions and the rest are lying, thieving assholes.

People look at who donated money to whom. Back in the day, I worked behind the scenes in local government and most business people donated money to friend and foe alike. Why? Because we knew we could go back to them for a favor. That's the way it works, folks. One dirty hand trying to wash another dirty hand.

One day, the sheeple of the world will wake up and collectively say, "Hey, that's not right" and then do something about it. Maybe as early as 2016......

The News As I See It: Kim Kardashian reached 45 million followers on Instagram yesterday and celebrated the only way she knows how, by establishing a public awareness campaign to raise money to build wells in southern Sudan. Just kidding, she posted another selfie.

The President of Guatemala, Otto Perez Molina, resigned yesterday after a judge ruled to jail him because of a fraud scandal. But today, another judge overruled it, which means that next week Molina will be starting for the New England Patriots.

Colin Powell, the Bush administration’s secretary of state, has come out in support of the Iran nuclear deal, and is calling the agreement "remarkable" Colin, you old RINO, everyone knows you're a closet democrat. I do appreciate your staying true to the 'hood though.

Congress was back in session after a five-week summer break. They have until September 30 to pass a budget to ensure that the government stays up and running, or else they will be forced to, well, I guess go back on vacation.

This Date In History: 1776; The Second Continental Congress changed the name of the nation to the United States of America, from the United Colonies.

1850; California became the 31st state. 1893 President Grover Cleveland's daughter, Esther Cleveland, became the first president's child to be born in the White House.

1926; The National Broadcasting Company (NBC) was created by the Radio Corporation of America. 1948; The People's Democratic Republic of Korea (North Korea) was created.

1956; Elvis Presley appeared on television for the first time on The Ed Sullivan Show. 1976; Communist Chinese leader Mao Zedong died in Beijing at age 82.

Picture Of The Day: Now there's an honest face.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated which is kinda funny 'cause so does my Uncle. 2) Sometimes, when I am reading a good book, I stop to call and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.

3) I got lost once when I was a kid. I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide." 4) When I die, on my tombstone I want to replace "R.I.P." with "BRB (LOL)".

5) They want to allow divorced women to compete in the Miss America pageant. Is that a good idea? Do you really want to hear, "My dreams for the future include world peace and that my ex-husband gets run over by a bus.".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 9th: Remember that water dissolves alien beasts and some witches. This information may or may not affect your actions when handing a glass of water to your mother-in-law.

Birthdays: Luigi Galvani, physician 1737, William Bligh, British admiral 1754, Leo Tolstoy, Russian novelist and philosopher 1828, Otis Redding, singer, songwriter 1941, Michael Keaton, actor 1951, Hugh Grant, actor 1960, Adam Sandler, comedian, musician, actor 1966.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two old men sitting on a park bench passing the day away talking. One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?" The second old man replied, "I think she's dead!"

The first old man said, "What do you mean you think she is dead?" The second old man replied, "Well, the sex is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up."

A police officer in Pennsylvania was interviewing an old man who was a witness to a murder. The cop asked, "Did you see what happened?" The old man said, "No but I heard it and I know who did it" The cop, a bit dubious, said, "What did you hear?"

The old man said, "Clip-clop, clip-clop, Bang!, clip-clop, clip-clop." The cop said, "And from that you know what happened?" The old timer said, "Yep, it was an Amish drive-by."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy.

John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex.

He first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised. He then asks, how many had sex once a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised.

John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? Again a few hands were raised.

After John polled his group several more times he noticed an old guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. John noticed that the guy never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he had sex.

The old guy said, "Once a year!" To John's dismay, he responds, "Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year?" The old guy responds, "Tonight's the night!"

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The second guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too, and I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The first guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"

The second guy says, "Well, she is young, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big firm breasts and a tight ass. What does your wife look like?" The first guy says, "Never mind, let's just look for yours."

That's it for today, my little bean sprouts. Remember, if you have to release bad news to the public, it helps if you are not ugly. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !