The Republican Debate ~ Part Deux

Tonight's Republican debate on CNN is promising to be a three (count 'em) three hour clusterfeck with the "snowballs chance in hell" candidates gunning for Donald Trump.

I'm curious to see if the left leaning CNN moderators will come up with asinine ambush questions like the right leaning Fox News moderators did. Someone should explain to both Fox and CNN that they are moderators, not the stars of the debate.

The commercial monies earned by both news organizations is astronomical and the least they can do is have a civil, equal opportunity, debate, void of self-serving, questions and commentary.

After all, the elections are more than a year away and many more hangers-on will soon run out of money, thus paring the candidates down to those with an actual chance of the nomination.

Of course a large field of Republican squabblers should be better than a debate between Hillary the email wiper and Bernie Sanders, the Jewish Democratic Socialist, whose political position in and of itself, is an oxymoron. Maybe if Joe runs we can count on a few gaffes and laughs to liven the debate.

The reality of it all? Thus far, all the candidates for president, both democratic and republican, are an embarrassment to America.

My friend Lisa's picture of the baby squirrels in her yard. Methinks they might be attracted to the aforementioned nuts.

The News As I See It: The government has unveiled a new website that predicts your financial worth after graduating college. It doesn't give you a number, just tells you which Starbucks you'll be working at and for how long.

Mark Zuckerberg announced that a dislike button is finally coming to Facebook. Finally, a way to tell your friends how you really feel about their new baby.

Hillary Clinton is struggling in the polls. According to political analysts, Hillary Clinton is now trying to make herself seem more relatable to the average person. Today, she spent the day criticizing Hillary Clinton.

A lot of people are excited about the upcoming visit by Pope Francis. This Pope is very popular, but I saw that in a recent interview, he said that he’s felt "used" by certain people who only pay attention to him when they need something. Then God was like, "Um, hello?! That's like 99 percent of my day!

Donald Trump gave a big speech in Dallas last night, and began by pointing out that he wasn't using a teleprompter. Then he yelled at Gary Busey to hold the cue cards higher. Trump said he would replace Obamacare with something called Donaldcare. He claims it would save billions by denying coverage to preexisting Hispanics.

Taco Bell has opened a new line of more upscale restaurants they are calling “cantinas” which will feature open kitchens. It’s pretty cool. You'll be able to see both microwaves.

This Date In History: 1630; The Massachusetts village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston. 1810; Mexico began its revolt against Spanish rule. 1908; General Motors was founded by William C. Durant.

1919; The American Legion was incorporated by an act of Congress. 1940; The United States first adopted peacetime conscription when President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Selective Training and Service Act into law.

1974; President Ford announced conditional amnesty for Vietnam War deserters and draft evaders. 1975; Papua New Guinea became independent. 1982; Lebanese Christians massacred hundreds of Palestinian refugees in Beirut.

1987; The Montreal Protocol was signed by 25 nations, limiting production of substances that harm the ozone layer. To date, 197 nations have ratified the protocol.

Picture Of The Day: The beautiful view from Rock City, on Lookout Mountain, Georgia.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they're making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.  2) My cat Samantha acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner. 3) I wonder if cops yell "Freeze!" to bad guys in Alaska or is it just understood? 4) My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 years old now and we have no idea where the hell she is. 5) By the way, I'm a vegan until my next paycheck.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 16th: Half of what I say is meaningless, the other half is pure gold, purer than any snow that ever fell. Purer than the white cover on that classic Beatles' album. The trick here is to ascertain which half. Hell, flip a coin. That's what I usually do.....

Birthdays: James Jerome Hill, railroad builder 1838, Albrecht Kossel, physiologist 1853 Jean Arp,  sculptor, painter 1887, Allen Funt, radio and television producer 1914, Lauren Bacall, actress 1924, B. B. King, guitarist 1925, Charlie Byrd, jazz guitarist 1925.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A woman had bags under her eyes and wanted to get them removed. She went to a plastic surgeon and asks the doctor, "I can't get rid of these bags, can you help me?"

The doctor told he is willing to try a new experimental technique on her. He will put a crank in the back of her head and when she sees bags under her eyes, she is to use the crank and the bags will go away.

She gets the crank put in her head and leaves. It works for a while until one day, she can't get rid of the bags under her eyes. She cranks and cranks as hard as she can, but they just wont go away. So she goes to the doctor.

She says to the doctor, "This was working for a while, but I can't seem to get rid of these bags under my eyes." The doctor replies, "Those aren't bags....those are your boobs." The woman replied, "I guess that explains the goatee."

About 200 dead crows were found near Boston, Massachusetts and there was great concern about the possibility of "Avian Flu". They had a bird pathologist examine the remains of all the crows and he confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.

However, he did determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks and only 2% were killed by impact with cars.

The city then hired a Ornithological Behaviorist to determine why there were such disproportionate percentages for "truck versus car" kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in very short order.

When crows eat road kill, they always post a "look-out crow" in a nearby tree, to warn of any impending danger. His conclusion was that the lookout crow could easily say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck"!

A rustic 102-year-old cabin in Live Oak, Florida

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt for his contribution to today's stories.

Letters To Bob:

Dear Bob:

I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with "the girls" a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep.

Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my bass boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone’s car, buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment, while crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?

Signed
Befuddled

Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walked a young chick with a low-cut blouse that revealed a beautiful rose tattooed on one boob.

One woman leaned over to the other and said, "Poor thing. She doesn't know it, but in 50 years she'll have a long-stemmed rose in a hanging basket."

That's it for today, my little quackers. Remember, the life you are about to lead contains strong language, adult situations and nudity. Discretion is advised. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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2016 Will Be "Politics As Usual"

I hate election time. It starts too soon, lasts too long and the candidates are liars and thieves, padding their accounts with big corporate money, which merits prosecution, not contributions.

Meanwhile Obama, like others before him, is doing his best to create a legacy with smoke and mirrors. He's done nothing of merit and what little he has accomplished was done by lying to the American public.

Obama's foreign policy, especially the Iran negotiations, are so bad that Congress will need to approve the agreement. Obie threatened veto the bill until it was clear that the bill would be veto proof and withdrew his veto threat. A humiliating defeat.

The Republicans are so disorganized, the supposed calm and intelligent party can't even come up with a decent candidate, leaving the email destroying Hillary Clinton licking her lips in anticipation of her coronation and a third Obama presidency.

The election process needs to limit contributions to $1,000 by corporations and $500 per person. This would help to eliminate buying a politician. Anyone who votes would need a identification card with photograph to vote. Of course this may create a problem for dead voters and democrats from south of the border.

And finally, the election process would be six months, with all media prohibited from running political ads and fined for lack of adherence. This may sound crazy, but that's just me......

The News As I See It: Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president. Yesterday in Ohio, Hillary popped into a Chipotle and she ordered a burrito bowl with chips and salsa. On her way out, she said, "That locks down the Hispanic vote."

Hillary is not the first woman to run for president. That title belongs to Victoria Woodhull, who ran for president in 1872. Her running mate was a young, scrappy John McCain.

Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy and will be running for president in 2048.

Olive Garden has announced that it will provide tablet computers at every table. The next step will be to provide Italian food.

This Date In History: 1755; Samuel Johnson published his Dictionary of the English Language. 1817; Thomas Hopkins Gallaudet opened the first free American school for the deaf in Hartford, Conn. 1861; In response to the attack on Fort Sumter three days earlier, President Abraham Lincoln declared a state of insurrection and called out Union troops.

1912; Titanic sank off the coast of Newfoundland on its maiden voyage after it struck an iceberg. 1920; A paymaster and guard were murdered in Braintree, Mass. Sacco and Vanzetti were accused of the crime. 1945 Nazi concentration camp Bergen-Belsen was liberated by Canadian and British forces.

1947; Jackie Robinson made his Brooklyn Dodger debut and scored the game-winning run. On April 15, 1997, his number, 42, was retired. 1955; Ray Kroc acquired McDonald's and opened his first restaurant in Des Plaines, Illinois, today the official McDonald’s Corporate Museum.

1996; The 100th Boston Marathon was won by Moses Tanui of Kenya. 1998; Cambodian despot Pol Pot, leader of the Khmer Rouge, died. 2013; Two bombs exploded at the Boston Marathon in Boston, Massachusetts, killing 3 and injuring at least 170 others.

Picture Of The Day: Jeb Bush listed himself as "Hispanic". Open borders, anyone? Sorry Jeb, you're out!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I ran into my ex-wife the other day. I could have sworn the light was green. 2) Anyone who feels bad about dumping a huge national debt on the next generation hasn't spent a lot of time around teenagers. 3) My friend told the Starbucks waiter that his name is Stephen with a "ph". The cup came back reading "Pheven". 4) A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million. 5) Your potato salad recipe is not a "family secret". Your uncle Ray, who cooks meth in his trailer home, is a family secret.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - April 15th: The evidence for love is staring you in the face but you can't see the forest for the trees. If you find this is true, the best thing to do is to stop wandering into forests and stand toe-to-toe with people you like.

Birthdays: Leonardo da Vinci, Italian painter, sculptor, architect, musician, engineer, and scientist 1452, Henry James, novelist 1843, A. Philip Randolph, labor leader 1889, Bessie Smith, singer 1894, Evelyn Ashford, athlete 1957.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. The first man asks the second, "How did you die?" The second man says, "I froze to death." The first man says, "That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?"

The second man replies, "It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping."

The second man asks, "How did you die?" The first man says, "I had a heart attack. You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either."

He continued, "I ran as fast as I could to the attic and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head and says, "that's so ironic." The first man says, "What do you mean?" The second man replies, "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

A little boy was confronted by his irate father who asked, "Johnny, did you push the outhouse over the cliff?" Little Johnny replied, "Yes, father, I cannot tell a lie. I pushed the outhouse over the cliff."

With that, the seething father took off his belt, put little Johnny over his knee and proceeded to give him a good lashing. Little Johnny cried out, "But father, George Washington did not get a lashing when he told the truth about chopping down the cherry tree."

Johnny's father replied, "George Washington's father was not in the cherry tree!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about half of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea.

He calls his daddy and says, "Dad, you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"

His father replies, "That's absolutely amazing. How do I get him in that program?" The boy says, "Just send him down here with $1,000. I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.

About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. His father says, "So how's Ole Blue doing, son? The boy replied, "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm, but you just won't believe this they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to read!"

His father exclaims, "Read?! No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?" The boy replies, " Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money. The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So, because he loves the dog, he gives him to a close friend.

When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

The boy says, "Dad, I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?' "

The father says, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!" His son says, "I sure did, Dad!" The father replies, "That's my boy!"

A female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview and said, "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CBS. What's your name?" The old man replied, "Morris Feinberg."

She asked, "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" The old man said, "For about 60 years." The journalist responded, "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

The old man said, "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man. I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests and I pray that everyone will be happy."

The reporter asked him, "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" The old man turned and said, "Like I'm talking to a f**king wall"

That's it for today, my little coconuts. Remember, hockey is more tolerable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.

More on Friday.

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Politicians And The Media Have A New Term - "Feckless"

Tired of listening to the same old double talk by Obama and Congress? Tired of hearing "kick the can down the road" and trite political bullshit? There's a new word on the block and everyone's using it....."Feckless". Time to go to the dictionary again.

Obama the Feckless? Everyone is using the word. Obviously republicans like John McCain and others are using it, but so is CNN, former U.S. ambassador to the U.N. John Bolton, former Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta. Hell, even former president Jimmy Carter is using "feckless" to describe Obama.

Political rhetoric drives me insane! Just when I though I had a grasp of Washington double speak....when I finally thought I could deal with terms like vetting, collateral damage, fiscal cliff and double down politics, along comes politicians with the word "feckless" and the media, facebook and others tell me that it's "trending".

Trending? Evidently this is their way of saying "Breaking News" or "News Alert" - Well, according to whom? I took a laxative last night and it kicked in about 2 pm today. It was a news alert that wasn't important to most, but I appreciated the gaseous "heads up"!

Now, Republicans and Democrats alike are using "feckless" to describe their opinion of Obama's handling of the war with ISIS and the Ebola outbreak.

So, to save you time and effort, I have looked the word up for your dining and dancing pleasure:

Feckless: Pronounced feck·less (adjective) - Lacking initiative or strength of character; irresponsible. Synonyms: useless, worthless, incompetent, inept, good-for-nothing.

Well, there it is. I kind of like it. It certainly describes Obama and Congress......

The News As I See It: The White House dismissed former Defense Secretary Leon Panetta's criticisms of Obama, saying he has faced some of the most difficult issues of our time. That would be a great defense if every president didn't face the most difficult issues of their time. Panetta said it seems like Obama has lost his way. Apparently, it’s gotten so bad that this morning Obama was seen asking a White House intruder for directions.

Russian dictator Vladimir Putin has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. He will not be able to attend the ceremony. That week he will be invading Poland.

Facebook is reportedly thinking of ways to incorporate health into their array of services. Here's how it will work: If you get a cut or a bruise or something, take a picture of it and post it. If it gets more than 100 likes, you're cured.

The New York Post says that Oscar Wilde is responsible for Kim Kardashian’s rise to fame because he was the first person "famous for being famous." When asked her thoughts about it, Kim said, "Is Oscar the one that lives in a trash can?"

This Date In History: 1869; The 14th president of the United States, Franklin Pierce, died in Concord, New Hampshire. 1871; The Great Fire of Chicago started. That same day in Peshtigo, Wisconsin, the worst forest fire in U.S. history also began.

1934; Bruno Hauptmannn was indicted for the murder of Charles Lindbergh's baby. 1945; President Harry Truman announced the U.S. would share the secret of the atomic bomb only with Great Britain and Canada.

1956; Don Larsen of the New York Yankees pitched the first and only perfect game in a World Series. 2004; Martha Stewart began her prison sentence at Alderson Federal Prison Camp.

2005; A 7.6 magnitude earthquake centered in the Pakistani-controlled part of the Kashmir region killed more than 80,000 and injured 65,000.

Picture Of The Day: Talk about bad timing. The Dallas Weekly came up with one of the most poorly timed covers in memory.

Just as the city is cleaning up and sterilizing the places where Ebola victim Thomas Duncan visited after returning from Liberia, the magazine published online their latest issue, featuring the sure to be infamous cover and headline "Taste of Africa Comes To Dallas."

The issue was not only published online, but an email blast was sent out announcing it. That email went out on September 25, and was also tweeted from the Magazine's account.

Obviously the issue was designed and scheduled before news broke of the Dallas Ebola victim. Duncan arrived in Dallas on the September 20th and went to the hospital on the same day the issue went out. He was not diagnosed until five days later. Duncan died today.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When Brother Kirt and I were young, we liked to play in the sandbox, but the cat kept covering us up. 2) My friend joined a bridge club. He jumps off next Tuesday.  3) I've been trying to figure out why is there is an expiration date on sour cream. 4) You know you're getting older when you're afraid to cough in an elevator because you're unsure of which end it will come out. 5) When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Libra - October 8th: Keep an open mind because you may be getting a compliment from a member of the opposite sex that you may not understand. As long as it does not involve a whip, handcuffs and a gerbil, go with it. It'll probably be fun. Chance of romance is 44.57 percent. It can be higher if you don't mind the handcuffs.

Birthdays: Emily Blackwell, physician 1826, Edward Rickenbacker, war hero and airline executive 1890, Juan Perón, president of Argentina 1895, Frank Herbert, writer 1920, Chevy Chase, comedian 1943, R.L. Stine, writer 1943, Dennis Kucinich, political figure 1946, Sigourney Weaver, actress 1949, Matt Damon, actor 1970.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two male friends are out golfing one Saturday afternoon. After finishing one hole, they wait for the two women who are ahead of them at the next hole to finish. They wait a few minutes, but soon get irritated at the amount of time the women are taking to play the hole.

One of the men decides that enough is enough. He tells his friend, "I'm going to go up there and tell those two to hurry up!" He starts walking towards the women but after getting halfway there, he returns to his friend.

His friend asks, "What's wrong?" He says, "I can't go over there. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress." His friend tells him, "That's okay, I'll go talk to them." He too starts walking towards the women but after getting halfway there, he too returns to his friend. He says, "Small world....."

Two old ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes. She just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A guy is sitting alone in a bar nursing his drink. The bartender is at the other end of the bar cleaning a glass. The guy suddenly hears a little whisper of a voice that says, "Nice hat." He looks around but he’s the only one nearby. He thinks nothing of it and keeps drinking.

A few minutes later he hears this same voice, "Nice shirt." Now he’s getting a little paranoid because there’s still no one else in the bar. He calls the bartender over and orders another drink. Several minutes later he hears the voice say, "Nice tie." He just about loses it.

He calls the bartender over and says, "Man, I'm going crazy! I keep hearing voices!" The bartender asks, "What are they saying?" The guys says, "Nice hat, nice shirt, nice tie." The bartender says, "Ah, it’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary."

 A group of nuns are lined up to confess to the priest. The first nun says, "Father, I have sinned. I looked at a man naked." The priest says, "Put holy water on your eyes and say 10 hail Marys."

The next nun comes up and says, "Father, I have sinned. I touched a naked man in a sexual manner." The priest says, "Was your hands in holy water and say 20 hail Marys."

The third nun approaches the priest and is about to speak when is a clamoring from the back of the church. Another nun comes running in going, "Wait!"

The priest says, "What’s wrong?!" The nun replies, "I need to gargle the holy water before Sister Nancy sticks her ass in it."

That's it for today, my little love bugs. Remember, do not allow tequila to be your downfall. The worm does not justify the hangover. It's time to head over to AREA 51 for happy hour. See 'ya there!

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Happy Birthday Dad !

Today is my father's birthday. He was born in Alabama in 1911, married my mother in 1938, raised three children and passed away at age 76. I never met anyone who didn't like my Dad. He was one of the guys, yet women seemed to like him, as well.

Dad insisted on respect for family and instilled the basics in us at an early age. Yes sir, no sir, yes ma'am, no ma'am, please and thank you were a requirement. Respect for my mom was a commandment and woe be unto he or she that made the mistake of disrespect. I only got two or three whippings in my time, but I can tell you what they were for and why, to this day, I will never do them again.

Lake Okeechobee - 1972 - Day One

My favorite story about my dad was the time he and mom went to Lake Okeechobee for some fishing and relaxation. We would speak by phone every night and I'd always asked him about the fishing.

Each night, it was the same story, no one was catching anything. Then he would say, "But, I told them all, 'You just wait 'til my son comes up this weekend. We'll catch bass, I guarantee it!.'"I'm thinking to myself, "Lord, I'm gonna need a favor."

Saturday morning, we headed out to a spot that always produced for me in the past and I let Dad take the first cast. The lure hit the water and a two pound bass nailed it. Instead of casting myself, I helped Dad boat his bass and put it on the stringer.

By the time, I had put the bass on the stringer and tied it to the boat, Dad had another bass on. Again, I netted the yearling bass, put it on the stringer, reached for my rod and "Boom!", Dad had another bass on.

Lake Okeechobee - 1972 - Day Two

After Dad's sixth bass was on the stringer and he was bringing in number seven, I reached for my rod and made a cast. Dad said, "Aren't you going to net the bass for me?" I said, "Hell, no! Boat it yourself! I'm going to cast and get me one before you catch all of them!" Dad just laughed.

Needless to say, when we got back to camp, Dad made sure he paraded out the catch in front of everyone he knew. We got twenty-two bass on the first day and twenty-one on day two. Note the pictures of each day and you can see I wore a crew neck t-shirt on one day and a V-neck the other. Dad was prouder than a peacock and I was happy to be there and see Mom and Dad have a good trip.....

The News As I See It: Israel and Hamas both fired on one another during the five-hour humanitarian period yesterday, the U.N. secretary general said both sides "mostly respected" the cease-fire. That's like leaving the house without pants and saying you're "mostly dressed."

The U.S. - Mexico border crisis continues. A new poll shows the majority of Americans disapprove of how Obama is dealing with immigration. Of course, those numbers could change if he lets more people into America.

The polar vortex is causing the Midwest to experience fall-like temperatures. I can't tell if climate change is still a problem or if God just put the Earth on "Shuffle."

They want to allow Obama to be able to instantly interrupt TV broadcasts whenever there's breaking news. Obama said, "And I mean real breaking news, not that CNN crap."

Germany has now won four World Cup soccer championships. They are still O-2 in world wars, though.

The world is in turmoil. Israel and Hamas are fighting with each other, The border is overrun with illegal aliens from Central America. So, other than rhetoric and fund raising, what does Obama do?

WASHINGTON -- On Monday, Obama will sign an executive order banning workplace discrimination against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender workers of federal contractors and the federal government.

The executive order has two components: It prohibits federal contractors from discriminating against employees based on sexual orientation or gender identity -- a move that affects 24,000 companies employing roughly 28 million workers, or about one-fifth of the nation's workforce -- and it explicitly bans discrimination against federal employees based on their gender identity.

Way to go Barry! Your leadership is reaching a new low!

This Date In History: 64; A great fire began that ultimately destroyed most of Rome. The emperor Nero blamed it on Christians and began the first Roman persecution of them.

1925; The first volume of Adolf Hitler's Mein Kampf was published. 1936; The Spanish Civil War began. 1947; President Harry S. Truman signed the Presidential Succession Act.

1976; 14-year-old Romanian gymnast Nadia Comaneci earned the first perfect score, a ten, at the Olympics and went on to score six more tens and win three gold medals. 1999; New York Yankee David Cone pitched the 16th perfect game in baseball history.

Picture Of The Day: Another Obama democrat.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Pot delivery services has tripled in the last three years because more states are easing their marijuana laws. The first person who combines that with a pizza delivery service will be our country's first trillionaire. 2) If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami? 3) Honk if you love Jesus and text while driving if you want to meet him. 4) If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap. 5) The difference between Congress and a federal prison is that one is filled with liars, thieves, tax evaders and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Cancer - July 18th: Less than a year will go by before you realize that the love you are currently experiencing is unlikely to ever be shared by your mate. All is not lost, however, as they will break their toe in a skiing accident.

Birthdays: My Dad in heaven - Happy Birthday 1911, Robert Hooke physicist, mathematician and inventor 1635, William Thackeray, novelist 1811, Jessamyn West, novelist 1902, S. I. Hayakawa, scholar, former U.S. Senator 1906, Nelson Mandela, South African political leader 1918, John Glenn, astronaut 1921, Dick Button, figure skater 1929, Yevgeny Yevtushenko, poet 1933.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man was walking down the road and saw his Afghanistan neighbor, Abdul, standing on his second floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. He shouted up to him, "What's wrong, Abdul? Won't it start?"

A man enters a Roman Catholic Church confessional booth in Washington, D.C. He says to the priest, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat up an Obama supporter who was insulting an old woman for her political views."

The Priest replied, "My son, I'm here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service."
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room.

Finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope you don't mind Johnny being in there." The doctor calmly, "No, he'll quiet down when he gets to the poisons."

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, the dentist says, "That tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "No way! I hate needles. I'm not having any shot!" The dentist says, "Okay, we'll have to go with the gas." The man replies, "Absolutely not! It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "Here, take this pill." The man asks, "What is it?" The dentist replies, "Viagra."

The man looks surprised. He asks, "Will that kill the pain?" The dentist replies, "No, but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"

That's it for today, my little Pez dispensers. Remember, many chose the path less traveled, but most of them are mainly just lost. Today's a good day to head over to AREA 51 for happy hour. Then again, every day is a good day to go to happy hour!

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !