Don't Spit Too High

In a Fox News interview, former Speaker Newt Gingrich was asked by Megyn Kelly if Donald Trump is a sexual predator. Gingrich accused Kelly of being more fascinated with sex than public policy. There has been a running Kelly-Trump feud and it looks like Newt wanted to join in.

I was mildly amused at the exchange between the two as Megyn Kelly provocatively posed for GQ magazine (above) in 2010 and Newt Gingrich had an affair in 1993 with a House of Representatives staffer while still married. I don't think I would have brought up the subject of "sex" if it were me, but I digress.

The exchange between the two got heated as Gingrich accused Kelly and the rest of the media of giving outsized attention to allegations of sexually inappropriate conduct lodged against Trump from 11 women. Kelly disagreed, insisting that her show has covered all the issues.

Gingrich retorted, "You want to go back through the tapes of your show recently. You are fascinated with sex, and you don’t care about public policy. That’s what I get out of watching your show tonight."

Kelly fired back, pointing to polls that show the issue is important to voters, particularly women, "Mr. Speaker, I’m not fascinated by sex but I am fascinated by the protection of women and understanding what we’re getting in the Oval Office."

It continued from there, with a dare from Gingrich and a taunt from Kelly. Gingrich: "And therefore we’re going to send Bill Clinton back to the East Wing. I want to hear you use the words ‘Bill Clinton, sexual predator.’ I dare you."

Kelly: "We on 'The 'Kelly File' have covered the Clinton matter as well. We’re going to have to leave it at that and you can take your anger issues and spend some time working on them, Mr. Speaker."

Gingrich: "You too."

The News As I See It: Hillary went to a fundraiser in New York City that was attended by Stevie Wonder. And even Stevie was like, "Let me guess — loud orange pantsuit?"

Samsung recently announced that people who turn in their recalled Galaxy Note 7 phones will be eligible for a free Note 8 next year when it debuts. Customers said, "I'm not falling for it. I've been burned by Samsung before."

Hillary's voters are now more excited to vote for Hillary than Trump voters are to vote for Trump. Which is crazy because getting excited about Hillary is like getting excited about taking your car in for an oil change. It's not fun, but the alternative is your car bursting into flames.

Last Friday, Amazon, CNN, and Twitter were all down all over the United States. It’s a chilling day that will one day be known in history as "Productive Friday."

This Date In History: 1793; Eli Whitney applied for a patent for the cotton gin. 1886; The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor by President Grover Cleveland. 1919; Congress passed the Volstead Act, or the National Prohibition Act, over President Woodrow Wilson's veto.

1922; Benito Mussolini took control of the government of Italy. 1940; Italy invaded Greece during World War II. 1958; A new pope was elected—Pope John XXIII. 1962; Nikita Khrushchev told the U.S. that he had ordered the dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba.

Picture Of The Day: Today is National Chocolate Day, but I must confess, every day is national chocolate day for me.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Which side of the plate does the cell phone go on? 2) My friend got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at him so loud, he nearly fell in. 3) You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning. 4) I know it's been a while since I cleaned my house, but bringing in those blindfolded people for a Febreeze commercial wasn't funny. 5) My next door neighbor just accused me of stealing articles from her clothes line. I nearly shit her pants.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - : Horoscopes have always had a tendency to be wrong for you, but today's will be a peach. The partner of your dreams will realize you are worthy of attention today. Stock up on alcohol and remember to change the sheets.

Birthdays: Eliphalet Remington, gun manufacturer 1793, Auguste Escoffier, authority on cooking 1846, Gilbert H. Grosvenor, editor 1875, Edith Head, fashion designer 1897, Evelyn Waugh, novelist 1903, Jonas Salk, American physician and microbiologist 1914, Dennis Franz, actor 1944, Bill Gates, computer industry pioneer 1955, Julia Roberts, actress 1967 Brad Paisley, singer, songwriter 1972, Joaquin Phoenix, actor 1974.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A hooded robber burst into a bank and, at gunpoint, forced the tellers to load their cash into a plain brown bag. As the robber approached the door, one brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber's face.

Without a moment's hesitation, the robber shot the customer. He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot her also.

Everyone in the bank, by now horrified, stared down at the floor in silence. The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?" There was a long moment of dead silence in which everyone was terrified to speak.

Then, one old man named Murray cautiously raised his hand and said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you....."

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs...enough times until her husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" With a seductive smile, the woman purred, "Yes."

Her husband says, "Thank God, for a moment, I thought the stuffing was coming out of the sofa."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Scenario: A man is walking down the streets of Washington, D.C. with his wife and two small children. Suddenly, a thug with a huge knife comes around the corner and charges him. The man is carrying a Glock 45 and he is an expert shot. He has mere seconds before the thug reaches him and his family. What do you do?

Liberal Answer: "Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?"

Conservative Answer: Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

Southerner's Answer: Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! click....(sounds of reloading). Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! click....

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'' The man said, I see. Whose clock is that?''

St. Peter said, "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'' The man said, "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln 's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.''

The man then asked, "Where's Obama 's clock?" St. Peter said, "Obama's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

That's it for today, my little Goblins. Remember, If you take the Ginko, you might be able to remember where you put the Viagra......

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