Memories Of The Vietnam Era

It was the summer of 1963 and my friend Pete and I left Miami for Bessemer, Alabama to take some things to Red Farmer, one of the original Alabama Gang founders. I had only heard of the Vietnam War.

It was a great summer, working on Red's race car and racing at Dixie, Montgomery and Birmingham International speedways. We skied, swam and fished in the Warrior River with Red, Joan and the Farmer family, along with Jackie and Faye Evans and Donnie Allison. Although we had a ski boat, Red also brought up his airboat and it was funny to see the reactions of people who had never seen one.

Pete and I returned to Miami three months later and although every man had to register for the draft, politics and war were not the highest topic of conversation, especially when you're 18 years old. My first job paid $5 dollars a day and I got a raise after two weeks to $6 dollars a day. Not much money considering I took a bus to work.

Later, I found a job at Pierce-Simpson Plastics that paid $1.25 and hour and in November, John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas. Some time after that, I got a better paying job and eventually bought my first car, a two door midnight blue Ford coupe. It was a stick shift, which I immediately converted to floor shift.

One day, I got a notice from the draft board to come for a physical, which made me very nervous. after a few calls to my buddies, it turns out that all my buddies were getting the same letters. It was then that I started really perusing the news. One by one, my buddies either joined the armed forces or were drafted.

Fortunately, my brother and close friends came back safely, but a lot of men came home in black plastic bags. In all. more than 58,000 men and women gave their lives in Vietnam, along the missing-in-action and the countless others who were wounded.

Today, I give my honor and respect to the veterans of the Vietnam War, along with the heroes of all of the wars who laid everything on the line to defend America.

The News As I See It: Pope Francis brought a rabbi and a Muslim leader with him when he traveled to the Holy Land this week. Or as bartenders put it, "We've been expecting you."

Spoiler Alert: In the new "Godzilla" they're finally able to control Godzilla when New Jersey Governor Chris Christie closes down the George Washington Bridge.

After an earthquake damaged the Washington Monument, they had to do some sandblasting, have the graffiti removed and fill in the cracks with some sort of sealant. It's the same thing they're doing right now for Hillary Clinton."

This Date In History: 1521; Martin Luther's writings were banned by the Edict of Worms. 1868; President Andrew Johnson avoided conviction for impeachment charges of "high crimes and misdemeanors" by one vote.

1940; Allied troops began the massive naval evacuation of troops from Dunkirk, France, during World War II. 1959; Pittsburgh Pirates’ Harvey Haddix pitched 12 perfect innings against the Milwaukee Braves before losing, 1–0, in the 13th.

1977; George Willig, "the human fly," scaled the World Trade Center in New York City by attaching himself to the window washer mechanism and walking straight up until falling into police custody when he reached the top. It took Willig three and a half hours to make the climb, and $1.10 in fine, a penny per floor.

1978; The first legal casino to be operated in the United States outside of Nevada was opened in Atlantic City. 2003 Rwandans voted to approve a new constitution that instituted a balance of power between Hutu and Tutsi.

2011; Ratko Mladic, the former Bosnian Serb general responsible for the massacre of over 8,000 Muslims at Srebrenica in 1995, is found and arrested in Lazarevo, a farming town north of Belgrade, Serbia.

Picture Of The Day: The fallen.....never forget.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My therapist told me "Time heals all wounds". So I stabbed him and now we wait... 2) After having lived in terror all these years, Gloria Estefan's threat finally came true. I turned on my car radio and was brutally attacked by the rhythm. 3) I shot my first turkey Sunday. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section. 4) For the past two nights my stomach sounds like cat purring when I lay down. I'm terrified to Web MD this. I'm too young to have kittens. 5) The Great Wall of China is one of the 7 wonders of the world just because it's a Chinese product that's lasted more than a month.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - May 26th: Chin up, best foot forward, that is, assuming you know which foot is best. If not, give it your best guess.

Three times a lady is a hell of a lot of lady, you might think. But later on this week you might thinking, "Well, now that just seems like a fairly standard amount of lady." And if you think that, well then, I will have done my job.

Birthdays: Washington Augustus Roebling, engineer 1837, Isadora Duncan, dancer 1878, Al Jolson actor, singer 1886, Dorothea Lange ,photographer 1895, John Wayne, actor 1907, Miles Davis musician 1926, Stevie Nicks singer 1948,
  

Dr. Sally K. Ride, American astronaut, the first American woman to travel outside the Earth's atmosphere. Her outer space voyage on the Challenger from June 18-23, 1983, was the third in the history of space exploration by a female astronaut or cosmonaut. She was preceded by two women in the Soviet space program, Valentina Tereshkova (1963) and Svetlana Savitskaya (1982) 1951.


The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An old guy walks into a doctor's office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. The doctor asked,"What happened to you?"

The old guy said, "Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and she accidentally hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow's ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that's when I made my mistake."

The doctor looked puzzled and asked, "What mistake was that?" The old guy answered, "I said, 'Hey this looks like yours hun!'"

A man was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, an animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it ‘Are you the one who killed my brother?’"

The man replied, "Deer aren’t capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the Democrats in Congress."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "Where Am I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "You Are In A Helicopter."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steer to the Seattle airport and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "You Are In A Helicopter" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless reply.

A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. A couple of weeks later the friend comes by to see how his investment is doing.

The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't look at the cows. His friend suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull. The following week his friend returns to see if the vet helped.

The farmer looks delighted and says, "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows! His friend says, "Wow! What did the vet do to that bull?"

The farmer said, "He just gave him some pills'." His friend asked, "What  kind of pills?" The farmer said, "I don't know, but they sort of taste like peppermint."

That's it for today, my little buffalo chips. Remember, thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

Memorial Day 2014 - Remember The Troops

Take the time this Memorial Day Weekend to remember the wounded and fallen soldiers, both past and present, of the Armed Forces. Moreover, remember the wounded warriors that continue to wait medical attention by the corrupt VA hospitals.

Ten years of war have created a backlog of soldiers who need attention and no president and no congress have ever seem to have the guts to address this appalling problem. Despite the flowery, meaningless speeches by Obama and Bush, the problem continues to grow.

The terrorist prisoners at Guantanamo Bay and countless illegal aliens receive better care and attention than the brave men and women who protect us. The government should be ashamed of themselves.

Memorial Day is a US federal holiday wherein the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces are remembered. The holiday, which is celebrated every year on the final Monday of May, was formerly known as Decoration Day and originated after the American Civil War to commemorate the Union and Confederate soldiers who died in the Civil War.

By the 20th century, Memorial Day had been extended to honor all Americans who have died while in the military service. I am proud to have served in the U.S. Army as well as my brother (Army) and my father (Coast Guard). God bless us all.....

For the auto racing fans, this is a big weekend beginning with Nascar Nationwide racing from the Charlotte Motor Speedway on Saturday. The Indianapolis 500 will be run on Sunday afternoon and the Charlotte 600 will be run on Sunday night.

The News As I See It: CNN had to fire an editor after discovering that she plagiarized 50 stories. CNN said, "Can you imagine if somebody actually saw them?"

A high school girl invited Joe Biden to be her prom date. Isn't that nice? However, her father is refusing to let her go with a guy who can't really describe what he does for a living.

According to a new survey, fewer than 2 percent of hiring managers said they were actively recruiting graduates with liberal arts degrees. Said liberal arts graduates, "Latte for Karen."

It’s Fleet Week, when New York City plays host to the crews of three U.S. Navy ships and two Coast Guard clippers. I hope all the troops have a great week because next week is Penicillin Week.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's car was involved in a DUI. Somehow a woman named LeAnne McRobb wound up in his car. A McRobb ? It's half Rob Ford, half McRib.
 

The tomb of the Unknown Soldier

This Date In History: 1430; Joan of Arc was captured by the Burgundians and subsequently sold to the English. 1788; South Carolina became the 8th state in United States. 1830; The Baltimore and Ohio Railroad began the first passenger service in the United States.

1873; The North West Mounted Police force was formed in Canada. It would later be known as the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. 1911; The New York Public Library, at the time the largest marble structure ever built in the United States, was dedicated by President Taft in New York City after 16 years of construction.

1934; Bonnie (Parker) and Clyde (Barrow) were killed in a police shootout. 1945; Heinrich Himmler, head of Adolf Hitler’s Gestapo, committed suicide while in prison. 1949; The German Federal Republic came into existence.

Picture Of The Day: It's more than just a weekend barbecue. This weekend allows us to celebrate the joys of life because of the men and women who gave their lives serving America.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for 5 minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice. 2) My cat ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles and now I gotta follow her around the house because it's her turn. 3) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. 4) When I see a young guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he's homeless or just tired from break dancing. 5) (Operator): "911" (Me): "My wife is going into labor, what do I do?" (Operator): "Relax sir, is this her first born?" (Me): "No, this is her husband.".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - May 23rd: Be careful of attractive people of the opposite sex seeking your seeking help. While your intent to help may be honorable, it may cause an argument. I once asked my girlfriend if she wanted help and she changed the subject and asked if a bear shits in the woods. Like I'm some sort of bear scientist or something.

Birthdays: Carolus Linnaeus, botanist 1707, Margaret Fuller, American writer and lecturer 1810, Alfred Pritchard Sloan, Jr., businessman and philanthropist 1875, Douglas Fairbanks, actor 1883, John Bardeen, physicist 1908, Anatoly Karpov, chess master 1951, Jewel singer, songwriter 1974.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Wally and his wife Diane listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Wally leaned over, touched Diane's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it honey?" And thus began Wally's life of celibacy....

 It was Saturday morning and John was just about to set off on a round of golf when he realized that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine was coming around at noon.

John heads back to the clubhouse and phones home. A little girl's voice answers, "Hello?"  John says, "Hi, honey, it's Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" The little girl replied, "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred."

After a brief pause, John says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Fred, honey!" The little girl says, "Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!" John says, "Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Fred that my car's just pulled up outside the house." The little girl said, "Okay, Daddy!"

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone and says "Well, I did what you said, Daddy." John says, "And what happened?" The little girl said, "Well, Mommy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."

John said, "Oh, my God! What about Uncle Fred?" The little girl answered, "He jumped out of bed, too. He was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."

There is a long pause. "Swimming pool? Is this 555-3097?"
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two hookers were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "Two hookers....$50.00" A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying, "Jesus Saves". They asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, "Well, that's a little different, it pertains to religion."

So the two women took their sign down and took off. The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two women driving around with a large sign on their car again.

Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read..."Two Angels Seeking Peter.....$50.00."

A highway patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hair in his crotch.

Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that takes everything with it when you pull it off. Written in large red letters across the tape was the sentence, "Get well quick. From the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."

That's it for today, my little sweet peas. Remember, some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg and some days you're that guy who hit the propeller on the way down. A visit to AREA 51 for happy hour is clearly an excellent choice.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !