Keep In Mind That If You Want To Dance, You Have To Pay The Band !

There's a good reason why certain celebrations are only once a year. Halloween and New Year's Eve are probably two of the best examples. I'm not sure why, but these celebrations have a tendency to change normal, everyday people into totally different characters...a Jekyll and Hyde phenomenon, if you will. On the other hand, veteran party-goers, have a tendency to forget the the physical effects caused by two consecutive nights of wearing the proverbial lampshade as a hat. I fall into the latter category.

I partied in AREA 51 both Friday and Saturday nights, going to both Lakes Cafe and The Billiards Club. While there were many creative costumes worn by a bevy of attractive ladies, there are always a few who are confused by the word "creative" and rely on their own skills to come up with an idea. Both evenings were fun and Father James did in fact hear a few confessions, which were quickly absolved, the penitence being two bloody marys.

The fact that seems to continually slip from my grasp is the physical tab, which is normally presented to me on the morning of day three. That tab, in fact, was higher than expected and I spent the majority of the day looking for body parts. You'd think that after many years of parties that one would remember the cost of paying the piper.....

The Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award had one nomination by Garnett, who nominated Charles Bizilj. At a gun fair with an instructor watching, Bizilj's 8-year-old son aimed an Uzi at a pumpkin and pulled the trigger as his father reached for a camera. It was his first time shooting a fully automatic machine gun, and the recoil of the weapon was too much for him. He lost control and fatally shot himself in the head.

While I feel for Mr. Bizilj's loss, the total lunacy of allowing an eight-year-old boy even go near a firearm is beyond me. The CAT Award goes to Charles Bizilj.

This Date In History 1867: At Mentana, Italian nationalist Guiseppe Garibaldi, in his final battle for Italian unification, is defeated and captured by a combined Franco-Papal army. 1903: Panama issues a declaration of independence from Colombia. 1954: Henri Matisse, the French artist and leader of the Fauvists, dies in Nice, at age 84. 1957: The dog Laika becomes the first living creature to travel in space, on board Sputnik 2.

Picture Of The Day Tomorrow, we elect a new president. While neither of the candidates meet my expectations, I sincerely hope that the silent majority stands up and makes their voices heard. In the interim, perhaps today's graphic will lend itself toward explaining why the majority needs to stand up.

Birthdays Stephen Austin, early American leader of Texas 1793 Karl Baedeker, German book publisher 1801 Vincenzo Bellini, Italian composer 1801 Michael Dukakis, American politician 1933.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tell your fortune. So, she thought to herself "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me." She went over to the machine and put her nickel in, and out came a card that said, "You're a nun. You weigh 128 pounds and your are going to Chicago, Illinois." She sat back down and thought about it.

She told herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, but decided to try it again. She went back to the machine and put her nickel in. Out came a card that read, "You're a nun. You weigh 128 pounds and you are going to Chicago, Illinois and you enjoy hearing fiddle music." The nun said to herself, "I know that's wrong, I have never listened to fiddle music a day in my life." She sat down again.

From nowhere, a cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down next to her. He picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music. Startled, she looked back at the machine and said "This is incredible. I've got to try it again". Back to the machine.

She put her nickel in and another card came out. It said "You're a nun, you weigh 128 pounds, you're going to Chicago, Illinois and you're going to break wind". Now, the nun knows the machine is wrong "I never broke wind in public a day in my life!" Well, she tripped, fell off the scales and broke wind. Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine.

She said to herself "This is truly unbelievable! I've got to try it again." She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and collected the card. It said "You're a nun, you weigh 128 pounds and you have fiddled and farted around so long that you missed your flight to Chicago."

It's your decision tomorrow, my friends. As good citizens, much like my patriotic friend above, go out and make your vote count.

That's it for today, my little turtle doves. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !