A Dollar To A Doughnut? That Used To Be A Good Deal !

I should have suspected something when I saw a policeman with a white powdery substance on his moustache, but I looked away. I was more concerned about getting to happy hour in AREA 51 than worrying about a policeman with a possible substance abuse problem.

It didn't hit me that the parking lot at Dunkin' Donuts was overly populated with police patrol cars on Friday, but again, my only concern was that Johnny Walker Black was two for one until 8:00 pm. The cause.....always the damned cause. Sometimes I don't see the forest for the trees. It was yesterday that everything finally came together for me. Of course, the news story that I was watching helped a bit, as well.

You see, my little chocolate eclairs, last Friday, June 5th, was National Doughnut Day and many American doughnut (aka donut) stores offer free doughnuts on Doughnut Day. Aha! That explains the over abundance of squad cars at Dunkin' Doughnuts on Friday and gives the policeman with the white powdery adornment on his moustache a plausible defense.

The thought that I missed a free, fresh from the oven, Krispy Kreme doughnut and a hot cup of coffee on Friday irritates me to no end. Certainly, the odds would have been a better at my being arrested on outstanding warrants for impersonating a writer, but I would have been willing to take that chance. But, I didn't know.....I just didn't know.

You would think that Obama would have seized National Doughnut Day and tried to claim it as part of his stimulus package, but he was too busy recovering from his World Apology Tour. Vice President Joe Biden, in his own Dan Qualesque way, was not aware of NDD either but on a conference call Monday with reporters, Biden did claim that the planned Hudson River tunnel between New Jersey and Midtown Manhattan would provide a much-anticipated route for automobiles. The only problem, Joe, is that the tunnel is for trains, not automobiles. Like the Energizer Bunny, "Unaware Joe" just keeps gaffing and gaffing and gaffing......

National Doughnut Day ( a real holiday) started in 1938 as a fund raiser for the Chicago Salvation Army. Their goal was to help the needy during the Great Depression, and to honor the Salvation Army “Lassies” of World War I, who served doughnuts to soldiers behind the front lines in France. Soon after the US entrance into WWI in 1917, the Salvation Army sent a fact-finding mission to France. The mission concluded that “huts” that could serve baked goods, provide writing supplies and stamps, and provide a clothes-mending service, would serve the needs of US enlisted men.

Because of the difficulties of providing freshly-baked goods from huts established in abandoned buildings near to the front lines, two Salvation Army volunteers (Ensign Margaret Sheldon and Adjutant Helen Purviance) came up with the idea of providing doughnuts. These are reported to have been an “instant hit”, and “soon many soldiers were visiting Salvation Army huts”.

National Doughnut Day falls annually on the first Friday of June, so keep your eyes peeled next June for an abundance of police squad cars parked at or near your local Krispy Kreme or Dunkin' Donut shops.

Odds And Ends: Talk about your appropriate titles, today's Odd is American Idol runner-up, Adam Lambert. In an article in Rolling Stone Magazine, Lambert anounced that he was gay ( your kidding? ). Lambert went on to say that he was tempted to announce that he was gay but decided to wait on the Rolling Stone interview ( Damn, Adam, we'd have never known. You go girl! ).

Texas constable Richard McCain (no relation to Senator John) tasered a 72 year old great grandmother. Kathryn Winkfein apparently so frightened the law-enforcement officer when she "used some profanity" and "got violent" that he felt it necessary to subdue her with a potentially dangerous jolt of electricity.

Winkfein was reportedly doing 60 in a construction zone where the posted speed limit was 45 when she was pulled over. She was ticketed but declined to sign the ticket, leading the police officer to place her under arrest lest civilization collapse. The End ( as in Cat's Ass ) is brave officer MCCain, who obviously didn't have his morning cup of coffee and Dunkin Donut.

The brave officer Richard McCain at his finest hour. How he mustered the coverage to take the dangerous Kathryn Weinkein off the streets of Texas is beyond belief.

This Date In History: 1190; Holy Roman Emperor Frederick I, also known as Frederick Barbarossa, drowns while crossing a river in what is now Turkey on a crusade to the Holy Land. 1194; Fire destroys all but the west front of Chartres Cathedral, France; its reconstruction, which begins the same year, heralds the birth of the High Gothic style of architecture.

1793; The world’s first purpose-built public zoo, the Ménagerie du Jardin des Plantes, opens in Paris. 1829; Oxford win the first-ever University Boat Race against Cambridge.

1935; Two recovering alcoholics, Bill W. and Dr. Bob S., found Alcoholics Anonymous in Akron, Ohio, to help each other stay sober. 1942; The Czech town of Lidice is “liquidated” in reprisal for the assassination of the German deputy chief of the SS, Reinhard Heydrich.

Picture Of The Day: Doughnuts, what else? Of course they're pictures with the normal Jimmy's Journal slant, but I know you would expect nothing less.

Birthdays: Gustave Courbet, French painter 1819, Terrence Rattigan, playwright 1911, Saul Bellow, American novelist 1915, Judy Garland, American actor and singer 1922, Robert Maxwell, publisher and criminal 1923, Maurice Sendak, American writer and illustrator 1928.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I find it humanly impossible for a man who resembles a walrus to have "abs of steel" after twelve months, much less twelve weeks. 2) CNN has a new obsession, temporarily shelving Barack Obama as their god of worship. It seems every news anchor now has a Facebook, Twitter and My Space page. I guess that if you can't win new fans with slanted and biased reporting, you can at least be a friend. 3) Methinks that if you are so stupid and shallow as to text while driving, you deserve the consequences. Hopefully, you will be alone when you hit the tree. 4) I think there should be a way that you can assign numbers to all of your friends and family, whose sons and daughters now have sons and daughters, as well. In this manner, you can quickly look in your program, similar to a program at a football game, to see who in the hell "Little Larry" is and who he belongs to. 5) I wonder who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its ass."

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

In the back woods of Kentucky, a farmer's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here you hold this high so I can see what I am doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. The doctor said, "Whoa there, don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered another baby girl. The doctors said "Wait, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

The farmer scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride. A ways down the road, the truck driver saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He turned the truck on a direct course with the lawyer.

Then he thought "Oh no, I have a priest in the truck. I can't run down this lawyer" and at the last second the truck driver swerved to miss the lawyer. The truck driver heard a thump outside of the truck and looked in his rear-view mirror, but didn't see anything.

He turned to the priest and said "Sorry Father, I just missed that lawyer at the side of the road." The priest said "Don't worry son, I got him with my door"

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe

That's it for today my little cruellers. It's Hump Day and a trip to AREA 51 is the order of the day. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !