Government Shutdown? I Thought It Already Had !

Don't fall for political phony tax cut tricks, commonly referred to as "creative accounting." That's where politicians promise not to spend possible future monies and government accountants considered that a "tax cut." Both Democrat and Republican plans utilize "creative accounting".

The debt reduction plan introduced by Sen. Harry Reid (D) of Nevada, the Senate majority leader, assumes the government will save $1 trillion over 10 years by winding down the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and saving an additional $180 billion in interest payments from not continuing to have big war-related expenses. Reid's plan extends the debt ceiling past the 2012 election, which is a major reason why Obama supports it.

Speaker of the House John Boehner (R) has a two step plan which also includes the same $1 trillion "savings" in tax cuts. Boehner's plan would also establish a joint Congressional committee to identify savings in the future. The proposals of the 12 member panel of House and Senate members would be guaranteed an up or down vote in the Senate by the end of the year.

Uh.....guess what, kiddies? The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are winding down anyway. These future savings are already in America's coffers, so how is that a "tax cut" Quite frankly, ideas like this "creative financing" is the reason why no one trusts the president, congress and all politicians, in general. Bottom line? How do you know when a politician is lying? His lips are moving!

In Other News: If the debt ceiling isn’t raised by August 2, the whole country can go into default and we won’t be able to pay our bills. Then we’ll have to ask our parents for money, which will be very embarrassing. President Obozo urged the American people to call Congress and demand that both parties work together on a compromise. The calls cost 99 cents for the first minute, and a trillion dollars for each additional minute.

The News As I See It: The newest trend in Washington, D.C. and other cities is flash robberies. That's where large groups of urban thugs organize, meet outside a store or business, rush in overwhelming the clerks and run out with thousands of dollars of merchandise. No word yet from civil rights leader Al Sharpton as to any violations of the thugs' civil rights.

OnC NN, Tim Pawlenty accused President Obozo of "hiding in the basement" during debt ceiling talks. While Joe O'Biden accused President Obozo of "locking him in the basement" during debt ceiling talks.

News reports say that if we don’t raise the debt ceiling, we could lose our AAA rating. Why doesn’t that auto club mind its own business?

Cowboys and Aliens is supposed to be the next big movie blockbuster. Doesn't that sound like a game Arnold Schwarzenegger would play with his maid?

Texas Governor Rick Perry now says his wife has been encouraging him to run for President. He first told us God told him to run. Now his wife is telling him to run. The big difference is if you ignore what God says you don't have to hear about it until the afterlife.

More bad news for former Senator John Edwards – an audit of his campaign finances shows he now owes the federal government $2.3 million. Apparently he spent money on everything except condoms.

The TSA is no longer going to use that scanner that shows passengers in the nude. They made an executive decision yesterday after Aretha Franklin boarded a flight at Los Angeles Airport.

Mick Jagger is 68 years old. He’s still out there touring, although now it’s more like "wandering off."

This Date In History: 1861; Union general George B. McClellan was put in command of the Army of the Potomac during the Civil War. 1940; Bugs Bunny made his debut in the cartoon "A Wild Hare". 1940; Billboard magazine published its first singles record chart (for the week of July 20).

1953; An armistice was signed ending the Korean War. 1974; The House Judiciary Committee voted to impeach Richard Nixon for obstructing justice in the Watergate case. 1995; The Korean War Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, DC.

1996; A pipe bomb exploded in an Atlanta park during the Olympic Games. 2003; Comedian Bob Hope died in his home, at the age of 100. 2003; Lance Armstrong won his fifth straight Tour de France, tying Miguel Indurain's record.

Picture Of The Day: Two things struck my attention during my picture search today. The first was of the Art Deco district in Miami Beach (below) and the other was my appreciation for the old TV show, "The Dukes Of Hazard" (waayy down below....). I never did care much for the TV show but I sure did like those "Daisy Dukes"!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets. 2) You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. 3) The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. 4) When in doubt, do what the President and Congress does......guess! 5) Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. Alas, I repeat myself.....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Leo - July 27th: I know you love those baked beans you ate for dinner last night, but you'll pay for eating them today. Well, they may not really bother you too much, but I wouldn't spend much time in close quarters or elevators today. That aside, today should be nice as long as you don't push your luck. Oh yeah, speaking of gas, you might want to stop by a service station today. While you're at it, check your tire pressure and for God's sake, buy one of those green piney things to hang on your rear view mirror.

Birthdays: Alexandre Dumas, French dramatist and novelist 1824, Leo Durocher, baseball player 1905, Norman Lear, television producer 1922, Bharati Mukherjee, writer 1940, Peggy Fleming, ice skater 1948.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Down south near Fredericksburg, Texas, where there is a large German-heritage population, a farmer walking down a country road noticed a man drinking from his pond with his hand. The farmer shouted, "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." (Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have shit in it.")

The man shouted back, "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak in English." The farmer replied, "Use two hands, you'll get more water."

Tommy was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?"

Grandma was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth and said, "Well, dear, it's called sexual intercourse. Little Tony said, "Oh, okay" and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called bunk beds and Billy's mom wants to talk to you."

An elderly man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed. Just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up.

The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look... lie here on the bed. You'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in and says, "What are you doing here!?" The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it." She went on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. She said, "They're not hanging Wright tonight." He whirled around and screamed, "For the love of God, woman, don't you ever stop?"

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: Somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying....'Congratulations on your new location!'"

A man had a ticket for the theater but when he was seated by the usher, he found that he was just too far from the stage. He whispered to the usher, "This is a mystery play and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a great tip."

The usher discreetly moves him up to the second row and the man hands the usher a crisp $1.00 bill. The usher looks at the dollar, frowns at him, then leans over and whispers......"The butler did it."

That's it for today my little gumdrops. Remember, everyone will believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but they'll always check when you say the paint is wet. I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !