Friendship

Friends are people that cannot be compared to acquaintances. In my time, I've had thousands of acquaintances. I treasure those people. But the difference is that a true friend is as reliable as the morning sunrise. Sometimes people speak about wealth, I've been wealthy, but I'd trade my wealth in a New York minute for a true friend.

In the words of old "Blue Eyes", "I've been up and down and over and out" and to be sure, a friend has always been there for me during the bad times. My true friends, who I will not mention by name, are always there when I need them and I try to return the favor when my friends are in need.

The lesson in life to be learned is that money is merely a vehicle which allows us to function. Moreover, the true lesson, life, sans wealth, can only be calculated by the number of friends one accumulates. The camaraderie entailed in true friendship has no monetary value, yet it enriches one's soul and purpose. I can't begin to tell you of the wealth of friends that completes my life and inspires me each day, God bless each and every one of you!

The News As I See It: As of today, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum all get Secret Service protection. Meanwhile, Ron Paul will get a can of mace.

Sandra Fluke got a call yesterday from Obama. He called her to thank her for her testimony and then Clinton called Obama to get her telephone number.

Now that Snooki is pregnant, somebody has to ask Rick Santorum, "Are you still against contraception?"

A new study says that people who smoke marijuana do not work as as hard as people who don't. The story comes from somewhere in Denmark, but I don't remember the details.

This Date In History: 1850; Daniel Webster gave a three-hour speech endorsing the Compromise of 1850. 1876; Alexander Graham Bell received a patent for the telephone. 1936; Adolf Hitler broke the Treaty of Versailles and the Locarno Pact when he ordered troops to march into the Rhineland.

1945; During World War II, U.S. troops crossed the bridge at Remagen, the first incursion into Germany by Allied forces. 1965; Peaceful civil rights demonstrators marching from Selma, Alabama are brutally attacked with billy clubs and tear gas by police on the Edmund Pettus Bridge. The event is later called "Bloody Sunday."

2004; V. Gene Robinson of New Hampshire was invested as the first openly gay Episcopal Church bishop. 2005; John R. Bolton was nominated by President Bush to be U.S. ambassador to the UN.

Picture Of The Day: A picture paints thousand words.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If you pushed your naked clone off the top of a tall building, would it be murder, suicide or merely making an obscene clone fall? 2) I got spam today stating that I had been selected for a complimentary psychic reading. Uh...duh! Didn't you know my answer before you sent it? 3) The difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale is that a northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." 4) Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once. 5) A lot of people have heard opportunity knocking at the door, but by the time they unlocked the chain, pushed back the bolt, turned two locks, and shut off the burglar alarm, it was gone.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 7th: The coast is clear, it's hump day and everything should turn out peachy keen today. That thing that's been troubling you will go away as well. Chances of romance are partly cloudy with a slight chance of rain. Don't pay attention and party on!

Birthdays: My friend Jennifer - Happy Birthday Baby! 19XX, Sir John Herschel, mathematician 1792, Luther Burbank, American Horticulturist 1849, Piet Mondrian, artist 1872, Maurice Ravel, composer 1875, Janet Guthrie, auto racer 1938, Michael Eisner, businessman 1942, Ivan Lendl, tennis player 1960.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by an older woman. He says, "Hello, I’m doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used the product?" The woman says, "Yes, my husband and I use it during sex."

The researcher is taken aback and saysm "Um, I admire you for your honesty, can you tell me exactly how you use it?" The old woman says, "Sure, we put it on the doorknob so the kids can’t get in."

An old woman was arrested for shoplifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" She replied, "A can of peaches." The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.

The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail." Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. He said," What is it? " The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets and for cereal. Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Billy, we won't be long, easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, Billy, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "Billy, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes. Stay cool, Billy."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it."

She continued, " That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. Billy is very lucky to have you as his grandpa." The grandfather says, "Thanks, but I'm Billy.......the little shit's name is Kevin."

A small town had two churches, a Presbyterian, a Methodist and a synagogue. All three had a serious problem with squirrels in their building. Each had a meeting on how to deal with the problem.

The Methodists decided they should deal with the squirrels lovingly in the style of Charles Wesley. They humanely trapped them and released them in a park at the edge of town. Within three days, they were all back in the church.

The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and that they would just have to live with them. The Jews had their solution. They voted the squirrels in as members. Now they only see them at Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

That's it for today, my little swizzle sticks. Remember, children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. It's hump day and I'm going happy hour at Mango Martini Restaurant and Lounge. I'll be in AREA 51 and I going to perform with the band. The lead singer is my pal Everett and the band is referred to as "The Mighty Band With No name." More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !