The Dreaded Facebook "Timeline" Change-Over Draws Near

Facebook is changing over to the new Timeline pages soon and every time I go to some one's page who is now using it, my computer goes apeshit. I'm really unsure as to why Facebook even likes this idea, but then again, I don't know why the American public elected two losers like Bush and Obama. I'm beginning to believe it's the "American Idol" and "Dancing with the Stars" effect.

Be that as it may, change constantly occurs and far be it from me to question that fact. I do think that technology is too much, too fast. Apple iPad users who purchased a new iPad in December now find their new product is no longer top of the line. That's called built-in obsolescence, the same theory behind the manufacturing of "new" cars.

For those of you on Facebook who may or may not have had a problem finding a suitable photo for the Timeline motif, I did happen to find a site where you can obtain ideas and free photos to put in the awful blank gap at the top of the page. Some of today's pictures are from the site. Here is the link: http://www.facebooktimelinebanners.com/

Meanwhile back in the school room, students can't read, write or speak correctly but they all know how to text. I assure you most of them have already changed to Timeline without problems. Maybe change should be dosed in spoonfuls instead of cramming it down one's throat and more time spent on teaching people the "art" of reading and writing. Then again, the job market always need more fast food workers.....

While at the funeral of her own mother, a woman met a man who she did not know. She thought he was "amazing". She believed him to be her dream partner so much that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What was her motive for killing her sister?
Answer: She was hoping the guy would appear again at her sister's funeral. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test developed by a famous American psychologist, used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.

If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you. If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off my e-mail list.

The News As I See It: Did you see the story about the mother duck and her ducklings helped through a a fence at the White House property? The Secret Service pushed the little ducks through the fence. Of course, the Secret Service checked to make sure the ducks had donated enough money to Obama's re-election campaign.

A new experimental cholesterol-fighting drug is now creating a huge buzz among researchers. They say this drug could be life changing. Well, not a moment too soon, huh? I mean, for a minute there, a lot of Americans thought they might have to start eating healthy.

Southwest Airlines just unveiled a new plane that can hold 175 passengers. Or as Southwest thinks of it, "a new plane that can hold 375 passengers.

At the White House last week, Obama and Michelle hosted a Saint Patrick's Day reception for the Irish prime minister. The prime minister made Obama an honorary Irishman. As a result, Obama awoke the next morning with a hangover and a job at the police department. They had a bartender pouring green beer, which is about as close as the White House has come to creating green jobs so far.

One of the things I like about former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich is that If you want to be governor of Illinois, of course you have to run. Then you have to get elected and then you have to go to federal prison. It's just part of their tradition.

This Date In History: 1827; Composer Ludwig van Beethoven died at age 56 in Vienna, Austria. 1945; The battle of Iwo Jima ended; about 22,000 Japanese troops were killed or captured in the fighting and more than 4,500 U.S. troops were killed. 1971; East Pakistan proclaimed its independence, taking the name Bangladesh.

1979; In a ceremony at the White House, President Sadat of Egypt and Prime Minister Begin of Israel signed a peace treaty ending 30 years of war between the two countries. 1982; Groundbreaking ceremonies for the Vietnam Veterans Memorial took place in Washington, DC. 2000; Vladimir Putin was elected president of Russia.

Picture Of The Day: ".....if I only had a heart!"

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I always take life with a grain of salt,....plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila. 2) A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. 3) Whoever coined the phrase, "Quiet as a mouse", has never stepped on one. 4) Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. 5) When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for 5 minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - March 26th: Don't go shopping today because your credit card is maxed out and you'll only embarrass yourself. You can, however, stop by the thrift store because they only take cash and you can afford the new dress that you will find. Chance of romance is 22.38 percent and that number will go up if you don't wear that Goodwill dress you bought listening to me.

Birthdays: Edward Bellamy, author 1850, A. E. Housman, poet and scholar 1859, Robert Frost, American poet 1874, James Bryant Conant, educator 1893, Tennessee Williams, dramatist 1911, Sandra Day O'Connor, jurist 1930, Alan Arkin, actor, director 1934, Diana Ross, singer 1944, Steven Tyler, musician 1948, Martin Short, actor, producer 1950.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: One evening a husband, thinking it would be being funny, said to his wife, "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your ass." His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Hell is this?” he said to himself as a small dust cloud appeared when he shook them out. He hollered into the bathroom, "Madge, why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?" She replied with a snicker, "It’s not talcum powder honey, it’s Miracle Grow!"

Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when 3 black guys arrive. St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, "Wait here. I will be right back." St. Peter goes over to God's office and chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.

God says to Peter, "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be racist and judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!" St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh.

He returns to God's chambers and says, "Well, they're gone." God asks, "Who, the black guys?" St. Peter replied, "No, the Pearly Gates."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother KIrt for his contribution to today's stories.

The man confessed, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month." The priest told the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."

Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional and said, "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months." This time, the priest questioned, "Who is this Nookie Green?'' The sinner said, "A new woman in the neighborhood." The priest sighed, "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous red headed woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to reveal that she wasn't wearing any underwear. The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, "Is that Nookie Green?" The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, "No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes."

A drunk in a bar throws up all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. He says, "Damn, I threw up on my shirt again. If my wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me." The bartender says, "Don't worry. Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you twenty dollars to cover the cleaning bill."

So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who threw up on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. His wife says, "Why are there two twenties?" The drunk replies, "Oh, yeah, he shit my pants, too."

That's it for today, my little lemon drops. Remember, some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !