iPhone 6 Lines Now Forming For Christmas

The new iphone-5 went on sale today and, of course, the usual suspects are already busy robbing the new owners and stealing their new phones. People waiting in lines for days finally claimed their prizes as the doors open early Friday morning. Even if I wanted the new iphone, my stint in the Army cured me of any desire to wait in ine for anything.

As for new phones, I'm quite happy with the newest Blackberry and the best part is that I never pay for new phones. My tenure with my carrier has provided me with that tidy little reward. Without a doubt, the iphone is one of the best on the market, but for the most part, it's useless to me.

With my Blackberry, I have mastered the art of making and receiving phone calls. I can send text messages, take pictures and videos, check the Weather Channel and use my GPS mapping system. That's about it. Don't get me wrong, my Blackberry does many more things, I just don't know how to do them. so for me, all the extras on most smart phones are tantamount to tits on a bull.

As for apps, 99 percent of them are scams and crapola. I can watch television on my phone as well, but I see no reason to do it. Every place I go usually has two or three large televisions. My phone has Facebook, Twitter and other social apps but I can't think of anything that important that can't wait an hour or two until I get home.

Nevertheless, congratulations to all those who felt it was important to shell out as high as $850 (64bit - no contract) and $400 (64bit - 2 year contract) for the newest technology. As for me, my Blackberry will suffice and the end result is that my phone and the new phone can both make phone calls. It's just that I can afford a couple of scotches as I make my calls.....

The News As I See It: A Pakistani man died after inhaling fumes from burning an American flag. Good! Thank you. We defend the American flag and it also defends itself.

As part of the strategy for the upcoming presidential debates, the Obama campaign is attempting to lower expectations. If there's one thing that Obama is good at lately, it's lowering expectations.

If you take the 47 percent that Mitt Romney says pay no taxes and add that to the people who Obama says cling to their guns and religion, that's the whole country right there.

Newsweek has a new cover story titled "Muslim Rage." Can you believe that? They're still publishing Newsweek.

Disney World has announced plans to start serving alcohol. They're even going to introduce a new character — Extremely Buzzed Lightyear.

This Date In History: 1792; The French National Convention voted to abolish the monarchy. 1897; The New York Sun published its famous editorial, "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus." 1937; The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein was first published.

1938; A hurricane struck New York and New England with extensive damage and more than 600 deaths. 1949; The People's Republic of China was proclaimed.

1964; Malta gained its independence from Great Britain. 1981; Belize gained its independence from Great Britain. 1996; John F. Kennedy, Jr., married Carolyn Bessette.

Picture Of The Day: There's just something about kittens and puppies that I can't resist.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) She said that she was dying to have sex in the worst way, so we did it standing up in a hammock. 2) I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and half of Friday. 3) It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4) Two eyebrows are better than one. 5) I think that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 21st: Don't trust little birdies, most of them tell lies. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Unfortunately, all the good shapes and sizes are already taken. Bread, lightly cooked and buttered. Today's horoscope was sponsored by Toast.

Birthdays: My pals Felicia and Sue - Happy birthday girls ! 19XX, Heike Kamerlingh Onnes, physicist 1853, Herbert George Wells (H. G. Wells), English author 1866, Henry Lewis Stimson, statesman 1867, Larry Hagman, actor 1931, Stephen King, author 1947, Bill Murray, actor, screenwriter, comedian 1950.
 

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: One night, after watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire", a man and his wife went to bed. The man started getting very frisky, so he asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear, I have a headache."

The man replied, "Is that your final answer?" She said "Yes." The man said, "Ok, then I'd like to phone a friend."

An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him. After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes.

He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him. She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina." The old man says, "God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies.

Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, her husband cries out, "Watch out for that damned wall!"

A man walked out into the street and hailed a taxi just going by. What luck, he thought, as he slid into the cab. The cabby said, "Perfect timing, you're just like Bill." The man asked, "Who?" The cabby said, "Bill Smith. Now there's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Bill every time."

The man said to the cabby, "Nah, there are always a few clouds over everybody." The cabby said, "Not Bill. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."

The man said, "Bill was really something, huh?" The cabby said, "Oh, yeah! Bill had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."

The man said, "No wonder you remember him, sounds like he was a great guy!" The cabby replied, Well, I never actually met Bill. The man said, "Then how in the world do you know so much about him?" The cabby replied sarcastically, "I married his widow."

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him. He gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.

The older boy says, "Before you look in there, keep in mind that this is the same woman who smacked our asses just for sucking our thumbs."

That's it for today, my little tiddly winks. Remember, there's nothing wrong with people speaking their minds.....as long as they do it with their mouths closed. I'll be in AREA 51 for happy hour. That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !