Playing Possum

My cat, Possum S. Hemmingway, thinks he's smart and ofttimes bangs his food dish to indicate that he's hungry, yet he is unable to explain baseball's infield fly rule. Granted, he is capable of opening every cabinet door in the house, but he refuses to use the can opener to open the cat food can and feed himself.

My personal belief is that he only does the things that he wants to do and seems to enjoy himself when I finally relent to the food dish banging and feed him. He will not give me the satisfaction of meowing for his food as that is evidently beneath him.

After eating, he either heads to his secret sleeping place or comes to sit with me. When he does sit with me, he likes to be scratched but will not ask. Instead, he takes his paw and puts it on my hand, indicating that is the hand I should use to scratch him. If I move his paw, but do not scratch his head, he will again put his paw on my hand until I get the hang of the trick. 

Time is of no consequence with Possum. He sleeps at his own leisure and neither day nor night has a meaning. He normally crawls in bed with me at night and after he finishes licking my hand to his satisfaction, he lays down to sleep.

When he thinks I should be up, albeit 5 am, he will spend several minutes licking me with his rough tongue. If that fails, he will put his paw on my face and softly poke me until I get out of bed.

Yep, he thinks he's smarter than me but he's not..... (I have to end this discussion now as he has now taken up his post beside me and will just sit and stare until I get up and walk around. I think he knows I'm talking about him).....

On a sad note, my friend and fellow blogger Ally Wells passed away this week. Ally was an inspiration to all of us and I always enjoyed reading her blog. She will be missed! Rest in peace, sweet Ally.

The News As I See It: Obama's approval rating is down to 44 percent. You can tell Obama's getting desperate because today he gave a speech entitled "Hey, guys, the Twinkie is coming back next week."

Detroit quarterback Matthew Stafford signed a new contract paying him $76 million. They're paying him $62 million just to live in Detroit.

Now that marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado, in Denver they're talking about taxing it up to 35 percent. Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they?

According to a report from Pakistan, Osama bin Laden wore a big cowboy hat when he walked around his compound to shield him from being seen by U.S. drones. That's a good strategy. The Lone Ranger wears a cowboy hat and nobody has seen him anywhere.

The new Lone Ranger movie is not doing well. I understand he's now asking for asylum in Venezuela.

A video has surfaced of Justin Bieber urinating into a mop bucket. Critics are calling it the best thing Bieber has ever released.

The United States is no longer the fattest country in the world. The fattest people in the world now are Mexicans. And that's, of course, because they're all living here.

This Date In History: 1543; England's King Henry VIII married his sixth and last wife, Catherine Parr. 1690; Protestant William of Orange defeated Roman Catholic James II at the Battle of the Boyne in Ireland.

1862; Congress authorized the Medal of Honor. 1960; The first Etch-A-Sketch went on sale. 1979; Kiribati, formerly the Gilbert Islands, gained its independence from the United Kingdom.

1984; Democratic presidential nominee Walter Mondale became the first major-party candidate to choose a woman as a running mate when he announced his choice of Geraldine Ferraro.

Picture Of The Day: The Seven Mile Bridge located in my neck of the woods, the Florida Keys.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bullet proof vest. 2) Stop editing your pics. What if you go missing? How can I find you if you look like Kaley Cuoco on Facebook but Yoda in real life? 3) "Walk it off" does not apply to everything. For example, you can't walk off stupidity unless it's into oncoming traffic. 4) The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar. 5) A guy stole my bike so I got in a cab and said, "Follow that guy!" He said, "Sure, whats his twitter name?" We laughed and hi-fived and I need a new bike.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Cancer - July 12th: Gift horses always happen to those who least expect it. The moral of this horoscope is to expect a gift from a horse. It's not what your thinking but either way, you don't have a lawn anyway. It might be a good day at the track or just a free ride from the horsie at the supermarket. Hey, don't complain....and never look a gift horse in the mouth (whatever that means).

Birthdays: Josiah Wedgwood, potter 1730, Henry David Thoreau, American author and naturalist 1817, George Eastman, inventor, industrialist 1854, Amedeo Modigliani, painter 1884, Oscar Hammerstein 2nd, lyricist 1895, Pablo Neruda, poet, diplomat 1904, Andrew Wyeth, painter 1917, Bill Cosby, comedian 1937, Kristi Yamaguchi, figure skater 1971.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Ron's small grandson got lost at the shopping mall. The boy approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The guard asked, "What's his name?" The boy said, "Grandpa."

The guard smiled, then asked, "What's he like?" The little tyke hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Jack Daniels whiskey, and women with big tits."

Earl and Bubba, two good ole boys from Dixie, are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoke to me in over 2 months."

Earl spits, sips his beer and says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. He argued, "I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!"

St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates and agreed to check on his case. After investigating, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that there is no mistake my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients and you're at least 108 years old!"

It was mailman George's last day on the job after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather. When he arrived at the first house on his route, the whole family came out, roundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the next house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he'd had enough, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast of eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage and orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. He said, "All this is just too wonderful for words, but what's the dollar for?"

She answered, "Well, last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' Breakfast was my idea."

That's it for today, my little honey bees. Remember, the worst feeling in the world is being in love with somebody that knows how to untie rope and run away while you're napping. I'm off to AREA 51 for some rest and recreation.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !