Proposed Hillary Monument?

A committee has been formed to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary Clinton. They originally wanted to put her on Mount Rushmore until they discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.

They then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. They were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed.

It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside her husband Bill, who never told the truth, since Hillary could never tell the difference.

They finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been and did it all on someone else's money.

The News As I See It: Bernie Sanders, while campaigning this week in California, stopped at a Los Angeles bar popular among the LGBT community. Said Sanders, "No! I said I wanted a BLT! What's the 'G' for? It better not be guacamole because that costs an arm and a leg."

Sanders also checked out the famous carousel at the Santa Monica Pier. It got a little awkward when the music stopped and Bernie still wouldn't admit that the ride was over.

Donald Trump is continuing to draw criticism for his claims that Judge Gonzalo Curiel's Mexican heritage makes him unfit to preside over a lawsuit against Trump University, despite the fact that Curiel was born and raised in Indiana. Apparently, the fact that Curiel is also is a member of the La Raza Lawyers of San Diego doesn't matter. La Raza is a Spanish hate group. 

This Date In History: 1845; Andrew Jackson, the 7th president of the United States, died in Tennessee. 1861; Tennessee became the 11th and last state to secede from the Union. 1968; James Earl Ray, Martin Luther King, Jr.'s, assassin, was arrested.

1982; President Reagan became the first American president to address a joint session of Britain’s Parliament. 1983; Negro Baseball League great Satchel Paige died. 2001; Tony Blair and his Labour Party won a second term, overwhelming the opposition at the polls.

Picture Of The Day: Hillary may have to give it up to Bernie for his backing.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Some of the new cell phones can only be opened using a fingerprint scanner. Great, now when they rob me and steal my cell phone, they'll cut off my finger so that they can use the phone. 2) I went to the bank this morning and after inserting my bankcard, the ATM asked, "Is it in yet?" That's not funny ATM. 3) I get high before I get my Drivers License picture taken. That way I look normal if I'm pulled over. 4) Everybody values honesty until they have an ugly baby.  5) I start, but rarely complete my paintings and song writing, for I am a master of the partial arts.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 8th: Damaging words reach your ears after a disagreement over a neighbor's pets. Damaging "poo" will be flung back across the garden fence if the issue is not resolved within the next few weeks.

The evidence for love is staring you in the face but you can't see the forest for the trees. If you find this is true for you, the best thing to do is to stop wandering into forests.

Birthdays: Robert Schumann, composer 1810, Frank Lloyd Wright, American architect 1867, Virginia Randolph, educator 1874, Barbara Bush, former first lady 1925, Leroy Neiman, painter and printmaker 1927, Scott Adams, cartoonist 1957.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Bambi, a blonde in her third year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her U.S. government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question, then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?" The man replies, "Oh, she's my mistress." His wife says "Well, that's the last straw. I've had enough and I want a divorce!"

Her husband says, "I can understand that, but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean that we'll have to sell the mansion, no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. His wife asks "Who's that woman with Jim?" The husband replies "That's his mistress". The wife says, "Ours is prettier."

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. 

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. The little boy yelled, "There's a car being towed from the parking lot." A few moments passed by and the little boy yelled, "An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments later, he called out. "Looks like the Anderson's have company. Matt's riding a new bike." A bit later, he yelled. "Looks like the Sanders are moving. Jason is on his skate board."

After a few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex."

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sex?" The little boy yelled back, "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a popsicle, too."

That's it for today, my little orange blossoms. Remember, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're obligated to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

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Don't Miss Sunday's Talladega 500

For those who have never watched a NASCAR race, this Sunday's 500 mile race at Talledega Superspeedway should be a doozy. 40 cars on a 2.66 banked track reach speeds of 200 mph, sometimes three abreast. Oh, and there's an occasional wreck.

When I say "wreck", it's an understatement. At speeds surpassing 200 mph, reaction time to minor bump can turn the track into a junkyard in a matter of seconds.

Most racers and fans refer to this moment as "the big one" because it is almost impossible to race at these speeds, so close together, without someone making a mistake.

Cars need to pit occasionally for tires and/or gas and the speculation begins as to which strategy to use to insure a victory.

Probably the best part of the race is the last twenty laps where a "take no prisoners" attitude is adopted, further increasing the chance of a last lap crash or a photo-finish ending.

All things said, the Geico Talladega 500 will be televised on Fox beginning at 2:30 pm. It should be a great race.

The News As I See It: Carly Fiorina was announced as Ted Cruz's running mate. Fiorina said it's always been her lifelong dream to lose twice in the same election.

ISIS has reportedly started rolling out "reductions in benefits" to try to cut down costs. On a similar note, al-Qaeda is trying to compete with them by launching "Osamacare."

After being blind-sided by Michael Strahan’s upcoming departure, Kelly Ripa returned to "Live with Kelly and Michael" today, where the co-anchors were reunited. The reunion was going great, until Beyoncé showed up and handed Ripa a baseball bat.

Hillary Clinton has been attacking Donald Trump over his "country club" lifestyle. Hillary made the remarks during a speech none of us could afford to attend.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump swept Tuesday's primaries in the states of Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania and Rhode Island. John Kasich is projected to win in the state of denial.

Melania Trump just turned 46. She spent her birthday like she always does -- telling Donald that she's 23.

This Date In History: 1429; Joan of Arc entered the city of Orléans. She would end its months-long siege and would become known as the "Maid of Orléans." 1916; The Easter rebellion in Ireland ended with the surrender of Irish nationalists.

1945; American soldiers liberated the Dachau concentration camp. 1978; Japan's Naomi Uemura, traveling by sled dog, became the first person to reach the North Pole alone. 1980; Film director Alfred Hitchcock died at age of 80.

1986; Pitcher Roger Clemens set a major league baseball record by striking out 20 batters in a regular nine-inning game. He repeated his feat in 1996. 1992; A Los Angeles jury acquitted four police officers accused of beating Rodney King. Massive rioting and looting ensued.

1997; The first joint U.S.-Russian space walk was made by Jerry Linenger and Vasily Tsibliyev from space station Mir. 2011; Kate Middleton marries Prince William in a lavish royal wedding at Westminster Abbey in London.

Picture Of The Day: Talladega Superspeedway is a big track with plenty of room for moves.....unless you make the wrong decision.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Ladies, the next time you're at Happy Hour and some dumb ass asks, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?", simply reply, "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD clinic." 2) It's called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken. 3) Then I said "No officer, I’m not slurring my speech. I’m speaking in cursive." 4) I'm at my most brilliant when the door says "pull" and I don't believe it. 5) My answering machine recording: Hello telemarketers and collection agencies. Your call is very important to me. Please leave a message after this enjoyable 15 minute flute solo.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - Taurus 28th: Your brother is heavy, no matter what you hear on the radio. The end is growing nearer but, according to the stars, you've still got plenty of time. If you never liked asparagus before, try it again. I still think it tastes like shit, but your tastes may have changed.

Birthdays: William Randolph Hearst, American journalist and publisher 1863, Sir Thomas Beecham, conductor 1879, Duke Ellington, musician 1899, Hirohito, Japanese emperor 1901, Zubin Mehta, conductor 1936, Dale Earnhardt, champion auto racer 1951, Jerry Seinfeld, comedian 1955, Daniel Day-Lewis, actor 1958, Michelle Pfeiffer, actor 1958, Uma Thurman, actress 1970, Andre Agassi, tennis player 1970.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man's wife asked him to buy organic vegetables from the market. He went to the store, looked around and couldn't find any.

So he grabbed an old produce employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

The old produce guy looked at him and said, "No sir, you'll have to do that yourself."

An aging grandmother tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, the farmhouse and $24,548,750 in cash."

The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are so generous! I didn’t even know you had a farm. Where is it?" Grandma whispered, "Facebook....."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my friend Michael for his contribution to today's stories.

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"

The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity." The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!" The preacher said, "No shit?"

An Aussie's wife went missing while diving off the West Australian Coast. He reported the event, searched fruitlessly and spent a long terrible night wondering what may have happened to her.

The next morning, there was a knock at the door and he was confronted by a couple of police officers, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge said, "Mate, we have some news for you. Unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news."

The husband replied, Well, I guess I'd better have the bad news first." The Sarge said, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."

The husband was naturally distressed and had a bit of a turn, but after a few minutes pulled himself together to ask about the good news. The Sarge said, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."

He handed the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it. The husband said, "Thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that. So, what's the other possible good news?"

The Sarge says, "Well, If you fancy a quick trip, young Bill here and I get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're going to shoot over there and pull her up again."

That's it for today, my little ducklings. Remember, everybody values honesty until they have an ugly baby. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour. 

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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

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Serendipity

Back in the day, not many people had pools. That never stopped us. We had "The Trestle" on the Miami River. It was very high and many '50s Hialeah or Miami Springs kids either swam there or heard the stories. Some claim they jumped from the top, but I never saw anyone jump.

We did climb to the top though. I remember it being very scary. Most of us jumped from the wooden posts that guarded the middle and a few of us jumped from the railing (about 10 feet higher).

The river was cleaner back then. You could catch fish relatively easy and there was a lot of wildlife along the river, including manatees, otters, bird, ducks and other critters. Oh yeah, and there was the occasional alligator.

Farther northeast along the river, there was a great swing tied to a large Australian pine tree. It was a hang out place and the source of many good times.

You see, in those days, that was all we needed to have a good time. It was even better if you had a bike and didn't have to walk there. No one had bathing suits. We swam in our jeans and made sure they were well dried out before we went home, because no one was allowed to swim in the canals and rivers.

Okeechobee Road (Hwy 27) was a two lane road back then and the Palmetto Expressway was in the planning stages. The only movie theaters close enough to bike to was The Essex in Hialeah and The Circle in Miami Springs.

The kids that did have pools were popular, but it was more fun to get a group together and go "exploring". This usually meant that somewhere along the way there would be a canal. Of course, in the hot South Florida summers, that meant a swim.

Today, there are miles and miles of roads and expressways. Most of the rivers and canals are dirty and/or polluted. Nonetheless, life goes on but memories of going swimming at The Trestle are still fond memories.....

Brother Kirt And I

The News As I See It: Bernie Sanders said that he went to Boy Scout camp in New York. You can tell it was a while ago because Bernie Sanders didn't learn how to make a fire there.....he discovered it.

A man at Wal-Mart in Missouri has been fired for hugging people to thank them for their business. After being told he was getting fired, the man said, "Oh, I don't work here."

This Date In History: 1814; Napoleon was exiled to the island of Elba. 1899; The treaty ending the Spanish-American War took effect. 1921; Iowa imposed the first state cigarette tax. 1945; Allies liberated Buchenwald concentration camp.

1951; President Harry Truman fired General Douglas McArthur. 1968; President Lyndon B. Johnson signed the 1968 Civil Rights Act. 1979; Ugandan dictator Idi Amin was overthrown.

1981; President Ronald Reagan returned to the White House after he was shot in an assassination attempt. 2007; Science-fiction writer Kurt Vonnegut died in New York City at age 84.

Picture Of The Day: This is an aerial view of where The Trestle used to be before the top part was removed. We also swam in the Miami Springs canal (seen lower). The trestle still serves as a train rail bridge going into the town of Medley (click on image to see larger).

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) You know you drank too much last night when you have to use your cellphone GPS to locate yourself the next morning.  2) I don't like to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance. 3) In 1872, Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

4) I enjoy making my grocery shopping list. I also like to leave it laying on the kitchen counter and then guess what's on the list while at the store. It's a fun game. 5) A guy stole my bike so I got in a cab and said, "Follow that guy!" He said, "Sure, whats his Twitter name?" We laughed and hi-fived and I need a new bike.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - April 11th: You may become trapped in a cave with a panther and a sound system playing Michael Bolton's greatest hits this week. You can avoid the panther's attack by simply singing along with Michael Bolton but there's no cure from the lingering effects of Bolton's music.

Birthdays: Charles Evans Hughes, American statesman and jurist 1862, Dean Acheson, statesman 1893, Percy Lavon Julian, chemist 1899, Oleg Cassini, fashion designer 1913.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two old women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" Mabel pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Now I know where to find my hearing aid."

Barack Obama walked into a New York bar with a frog on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, that's cool ! Where did you get it?"

The frog replies, "In Chicago, there's thousands of them up there."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A phenomena known as "women's intuition" a sixth sense if you will, is no myth. Women seem to know what's going on in their man's lives almost better than they do. Why is this?

In the early 80's, researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain's two hemispheres than men do. It's these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly un-connectable pieces. That, and they go through all your stuff while you're in the shower.

One morning a man comes into the church on crutches. He stops in front of the holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches.

An altar boy witnessed the scene and runs into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. Without batting an eye, the priest says, "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle. Tell me where is this man?" The altar boy relied, "Flat on his ass, Father, over there by the holy water."

That's it for today, my little puppies. Remember, adulthood is like the vet and we're like the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realize where we're going.

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More on Wednesday.

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Flower Girl Steals The Show

This 4-year-old flower girl wasn't afraid to show a little affection at her mom Michelle Hall's Knoxville, Tennessee wedding. Flower girl Anderson surprised everyone when she planted a kiss on the ring bearer during a bridal party photo shoot.

Photographer Leah Bullard said, "I set up the wedding party for a formal shot as I do with every wedding and then asked the bride and groom to kiss. Since Anderson had been calling herself the bride the whole day, she assumed I was referring to her and went in for a kiss too. It was a memorable moment that had everyone in tears laughing."

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads and Step-Dads. It's not an easy job but some guy has to do it.....

The News As I See It: Political analysts are saying that as a candidate, Donald Trump is "a totally unqualified nuisance." In other words, he is a legitimate contender for the presidency.

Rachel Dolezal, the white NAACP leader who said she is black, claimed there's no biological proof that she's white. However, today that was disproven by scientists who found a wine cooler in her bloodstream.

For the first time in 140 years, a black bear was spotted in Indiana. When questioned, the bear said, "Actually, I just identify as black."

The Golden State Warriors beat the Cleveland Cavaliers to win their first NBA title in 40 years. Andre Iguodala of the Warriors was named the MVP, which is great news for everyone except whoever has to engrave that name on a trophy.

This Date In History: 1862; Congress abolished slavery in the U.S. territories. 1865; Gen. Gordon Granger informed the citizens of Galveston, Texas, that the slaves were freed. The celebration of the day became known as Juneteenth.

1867; The first running of the Belmont Stakes. 1934; The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) was created. 1964; The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved. 1977; Pope Paul VI proclaimed John Neumann, the first male saint from the United States.

1987; The Supreme Court struck down a Louisiana law requiring any public school teaching the theory of evolution to teach creationism as well. 2002; Afghanistan president Hamid Karzai was sworn in.

Picture Of The Day: Bribery cohorts, former FIFA president Sepp Blatter and former Secretary of State Hillary "Leaky Bladder" Clinton compare note$.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I wish the entire planet could come together as one and agree to refer to Kanye as Kanye Kardashian so we can bask in his shattered ego. 2) People sweat so that they don't catch fire while they're making love. 3) Viagra has been on the market now for more than 15 years. I find it hard to believe it's been so long. 4) I was getting on a plane to Las Vegas and I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to Las Vegas and send the other one to Los Angeles." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"  5) I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 19th: The night may feel like a safe time to parade naked through the local city streets, however, you may find there are some that oppose your freedom.

Whenever you feel unhappy today, go to the toilet. This action should soon turns things around for you.

Be happy for the good things that happen to you as it could be worse. Remember that time you woke up with your face in a plate of nachos and an Amish horse and buggy parked in front of your house?

Birthdays: Blaise Pascal, scientist and religious philosopher 1623, Guy Lombardo, band leader 1902, Lou Gehrig, American baseball player 1903, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi, human rights activist 1945, Kathleen Turner, actress 1954.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. She said, "Really? Go on then...try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling, she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday."

A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber’s face. The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence. The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then, one old cowboy tentatively raised his hand, and while keeping his head down said, "My mother-in-law got a pretty good look at you."

Word has it that the new $10 bill will have a picture of a woman on it. I wonder if Barry Soetero Obama has a hand in the new design? 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My Thanks to Brother Kirt for his contribution to today's stories.

A woman realized that her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.

The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The woman goes to the drug store and to get some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The woman says, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says, "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days." The lady woman says, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer." The druggist says, "Stay off your bicycle for at least a week."

She's single....

She lives right across the street. I can see her place from my kitchen window. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk and get laid tonight! Are you doing anything?"

I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm free!" She said, "Great! .....Could you watch my dog?

That's it for today, my little pork chops. Remember, If you take the Ginko, you might be able to remember where you put the Viagra. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads! Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

American Pharoah - What A Horse !

We have another Triple Crown champion. The amazing American Pharoah, misspelled name and all, simply ran away from the field in Saturdays Belmont Stakes, thus completing the final leg of the Triple Crown. It was the first Triple Crown winner in 37 years.

The horse was magnificent and jockey Victor Espinosa ran a perfect race, taking an early lead, rating him and giving him his head at the one-eighth pole. American Pharoah won going away. Only the great Triple Crown winner Secretariat won by more lengths (31) and a faster time.

One of the most amazing aspects about the event, excluding the race itself, was the overwhelming roar of the crowd while the horses were on the stretch run. The roar only grew louder as the fans realized that they were witnessing history in the making. At the wire, the reality set in and, even on television, you could feel and sense the approving cheers of the crowd. It was spine tingling indeed.

American Pharoah's trainer, Bob Baffert, had three previous chances at winning the Triple Crown, but he came up short on every occasion. That finally changed Saturday, but he still referenced the long and difficult road it took to reach his ultimate accomplishment.

Both Baffert and Victor Espinosa donated their winnings to charity.

The News As I See It: It has been a crazy week in the news. Let me just tell you how weird it's gotten. It turns out the names Lincoln Chafee and Sepp Blatter are actual people and not horses who ran in the Belmont Stakes.

Lincoln Chafee, former governor of Rhode Island, announced he's running for president. Before he announced he's running, his wife went on Facebook and asked his staff if they remembered his password. Because if a Facebook password is too hard to remember, the launch codes for the nukes should be a piece of cake.

In an interview last week, Lindsey Graham discussed his foreign policy and said if people are worn out by war, quote, "Don't vote for me." Graham's supporters appreciate his honesty, while his opponents appreciate the sound bite they can use in their attack ads.

This Date In History: 1845; Andrew Jackson, the 7th president of the United States, died in Tennessee. 1861; Tennessee became the 11th and last state to secede from the Union. 1968; James Earl Ray, Martin Luther King, Jr.'s, assassin, was arrested.

1982; President Reagan became the first American president to address a joint session of Britain’s Parliament. 1983; Negro Baseball League great Satchel Paige died. 2001; Tony Blair and his Labour Party won a second term, overwhelming the opposition at the polls.

Picture Of The Day: Triple Crown winning Jockey Victor Espinosa rode an excellent race in the Belmont Stakes.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My friend said that she went to the doctor and he told her that she has mono. In this day and age, I would think she would have surround sound. 2) Sometimes I wonder about those old mattresses in the alleys and the stories they could tell. The ones about me are lies, of course. 3) My parents never suggested to me to run away from home, but then there were so many unexplained one way tickets. 4) I spoke to a doctor yesterday and he suggested that a combination of wine, women and song often shortens a man's life. If that's true, I may sing karaoke at Sabores Restaurant less often. 5) The reason that men chase women they have no intention of marrying is the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving......and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 8th: This weekend will be great for you and yours. Don't let minor skirmishes frustrate you. The greatest things in life are free so stop and smell the proverbial roses. Remember, whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies and kittens

Birthdays: Robert Schumann, composer 1810, Frank Lloyd Wright, American architect 1867, Virginia Randolph, educator 1874, Barbara Bush, former first lady 1925, Leroy Neiman, painter and printmaker 1927, Scott Adams, cartoonist 1957.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasms'."

Ethel continued, "You know, mutual orgasms here and mutual orgasms there. That's all they talk about. Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasms?" Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, the minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.

Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Father and unto the Son and......into the hole he goes."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A Mexican naval ship and American authorities off the coast of San Diego exchanged radio conversations one night.

The Americans radioed, "Please divert your course 15 degrees South to avoid a collision." The Mexicans radioed back, "Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision."

The Americans responded, " Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision." The Mexicans immediately said, "This is the Captain Gomez of the Mexican Navy warship. I say again, divert your course." The Americans responded, "No. I say again, you divert your course."

The Mexican ship said, "This is the Mexican warship "Pancho Villa", the second largest ship in our fleet. We are accompanied by three support war vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship."

The Americans responded, "This is a lighthouse.....your call, Jose!"

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air and hands it back. The woman says, "Oh my, I am so sorry" and popped her eye back in place. The woman then said, "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards they go to a nightclub for drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet breakfast with all the trimmings. The man is amazed! Everything has been so incredible!

The man says, "You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" The woman replied, "No..you just happened to catch my eye."

That's it for today, my little rosebuds. Remember, cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !