A&E Backs Down - Duck Dynasty To Resume Filming

A&E announced today that the hit TV show "Duck Dynasty" will resume filming with Phil Robertson. This comes after A&E suspended him earlier in the month for his comments about homosexuality.

“Duck Dynasty” is the top-rated reality program on cable, according to the Hollywood Reporter, with an average 13.4 million viewers and a marketing franchise in such outlets as Walmart, Sears and Cracker Barrel restaurants.

A&E's "holier than thou" attitude may have caused them to step on their own purse strings as I, nor anyone I know, has ever even watched any A&E shows.

Nevertheless, it seems that after seeing the tremendous loss of potential income on the horizon, A&E may have had cause to "reconsider" their position on being politically correct and chosen the money.

Personally, I have never seen "Duck Dynasty", but with all the smut and innuendos on television today, Robertson's personal religious views and opinions, albeit coarse, are his right under the freedom of speech amendment.

More than 250000 people have signed a petition to A&E demanding that Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson be reinstated on the hit show.

The News As I See It: According to CNN, 200,000 Americans are signed up for a one-way trip to Mars to colonize Mars. Unfortunately, none of them are Kardashians.

Defending the budget deal, Congressman Paul Ryan quoted the Rolling Stones and said, "You can't always get what you want." When it comes to Congress, here's a better Stones quote: "Can't get no satisfaction."

Obamacare is still struggling to catch on with most people. Now the White House has started asking celebrities to endorse Obamacare. Well, if anyone knows how to put a new face on something, it's Hollywood.

This Date In History: 1831; Darwin began his voyage aboard the HMS Beagle. 1900; Prohibitionist Carry Nation smashed her first saloon. 1932; Radio City Music Hall in New York City opened. 1945; The World Bank was created with an agreement signed by 28 nations.

1949; The Netherlands transferred sovereignty to Indonesia after more than 300 years of Dutch rule. 1979; The Soviet Union took control of Afghanistan, installing Afghan politician Babrak Karmal as president.

1996; Rwanda's first genocide trial opened for the 1994 slaughter of 800,000 Tutsis. 2001; President Bush permanently normalized trade relations with China. 2001; The U.S. announced plans to hold Taliban and al-Qaeda prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Picture Of The Day: A visual reminder that our priorities need to be severely repositioned.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The way I dealt with that unexpected cobweb to the face tells me I probably wouldn't have been much use in bar fight. 2) If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you're probably holding the Taser wrong. 3) I wonder what kind of paperwork would I need to fill out to get a permit to set my neighbor's children free in the wild? 4) Just in case the FBI turns on my web cam, I've got a teeny tiny picture of Jimmy Hoffa taped to the lens. 5) (Indian warrior): Well, son, we named all the children after the first thing we saw after they were conceived. But, why do you ask Two Dogs Screwing?".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - December 27th: That Nigerian bank that is holding your Nigerian email friend's money that he wants to split with you was hit by the Target scandal. The question is who screwed whom? 

Birthdays: My friends Laurie and Paul - Happy Birthday 19XX, Johannes Kepler, astronomer 1571, Sir George Cayley, scientist and aerial navigator 1773, Louis Pasteur, French Chemist 1822, Sydney Greenstreet, actor 1879, Marlene Dietrich, actress 1901, Gerard Depardieu, actor 1948.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An American and a Russian were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished." The American nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the American collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded.

When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you get out of that hold?" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could."

 The trainer exclaimed, "So, that's what finished him off?" The American replied, "Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls."

Job Interview: Human Resources Manager, "What is your greatest weakness?" Older Man, "Honesty."

Human Resources Manager. "I don't think honesty is a weakness." Older Man. "I don't really give a shit what you think."

No rhyme or reason other than that I used to listen to "The Lone Ranger" on the radio and TV and my favorite horse was "Silver"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: At the end of the 2013 tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of the local hospital. While the agent was checking the books, he turned to the CFO and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?" The CFO, "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll."

The auditor replied, "Oh", disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. He asked, "What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast?" The CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him, replied,  "Ah yes, we save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster."

The auditor replied, "I see", thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. He went on, "What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?" The CFO answered, "Here, too, we do not waste. What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic,but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.

Without checking the contents,the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove."

The young man continued, "These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. "

The young man went on, "When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love. "

That's it for today, my little goldfish. Remember, men that know the difference between moist and wet, know the difference between failure and success. I'm going to ease on over to AREA 51 for happy hour and a little recreation.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

What The Duck?

Phil Robertson, one of the stars of A&E's mega-hit series Duck Dynasty, was suspended indefinitely by the network for calling homosexuality "illogical," However, conservative political figures from Bobby Jindal to Ted Cruz to Sarah Palin have leapt to his defense, arguing that his right to free expression is being threatened.

Duck Dynasty is the most popular show on cable, making things like Mad Men or Breaking Bad or Girls look like flops by comparison. And yet lots of people have never even heard of it because they're out-of-touch coastal elites.

In statements that threaten the A&E reality hit’s wildly popular and uplifting brand of faith, family and hunting, the Robertson patriarch said: “Everything is blurred on what’s right and what’s wrong. Sin becomes fine. Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men."

Robertson then paraphrased Corinthians from the Bible: "Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right."

As usual, complaints poured in faster than a duck takes to water from homosexual groups such as G.L.A.A.D. and others. Evidently the gay and lesbian communities' credo of tolerance only works one way. As of this post, however, there have been no protests or comments from Donald Duck, nor his nephews, Huey, Dewey and Louie.

A&E released this statement from Phil Robertson addressing the controversy: "I myself am a product of the 60s. I centered my life around sex, drugs and rock and roll until I hit rock bottom and accepted Jesus as my Savior. My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other."

Although Robertson's statement was crude, it still remains to be his right to free speech. All in all, this controversy has been bad for Robertson, A&E and the gay community, though admittedly, a pretty good day for ducks.
 

On another note, a same-sex couple of two male Mallards were observed on a nature reserve in Germany. Phil Robertson's feeling on gay ducks are yet unkown.

The News As I See It: Fox News host Megyn Kelly says she was just kidding when she said Santa Claus is white. However, she's standing by her statement that the Grinch who stole Christmas is definitely Jewish.

It looks like Hillary Clinton's going to run for President. The digital team behind both of Obama's campaigns is already preparing for the run. They're starting early because they've got to delete 10 years of Bill Clinton's browser history.

An entrepreneur has made a device that can prevent the NSA from spying on you by blocking your laptop's camera. This new high-tech device is called a small piece of tape.

Obama has named a top former Microsoft executive to run and fix the Obamacare website. Hey, how about fixing Windows first?

The U.S. Post Office announced that 2013 is the busiest shipping year ever. 600 million packages were shipped so far and as many as 500,000 of those were actually delivered.

This Date In History: 1790; Samuel Slater built the nation's first cotton mill in Pawtucket, R.I. 1803; The United States purchased the Louisiana territory from France for $15 million. 1860; South Carolina became the first state to secede from the Union.

1968; Author John Steinbeck died at age 66. 1989; The United States invaded Panama and installed a new government but failed to capture General Manuel Antonio Noriega. 1996; Astronomer Carl Sagan died at age 62.

Picture Of The Day: Family patriarch Phil Rpbertson at home on the bayous of Louisiana

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When asked to help the kids as to my theory on Amelia Earhart's disappearance I said, "Maybe she went Black" and now I don't have to help the with homework any more. 2) I'm taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night. 3) I find it amazing how popular baby Jesus was able to become without his mother posting a single picture of him on Facebook. 4) When it comes to politics I'm an agnostic. I don't believe there's an honest politician nor can I prove that one does not exist. 5) It came to my attention one weekend night when I had been drinking that I would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 20th: Your marital status may change this week, either due to some pre-planned marriage or possibly just a typing error on your Obamacare appliction. Either way, love is on the cards for you.

Birthdays: Thomas Graham, chemist 1805, Harvey Samuel Firestone, industrialist 1868, Branch Rickey, American baseball executive 1881, Hazel Hotchkiss Wightman, athlete 1886, Susanne K. Langer, philosopher 1895, Sidney Hook, philosopher 1902, Jenny Agutter, actrss 1952, JoJo actor, singer 1990.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble. He sees two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in a used car lot. The car lot is closed so O'Leary drives up alongside the Chevy and asks, "Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?"

One of the ladies replies, "Certainly not! We purchased the car this afternoon." The cop says, "Well, why don't you start it up and drive out of here?" The other little old lady says, "We don't drive, and besides, we are waiting."

The cop asks, "What are you waiting for?" The old lady sitting in the drivers seat replies," We were told that if we ever bought a car from here we would get screwed."

A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would come in with him and be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed screwing another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your Green Bay Packer season tickets. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership and he even pays the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" The cabby said, "I'd cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you all about drinking and driving after a "social session" with some old friends.

Well, this past Friday, I was out on a post-Thanksgiving evening with a few long-lost old friends. I had a few cocktails, followed by a handful of glasses of good vintage red wine. Despite the jolliness, I still had the sense to know that I was over my limit.

That's when I decided to do what I have never done before. I took a cab home. Sure enough, there was a police road block on the highway but, since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a both a great relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from but I made $47.00 on the deal. It's in my garage now and I'm not sure what to do with it.

There were three farmers that wanted to win the state fair contest for having the largest hog. They decided that they should stick a cork in the pig's ass and feed him for a month before the fair. The only problem was that none of them wanted to be the one to stick the cork in.

So they bought a monkey and trained him to stick corks in bottles. After a week or two of this, they stuck the monkey in the pen with the pig and a cork, and after a minute, the monkey did what he was supposed to do. The farmers fed the pig for a month and sure enough, they won first prize.

Once they got home, they realized they still had to take the cork out. So they trained this same monkey to take corks out of bottles. They stuck the monkey in the pen with the pig and the farmers woke up three days later in the hospital with a reporter sitting next to them.

The reporter asked the first farmer, "What is the last thing you remember?" The farmer replied, "Shit flying everywhere." The reporter asked the second farmer the same question and got the same response. When she got to the third farmer and asked him what he could remember, he started laughing.

The reporter asked, "What's so funny?" The farmer, hysterical with laughter, replied, "The last thing I remember is the look on the poor monkey's face as he was trying to stick the cork back in."

That's it for today, my little jungle belles. Remember, you know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !