Showing posts with label Hillary Clinton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hillary Clinton. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Tom Brady Would Make A Good Running Mate For Hillary


New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's four-game suspension for his role in using under-inflated footballs during the AFC championship game has been upheld by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

The league announced the decision Tuesday, saying that Brady told an assistant to destroy his cellphone on or just before March 6th. Brady met with independent investigator Ted Wells on that day.

Goodell said, "He did so even though he was aware that the investigators had requested access to text messages and emails that had been stored on that phone. During the four months that the cellphone was in use, Brady exchanged nearly 10,000 text messages and emails, none of which can now be retrieved from that device."

Hmmm..... Destroyed and deleted texts and emails? I think that Brady's alleged actions makes him potential vice president material for Hillary Clinton.

It amazes me that the NFL takes swift action on a controversial football game while nothing is done about Hillary Clinton deliberately breaking the law.



The News As I See It: Time magazine interviewed Bill Clinton about the current presidential campaign and he claimed he had to ask Hillary to marry him three times before she said yes. Hillary was like, "Yeah, that wasn't me."

Chris Christie attended the Italian-American Heritage Festival street fair in Iowa this weekend, where they celebrated Italian culture and Italian food. The street fair involved two of Christie’s favorite pastimes – eating, and shutting down traffic. It's a combo platter.

Snoop Dogg was arrested and released in Sweden this weekend on suspicion of sing illegal drugs. Officials first became suspicious in 1991.

This Date In History: 1890; Artist Vincent van Gogh died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in Auvers, France. 1958; President Eisenhower signed the congressional act that created the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) was authorized by Congress.

1968; In Humanae Vitae (of Human Life), Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Catholic Church's prohibition on artificial methods of birth control. 1981; Prince Charles, heir to the British throne, married Lady Diana Spencer.

2003; Red sox switch hitter Bill Mueller became the first baseball player to hit grand slam home runs from both sides of the plate in the same game.

Picture Of The Day: This is Secretary of State John Kerry, the man that just negotiated a nuclear agreement with Iran. Need I say more?



Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I have never seen a brunette with blond roots.  2) I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff. 3) I can't wait to finish today's post, because I have a roll of Life Savers in the kitchen and I think pineapple is next 4) Vegans with children named "Hunter" are one of the reasons I lie awake at night.  5) My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - July 29th: Now that you're getting over your last weekend's antics, I suggest that you maintain a low profile until all of the various social sites quit running those pictures that seemed funny at the time. Seriously, you're not the first to wear a lampshade as a hat. Chance of romance is 47.62 percent.

Birthdays: Booth Tarkington, author 1869, Benito Mussolini, Italian dictator 1883, Dag Hammarskjold, Swedish statesman, secretary-general of the United Nations (1953–61) 1905, Nancy Landon Kassebaum, senator 1932, Elizabeth Hanford Dole, public official 1936, Peter Jennings, news anchor Ken Burns, documentary filmmaker 1953.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: During a rock climbing expedition, an accident occurred as some of the grappling hooks holding the climbers, gave way. This left six climbers clinging precariously to the swinging rope suspended from the mountain. Five of the women were blonde and one was a brunette.

As a group, they decided that one of the party should let go. If that did not happen, the weight on the rope would cause more of the hooks to give way and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments, no one volunteered.

Finally, the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others. All five blondes applauded.

During mealtime on a flight on a British Airways plane, the flight attendant asked the obnoxious man seated in the front row, "Would you like dinner?" The man asked, "What are my choices?" The flight attendant replied, "Yes or no."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden in their Wyoming ranch. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly, she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

She asked,"Daddy,what are those two spiders doing?" Her father replied, "They're mating." The Little girl said, "What do you call the spider on top?" The father answered, "That's a Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl asked."So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, he replied, "No dear, both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment. Then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, we're not having any of that Brokeback Mountain shit in our garden."

Soon after marrying a beautiful blonde, a Texan was busily preparing for the first day of deer hunting season. His new wife started nagging that he had never asked her to go along. After several hours of argument the wife won.

That next morning they drove out to the country and the wife climbed up in a tree for a better hidden view, about 100 yards from his blind. Just as the hunter reached the blind, he heard a loud bang coming from the wife's position.

As the Texan ran up to her, he saw that she was holding her gun on a man nearby and shouting, "It's my deer! Get away from It!! The sheepish-looking stranger just nodded slowly and said, "OK, lady..... It's your deer.... Just let me get my saddle off of it!"

That's it for today, my little tater tots. Remember, the colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to lie on it. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Monday, March 9, 2015

What Difference Does She Make?


Hillary never had a government email account. She set up her own account and server in her house. Surely she emailed Obama once or twice. Obama says he found out from the news. Barry never noticed the account didn't end in .Gov? Really?

In an interview with CBS News senior White House correspondent Bill Plante on Saturday, Obama said that he found out about Hillary Clinton's use of a private, nongovernmental email account during her time as secretary of state at "the same time everybody else learned it, through news reports."

The fact that Obama has learned about so many scandals "through news reports" (that make him look bad or possibly incriminate him), leads me to believe he is a habitual liar. Doesn't he get any information at all through the CIA or the FBI?



Republicans argue that Hillary's use of a personal email account was an intentional move to obscure her communications.

The House Select Committee on Benghazi issued subpoenas for some of Clinton's personal emails on Wednesday, and later that night Clinton said in a tweet that she has asked the State Department to release her emails.

This, of course, prompts me to ask how the State Department can release emails that are located on a private server in Hillary's own house.

The News As I See It: According to a new video, a lion at a South African safari park has reportedly learned how to open the doors on tour jeeps. The video was taken with an iPhone that was recovered from the stomach of a lion in South Africa.

The world's oldest person turned 117 last week and she celebrated the same way she did last year. She drove her car into somebody’s living room.

A Chinese family was kicked off a flight to Hong Kong because their 8-year-old wouldn't sit in his seat. As a result, the 8-year-old missed his first day of work.

Two blondes nearly froze to death last week at a New York drive-in movie. They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter."

This Date In History: 1796; Napoleon Bonaparte married Josephine de Beauharnais, widow of a former French officer executed during the revolution. 1841; The Supreme Court ruled that the Amistad slaves were free.

1862; The first battle between two ironclad ships, the Monitor (Union) and Merrimack (Confederate) occurred, revolutionizing naval warfare. 1933; The special session of Congress known as the "100 days" opened, launching FDR's New Deal.

1964; U.S. Supreme Court issued N.Y. Times v. Sullivan ruling. 1990; Dr. Antonia Novello was sworn in as both the first Hispanic and woman to be U.S. surgeon general.

Picture Of The Day: Oh, by the way, did you hear who made contributions to the Clinton Foundation while she was Secretary of State?


Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Don't be afraid of a government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.  2) I think that they should substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows, verbatim. 3) Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. 4) I never appreciated my son's teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework. 5) Don't think you're immune. We're all just a whim away from singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." Yes, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopePisces - March 9th: You may hear a voice in your head telling you that you are here for a porpoise.  Don't pay any attention to the voice, they meant to say purpose. That is, unless you're from New York or New Jersey, in which case, take heed.

Birthdays: Leland Stanford, American railroad builder 1824, Victoria Mary Sackville-West, writer 1892, Yuri Gagarin, cosmonaut 1934, Raul Julia, actor 1940, Bobby Fischer, chess player 1943.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I was to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

A blond woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What seems to be the problem?" The blond replied, "Something is terribly wrong 'down there'. I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica."

The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said, "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the stickers off the bananas"

This model comes with sub-woofers

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different. Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan." The teacher asked, "Why aren't you an Obama fan?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Libertarian."

The teacher asked him why he's a Libertarian. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Libertarian and my Dad's a Libertarian, so I'm a Libertarian."

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Little Johnny replied with a smile, "That would make me an Obama fan."

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"

The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Stop looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"

The doctor replied, "Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"

A man visits his aging father in his new old folks home. The room seems awfully small and his bed is the narrowest he’s ever seen. Despite this, his father is delighted with his new home.

Later, he meets the sister of the home and says, "My father is delighted to be here, what is your secret?" The sister replies, "Well, each night we give him a sleeping tablet and a Viagra tablet."

The son asks," What on earth is the Viagra tablet for? Surely he’s not up to any hanky panky at his age?" The sister replies, "Oh no, but it does stop him from rolling out of bed at night....."

That's it for today, my little munchkins. Remember, "Latte" is Latin for "You paid too much for that coffee."

Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, March 28, 2014

New Jersey Politics - Christie Maneuvering For 2016?


Governor Chris Christie is obviously vying to be the 2016 Republican presidential nominee and his downfall may be the Bridgegate scandal. Hillary Clinton will probably be the Democratic nominee and her downfall may be Benghazi. I don't like either one of them.

Christie announced today that David Samson, the chairman of the Port Authority and a close ally, was resigning in the wake of the Bridgegate scandal. Christie, during an afternoon press conference in Trenton, N.J. said, "David tendered his resignation to me this afternoon, effective immediately. I want to thank him for his service and his friendship."

Christie's press conference -- his first in more than two months -- comes a day after the publication of a report that concluded the governor was not involved in the Bridgegate scandal, which shut down two of Fort Lee, N.J.'s access lanes to the George Washington Bridge from Sept. 9th to the morning of Sept. 12th.

Christie underwent secret weight-loss surgery a little over a year ago and is clearly much reduced in size, but still far from what you'd call thin. The recent controversy over closures of access lanes to the George Washington Bridge has drawn slams not only from those who’ve questioned Christie’s leadership, but also people piling on about whether he’d failed in his effort to curb his girth.

It’s been especially nasty on Twitter, where users haven’t missed an opportunity to insult Christie’s size and conservative pundit Glenn Beck jumped in on the thread last month dubbing the scandal #FatAndFurious.

But a top bariatric-surgery expert estimates that the Republican governor actually has shed between 90 pounds and 100 pounds from his 5-foot-11 frame, slimming down to an estimated 320 pounds after hush-hush gastric-banding surgery in February 2013. In the world of the super-obese, that’s success.

For Christie, the surgery can extend his life significantly. If his reasoning for the surgery was for his health, then that is good. If he did it to enhance his presidential chances, then he's no very smart. As for Hillary, win or lose in 2016, she'll never outlive her irresponsible behavior over the Benghazi incident.


The News As I See It: Obama visited with Pope Francis this week. It's traditional for world leaders to exchange gifts when they meet for the first time. The Pope gave Obama his book and two medallions. Obama gave the Pope seeds from the White house vegetable garden. The Pope said, "Great, my favorite" while muttering under his breath, "Cheap bastard."

Michelle Obama is in China right now. She fed panda bears. Like most people she feeds, the bears politely ate the bamboo and then had a cheeseburger the minute she left. Today she was busy doing some official business. She placed a wreath on the grave of General Tso, the creator of spicy chicken.

The U.N. approved a resolution calling Russia’s annexation of Crimea illegal. For those of you who don't know what a U.N. resolution is, it’s about as powerful as a negative Yelp review.

Mayor Rob Ford is running for re-election in Toronto and the first debate was about public transportation. Ford said it's important to preserve the city's bus and subway stations. He said, "I rely on those things when I’m too drunk to drive myself."

A New Jersey man who was released last week after 15 years in prison for robbing a shoe store was arrested the next day for robbing the exact same store. He learned a valuable lesson. Next time, steal both shoes at the same time.

This Date In History: 1797; Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 1930; The cities of Constantinople and Angora changed names to Istanbul and Ankara, Turkey. 1939; The Spanish Civil War ended. 1941; Author Virginia Woolf drowned herself.

1979; Nuclear power plant accident at Three Mile Island, near Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. 2000; Supreme Court rules unanimously that an anonymous tip does not justify a stop-and-frisk action against a person.

Picture Of The Day: Christie before and after the lap band surgery.


Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My girlfriend says I shouldn’t walk around the yard naked because our neighbors might think she's just with me for the money. 2) "This isn't my first rodeo" - Guy at his second rodeo. 3) When I was married, I always ate boiled eggs, cabbage and baked beans before my mother-in-law visited. 4) They’re considering a new 10-cent fee on grocery bags in New York. Who's laughing at the eight-thousand bags under my sink now? 5) It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big.".....and that's five !

Bonus Sixth: Lululemon is a company that makes yoga pants that are so tight they cut off circulation to the part of your brain that decides how much money is okay to spend on yoga pants.....

Today's HoroscopeAries - March 28th: Dentist's teeth are not always as great as you'd think. Next time you're in the chair, instead of looking down the nurses' top, have a good look inside the dentist's mouth. You'll be surprised.

Birthdays: My friend, Linda - Happy Birthday ! 19XX, Fra Bartolommeo, artist 1475, Maxim Gorky, writer 1868, August Busch, brewer 1899, Rudolf Serkin, pianist 1903, Dirk Bogarde, actor 1920, Nydia Velázquez, politician 1953, Reba McEntire, country singer 1955, Lady Gaga, singer, songwriter 1986.


The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A bride who got a little too drunk at her wedding reception was still determined to say a few words of thanks to the guests for all their presents.

She stumbled through a short speech and then slowly turned to point to the presents on display, which included a coffee percolator.

She said, "And finally, I want to thank my new parents-in-law for giving us such a beautiful perky copulator."

A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.

She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. She explained, "These are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours....."


The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my friend Mike for his contribution to today's stories.

The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. They said, "We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." Wilkens exclaimed, "Tell me! Did you find her?"

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?" Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay." Wilkens said, "Oh my God!"

Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?" The trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

Two basketball players were in a bar talking and one says to the other, "You ever notice after you have sex with a woman that your eyes burn, your nose burns and you get all teary-eyed?"

The second guy says, "Yeah, all the time." The first one asked, "Why is that?" The second guy says, "I'm pretty sure it's the pepper spray."

That's it for today, my little ducklings. Remember, according to archaeologists, Neanderthal man was not fully erect. That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal women were. My car automatically heads to AREA 51 on Fridays for happy hour.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Monday, August 19, 2013

I Miss Bill Clinton


Today is Bill Clinton's birthday. Ol' Bill was the closest thing we ever got to having a real black man as President. He played the sax, he smoked weed and he had his way with ugly white women.

Even now, his wife works and he doesn't and he gets a check from the government every month. Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America 's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations' distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada . When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had one."

The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be and nothing but what I think you need to know." Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do hanky panky between the Bushes."

Of course, we now have Hillary Clinton marching towards the 2016 democratic nomination, behind the fanfare of the liberal, ass kissing media. CNN and NBC already have a Hillary movie and three part documentary in the works.

Hillary will have her hands full trying to control the Benghazi scandal and concealing the acts of Huma Abedin, one of Hillary's top aides and wife of New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner. Abedin is facing renewed scrutiny over her work as a consultant for outside clients while serving at the State Department.

And, as always, we have the usual suspects lining up for the republican nomination who have the combined personalty of a carrot. One standout candidate according to the polls is Tubby Chris Christie who I think is rino (republican in name only) and is more obnoxious than Obama.


The News As I See It: The Republican National Committee says if NBC and CNN don't pull plans for the biased, hyped Hillary Clinton miniseries and movie, they won't hold any Republican debates on those networks. That works for me! Now if we could just get the Democrats to pull their debates, we wouldn't have to watch any of that crap.

Obama recently met with the prime minister of Greece at the White House. When he heard the leader of Greece was there, Joe Biden said, "John Travolta's here?"

This Date In History: 1812; The U.S. frigate Constitution, Old Ironsides, defeated the British ship Guerriere during the War of 1812. 1934; Germans voted to make Adolf Hitler Fuhrer.

1960; American U-2 pilot Francis Gary Powers was convicted of espionage in Moscow. 1977; Comedian Groucho Marx died in Los Angeles at age 86.

2003; U.N. special representative Sergio Vieira de Mello was one of 22 killed when a suicide car bomb struck the UN's Baghdad headquarters.

Picture Of The Day: Now I've seen some big 'gators in my time while fishing, swimming and camping in the Florida Everglades. But this bad boy was caught in Georgia and tipped the scales at over 1100 pounds. You will never see any alligator wrestler even consider getting in the circle with a guy this big.....


Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I bought a new stick deodorant and the instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom." I can barely walk but when I pass gas, the room smells lovely. 2) It's been said that eating red meat increases your chances of dying by 13%. Great, now I have a 113% chance of dying. 3) In school, my report card always said I was not living up to my full potential. The joke's on them. That really was as good as I was going to get. 4) I just saw that my girlfriend was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I'm hoping that she's having an affair. 5) Chinese food: $16.72 Gas to get to restaurant: $3.00 Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your food containers: Riceless.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeLeo - August 19th: Your appetite may increase as the doctors finally remove the scissors they left inside you during your last operation. Life can be as romantic as you wish to make it. Like the old saying goes, "a man with three fish has enough in his heart to help him build a picnic chair."

Birthdays: My pals Carlene and Ron - Happy Birthday 19XX, John Dryden, poet, dramatist and critic 1631, Orville Wright, aviation pioneer 1871, Coco Chanel, fashion designer 1883, Ogden Nash, poet 1902, Malcolm Forbes, publisher 1919, Willie Shoemaker, jockey 1931, William Jefferson Clinton, 42nd President of the United States. He was born William Jefferson Blythe III in Hope, Arkansas. His father died before he was born and he took the name of his stepfather 1946, Matthew Perry, actor 1969.

Meteora, Greece
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: During these serious and trying times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths: 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people. 2. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters or the Liquor Store.

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his  attention but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knocking, there's no paper on this side either!"
 
My pal Wally sent me this picture of a bar for serious beer drinkers

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up." He looked around and couldn't see any one.. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, "Are you talking to me?" The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!"

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "No, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog." (With age comes wisdom).

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks, "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" He replied, "Definitely not!" His wife asked, "Why not? Don't you like being married?" He answered, "Of course I do." The wife said, "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" The husband said, "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." With a hurt look, she said, "You would?"

His wife inquired, "Would you live in our house?" He answered, "Sure, it's a great house." She asked, "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" The husband replied, "Where else would we sleep?" She continued, "Would you let her drive my car?" He said, "Probably, it is almost new."

The wife asked, "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" He said, "That would seem like the proper thing to do." She asked, "Would you give her my jewelry?" He answered, "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." His wife asked, "Would she use my golf clubs?" Her husband replied, "No, she's left-handed."

That's it for today, my little goslings. Remember, one reason babies cry on planes is because flying is scary. Babies aren’t liars like you and I.

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Hillary - The Documentary - The 2016 Propaganda Begins


CNN Films is making a feature-length documentary about former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. The release date has yet to be determined. The film adds yet another installment to the growing list of Hillary-related television projects and books slated for release before the 2016 presidential campaign.

But is also presents a potential image problem for CNN's News division as it covers Clinton in the run up to her highly anticipated bid for the White House.

Nevertheless, the project could cause some headaches for CNN as it seeks to ensure both Clinton's opponents and her supporters that the project will have no bearing on the network's news reporting.

Conservatives will likely criticize CNN for devoting so much airtime to a Democratic candidate, while the Clinton campaign is likely to take issue with the network for dedicating so much reporting to their candidate, rather than to her competitors.

CNN's Jake Tapper noted the editorial risks that NBC Entertainment will have to deal with over its forth coming Hillary Clinton mini-series calling it "a lose-lose situation editorially."

The mini-series, which will star Diane Lane, will follow Clinton from the Monica Lewinsky scandal through her time as Obama's Secretary of State, Variety reported on Saturday.

Well, I think the casting was perfect. Looking at Diane Lane and Hillary Clinton side-by-side, they look like twins......


The News As I See It: In Tennessee, a boy seven months old was at the center of a legal battle because his parents couldn't agree on his last name. They went to court and the magistrate refused to validate the kid's firsd\t name. The parents wanted to name him Messiah. The magistrate forced them to change it to Martin. If your first name is Messiah, you'll never find those little personalized license plates for your bike.

I think they should bring that magistrate to Hollywood and put her in charge of celebrity baby names because they're not even giving their kids names anymore. They're giving them nouns. You go to any playground in L.A., yell the word "river," and 10 kids will come running.

North Korea has announced that it's developing its own smartphone. Unfortunately, the phones are so smart, they've already escaped from North Korea.

Scientists have found a new link between high blood sugar and dementia. Which explains Cinnabon's new slogan, "The last bite you'll remember."

There's a new cable channel of entirely dog-based programing called Dog TV. In a related story, there's also an entirely cat-based channel called YouTube.

A hotel in New York now offers a plastic surgery recovery package. Basically it's a place for people to relax after they've seen Bruce Jenner up close.


This Date In History: 1900; International forces entered Beijing, China, in an effort to suppress the anti-foreign uprising known as the Boxer Rebellion. 1935; The Social Security Act became law. 1945; Japan surrendered to the United States, ending World War II.

1947; Pakistan became independent of British rule. 1951; Newspaper publisher William Randolph Hearst died in Beverly Hills, California. 1995; Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet at the Citadel, the state military college of South Carolina.

1997; Timothy McVeigh was sentenced to death for the Oklahoma City bombing. 2003; The largest blackout in North American history hit the northeast.

Picture Of The Day: Today's picture is a rarity for me. Until today, I had never seen the underside of a sting ray.


Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) 9 out of 10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip. 2) If I would brush my teeth as vigorously as the people in the toothpaste commercials do, my sink would look like a murder scene. 3) Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I'm supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me. 4) I expect that one day, the refrigerator will take revenge on me, opening the door to my room every half-hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then walk away. 5) Only kids of the 50's, 60's and 70's will remember this! "Go Play Outside!".....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeLeo - August 14th: I estimate that at least fifty percent of your efforts today will go, not only unrewarded, but also unnoticed. Life is like that this week.

Birthdays: John Galsworthy, English novelist and dramatist 1867, Ernest Everett Just, biologist, educator 1883, Russell Baker, columnist 1925, Steve Martin, actor 1945, Danielle Steel, author 1947, Magic Johnson, basketball player 1959, Halle Berry, actress, model 1966.


The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. The personnel director says, "You’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute."

Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute. The director says, "Also, you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course.” This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.

The director continues, "There’s one last requirement. You must be bilingual." With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"

A golfer was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first few holes.

The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms. The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to hustle other golfers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings." The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation and, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them!"


The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose, but only collects 2-3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase full of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose, "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?" Jose says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?" Carlos' sign reads, "I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support."

Jose says, "No wonder you only get 2-3 dollars." Carlos says, "So what does your sign say?" Jose shows Carlos his sign. It reads, "I only need another 10 dollars to move back to Mexico.

Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a warning sign that read, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the door. Inside, he noticed a harmless little dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. The stranger asked, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" The owner. "Yep, that’s him."

The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. "That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" The owner explained, "Because, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

That's it for today, my little ducklings. Remember, learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house. I'm on my way to AREA 51 for happy hour.

More on Friday.

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