Proposed Obamacare Seniors Plan

An alternative for Obamacare for seniors: You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there's no nursing care available for you. The new plan gives anyone 50 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 4 Politicians.

Of course, this means you'll be sent to prison, where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning and all the health care you need.

Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a new hip, knees, lungs or heart You know what? They are all covered. As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now.

Who will be paying for all of this? The same government that wants to let anyone crossing the southern border have the same benefits of Americans who were born here, while telling you they can't afford to take care of you.

Best of all, you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you're at it. In addition, because you are a prisoner, you no longer have to pay income tax.

On the other hand, the Supreme Court is in session today hearing a crucial case on the validity of parts of the law and its' decision may wildly change Obamacare. If not, we've always got the new Plan B.

The News As I See It: Another scandal for Hillary Clinton — they’re saying she used a private email address when she was secretary of state, which means the government couldn’t archive and preserve her emails. Experts say that if this violates any federal rules...... she'll still be president. Obama said, “Don’t worry, we saw Hillary's emails.. We read everyone’s emails."

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave a speech to Congress. It aired in Israel with a five-minute delay. Israelis had to wait five minutes to hear what their president was saying, or as Americans call that, watching Obama live. "Every speech … I make … takes … three hours."

Jeb Bush is getting his presidential campaign in gear. Last week he said he supports a path to citizenship for immigrants. He said, "I believe in an America where hard work and dedication can lead to any job that your brother and dad once had."

Nancy Pelosi said she was "near tears" during the prime minister's speech to Congress because it insulted America's intelligence. So please, nobody tell Nancy Pelosi about "The Bachelor."

Taco Bell is testing a new dessert item called Cap'n Crunch Delights. They are warm doughnut holes filled with sugary cream and rolled in Cap'n Crunch. They sure know how to capture the flavors of old Mexico.
 

This Date In History: 1789; The Constitution of the United States went into effect. 1791; Vermont became the 14th state in the United States. 1861; Abraham Lincoln was inaugurated as president.

1917; Jeannette Rankin took her seat as the first woman elected to the U.S. House of Representatives. 1933; Frances Perkins, appointed Secretary of Labor, became first woman to serve in the Cabinet.

1994; Four Muslim fundamentalists were found guilty in the 1993 World Trade Center bombing in New York. 1999; Retired Supreme Court Justice Harry A. Blackmun died in Arlington, Virginia., at age 90.

Picture Of The Day: Just checking her email.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If someone says they don't speak English, tell them their shoes are untied and see if they look down. 2) I went to Match.com. It wasn't to meet women. I went to search for a mate for one of my socks. 3) I told my doctor I had been noticing a burning sensation in my eyes and difficulty breathing after sex. He told me it was just the Mace. 4) I tell people I'm divorced, but technically, my ex-wife got lost in a corn maze. 5) For the person who lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band, I've got good news. I found your rubber band.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 4th: Half of what I say is meaningless, the other half is pure gold, purer than any snow that ever fell. Purer than the white cover on that classic Beatles' album. The trick here is to ascertain which half. Hell, flip a coin. That's what I usually do.....

Birthdays: Henry the Navigator, prince 1394, Antonio Vivaldi, composer 1675, Knute Rockne, football coach 1888, Miriam Makeba, singer 1932.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walked a young chick with a low-cut blouse that revealed a beautiful rose tattooed on one boob.

One woman leaned over to the other and said, "Poor thing. She doesn't know it, but in 50 years she'll have a long-stemmed rose in a hanging basket."

Little Johnny's class were on a trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted."

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. The policeman said, "Yes, the detectives want him very badly."

Little Johnny asked, while tugging on the man's belt, "Uh, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Little Johnny comes down for breakfast and since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has done his chores. Little Johnny replies, "Not yet." His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.

Pissed off, Johnny goes to feed the chickens and he kicks a chicken. He goes off to feed the cows and he kicks a cow. Then he goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

Johnny asks, "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk on my cereal?" His mother says "I saw you kick the chicken so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then his father comes down for breakfast, trips over the cat and kicks it as he is walking into the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother and with a smile says, "Are you going to tell him or should I?"

While taxiing at Atlanta Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Miami made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming, "U.S. Air 771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!"

She went on, "You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, U.S. Air 771?"

The humbled crew responded, "Yes, ma'am." Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of U.S. Air 771.

Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"

That's it for today, my little junebugs. Remember, making fun of an older person's age is like mocking them for getting hit by a train when you're only standing a little further down the same tracks. The plan is AREA 51 for happy hour.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

ObamaCare: Arrogance, Deception and Lies

Thou shalt not lie. Especially when thou messeth with one-sixth of the U.S. economy and especially when thou art assuring Americans that thy bill won't kill their health insurance policies. Because when thou gets snared in thy intentional deceptions, thy payeth hell.

Democrats in Congress and their allies sold ObamaCare. We know this because arrogant MIT economist Jonathan Gruber, a key architect of the act, repeatedly gloated — in video-recorded appearances — that the sponsors lied.

One passage from an October 2013 conference at the University of Pennsylvania: "lack of transparency is a huge political advantage and basically, you know, call it 'the stupidity of the American voter or whatever', but basically, that was really, really critical to getting this thing (ObamaCare) to pass."

The Wall Street Journal later reported that Obama's advisers knew he was making a promise he couldn't keep, and they debated whether he should "explain the nuances of the succinct line in his stump speeches."

Instead, three months after Obama signed the ACA in March 2010, the administration acknowledged on page 34,552 of the Federal Register its midrange estimate that "66 percent of small employer plans and 45 percent of large employer plans" couldn't survive ObamaCare. Last autumn's wave of canceled individual policies further debunked the If-you-like promise that, to their eternal chagrin, hundreds of campaigning Democrats repeated to voters.

Nancy Pelosi in a 2009 press conference, praised Jonathon Gruber's work on Obamacare.

Defenders of Obamacare dismiss these revelations with three breezy retorts: "We all knew how the law really would work." (No) "You gotta do what you gotta do." (No) And "This Gruber, he's a nobody." This third excuse basked in absurdity Thursday: Nancy Pelosi dismissively said she didn't know who Gruber is and that he didn't help write the ACA, so, "Let's put him aside."

Turns out that Pelosi issued a 2009 news release touting "noted MIT health care economist Jonathan Gruber" whose modeling predicted "lower premiums than under current law for the millions of Americans using the newly-established Health Insurance Exchange." Oh, and Pelosi also had discussed Gruber at a news conference.

Although the mainstream media as a whole (with few exceptions) is covering up the damning video of ObamaCare architect Jonathan Gruber openly discussing all the lies and deceit surrounding passage of Obama's signature domestic achievement, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi forced the Washington Post's hand on the matter Thursday when she was caught lying about not knowing Gruber.

Pelosi told reporters Thursday, "I don't know who [Gruber] is. He didn't help write our bill." The only problem with that claim is the Post's discovery that in November of 2009, Pelosi gushed over Gruber by name.

The question is not whether or not Obamacare is good for America. The question is should we allow politicians and their accomplices to knowingly lie to and deceive the American public without consequences. 

"We have to pass the bill so you can find out what is in it" — Then-U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi on Obamacare, March 9, 2010. Nancy Pelosi says she doesn't know him? Googling her, says she does, complete with video.

There you have it, my friends. Lies, deception and arrogance from Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Jonathon Gruber. And they wonder why they were overwhelmingly defeated and ousted in the 2014 midterm elections. Is this a great country or what?

Author's Note: Today's post is partially comprised of excerpts from The Chicago Tribune (November 13, 2014).
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/editorials/ct-gruber-obamacare-pelosi-obama-edit-1114-20141113-story.html

The Nascar Championship will be held this weekend at Miami-Homestead Speedway. The championship will be decided between the four finalists; Denny Hamlin, Joey Logano, Kevin Harvick and Ryan Newman.

Jeff Gordon won the pole position for Sunday's race with Championship drivers Kevin Harvick starting 5th, Denny Hamlin starting 8th, Joey Logano starting 9th and Ryan Newman qualifying in the 21st position. Methinks the race will be a barn-burner and should fun to watch.

The race starts at 3 pm (EST) and will be televised on ESPN.

The News As I See It: The Supreme Court lifted the ban on same-sex marriage in Kansas. They didn't give a reason for the ruling, but then again when a state is famous for a Judy Garland musical about a rainbow and a wizard who comes out of a closet, do you really need an excuse?

It's rumored that Obama is planning to announce a new 10-part immigration plan before Thanksgiving. And you thought your family wouldn't have anything to argue about this year.

The New York doctor who caught Ebola and proceeded to gad about town endangering the public, has been declared Ebola free. Obama called the doctor to thank him for his selflessness and compassion. Then to be safe, Obama threw his phone in a trash can and lit it on fire.

People in China criticized Obama for chewing gum while entering the economic summit in Beijing. They're saying he looked like a rapper. Hey, lose the suit and give him a joint....? I agree.

The European Space Agency landed a probe on a comet 317 million miles from Earth. When you get discouraged by how much attention people pay to Kim Kardashian's ass, remember that there are also people out there that know how to land a spacecraft on a moving comet 317 million miles away.

The Secret Service said there have been 40 fence-jumping incidents at the White House in the past five years. Half of them were intruders trying to get in. The other half was Obama trying to get out.

A tiger has been seen running around Paris. Citizens were told to stay indoors and do whatever's necessary to protect the wine and cheese. They should leave home only to smoke and to judge others. When Parisians first heard about a giant predator on the loose, they assumed it was Gerard Depardieu.

According to a new report, Detroit, Michigan, is the most dangerous city in the country with Oakland, California, coming in second and the third most dangerous was somehow Detroit again.

This Date In History: 1851; Herman Melville's novel Moby Dick was published. 1889; Nellie Bly set out to beat Jules Verne's fictional Phileas Fogg's time of 80 days to travel around the world. She did it in 72. 1922; The British Broadcasting Corporation began its domestic radio service.

1969; Apollo 12, the second manned lunar expedition, was launched. 1995; The U.S. federal government began a partial shut down of government services after the U.S. Congress could not pass a budget.

2002; Nancy Pelosi of California became the first woman and the first idiot to lead a party in Congress. 2003; The most distant object ever found in our solar system, named Sedna, was discovered by astronomers at the Mount Palomar Observatory.

Picture Of The Day: Democrats ousted by the 2014 midterm elections prepare to return home.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) For those waiting for me to go out of my mind, it may take longer as the exits are not clearly marked. 2) I hate it when my girlfriend asks me to hold her purse and it doesn't match what I'm wearing. 3) 600 shopping carts at Publix and I always pick the one with the front wheel that like to pirouette like a ballerina on speed. 4) I'm about ten pounds overweight and I know it's my own fault, but you'd be amazed how much "exercise" and "extra fries" sound alike. 5) I never was an Olympic athlete, but I did participate in a Toyotathon once.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - November 14th: Remember that water dissolves alien beasts and some witches. Do you really want to be drinking 8 glasses a day with that track record? If you pick yourself up by your shoe-strings today you are likely to fall flat on your ass. Test yourself today by walking around semi-nude, but remember that this will affect your chance of romance.

Birthdays: Robert Fulton, inventor, engineer, and painter 1765, Claude Monet, painter 1840, Jawaharlal Nehru, first Prime Minister of India 1889, Mamie Eisenhower, First Lady 1896, Aaron Copland, composer 1900, Astrid Lindgren writer 1907, Boutros Boutros-Ghali, ex-Secretary General of the U.N. 1922, McLean Stevenson, actor 1929, Wendy Carlos, composer and musician 1939, Charles, Prince of Wales, heir to the British throne 1948, Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of State 1954.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A Roadway truck driver is driving east on Route 66 and he sees another truck driving west. The CB crackles to life and a voice "Hey Roadway driver, who are the two biggest assholes in America?" The Roadway driver replies, "I don't know." The other trucker says " You and your brother.

The Roadway driver gets annoyed but the other driver tells him "It's just a joke. Tell it to the next truck you see."

The Roadway driver goes for about an hour and finally sees another truck. He gets on the CB and says, "Hey trucker, do you know who the two biggest assholes in the world are?" The other trucker says, "I don't know, who?" The roadway driver replies "Me and my brother."

A man and woman were having sexual problems and she asked him to see his doctor. The man said to his doctor, "I'm having trouble getting aroused."

The doctor examines him and says, "You'll need to have some work done to bring back your sex drive. I can do it in a series of operations that will take thirty days and cost twelve thousand dollars or I can do it in one operation right away that would cost thirty thousand dollars. Why don't you go home and discuss it with your wife?"

The next day the guy comes back into the doctor's office. The doctor says, "Did you talk it over with your wide?" The man nods is head. The doctor asks, "What did you decide?" The man says, "We're going to re-model the kitchen."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent Mary Louise to the hardware store. At the hardware store Mary Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe Bob to finish waiting on a customer.

When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Louise asked, "How much for the teapot?" Joe Bob replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!" Mary Louise replied, "My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to buy.

Joe Bob went to the backroom to find a hinge. From the backroom Joe Bob yelled, "Mary Louise, you wanna screw for that hinge?" Mary Louise replied, "No, but I will for that teapot!"

The woman quickly realized that the large wave had unceremoniously dispatched the top part of her bikini into the deep. More than a little embarrassed, she clasped her arms across her chest and made a dash for her car. She could sense everyone gawking at her along the way.

Upon entering the parking lot a little boy, who was following his mother to the beach asked, pointing to her arms, "Are you carrying puppies in there?" Not wanting to explain what had really happened, the woman replied, "Why yes, yes they are." She quickly moved on but heard the boy shout after her, "If you're giving them away, I'll take the one with the brown nose!"

That's it for today, my little furballs. Remember, serendipity is looking in a haystack for a needle and discovering the farmer's daughter. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Illusionists And Magicians

There's a difference between an illusionist and a magician. Harry Houdini was an illusionist. He was also the president of the Society of American Magicians. He was a popular president until he passed HoudiniCare.

 The word "magician" is from the Greek word "Mageaia," meaning "One who wears a top hat, cape and looks a bit like a gay vampire." I once got mugged by a magician. It wasn't funny. He took my wallet, my watch and every silver dollar I had behind my ear.

An illusionist is one who shows you something that defies the laws of nature, thus creating anxiety. It is something that creates a weird feeling in your stomach, like Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid.

Obamacare is an illusion created by illusionists. The trick is to connive and lie to the public about the grandeur of the plan without having the slightest idea of what you're talking about. Then you illegally amend and change the written law to fit your political needs.

Obama and his cohorts have once again illegally changed the law and have extended the sign up period by an additional two weeks. Why, you might ask? The answer is purely political. The mid-term elections are drawing near (November) and polls show that more than half of the electorate dislike Obamacare.....

On a sad note: Lynda Petty, wife of famed seven time NASCAR champion Richard Petty, passed away yesterday. My condolences to Richard and the entire Petty family.

The News As I See It: Obama has convinced the leaders of the world’s biggest economies to move the G-8 summit out of Russia this summer and meet in Brussels instead. Vladimir Putin said, "Good. By summer, Brussels will be part of Russia." Can you name all of the G-8? I try but I always forget Bashful. 

Over the weekend, Vladimir Putin ordered fireworks to go off in Moscow to celebrate Crimea joining Russia. That’s right, Putin ordered fireworks to go off in Moscow. Either that or one of Putin’s rivals tried to start his car.

Russia will fly an American astronaut to the International Space Station this week. And you thought driving someone home after a breakup was awkward.

In college basketball, March Madness starts out with 68 teams. Then it goes to 32. And then it drops to 16. It's like Obama's approval rating.

Elton John celebrated a birthday this week.. You know who else's birthday is this week? "Sex and the City" star Sarah Jessica Parker. One is a sassy lady dreaming about hooking up with Mr. Big. The other one is Sarah Jessica Parker.

Customs officials in Europe recently seized a shipment of cocaine that was addressed to the Vatican. Which can only mean that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford just received a giant box of communion wafers.
 

This Date In History: 1827; Composer Ludwig van Beethoven died at age 56 in Vienna, Austria. 1945; The battle of Iwo Jima ended; about 22,000 Japanese troops were killed or captured in the fighting and more than 4,500 U.S. troops were killed.

1971; East Pakistan proclaimed its independence, taking the name Bangladesh. 1979; In a ceremony at the White House, President Sadat of Egypt and Prime Minister Begin of Israel signed a peace treaty ending 30 years of war between the two countries.

1982; Groundbreaking ceremonies for the Vietnam Veterans Memorial took place in Washington, DC. 2000 Vladimir Putin was elected president of Russia.

Picture Of The Day: Harry Houdini, the world famous master of the illusion.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Now that my kids are getting older, I'm worried I'll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny. 2) I see dead people. Technically they're stupid people, but give me a few minutes. 3) I probably should've said, "Congratulations on your 4th child!" instead of "Halfway there, OctoMom". 4) There's a new website that helps you write elaborate works of personalized fiction. It's called Match.com. 5) A good indication of the intelligence of celebrities can be measured by the names they give their children. In an interview, one particular pair mentioned their children, Shoe and Turbo Pickle.".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - March 26th: Dank, inhospitable service station toilets may turn out to be your best friend today. It's all one big crap chute anyway.

Birthdays: Edward Bellamy, author 1850, A. E. Housman, poet and scholar 1859, Robert Frost, American poet 1874, James Bryant Conant, educator 1893, Tennessee Williams, dramatist 1911, Sandra Day O'Connor, jurist 1930, Alan Arkin, actor, director 1934, Diana Ross, singer 1944, Steven Tyler, musician 1948, Martin Short, actor, producer 1950.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live."

Bill replied, "But doctor, I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?" After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day."

Excitedly Bill asked, "And that will cure me?" The doctor replied, "No, but it will get you used to the dirt."

Once upon a time, there was a sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.

A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm, happy and able to breathe, he started to sing. 

 Just then a large cat came by and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

The moral of the story: 1) Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy. 2) Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend. 3) If you’re warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my friends Mike and  Viv for their contributions to today's stories.

A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn’t have a bath, although, if she wanted to, she could take a tub bath in front of the fire. The woman said, "Monday’s the best night, when my husband goes out to play darts."

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday. After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the tub and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the girl didn’t have any pubic hair.

She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn’t believe her, so she said, "Next Monday, when you go to play darts, leave a little early and wait outside the window. I’ll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked, "Do you shave?" The girl said, "No, I’ve just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?" The woman said,   "Oh, yes", and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed. The girl finished her bath and went to bed.

Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it?" He answered, "Yes, but why the hell did you have to show her yours." His wife replied, "Why ever are you worried about that? You’ve seen it often enough before." Her husband answered, " I know, but the whole damn dart team hadn’t!"

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that read, "$5.00 - If I can't tell you where you're from, I'll pay you $50.00."

The young man watched a cowboy approach the Indian and ask, "Is the sign right?" The Indian says, "yes." The cowboy hands him a five and says, ""you're on."

The Indian looks the cowboy up and down, noticing some cow dung on his boots and flatly states, "you're from Wyoming." The cowboy shakes his head and says, "I'll be darned! You're right" and strolls away.

A second cowboy approaches the Indian and goes through the same routine. Handing him the fiver, he stands and watches as the Indian looks him up and down and notices a bit of straw and cow dung on his boots. The Indian says, "you're from Montana." The dejected cowboy walks away.

The young man decides he's going to give the Indian a run for the money. He goes into the mensroom, takes his boots off, scrubs them up, dries them off, puts on a coat of polish and approaches the Indian. He hands the Indian a five dollar bill and says, "Do your stuff."

The Indian looks and looks, up and down, and appears to be befuddled. The young man is now thinking he's gone one up on the Indian. The Indian says, "You're from Arkansas."

The young man gets really upset and can't for the life of him figure out how the Indian could know that, so he asks, "How in the world did you know I'm from Arkansas?" The Indian replies, "By the wool on your zipper."

That's it for today, my little jellybeans. Remember, when you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that shit. I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Sometimes I Wonder How These Idiots Get Elected

There's a bad case of the "Dumb-Ass" passing all over America. I firmly believe that the original carriers (aside from Barry Obama) were Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters and Debbie Wasserman Schulz. The most recent example is neatly tucked deep in Obamacare. It requires all restaurants with at least 20 locations to list nutritional information alongside each and every item on their menu.

That edict is now creating headaches for small business owners across the country, particularly pizza chains. Take Domino's. There are 34 million different pizza combinations available at the chain, when all crusts and cheeses and toppings are factored in. Now imagine walking into a Domino's and navigating a menu board with 34 million different options on it.

This is the problem with Obamacare. It was hastily prepared with questionable promises to Democrats or states that got on board and passed in the middle of the night. I assure you that not one of the congressional voters ever read the bill which has been evident since day one.

Moreover, Obama knowingly lied to America with the promise that "If you like..." and the rest has been obvious. Obama's lies have earned more Pinocchio awards than anyone else.

With the coming 2016 election, you can expect more of the same. When anyone was opposed to Obama, they were called "racists". If Hillary is elected and you disagree with her, you can bet your ass you'll be called sexist. What's next....a gay goat for president?

The News As I See It: The NFL is warning Arizona that if they approve a bill that discriminates against gays they may not get to host the next Super Bowl. It may also hurt their chances of hosting the Tony Awards.

The Sochi Olympics are over. Russia ended up with the most gold medals. They said they played like their lives were on the line because their lives were on the line.

Jason Collins became the first openly gay player to play in an NBA game. He also became the first NBA player not being pursued by a woman for child support. Now he can move onto his next goal — becoming the Nets first openly good player.

CNN is canceling Piers Morgan's talk show. Yes, it's been 238 years since the Declaration of Independence, but it still feels good telling the British guy to get out. Larry King has offered to come back and replace Piers Morgan. Well, technically it wouldn't be "coming back." He's been living under the desk for the last three years.

The brassiere turns 100 years old this week and so does everyone who still calls it a brassiere.

A spelling bee in Missouri was forced to shut down on Saturday because it ran out of words for the final two contestants to spell. A nearby reporter said to the organizers, “You know, someone published a big book with all the words in it.”

This Date In History: 1815; Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from exile on the island of Elba. 1870; A 312-ft long pneumatic subway was opened in New York City; funding for a larger version never materialized. 1901; Leaders of the Boxer Uprising in China, Chi-hsui and Hsu Cheng-yu, were beheaded.

1919; Grand Canyon National Park was established. 1935; RADAR (Radio Detection and Ranging) was first demonstrated by Robert Watson-Watt. 1993; A bomb exploded at the World Trade Center in New York. The blast killed six people and injured more than 1,000.

Picture Of The Day: The sights of America.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Jesus said to Peter, "Come forth and I will give you eternal glory." Peter came fifth and won a toaster. 2) Apparently, airport security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane. 3) I woke up with the hangover from hell by the sound of my neighbor's lawn mower. He'll just have to mow around me, I'm not moving. 4) Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread? 5) You're suppose to wear clean underwear in case you're ever in an accident. My ex-mother-in-law wears a new pair of shoes every day in case a house lands on her.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - February 26th: Your task today is to keep these words in mind: Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll add to the global over-depletion of the oceans, then complain about global warming while he cashes his government check at the liquor store, so just give him the damned fish.

Birthdays: My friends Paige and Pepa - Happy Birthday ladies 19XX, Victor Hugo, writer 1802, Levi Strauss, entrepreneur, inventor 1829, Buffalo Bill Cody, American Plainsman 1846, John Harvey Kellogg, surgeon, advocate of dietary reform 1852, Johnny Cash, singer 1932, Jenny Thompson, swimmer 1973.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne. The woman said, "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne." The farmer said, "What a coincidence, it is a special day for me. I'm celebrating." The woman said, "It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!"

While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?" The woman replied, "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant." The farmer said, "What a coincidence. I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."

The woman said, "This is awesome! What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?" The farmer said, "I used a different rooster." The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."

A woman went to the doctor's office, where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 59 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my friend Tommy for his contribution to today's stories.

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy and says, "Dad, you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"

His father replies, "That's absolutely amazing. How do I get him in that program?" The boy says, "Just send him down here with $1,000. I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.

About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. His father says, "So how's Ole Blue doing, son? The boy replied, "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm, but you just won't believe this they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to read!"

His father exclaims, "Read?! No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?" The boy replies, " Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money.

The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

The boy says, "Dad, I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?' "

 The father says, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!" His son says, "I sure did, Dad!" The father replies, "That's my boy!"

A female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview and said, "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CBS. What's your name?" The old man replied, "Morris Feinberg."

She asked, "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" The old man said, "For about 60 years." The journalist responded, "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

The old man said, "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man. I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests and I pray that everyone will be happy."

The reporter asked him, "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" The old man turned and said, "Like I'm talking to a f**king wall"

That's it for today, my little garlic bagels. Remember, you can easily avoid drastic bodily harm by not staring at a female jogger and then walking into a fire hydrant. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !