Do We Really Need Another Comedian In The Senate?

Former Saturday Night Live comedian Al Franken has been declared the winner of the senate race in the state of Minnesota. This comes from the people who elected such great leaders as pro-wrestler and former Governor Jesse Ventura. In a time where the state of Illinois is the current champion of electing thieves, idiots and con men, it seems that Minnesota is attempting to usurp the throne and take over as the top provider of useless politicians. Then again, the current do-nothing U.S. Congress has been classified as the worst in history. In classic gridlock, the current Congress merely postures and takes stands which benefit their particular party instead of working together and the American public suffers.

The question is, do we need another comedian in the U.S. Senate? I say, what the hell, we already have body builder Arnold Schwarzenegger and pro-wrestler Ventura being elected by supposedly intelligent people, why not add Al Franken to the circus? After the this year elections, obviously anyone can get a job in politics. To round out these motley circus clowns, why not throw in whoever wins this year's American Idol show into the mix and add the "Podium Al" Sharpton as ambassador at large (pun intended).

Congratulations to The University of Florida who defeated the University of Oklahoma 24-14 in last night's BCS football championship in Miami. A classic game, it was relatively well played by both sides and considering the pressure of the event, there weren't many mistakes. It was close until the final quarter and the outcome was still in doubt until the final three minutes.

Question Of The Day Why is Red Truck Man asking for a happy hour meeting and what are his motives? I wonder if it has anything to do with the go-go golfing caper? More importantly, is Raul still in Venezuela? A recent copy of the Miami Herald may help explain...

It's Friday and chances are I'll mosey over to AREA 51 to see what's going on. I say "chances are" because I'm still having problems with my stubborn ankle which I injured a couple of weeks ago. It's looking better this afternoon than it did last night but I won't make a decision until "game time."

The Cat's Ass (CAT) Award has been unusually void of nominees for some time. Remember that anyone may nominate a stupid act by any person and we'll honor that stupidity with the Cat Award, so keep your eyes open.

This Date In History: 1806; Horatio Nelson is buried in a state funeral at St Paul's Cathedral.1839; French painter L. J. M. Daguerre announces to the French Academy of Arts and Science the first practical photographic process.

1972; Coal miners in Britain go on strike for the first time in 50 years.1951; The headquarters of the United Nations opens in New York. 1957; Anthony Eden resigns as prime minister after only 1 year and 279 days in office.

Picture Of The Day: Woody's back and was asking for a brief appearance today, so here he is. Woody's picture was always the last picture under the old AOL photograph structure, so I thought I'd let him stop by for a cameo.

Birthdays: Gracie Fields, British singer and comedian 1898, Simone de Beauvoir, French novelist 1908, Richard M. Nixon, 37th president of the United States 1913, Jimmy Page, rock guitarist 1944.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A man passed out on the beach in Miami for four hours, and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns with his skin already starting to blister,and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a viagra.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?" The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth both pass away on the same day and they both go before an angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in.

The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should get into Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure the angels will be pleased to see them every day, for eternity."

The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse,Shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever. The angel chuckles and says, "Okay, Your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and gets in! Would you explain that to me? The angel says, "Sorry Dolly, but, even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are !

That's it for today my little Puddin' Pops. Have a great and safe weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Visions Of 2009 On Hump Day

As I reflect on 2008, I can say we had a great year. Blacks are happy that Obama was elected. Whites are happy that OJ is in jail. Democrats are happy that George Bush is leaving office. Republicans are happy that Democrats will finally quit saying George Bush stole the election. Finally, all of us are so happy that the election is over!

I think 2009 will be even better. Immediately after his inauguration, Obama will balance the budget, revive the economy, solve the real estate problem, solve the auto industry problem, solve our gas/alternative energy problem, stop the fires and mudslides in California, ban hurricanes and tornadoes, stop identity theft, reverse global warming, find Osama, solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, get rid of corruption in government and achieve world peace . Then on the 7th day, he will rest.

On a serious note, I'd like to thank my pal Garnett for his continuing contributions to this journal. I like to think that I am relatively up to date with my thoughts and humor and I am continually foraging for that special joke or story for my entries. But, you can be sure that if, for some reason, I miss some of the current humor or stories of the day, I can always count on Garnett to email me something new or different. If you enjoy off-the-wall humor and commentary, please stop by Garnett's journal called "My Brain Is In Pain Again. http://garnett109.blogspot.com/

Today's Hump Day and under normal circumstances, I'd be going to AREA 51 for a little rest and recreation. The minor exception to this plan would be that if I happened to play dominoes and poker until 5:00 this a.m., which I did. My pal, Emilio, contributed to my delinquency and I doubt that he is any better shape than I. Nevertheless, after an afternoon nap, I feel pretty good, so we'll see what happens tonight/

Authors Note: BlogSpot is evidently having some picture upload problems, so I've resorted to Photobucket for today's pictures. If at the time of this post you see more than two photos, it means the problem was resolved.

This Date In History: 1558; Calais,the last English possession in France, falls to the Duke of Guise. 1610; Italian astronomer Galileo observes three satellites orbiting Jupiter. 1785; French aeronaut Jean Pierre Blanchard and American physician John Jeffries of Boston are the first to cross the English Channel successfully in a gas balloon. 1927; Commercial phone service across the Atlantic begins. 1979; The brutal regime of Pol Pot in Cambodia is overthrown.

Picture Of The Day: Today's invention day 'cause Blogspot picture uploader's on the fritz (not Mondale). Hope this works!

Birthdays: Millard Fillmore, 13th President of the United States 1800, St Bernadette, French visionary 1844, Jean Rampal, French flautist, who brought the flute to prominence as a virtuoso solo instrument in the 20th century 1922, Gerald Durrell, British conservationist and writer 1925.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Linda and Garnett for the following stories.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the Governor's Mansion in Springfield. One is from the capitol city of Springfield, another from the small town of Petersburg, and the third from Chicago. They go to the job site with Governor Rod Blagojevich to examine the fence.

The Springfield contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. He says, "well, I figure the job will run about $900. That's $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Petersburg contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. That's $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Governor Blagojevich and whispers, "$2,700." Blagojevich says, "Hey, you didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back, 'that's $1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the dumb ass from Petersburg to fix the fence." The Governor says, "Done!" And that, my friends, is how business is done in Illinois!!!

Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.

That's It for today my little Playtex Pushups. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

We'll Return To Our Story Right After These Crumby Commercials

The New Year has settled in and hopefully we're on our way towards better times. The economy is still pinching everyone's wallet and things will be tight for some time to come, but I think we're close to the bottom of the market. As I watch the advertisements on TV lately, there seems to be more scam ads being run. While the old P.T. Barnum quote "There's a sucker born every minute", is relatively true, some of these ads are downright insulting....even to a sucker!

The "Yours for only $19.95" adds are permeating the market with some of the sleaziest products and sales pitch persons I've seen in a while. Of course, if you "act now", they will double your order for the same price. This means you'll receive twice the amount of garbage that has a total value of about $4.00. They make even more money because you have to pay "shipping and handling" twice.

These "only $19.95" ads often employ the annoying monotonous voice of Billy Mays. This jerk is on the tube more than ever, hawking any and every piece of crap imaginable. Anything I see being hawked by Billy Mays goes right into the "do not purchase" category. Someone should force him to listen to his own commercials for about an hour and perhaps his tone would change occasionally

Then, there's the ugly wife of the man that owns and touts the "Cash 4 gold" company that wants to buy your "old, unwanted jew-ler-y." They don't say she's his wife in the ad but if she isn't his wife, she's his sister. The commercial is so cheaply made, you can be sure that the old, ugly broad is his wife and the younger, whining princess is his daughter.

Attorneys are coming back with newer ads and newer things to sue you for so, they must be hurting as well. It couldn't happen to a better bunch of people. The only thing in the world lower than attorneys and politicians is whale shit, which is at the bottom of the ocean.

In Miami, the scam artists are having a field day with greedy victims who they approach with a supposed winning lottery ticket. The tell the "victim" that they cannot cash the ticket because they are illegal aliens and promise to give the "victim" a large amount of "under the table" cash in exchange for cashing the ticket for them. Of course, they need a small amount of "good faith" money from the "victim". In the end, the greedy "victim" gets taken for his money and deservedly so.

Probably the saddest and most annoying advertisements are for Extenze, a theoretical pill that promises men growth of "that certain part of the male body." If you're stupid enough to buy it, then you deserve it. Aside from the fact that the company is being prosecuted in several states, greedy media types still permit this kind of advertisements. It would be funnier if the pill actually worked, but the growth in the assumed "certain part of the male body", was that the buyer had to wheel his testicles around in a wheelbarrow.

This Date In History: 1895; Richard Dreyfus is publicly cashiered (a term associated with the dismissal of military officers of high rank) in Paris. 1933; Construction begins on the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, California. 1971; England and Australia play cricket's first one-day international. 1972; U.S. President Richard Nixon launches the space shuttle program.

Picture Of The Day: I had to search around for some corresponding graphics for today's entry and I stumbled across some of these animals whose poses sort of represented today's thoughts. They're a bit eclectic, but as my pal, Nancy says, so am I.

Birthdays: Special Happy Birthday wishes to AREA 51 members Rose Jan 3rd 19XX, and Linda Jan 4th 19XX, Stephen Decatur, American naval officer 1779, Konrad Adenauer, first Chancellor of West Germany 1876, Alvin Ailey, American dancer and choreographer 1931, Umberto Eco, Italian literary scholar noted for his novel Il Nome Della Rosa (The Name of the Rose) 1932.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Urgent Bulletin:

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States and Canada that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America and Canada's supply of convenience store managers.

If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by AOL and Verizon customer service reps.

A Truck Driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride. A ways down the road the Truck Driver saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He turned the truck on a direct course with the lawyer.

Then he thought "Oh no, I have a priest in the truck I can't run down this lawyer" and at the last second the Truck Driver swerved to miss the lawyer. But, the Truck Driver heard a thump outside of the truck, he looked in his rear-view mirror but didn't see anything.

He turned to the priest and said "Sorry Father, I just missed that Lawyer at the side of the road" And the priest said "Don't worry son, I got him with my door."

That's it for today my little Tiger Lillies, more on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

Just As Sweet As Chocolate And You Never Know What You'll Get !

The ladies all looked exceptionally beautiful this holiday season and I'm well aware of the time it takes for them to get prepare themselves and go out. I'm not just referring to the time it takes them to shower, put on make up and get dressed. There's a lot more preparation than meets the eye and most single men probably aren't aware of it.

You've never lived until the time that you encounter a member of the female species in their natural state. The young single male that stumbles upon this shy creature without make-up and the other preparational rituals that women go through would probably not recognize the same woman dressed in all her finery.

Hair is the most important thing to women and most women tint their hair. Some do it themselves and some go to a beauty salon, but most all of them do it. Then there's that "unwanted hair", or at least that's what the TV commercials say. The single men think that women just remove the hair on their legs and the "bikini area" and that's it. If they only knew!

Beginning with the feet, women remove hair all the way to the eyebrows. They use razors, tweezers, creams, bleach and the always amusing hot wax. If you think hot wax is funny, have someone apply hot wax to your chest hair or pubic hair and let them rip it out. One time will suffice! After you finish wiping the tears from your eyes and scraping the dog or cat off the ceiling, it will give you a whole new outlook on life and the added fun of explaining the missing patches of hair to your locker-room buddies.

One of my fondest memories of early encounters with a bevy of primping women was how they looked with hair in various stages of tinting, including tin foil and layers of dye on their hair. This was complimented by the seeing their toes in a little contraption that separated each toe for painting. Each Cinderella in waiting also had the obligatory "blue moustache" and painted blue arms (for bleaching) while they did each others nails.

The highlight of these get-togethers that allows the time to pass quickly is gossip (or chisme). I doubt seriously that they could spend that much time primping without gossip. The one thing that I did notice in my first encounter with the bevy of primpers was that they paid me no mind, with the exception of their conversations which changed noticeably from raucous speaking and laughter to low whispering.

This isn't new information for most older or married men, but for the young single man, there's a new reckoning on the horizon. Men, for the most part, just shower, shave, get dressed and they're ready to go. Most men have no idea of how to dress but if they're fortunate, there's a wife or girlfriend who gently and continually help them with their clothing purchases so that they don't look as goofy as they naturally are. Unfortunately, putting cologne and a silk shirt on neanderthal doesn't change him much, but as long as he doesn't speak, one would never know.

So, here's to the ladies, because they make life enjoyable and the world a more beautiful place.


It's Friday and my weekly trek to AREA 51 is in order. It will be interesting to see how many people will be out and about after New Year's Eve, but hell, they had Thursday night off and it's time to party. Methinks I'll go to the karaoke show at Lakes Cafe and Sports Bar, but then again. I never really know until I get there. We'll see.

This Date In History: 1492; The Spanish forces of King Ferdinand V and Queen Isabella I take the province of Granada from the Moors. 1757; Robert Clive retakes Calcutta from the nawab of Bengal. 1959; The Soviets launch Luna I, the first spacecraft bound for the Moon. 1993; Leaders of the warring factions meet in peace talks regarding Bosnia for the first time.

Picture Of The Day: Two of my favorite things are women and chocolate, so I thought I'd combine the two. I'm unsure as to which one is sweeter, but I know that both have a lot of calories and can be quite addictive. You can see the entire chocolate gallery at "Jimmy's Journal - The Original" by clicking the link on my sidebar or the link provided below. http://jimmysjournal-theoriginal.blogspot.com/

Birthdays: James Wolfe, British general 1727, Philip Freneau, American poet 1752, Michael Tippett, British composer 1905, David Bailey, British photographer 1938.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Garnett and my pal Jerry for today's stories.

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."

The widow replied, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."

A man was traveling the world when he came upon a beautiful little bar in a rural area of Ireland. Perfect scene with green pastures and everything being made of wood. When the man entered he was surprised to see only the bartender. After ordering a beer the man began to feel uncomfortable from the cold stare of the bartender.

Finally the bartender approached the man and said, "Ya see all these chairs in this bar. I built them with my bare hands. But do ya see them callin' me the chair maker? No!" The bartender drank a shot and continued, "Ya see that fence surroundin' this bar. I built them with my bare hands. But do ya hear them callin' me the fence maker? Do ya? No!"

After another shot the bartender continued, "Ya see this whole bar. I built it with my bare hands. But do ya see them callin' me the bar maker? No!" Slamming down another shot, the bartender yelled, "But you screw one goat.........!"

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”

That's it for today my little Candy Kisses. Have a safe and great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

New Year's Resolutions And Advice For New Year's Eve

Well, tonight's New Year's Eve and before I get into my silliness, I'd like to remind you that tonight is amateur night for drinkers. People who do not drink all year will have a sip of the spirits tonight and that spells danger (Will Robinson). Over the years, one of the things I have learned is that if you're going out, try to stay close to home. The shorter the path to safety the less chance you'll encounter problems.

For the non-drinkers who will drink tonight, eat first and pace yourself! You'll handle the liquor much easier by drinking slowly on a full stomach. Once you start feeling the alcohol, make sure you call all of your family and friends to wish them a Happy New Year. Then, you can go ahead and throw-up, lose your cell phone and pass out in the front yard.

For the ladies who get a bit tipsy, look around for the silver haired gentleman with shaded glasses. Flick your bic and hold it high. It's much easier for me to find you in a crowd.

Those of you making New Year's resolutions might want to clearly think out the potential consequences before making them. One resolution always made on New Year's Day is "I'll never drink again." Obviously this is a resolution you may keep for 364 days, but New Year's Eve does occur annually and you're back to square one.

Some of the people in the news are making New Year's resolutions as well and you'll find them throughout today's post. I've learned from the past not to make any serious resolutions as most of them are broken within days of making them. My resolution for 2009 is to continue doing what I did in 2008 but with a better success rate. There are, however, a few minor exceptions from the 2008 list which I will not address at this time.

Tonight is one of the best nights to head to AREA 51 and, as usual, I have no idea where I'm going. On this particular evening, it doesn't really matter as there are parties everywhere and it's simply a question of finding them.

This Date In History: 1600; The East India Company, which will be a major force in the history of India for more than 200 years, is established by charter granted by Elizabeth I. 1775; At the outset of the American War of Independence, American troops under General Richard Montgomery and Colonel Benedict Arnold make an unsuccessful attempt to take Quebec from the British.

1805; The French Republican Calendar, in use since 1793, is abolished by Napoleon I. 1865; Wellington supersedes Auckland as the capital of New Zealand. 1879; Thomas Edison publicly demonstrates his incandescent electric light bulb. 1960; The farthing, in use as currency in England since the 13th century, ceases to be legal tender.

Picture Of The Day: New Year's resolutions from people in the 2008 news are today's subject matter. It's fun to see what these zany characters will think of next. These are only a few of them and the rest of them will be featured on Jimmy's Journal - The Original. You can click the link on my sidebar or click the link below. http://jimmysjournal-theoriginal.blogspot.com/

Birthdays: Bonnie Prince Charlie, known as the Young Pretender, or Bonnie Prince Charlie, claimant to the British throne who led the Scottish Highland army in the Forty-Five uprising 1720; Charles Cornwallis, general and statesman 1738; George Meade, American army officer 1815; Henri Matisse, French artist 1869; George Marshall, American military commander 1880; Jule Styne, British-born American composer 1905; Anthony Hopkins, actor 1937; Ben Kingsley, actor 1943.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: 'Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $5,000. please advise. "The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies.

Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"

That's it for today my little munchkins. Have a safe and Happy New Year and more on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

You Only Live Twice or "You Bought Her What?"

I know, I know, I said I probably wouldn't go out to AREA 51 Friday night, but I did. I really wasn't going anywhere when, lo and behold, my partner in crime, Emilio called me and, using undue influence and peer pressure, invited me for a drink. It started out innocently enough and we stopped by the local Winn Dixie to purchase some items. It just so happened that the Cigar club is in the same shopping center, so.......

After making some quick donations in a poker game, we headed over to Lakes Cafe and Sports Bar for some drinks. It was unusually slow for a Friday night and after one drink we decided to check out one more place, which was actually closed at 11:30 p.m. The handwriting was on the wall and we realized it would be a good idea to call it an evening. Emilio's actual words were, "I can't take another 8:00 in the morning deal," a thought which I readily agreed with. Discretion being the better part of valor, I arrived home about 12:30 a.m., which I thought was pretty good.

So what did Santa bring you? It seems that Christmas and the holidays bring out the little boy or girl in all of us. I don't care what people say, that little boy or girl in all of us thinks it's better to receive than give. Unfortunately, sometimes the giver has not thought the process of giving out thoroughly (or did not get the obvious hints one usually emits when nearing the holidays).

Witness the poor soul whose Aunt Matilda sends him a fruitcake. Anyone in their right mind knows that the only real use for a fruitcake is a doorstop. I always feel sorry for the men that receive ties for Christmas. As a business man, I always enjoyed receiving ties and even if they weren't very chic, I could always exchange them for a more suitable one. Other men, however, have very little use for ties since they work as auto mechanics or other trades.

Fortunately for men, their better half, sister or mother always makes sure that their men receive their annual re-supply of underwear, T-shirts and sox. Although these things are not very flashy, it always come in the Saint Nick of time as men never purchase these items for themselves.

Women don't fare much better as most men have no idea what to buy for a woman. The usual resource for those who do not read the obvious and sometimes blatant hints, is wandering to the jewelry department and purchasing something there. Others attempt to purchase perfume, but that's a tricky and dangerous idea. If it smells delicious and she doesn't already have the same perfume in her inventory, she'll wonder how you know about this particular perfume. In any case, no matter what a man purchases for the special women in their life, it is usually and discretely exchanged.

My tip for men would be not to give cash and try to eliminate the middle man. Women need to go through the ceremonial gift opening ritual and then they exchange whatever you purchased. Fortunately, women have that sixth sense and they know in advance that men will purchase the wrong present. The day after Christmas sale was designed specifically for that purpose and in case you didn't notice, women shoppers outnumber male shoppers by an incredible amount.

This Date In History: 1170; Thomas à Becket is murdered in Canterbury Cathedral by four knights loyal to Henry I. 1845; Texas is admitted into the United States of America as the 28th state of the union.

1890; Hundreds of unarmed Sioux men, women, and children are massacred by the 7th Cavalry at Wounded Knee, in South Dakota, in the last major clash between Native Americans and American soldiers. 1937; The Irish Free State, the Irish dominion of the Commonwealth of Nations established by the Anglo-Irish Treaty of 1921, passes into history and becomes the new independent state of Éire.

Picture Of The Day: The holiday gifts that people sometimes receive do not always meet their expectations. The current economy have effected the value of some of these gifts as well and politics always seem to always have a residual effect. Be that as it may, I found a few holiday gifts that I hope will amuse you.

Birthdays: Marquise de Pompadour, mistress of Louis XV 1721, Charles Macintosh, inventor and chemist 1766, Charles Goodyear, American inventor 1800, Andrew Johnson, 17th president of the United States 1808, William Gladstone, British statesman, four times Prime Minister of Great Britain 1809, Pablo Casals, Spanish cellist 1876, Vera Brittain, novelist and autobiographer 1893.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Garnett, my pal Jerry and brother Kirt for some of today's stories.

The Worlds Shortest Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time a man asked a woman to marry him. She said, "No!", and the man drank beer and caroused with women and stayed out late and used the guest towels and farted at will and didn't put the toilet seat down and lived happily ever after.

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" Mabel pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."

A man took his wife to see a doctor because she wasn't feeling well. After testing her, the doctor went to the waiting room to speak with the husband. "Well sir, she has either two things. Alzheimer's or HIV." Very confused the man replied "How did you get that conclusion? They are totally different." The doctor replied, "Although they're very different, they look identical in the early stages."

After a short pause the man asked, "So, what do you suggest I do doctor?" The doctor answered, "Take her for a ride deep into the valley then drop her off." Even more confused the man asked, "Then what?" The doctor replied, "If she finds her way back, don't have sex with her."

There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. She asked, "Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?"

The shepherd looked puzzled but agreed. Out of the blue, she blurts out “57!” He was stunned but kept his word and allowed her to pick out a sheep. She picked out the cutest one. He looked at her and said “If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"

That's it for today my little party planners. More on New Year's Eve.

Stay Tuned !

There Has To Be A Morning After And It's Called Payback !

Christmas Eve and Noche Buena were fantastic! After eating, I hooked up with my pal, Emilio around 10:00 p.m. and we ventured out into AREA 51 to see some friends and party. We went to three parties that evening and surprisingly, the streets were rather quiet as most people were at parties. You can always tell when you're getting close to a good party because you can hear it two blocks before you see it.

Somewhere around 2:30 a.m., we decided to stop at Emilio's house and kick back ostensibly to have a quick nightcap and call it at night. Emilio suggested that we play a few hands of poker and that led into some intense games which kept us laughing and talking most of the night.

The next thing I knew there was light coming into the windows and we realized that we had either entered the Twilight Zone or morning had broken. Needless to say it was the latter and I got home around 8:30 a.m.

I woke up around 1:00 p.m. on Christmas Day and after scouring the house for the rest of my body parts, I began making phone calls and got on the computer to send Christmas wishes to family and friends. If, by chance, there are any of you that I did not call or email, please consider this author's condition and a belated Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.

Christmas night, I was invited to see my pals Dr. Marc, Rosie and Chico (his Siberian Husky). Rosie was her usual self, planning the evening to a tee and providing a luscious lay-out of food that was delicious. Probably the best dish of the night was fresh Florida avocados with extra virgin olive oil, lemon juice and freshly ground pepper. Mmmmm !

We retired to the patio which overlooks a beautiful lake and invited our mutual friend and spiritual advisor Johnnie Walker Black to join us in a evening of conversation and laughs. I'm not real sure what time we left but I believe it was early a.m.

Today's Friday and usually that means my weekly trek into AREA 51 but I'm not too sure if that will come to pass. Since I'm no longer in Olympic training condition, it may prove to be mission impossible. The again, I've been known to change my mind at the last moment. It's early yet, so we'll see.

Just A Note: I've added a new link to my good friend Carlos Oliva's web site. Carlos and I go back a number of years and his CDs and albums are listed at his site. Carlos sings in both English and Spanish and he was one of the orginators of combing the two languages in song. Check out his site by clicking the link under "favorite sites" on my sidebar.

This Date In History: 1776; During the American War of Independence, a British army of Hessian mercenaries is defeated by an American force led by George Washington at the Battle of Trenton. 1898; Marie Curie, along with her husband Pierre Curie, announces the existence of a new radioactive element, radium.

1941; Winston Churchill becomes the first British prime minister to address a joint meeting of the US Congress. 1943; At the Battle of the North Cape, the German battle cruiser Scharnhorst, while attempting to attack a British Arctic convoy to the USSR, is sunk by the Royal Navy.

1972; Harry S. Truman, the US president during the final months of World War II, dies aged 88 in Independence, Kansas. 2004; A tsunami in the Indian Ocean kills hundreds of thousands in South East Asia.

Picture Of The Day: I've posted a picture of my pal Emilio as well as my pals Dr. Marc and Rosie. I told myself both Christmas Eve and Christmas day that I'd take pictures with my cell phone while I was out and about but Old Timers Disease just won't allow me to do so. Perhaps I'll just pin a note on my shirt before going out with my name and address on it and instructions for me to take pictures of wherever I'm at and then take me to the hom..., to my home.

I also came across this great graphic of Santa Bush and the U.S. Congress' Christmas bailout card for the American taxpayer. I'm quite sure that president-elect Obama-lama-ding-dong will pick up the financial cross, walk across the water to the U.S. Congress and begin spending money like he just cashed his Friday paycheck at the liquor store. Create and spend..... I can't wait to see who's gong to pay for all of this, other than the usual suspects.

Birthdays: Thomas Gray, poet 1716, Charles Babbage, British mathematician and inventor, who designed and built mechanical computing machines on principles that anticipated the modern electronic computer 1791, Henry Miller, American writer 1891, Mao Zedong, Chinese communist leader 1893.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A young blonde woman had been taking golf lessons all week long. She`d just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense , she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.

Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,”Why are you back so soon?” She answered, “I was stung by a bee.” The golf Pro asked, “Where?” The woman said, “Between the first and second holes.” The golf Pro nodded his head knowingly and said,”Then your stance is too wide.”

That's it for today my little fruitcakes. Have a great and safe weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !