Dick Tracy's Two Way Wrist Radio-TV

On February 2nd, Rupert Murdoch, in coordination with Apple, released a new publication called "The Daily", a sort of new Internet "newspaper" that requires a paid subscription and is only available on the I-Pad. Since most print newspapers are quickly going the way of the likes of the Pet Rock and the Hoola Hoop, I find the concept interestingly futuristic. But the main thought it brought to mind was the Dick Tracy comic strip that I read every Sunday morning in the part of the newspaper we called the funnies.

In today's day and age of computers, cell phones and video recorders, few remember Dick Tracy, but back in the day, he had the same electronics that are available today. I refer to Dick Tracy's famous two-way wrist radio and the subsequent two way wrist radio-tv.

What we thought was impossible at the time, strip creator and artist Chester Gould found quite plausible in his mind. Dick Tracy made it's debut on October 4, 1931, in the Detroit Mirror. It was distributed by the Chicago Tribune New York News Syndicate. Gould wrote and drew the strip until 1977. The famous two-way wrist radio debuted in 1946 and was then upgraded to the two-way wrist tv in 1964. Who'da thunk it ?

The News As I See It: CNN’s Anderson Cooper was punched in the head in Egypt. He got hit in the head about 10 times, and I think he got kicked in the Mini Cooper too. We have to take Anderson’s word since it was on CNN, so no one saw it. This raises 2 questions. Is it safe to send our media into these places? And how do we get Glenn Beck over there?

It was so cold in Washington, D.C., that they needed jumper cables to get Dick Cheney started. The winter storm has caused the cancellation of over 11,000 flights. Many of the pilots had to sleep at the airport because they were too drunk to drive home.

Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak’s son Gamal does not want to be Egypt’s next president. Experts say it’s no big deal, because "if you’ve seen one Mubarak, you’ve seen Gamal." Things are not looking good for Mubarak. Today he canceled his Super Bowl party. That’s a bad sign. I've been watching a lot of the news footage, and it turns out they don't walk like Egyptians after all. They walk regular like us.

The owners of Chick-fil-A restaurants were very anti-gay-marriage, but now it seems that they’ve reversed their stand, In fact, just today they introduced the Chick-on-Chick-fil-A.

This Date In History: 1783; England proclaimed the formal end to the hostilities with the United States. 1787; Shays's Rebellion, an uprising of Massachusetts farmers, was defeated. 1789; George Washington and John Adams are elected the president and vice president of the United States.

1861; Delegates from six southern states met at Montgomery, Ala., to form the Confederate States of America. 1945; Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin met at the Yalta Conference. 1948; Ceylon (now Sri Lanka) gained independence from the United Kingdom.

1969; The Palestine National Congress appointed Yasir Arafat head of the Palestine Liberation Organization. 1974; Patricia Hearst, granddaughter of newspaper mogul William Randolph Hearst, was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army.

1976; Benjamin Britten, British composer, died. 2003; The country of Yugoslavia disappeared, to be replaced by the loose federation of Serbia and Montenegro.

Picture Of The Day: Since the camel jockeys are still going apeshit in Egypt, the photoshop gang got busy with new pictures.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Earn cash in your spare time. Blackmail your friends. 2) Ladies, when you're climbing the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your dress! 3) Reality shows tell me what my life would be like if it were run by writers not smart enough to make movies. 4) People sweat so that they don't catch fire while they're making love. 5) Did you ever wonder who was the first person to see a hen and thought, "I think I'll eat the next thing the comes out of that chicken's ass"?......and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Aquarius - February 4th: Any beer consumed tonight may come back to haunt you, possibly in the form of a dead comedian. Paris Hilton will "pop round" today for a chat and a biscuit, either in spirit or in person. Incidentally, a small chihuahua will weedle itself into your garden and poop all over your favorite plants. At this point, it is recommended that you setup web cams all over your house so that you can publish all incidents to a website and earn billions of dollars. This horoscope may destruct in 10 seconds.

Birthdays: Tadeusz Kosciusko, general 1746, Fernand Léger, painter 1881, Charles Lindbergh, American aviator 1902, Clyde William Tombaugh, astronomer 1906, Rosa Parks, civil rights activist 1913, Betty Friedan, feminist 1921, George Romero, filmmaker 1939, Dan Quayle, vice president 1947, Oscar De La Hoya, boxer 1973.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A week after their marriage, the Louisiana newlyweds, Tyrone and Wanda, paid a visit to their doctor. Tyrone said, "You ain't gonna believe this, Doc. My thing's turnin blue." The doctor said, "That's pretty unusual. Let me examine you."

The doctor took a look. Sure enough, Tyrone's "thing" really was blue. The doctor turned to Wanda and asked, "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed for you?" She replied brightly, "Yep, I sho' am!" The doctor said, "And what kind of jelly are you using with it?" She replied, "Grape."

Earl and Bubba, two good ole boys from Dixie are quietly sitting in a boat fishing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoke to me in over 2 months." Earl sips his beer and says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

Fiona, the Scottish housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did a split and suctioned-cupped herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband, "Angus! Angus!" Angus came running in. She screamed, "Angus, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor," Angus tried to pull her up and said, "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get me mate Duncan".

They came back and they both tried to pull her up. Duncan said, "No way, we can't do it. Let's try Plan B." Angus exclaimed, "Plan B? What's that?" Duncan said, "I'll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles under her." Angus said, "Good idea! While you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her nipples." Duncan said, "Play with her nipples? Not exactly a good time for that mate!" Angus replied, "No, but I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper!"

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down in the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. "Yes", he replied. The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter said, "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Angelina Jolie. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the woodcutter. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, "Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Angelina Jolie, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don't want her to share me with anyone, so that's why I said yes to Angelina Jolie."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.....or not !

That's it for today my little tadpoles. Remember, a positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. I'm going to AREA 51 for the Karaoke show. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

The Psychiatrist Is In !

I save things. I don't know why, I just do. Maybe it's because money was tight when I was a kid. Looking back at my youth, we were theoretically poor but I didn't realize it. Yet, I had everything I really needed growing up. Yes, there were some kids who always got that new bicycle every year but they never really appreciated it.

Yeah, I save things. Even as an adult, that pack rat mentality still dwells inside of me. When I was married (both times), both wives were constantly on me to get rid of all of my "useless junk." I recall one day in particular when I went to find something I had stowed away and it was gone. When I asked my wife about my things, her response was, "Oh, I threw it out. Did you want that junk?" Uh, yeah. I eventually took both of my wives' advice and got rid of all of my useless things. That's why I'm single......

The problem I have with saving things is that I'm not bright enough to write down where I put them. I always think that I will remember. This thought comes from a man who gets up from the computer, goes to the kitchen and upon arrival, cannot remember why he is in the kitchen.

I spoke yesterday with my pal Victor, who I have known since we were kids. I told him I would send him some old pictures I have of him with Brother Kirt and some of our other pals. After searching for an hour, I could not find the pictures. I think they're probably with the $100 bill I have hidden in my secret hiding place. That's another problem...I forgot where my secret hiding place is.

I think that my tendency to hold on to what I consider "special things" spilled over to my relationship with friends and family. I cherish the times with them, both present and past. Over the years I've been poor and also had money. My true wealth is having wonderful family and friends and, looking back, I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Possum S. Hemmingway has asked me to tell you that he is making a new post this coming Sunday and he'll be sending you an alert. Humor him, if you will. He is the only one that helps me find all the junk I've stowed away.

The News As I See It: According to Us Weekly, Tiger Woods is at a sex rehab facility in Mississippi and his wife Elin is staying nearby at Brett Favre’s ranch. That's another interception for Brett Favre this week. Susan Boyle had a bit of a scare the other night after an intruder broke into her house, which must be terrifying. Imagine walking into a dark living room in the middle of the night and bumping into Susan Boyle.

MSNBC's Chris Mathews, after watching Obama's State of the Union Address, declared he "forgot he was black for an hour." This is the same guy who was so excited during one of Obama's 2008 campaign speeches that he said he felt a "thrill going up my leg." Nancy Pelosi once again reprised her role as the inimitable retarded seal, standing and clapping every time Obama's uttered a rhetorical word in his State of the Union address. Word has it that she'll be asked to assist the trainers at Sea World to teach the lazier seals how to inanely stand, clap and react appropriately when they're thrown a sardine.....

This Date In History: 1802; John Beckley became the first Librarian of Congress. He was paid $2 a day. 1845; Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven was published. 1850; Henry Clay introduced the Compromise of 1850 to the Senate. 1861; Kansas became the 34th state in the United States.

1886; Karl Benz received a patent for the first successful gasoline-driven car. 1936; Ty Cobb, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner, Christy Mathewson, and Walter Johnson were the first players elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York. 1963; Poet Robert Frost died in Boston.

Picture Of The Day: Apple's new I-Pad seems to be popular although it seems to me that it's nothing more than an overgrown i-phone. But, wait! There's more! If you buy now, apple will send you these additional items that are pictured today. Just pay additional shipping and handling charges of $499. Hell, if you'll pay $499 for an overgrown i-phone, you'll probably buy the rest of this crap, as well.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I'm not complaining, but I have no idea how women can wear thongs. 2) Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 3) The only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry is when a heroic dog dies to save his master or after being struck in the testicles with anything moving fast than 7 mph. 4) Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 5) You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work with a massive hangover, however you may: a) hide the aspirin, 2) turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken -or- 3) have him paged every seven minutes.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Thomas Paine, political theorist and writer 1737, William McKinley, American President 1843, Anton Chekhov, writer 1860, Frederick Delius, composer 1862, John D. Rockefeller, Jr., philanthropist 1874, W. C. Fields, actor 1880, Edward Abbey, writer 1927, Tom Selleck, actor 1945, Oprah Winfrey, TV personality 1954, Greg Louganis, diver 1960.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill:

Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, "You have no idea what I had to go through to get to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend." The second guy said "That nothing. I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool."The third guy said "Man, you guys have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her."

They continued to play several more holes when they realized that the fourth guy had not said a word about how he managed to get out of the house. So the first guy said, "You haven't said a word about what you had to do to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?" The fourth guy smiled and said "Well, I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. When it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave my wife a nudge and said 'Golf course or intercourse?' and she said 'Wear your sweater'"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Garnett, Linda, Robin and Victor for their contributions to today's stories.

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, were sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?" Solomon thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal. If I die first, I will come back and tell you, and if you die first, you come back and tell me, if there is baseball l in heaven."

They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" The spirit of Abe says, "Yes it is Sol," Still amazed, Sol asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?" Abe says, "Well, I got good news and I got bad news."

Sol says, "Gimme the good news first." Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

Four old golfer were standing on the first tee. Just as Ralph is about to hit his tee shot, a funeral procession drives by. Ralph takes off his hat and bows his head until the procession is finished. Once the procession is over, he puts his hat back on his head and starts to line up his shot. John and the other guys are astonished.

John says, "Ralph, we have had a standing tee time together for the past 10 years. We didn't know that you were such a sentimental guy." Ralph says, "Hell, we were married for 25 years, it's the least I could do."

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden...Poof! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life. Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!" Then poof! ... she was gone.

After Dave got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend Fred. "Fred, where are you?" Fred yells back, "I'm over here, in the pussy willows." Dave yells back, "Don't swing Fred, don't swing!!"

That's it for today my little Who-La Whoops. Remember, a compromise is an amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

I'm going to AREA 51 and see if any of the ladies want to compromise. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !