It's Dumb News Week !

I'm continually amazed by how many stupid people and stupid ideas there are on the news each day and this week was everything I knew it could be. Here are a few of the recent things in the news:

Probably the dumbest idea comes from the no-frills Ryanair, who, in an economic move, stated that they are considering having pay toilets on their airplanes. Ryanair chief executive Michael O'Leary insisted Thursday he's serious about making passengers pay for the right to relieve themselves on flights. Personally, I hate to fly and when I have no choice, I choose the airline who has the longest no-crash record. The restroom is a subject that I don't want to have to think about as my plane soars at 30,000 feet and I sit white knuckled in my seat doing shots of Johnny Walker Black.

My first thought is what do you do if there's a lot of broke people on the plane? Do you pay according to time spent? Is there an extra charge for number 2? What if you just want to smoke a cigarette? If I am a member of the mile high club, do I get a discount for two people? These and other questions are answered in today's pictures.

Tattoo Barbie now that's a really great idea to introduce to a child. Yes Sir! Now your kid, who was making good grades in school and spoke the queens English can be "stylin." Who knows? Maybe this little ditty will help her fit in with the "in" crowd, learning to swear, shoplift and steal bicycles with the rest of her "peers".

But that's not all! As she grows each year, you can buy her Ho Barbie, due out next year as the Obama economy goes to hell in a hand basket. Of course, Pimping Ken doll is sold separately. As you lose your job and home, your child's new unexplained income will help her to purchase Crack Barbie thereby qualifying her for the new free federal health care for everyone and his uncle.

Dr. Seuss, created by Theodore Geisel, must be turning over in his grave as teachers are teaching their students to "rap" his famous "Green Eggs and Ham." When I was in school, we took Spanish and French as secondary languages.

The 410 billion dollar tax bill has 7.1 billion dollars in pork (earmarks) and is having problems being passed by the Senate. Uh, aren't these guys the same people (both parties) who attached these earmarks to the bill? I guess it's now down to my pork's better than your pork.

New York State has a limit of around $12,000 per year for people on welfare. When the stimulus bill is passed and takes effect, this amount will double to around $24,000 per year. A person going to work every day for minimum wage makes around $16,000 per year. What's wrong with this picture? Spread the wealth is what's wrong with it. Take money from people who play by the rules and work hard and give it to the people who sit on their asses and complain how everyone mistreats them.

On a serious note, my pal Linda in Washington was admitted to the hospital yesterday for cardiac related issues. My pal Robin, author of "The Yellow Brick Road", informed me via email yesterday that she didn't believe it was a heart attack and they are keeping her overnight for tests. Please keep Linda in your prayers. You can read more about Linda's condition by reading Robins journal at http://yellowbrickroadtwo.blogspot.com/

Please stop by and leave a get well message to my pal Linda at http://lindasworld-lindasworld.blogspot.com/

This Date In History: 1770; In the Boston Massacre, British troops fire on a raucous mob, killing five Americans and wounding six. 1922; Annie Oakley shoots 98 out of 100 clay pigeons, breaking the existing women's trap-shooting record. 1946; Winston Churchill declares that “from Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic an iron curtain has descended across the European Continent.” 1953; Joseph Stalin dies suddenly in Moscow.

Picture Of The Day: Toilet humor has never been beneath me, and today's no different. Yes, pay toilets on airplanes, my friends! That's today's theme. I could probably do a thirty minute stand-up routine on this subject, butt I won't. If I were with one of my lady friends on a flight with pay toilets, even Obama's stimulus bill wouldn't help me pay the bill. That's another thing....don't use the word "stimulus" on this type of flight. For parents on airplanes teaching their children the alphabet to entertain them, leave out the pee.

Birthdays: Henry II, king of England 1133. Gerardus Mercator, Flemish geographer, mapmaker, and mathematician 1512, Giovanni Tiepolo, Italian painter 1696, Lady Isabella Gregory, Irish playwright 1852, Heitor Villa-Lobos, Brazilian composer 1887, Rex Harrison (1908-1990), British actor, immortalized in the role of Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady (1956), the film adaptation of George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion 1908.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week 2) My brother Kirt and I, at ages 4 and 5, got into our family car, which was parked in our driveway on a downhill incline, to play. I pushed in the clutch and the car began to roll. My mom said she looked up and saw Kirt and I drive by the window in the family car. Fortunately, I let out the clutch and the car chugged to a halt before taking out the garage. 3) 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence? 4) I once shot my brother in the ass with a BB rifle. My father laughed and then he gave me a whipping. 5) When going to court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" The cabby said, "I'd cover his ass up with that blanket before he catches a cold."

The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. Biff was a student going to one of the finest private schools in the nation. From an upper-crust family, he was well-bred, well-connected and all that goes with it. Willie was going into the 5th grade for the 8th time.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu." Biff was first and recited the following poem: "Slowly across the desert sand trekked the dusty caravan. Men on camels, two by two, destination, Timbuktu." The audience went wild!

The crowd wondered, could Willie could top that?! The clock started again and Willie sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited: "Tim and me, a-huntin' went. Met three girls in a pop-up tent. They was three, we was two, So I bucked one and Timbuktu."

That's it for today my little cherry blossums. Have a safe and great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

It's Nearing The Time To "Go To The Mattresses"

As I watch the daily newscasts from different news channels, it amazes me that each channel has its own view of what's news. If you're watching CBS, ABC or NBC their stories are more or less along the same lines of importance. Cable channels like the liberal CNN and the conservative FOX seem to have their own ideas of what's important and tend to run their stories to fit their own political preferences and ideas.

What really amazes me is that aside from CNN's Anderson Cooper and Lou Dobbs (probably the only conservative member of CNN), no one is paying attention to the U.S.-American border and myriad of horror stories happening there. In Juarez, Mexico, Drug Cartels have taken over the town. The Mayor has resigned and fled, the sheriff has resigned and there is no government there. The media is so concerned about reporting every move Obama makes and on the stimulus bill, no one seems to be noticing the dark cloud forming on our southern border. I hope that I don't have to write "I told you so" in the coming year.

In the interim, you'd better start preparing to pay more taxes. If this April 15th doesn't cost you money, it will next year. That is, of course, if you declare you income and file your taxes. If not, please disregard this paragraph and continue your fiesta with your home boys.

The stimulus package has to be paid by someone and we will probably go to China to finance it. That loan will be repaid by the tax payer (that means you). Just for the record, you already pay quite a bit to China if you shop at Walmart. I recently watched a documentary called Walmart: High Cost / Low Price. If you have a chance, watch it.

The documentary shows city governments in America giving untold tax breaks to Walmart to get them into their community. The promise that Walmart makes to these communities sounds good at first, but Walmart doesn't ever really comply with their part of the deal. When it's time for Walmart to start really paying their share of taxes to the city government, they fold their stores, move outside the city limits and rebuild there, thus avoiding the city taxes. Besides forcing all the nearby Mom and Pop stores to go out of business, they leave the small city with a giant, unrentable, empty warehouse and a town with many of it's citizens counting on working for the Walmart at low wages.

Pretty nifty, huh? They pay $.18 to the Chinese slave workers for the shirt, ship the shirt to America and sell the shirt from a tax subsidized warehouse in a small, needy American city for $11.00. Think about that the next time you shop at Walmart, that is assuming you or your family haven't already died from their lead based products and poisoned Chinese food.

This Date In History: 1681; King Charles II grants Quaker landowner William Penn a vast tract of land in North America, which is to become the colony of Pennsylvania. 1877; Tchaikovsky's ballet Swan Lake premieres at the Bolshoi Theatre in Moscow, Russia. 1890; The Forth railway bridge is opened. 1966; In an interview, John Lennon announces that the Beatles are more popular than Jesus. 1975; Charlie Chaplin is knighted.

Picture Of The Day: I guess today's news kind of got under my skin a little so I went to the mattresses (you would have to seen the Godfather to understand the term). I don't know if I enlightened anyone, but I sure feel better and I didn't even break my keyboard.

Birthdays: Henry the Navigator, prince of Portugal 1394, Sir Henry Raeburn, Scottish portrait painter 1756, Alan Sillitoe, British novelist and poet 1928, Miriam Makeba, South African singer 1932.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I am military qualified for use of the 45 automatic pistol, the M-1, M-14 and M-16 assault rifles. 2) I do not hunt for any four legged creatures.....four legged! 3) I have never had a blind date although some had other maladies. 4) Upon turning 21, my first trip to Miami Jai Alai for para-mutual gaming returned winnings of $250 in an era where $150 per week was decent income. 5) The day after I won $250 at Miami Jai Alai, my father began charging me rent for living at home.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Barack Obama was elected President and is spending his first night in the White House. All of a sudden, the ghost of George Washington appears, and Obama says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie." Obama says, "Well, I'll try but that's very difficult."

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears. Obama says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." Obama says, "I really don't know if I can do that."

On the third night, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears. Obama says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."

Vice President Joe Biden received the following message from an Indian (Native American) on a reservation: "Be careful with your immigration laws. We were careless with ours."

A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. His accountant told him. "Wear your worst clothing and an old pair of shoes. Let them think you are a pauper." Then he asked his lawyer the same question. The lawyer said, "Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your best suit and an expensive tie."

Confused, the man went to his minister, told him of the conflicting advice, and asked him what he should do. "Let me tell you a story," replied the minister. "A woman about to be married asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. Her mother told her to wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck and wool socks. But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Her friend told her to wear her most sexy negligee with a V-neck right down to her navel."

The man said, "But reverend, what does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?" The reverend said, "It doesn't matter what you wear; you're still going to get screwed."

That it's it for today my little buttercups. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !