AREA 51 - An Evening At Holleman's Restaurant

My Friday night jaunt to AREA 51 turned out to a great evening. I went to Holleman's Restaurant in Miami Springs to see my pal Randy and also to see Ileana, a fellow blogger and online friend. The Karaoke show was in full swing and I sat with Randy, reminiscing about our old high school days.

I chatted with Randy and his brother for a while and then Ileana stopped by to say hello. I had a great time talking and joking with Iliana and eventually went up to sing a song. I had several requests, but I sang anyway. I hung out with my friends until the bar closed.

From Hollemans, I headed over to the Billiards Club and caught some of the Olympic programming on the big television screens. Sometime in the wee hours, I figured it was time to race the newspaper boy to my front door and call it a night. The paperboy won this time as I arrived a little after 5 am.

I sat down to have a nightcap and watch television for a while. My only error was that I leaned back in the recliner or as I like to call it, "put it in cruise control." I awoke around 10 am with my cat, Possum sleeping comfortably on my chest. Life is good.....

The News As I See It: A judge has ruled that Katherine Jackson, Michael’s mother, will no longer have custody of Michael’s kids because of bad decisions. Not only that, but they took down her statue from the Neverland Ranch.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said he will think about running for president in 2016 if Obama wins in November. Until then, he said he'll just think about pancakes.

Mitt Romney annoyed the British by saying that London seemed unprepared for the Olympics. You know, putting his foot in his mouth like that is not very presidential. Vice presidential, sure, but not presidential.

The cast of "Modern Family" delayed production for the upcoming season due to a contract dispute. I think I speak on behalf of men everywhere when I say, "Give Sofia Vergara whatever she wants."

This Date In History: 1619; The first legislative assembly in English North America convened in Jamestown, Virginia. 1729; The U.S. city of Baltimore was founded. 1932; The tenth modern Olympic Games opened in Los Angeles.

1945; The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine and sank within 15 minutes. It was one of the greatest naval losses of World War II, resulting in the deaths of nearly 900 men.

1956; The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S. national motto. 1965; President Lyndon Johnson signed the Medicare Bill into law. 1975; Former Teamsters union president James Hoffa was reported missing. Many suspect he was murdered, though his remains have never been found.

1980; The Republic of Vanuatu, formerly known as the New Hebrides, gained its independence from France and Britain. 2002; Lisa Leslie became the first woman to dunk in a professional basketball game.

Picture Of The Day: Mae and Dave's, an old Hialeah, Florida hangout and sort of an institution dating back as long as I can remember.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I have never seen a brunette with blond roots. 2) Before Walmart, I used to have to buy a ticket to the circus to see the bearded lady. 3) Always be careful if you go to a bar that has a black light, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out. 4) I went to a cigar store and the guy behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" I answered, "It's a Boys." 5) Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - July 30th: Now that you're finally getting over your weekend antics, I suggest that you maintain a low profile until all of the various social sites quit running those pictures that seemed funny at the time. Seriously, you're not the first to wear a lampshade as a hat. Chance of romance is 17.62 percent.

Birthdays: My pal Sidney who I watched perform Friday night at Holleman's Restaurant - Happy Birthday young lady! 19XX, Emily Brontë, author 1818, Thorstein Veblen, economist 1857, Henry Ford, American industrialist, pioneer automobile manufacturer 1863, Casey Stengel, baseball player and manager 1891, Henry Moore, sculptor 1898, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California, actor(?) 1947, Lisa Kudrow, actress 1963.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill:

An old man took a Escalade for a test drive, just to drive that sucker before they become extinct. The salesman sat in the back seat describing the car and all it's wonderful options. The seats were of particular interest.

He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat. The old man said, "This must be a Republican car." The salesman asked why the old man thought it was a Republican car. The old man answered, "If it were a Democrat car, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round."

While shopping for vacation clothes, a husband and wife passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since she had even considered buying a bathing suit, so she sought her husband's advice.

She asked, "What do you think?" Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" Her husband replied, "Better get a bikini. You'd never get it all in one."
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time.

Then, halfway through the lecture, he began, "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. The professor said with a broad smile, "Young ladies, the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny.

As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."

Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?" Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron! You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."

That's it for today, my little chicklets. Remember, as you slide down the banister of life, make sure the splinters never point the wrong way. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

A Great Saturday Night At The Billiards Club With Nicole, Kathy And Maylen

Saturday night, I saw three of my favorite ladies at The Billiards Club in Miami Lakes. In a chance meeting, I walked into the club and, lo and behold, there sat Nicole, Kathy and Maylen, three lovely ladies who I've known for a number of years and charter members of AREA 51. Kathy had her camera with her and took a few pictures of the group.

I had originally decided to go to another AREA 51 bar, Lakes Cafe, with one of my pals just to relax and listen to the music. When we got there, only a few cars were parked outside. Since we weren't on any particular mission, we decided to go inside anyway. Outside a man stopped us and announced that there was a $10 cover charge because they had a live band. Right! We're going to pay a cover charge to listen to a band play to five customers....uh, adios!

We headed over to The Billiards Club and when I saw the girls there, I was ecstatic. We had not hung out as a group for years and it was a great reunion. Our original haunting grounds was Delaney Street in Miami Lakes and we used to spend many evenings sitting in AREA 51, laughing, dancing and singing Karaoke. Although I hang out with Nicole regularly, I had not seen Kathy for months and it had been years since I've enjoyed Maylen's company.

Saturday night, the girls looked great (as always) and it was a very special evening for me to sit and enjoy their company. It turned out to be a fun evening and although I got home around 3 am, I still beat the paperboy to the front door.

The News As I See It: Congratulations to the United States Olympic Team who now lead the competition with 24 medals (7 gold), followed by Germany with 20 medals (7 gold) and and Norway with 13 medals (5 gold).

This Date In History: 1371; Robert II succeeded to the throne of Scotland, beginning the Stuart dynasty. 1819; Spain ceded Florida to the United States. 1879; Frank Winfield Woolworth opened his first "Five Cent Store" in Utica, New York. 1924; Calvin Coolidge made the first presidential radio broadcast from the White House.

1935; Airplanes were no longer permitted to fly over the White House. 1980; In a major upset, the U.S. Olympic hockey team defeated the Soviets 4–3 at Lake Placid, N.Y.

Picture Of The Day: Saturday night at The Billiards Club and some of the pictures of the girls and I, many mango seasons ago, at Delaney Street. All of the above pictures were taken last Saturday night. The picture of Kathy and I (left) and the following pics below of (first) Kathy, Maylen and I and (second) Nicole and I, were taken somewhere in the 1990's.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 2) Geez if you believe in honkus. 3) Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? 4) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. 5) People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.....and that's five !

Birthdays: George Washington, First American President 1732, Arthur Schopenhauer, philosopher 1788, James Russell Lowell, poet, critic, and editor 1819, Edna St. Vincent Millay, poet 1892, Edward Kennedy, U.S. Senator 1932, Jonathan Demme, director, producer, screenwriter 1944, Julius Erving, basketball player 1950, Drew Barrymore, actress 1975.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet to pee and neglected to notice that the seat was up. When she sat, she kept going! She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed into the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in front of her.

She cried for her husband, who rushed in, and for the next hour tried desperately to free her. In this process, they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her naked and still stuck, with a particular part of her anatomy prominently visible between her splayed legs. Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber, despite the embarrassing nature of their problem.

When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were walking to the bathroom, the young man realized that his wife was exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way. Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber and placed the first thing he could think of, his yarmulke skull cap, over his wife's exposed privates.

The plumber walked into the bathroom, took one long look, and commented, "Well, I think I can save your wife, buddy, but the Rabbi's a goner."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

Ma and Pa were living in Western Kentucky out on a farm up in the hills. Pa found that the hole under the outhouse was full. He went into the house and told Ma that he didn't know what to do to empty the hole. Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young man down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college graduate."

So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "Mr. College graduate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it." The young man tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the shit all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole."

Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree. All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite, shooting the outhouse into the air.

Boom! Off goes the second stick of dynamite, spreading shit all over the farm. Wham! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole. Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Ma, are you all right?" As she pulls up her panties, she says, "Yeah, but it's a good thing I didn't fart in the kitchen."

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollars out, "Pa you need to fix the outhouse!" Pa replies, "There ain't nothing wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "Yes there is now git out there and fix it." Pa mosies out to the outhouse, look's around and yell's back, "There ain't nothing wrong with the outhouse!" Ma replies "Stick your head in the hole!" Pa yell's back "I ain't sticking my head in that hole!" Ma says, "Ya have to stick your head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, pa sticks his head in the hole and looks around and yells back, "Ma there ain't nothing wrong with this outhouse!" Ma hollars back, "Now, take your head out of the hole!" Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, " Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!" Ma replies "Hurt's, don't it?!

Mother Superior calls all the nuns together for an emergency meeting and says, "I must tell you all something of great importance. We have a case of gonorrhea!" A nun in the back says, "Thank God, I am so tired of Zinfandel!"

That's it for today my little tinkertoys. Remember, the best things in life are free, but unfortunately that's not the way the law sees it. More on Monday.

Stay Tuned !