Shampoo My Carpets, Then Scam And Clean My PC

Today's subject is from my August 2011 post about dot-com scam companies like PCMatic, KissMyGritsAndI'llWaxYourPC, My CleanPC, MaxMySpeed, CleanMyPC and variations of same. All are free but the catch is that they try to get you to subscribe (read -$) or they sell your personal information to other companies.

The bottom line is that these companies can't do anthing you can't do yourself and they prey on the ill-advised or hard of understanding.

Computers usually come with security systems like McAfee, Norton or any other respected company. Even better, there's a free security system called Avast that is highly regarded  and they don't badger you to upgrade.

Most computers will speed up If you clear your memory, delete your cookies and erase you browser history. After doing this, if your computer is still slow, you need to add an external hard drive, add more ram or upgrade your computer.

Other scams to avoid being screwed or making the mistake of subscribing are the infamous thieves "Cash4Gold" and any variation of Free Credit Score dot com.

You are allowed by law to get free credit information once a year from all three credit report companies. The free credit score dot com companies charge you monthly for mere crappola and make it very difficult to unsubscribe.
 

The News As I See It: Former General Petraeus testified before Congress. I guess he figured, "Why not?" Those questions can't be any tougher than the ones he's getting at home right now. No wonder we don’t know what’s going on in Libya. They're all too worried about chlamydia. So, when a general tells his wife, "I was pitching a tent in Afghanistan," technically he's not lying.

It was being reported that General Petraeus wanted to run for president. But, you know, he can still win. He's an older white guy with a sex scandal, so there's something there for Republicans and Democrats.

This whole scandal has changed the way the White House does business. Like, you know the Situation Room? Now it's the Compromising Situation Room.

New York's Rockefeller Center's Christmas tree has been put in place. They brought it in and hoisted it with a crane and steel cables. It's the same way they get Chris Christie into his pants. Then they start decorating the tree with a beautiful array of Christmas lights and on the very top they put a tiny little Mayor Bloomberg. In fact, it actually is Mayor Bloomberg.

Another big storm could hit the Northeast by Wednesday, preventing millions from visiting relatives for Thanksgiving. But there's also a downside.

Colorado and Washington legalized marijuana. If Hostess can't figure out a way to make money off of that, then maybe they shouldn't be in the snack cake industry. I guess I'll just have to take my business to Little Debbie.

The economy is getting so bad, Obama had to send Susan Rice out to defend it. Even MSNBC had to lay off 300 Obama spokesmen.
 

This Date In History: 1703; A masked man held prisoner in the Bastille in Paris died. His true identity was the cause of much intrigue, and his story became the basis of literary works by François Voltaire and Alexandre Dumas.

1794; John Jay and Lord Grenville signed Jay's Treaty. 1863; Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address at the dedication of the national cemetery on the Civil War battlefield of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.

1977; Egyptian president Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader to visit Israel. 1985; Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev met for the first time in Geneva. 1990; Milli Vanilli's Grammy award was rescinded after it was discovered they didn't do their own singing.

Picture Of The Day: If there's one thing that gets my goat it's missing my afternoon nap.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) There's an unconfirmed rumor that Bill Clinton has asked Paula Broadwell to write his biography. 2) I quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?" I hate that.  3) The milk of human kindness comes from thinking about udders. 4) I went for a run on Sunday but came back after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot I'm out of shape and can't run for more than 2 minutes. 5) If you really want to wake up, you can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Scorpio: Life can be as romantic as you wish to make it. Like the old saying goes, "a man with three fish has enough in his heart to help him build a picnic chair." Hey, I don't make these things up. They comes to me in a vision. Of course, it may not be 20-20, but it's still a vision.

Birthdays: George Clark, American Revolutionary General 1752, James A. Garfield 20th American President 1831, Billy Sunday evangelist 1862, Indira Gandhi political leader 1917, Larry King TV personality 1933, Yuan T. Lee chemist 1936, Ted Turner business executive 1938, Calvin Klein fashion designer 1942, Eileen Collins astronaut 1956, Allison Janney actress 1960, Meg Ryan actress 1961, Jodie Foster actress 1962.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An older man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and still no improvement.

The doctor says, "Listen, I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little."

He continued, "Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns and exclaims, "Doc! I took your advice and it works! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the first time anyone has ever helped me!" The doctor said, "Well, I'm glad I could help." The old man said, "By the way, Doc, you have a really nice house."

There was a woman who was very beautiful, except she had a hare lip. The woman was so embarrassed by her hare lip that she went into the woods to live all alone in a cabin, where no one would ever see her hare lip.

At the same time, there lived in the city a man with a wooden eye. He only had one real eye, but he was too poor to buy a glass eye, so he had a fake wooden eye made. He figured no normal woman would go out with him, but he heard about the woman with the hare lip, and he thought maybe she would go out with him.

So he wandered through the woods until he found her cabin and he knocked on the door. He was still worried about his wooden eye, but he figured she wouldn't say anything because she'd be so sensitive about her hare lip.

So he knocked on the door, introduced himself and said, "Would you like to go out with me?" She was thrilled, because no one had ever asked her out before. He said again, "Would you like to go out with me?" and she said, "Would I? Would I?" And he said, "Hare Lip! Hare Lip!" And neither of them were heard from again.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Deb and  Wally for their contributions to today's stories.

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.

So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'"

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in "the act". Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims, "Oh, boy! Horsie ride!" and hops on his father's back.

His father is unable to break his stride and suddenly, mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

That's it for today, my little coconuts. Remember, silence is golden unless you have a toddler. Then, silence is just suspicious. That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

Nascar Homestead-Miami Speedway Championships

Nascar is in Miami this weekend for the final races of the season. Tonight's Camping World Truck race will determine the championship as will Saturday's Nationwide Series race and Sunday's Sprint championship. Additionally, there are some IOU's outstanding in all three races and I'm thinking payback may be an option for some.

Brad Keselowski leads Jimmie Johnson (both pictured above) for the Sprint Championship by a mere 20 points. That may seem like an insurmountable lead but this is the last race of the season and anything goes. And, of course, Clint Bowyer still has a minor problem with Jeff Gordon after Gordon purposely wrecked him and took him out of the championship at Phoenix Speedway last week. If I were Gordon, I'd be checking my mirror often.

In Saturday's Nationwide, Elliot Sadler trails Ricky Stenhouse Jr by 20 points after Sadler's car went sour at Phoenix last week. Austin Dillon trails by 25 points. Again, it's championship weekend so anything can (and probably will) happen.

In tonight's Camping World Truck race, James Buescher leads Timothy Peters (-11 pts) and Ty Dillon (-12 pts). Joey Coulter (-29 pts) still has an outside chance for the championship.

Tonight's truck race can be seen on Speed (8 pm), Saturday's Nationwide Championship is on ESPN (4 pm) and Sunday's Sprint Championship is on ESPN (2pm), all times EST. 

The News As I See It: Obama looked good in his recent press conference. He took some softball questions from the leftist press for 20 minutes then finished up with a few Al Green songs.

There are reports that Obama will name Massachusetts Senator John Kerry to be the next secretary of defense. Apparently this is part of America's new defense strategy to bore our enemies to death.

Arizona elected the first openly bisexual congresswoman. She's a lady promising to reach across the aisle and grab whatever's there.

The David Petraeus scandal just keeps getting bigger. It turns out that another top general, John Allen and an FBI agent had inappropriate contact with Jill Kelley, the woman who sparked the investigation. They need to stop this thing or we’re gonna end up with nobody left to run the government.

The FBI guy evidently sent Jill Kelley pictures of himself with his shirt off. You know who I blame for all of this? Anthony Weiner. He's the guy who started this whole thing.

Facebook and the Department of Labor have teamed up for a new app that displays job openings. You can browse 2 million job listings. You know it's bad when even Facebook thinks it's time for you to get a job. It'll be weird when people find a job because of Facebook, then get fired from that job for using Facebook and then use Facebook to find another job. It's the circle of life.

New research revealed that the closer you live to a bar, the more likely you are to become a heavy drinker and the closer you live to Dunkin' Donuts, the more likely you are to become the governor of New Jersey.

At a gas station in Texas, a woman purchased what she thought was a $200 iPad that turned out to be just a mirror. Let that be a lesson. Make sure you buy your iPad from a reputable gas station.

Pope Benedict made a surprise visit to a retirement home near the Vatican this week. You know, if there's one thing people in a retirement home like, it's surprises.

This Date In History: 1864; General Sherman and his troops began their "March to the sea" during the Civil War. 1907; Oklahoma became the 46th state. 1933; The United States and the Soviet Union established diplomatic relations.

1973; President Nixon signed the bill authorizing the construction of the Trans-Alaska Pipeline. 2004; President George W. Bush nominated Condoleezza Rice to replace Colin Powell as secretary of state.

Picture Of The Day: There's wisdom in remembering to smile at someone who's bigger than you, especially when you're wearing your pajamas.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) All mothers have intuition. Great mothers have radar. 2) I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 5 years in a row. 3) I could be a morning person if morning happened around noon. 4) Don’t tell me a tomato is "technically a fruit" unless you’re willing to drink it in a milkshake. 5) Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - November 16th: Parts of you feel like giving up the ghost today, but feeding those parts cookies and ice-cream will revive them. My gift to you today is this bit of wisdom: Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

Birthdays: W. C. Handy songwriter 1873, George S. Kaufman dramatist and journalist 1889, Burgess Meredith actor 1907, Jose Saramago novelist 1922, Chinua Achebe writer 1930, Elizabeth Drew journalist 1935, Robert Nozick political philosopher 1938, Maggie Gyllenhaal actor 1977.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him. After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes.

He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him. She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina". The old guy says "I'll bet you do and you've got great tits too."

Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and saying, "You're next."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Linda in Washington state for her contribution to today's stories.

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of that cake when you're finished."

Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"

Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?" Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?" Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

The Nun asked, "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?" Suzie replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!" The Nun said, "What a wonderful answer!"

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs." The Nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face and asked, "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?

Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh God, I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said "Now, son, that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home." Little Johnny said, "I promise not to mention his ears at all."

At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh what a beautiful little baby." The mother said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands, perfect little feet and just look at his pretty little eyes. Did his doctor say that he can see good?"

The mother said, "Why, yes Johnny. His doctor said he has 20/20 vision. Little Johnny said, "That's good, cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!"

That's it for today, my little pepper mints. Remember, you do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. I might head over AREA 51 for happy hour.

That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Playing Possum

Possum (my cat) and I are very much alike in theory. We are both independent and nocturnal. Strikingly, this where it ends. When he is catnapping, I quietly go about my business or watch television. Possum, on the other hand, believes that if he's not sleeping, then neither is anyone else.

Last night, I awoke to the sounds of mewing, loud enough to cause me to get up to find out what was going on. I walked into the kitchen and there sat Possum, who immediately quit crying and started purring when I entered. I looked down and he had water and a full bowl of food.

Muttering to myself, I went to the bathroom (with Possum at my heel) and then back to bed. I managed to doze off for a bit and awoke to a feeling of pressure on my chest and being unable to breathe. The reason, of course, was that Possum (evidently in the deep throes of boredom) decided to lay on my chest and put his paw on my nose.

Now, at 4 am in the morning, I am fully awake. I go to the living room and turn on the television. Curiously, Possum is nowhere to be seen. I get up and return to the bedroom where Possum is now sprawled out on my pillow, sleeping like a drunk.

I thought it was only fair to get my cell phone, put on the loudest song in my list and play it full blast into his ear. Possum was not amused but I was. Hey Bud, what goes around, comes around......

The News As I See It: We’re in bad shape. The Republicans drove us into a ditch and the Democrats are driving us over a cliff. I agree that our country is headed toward a "fiscal cliff" and Obama's campaign slogan was "Forward." The only good news is that Obama says we'll run out of gas long before we get to the cliff, so don’t worry about it.

The CIA director, David Petraeus, has resigned. The FBI caught him having an affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell . People are disappointed. A four-star general, highly decorated, brilliant strategist, director of the CIA and yet he's behaving like a common congressman. No one knows what David Petraeus will do next. All I know is he's in for one awkward Thanksgiving.

The movie "Skyfall", was number one at the box office this week, making over $100 million. It's the biggest opening ever for a James Bond film. There's not a lot of sex in the movie — it's very downplayed. See, James Bond is just a secret agent. It's not like he's head of the CIA.

There's a double standard here. The head of the CIA gets caught having sex and has to resign. Meanwhile, a British special agent, James Bond, has sex with tons of women and makes $90 million at the box office. Where's the justice?

It was announced that Justin Bieber and his girlfriend, Selena Gomez, have broken up. Bieber said, "Just tell me one thing. Is it General Petraeus?"

The movie "Lincoln" opened over the weekend. It's getting unbelievable reviews. It's so authentic. Daniel Day-Lewis plays Lincoln. Sally Field plays Mary Todd Lincoln. John McCain plays himself.

Arizona has elected the first openly bisexual congresswoman. Apparently she did very well with swing voters.

Florida has finally finished counting the votes. What is wrong with Florida? Why is it so hard for the people down there to count votes? We’re talking about a state where half the population can play 10 bingo cards at the same time. Well, at least Florida can get back to doing what it does best, which is eating early and driving slowly.
 

This Date In History: 1851; Herman Melville's novel Moby Dick was published. 1889; Nellie Bly set out to beat Jules Verne's fictional Phileas Fogg's time of 80 days to travel around the world. She did it in 72. 1922; The British Broadcasting Corporation began its domestic radio service.

1969; Apollo 12, the second manned lunar expedition, was launched. 1995; The U.S. federal government began a partial shut down of government services after the U.S. Congress could not pass a budget.

2002; Nancy Pelosi of California became the first woman to lead a party in Congress. 2003; The most distant object ever found in our solar system, named Sedna, was discovered by astronomers at the Mount Palomar Observatory.

Picture Of The Day: One of the few times in life where there is truly a "free ride."

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've gotta stop saying, "How stupid can one be?" Too many people are taking it as a challenge. 2) Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. 3) Always remember to think - it gives you something to do while the Internet is down. 4) My ex didn't suffer from stress, but she was a carrier. 5) An optimist is simply a pessimist with no job experience; equally, a democrat is just a republican who has not yet been mugged.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - November 14th: Falling in love is an absolute blessing and will fill your life with sugar plums and pretty flowers. The evidence for love is staring you in the face but you may not see the forest for the trees. If you find this is true for you, I think the best thing to do is to stop wandering into forests and standing toe-to-toe with people you like.

Birthdays: Robert Fulton, inventor, engineer, and painter 1765, Claude Monet, painter 1840, Jawaharlal Nehru, first Prime Minister of India 1889, Mamie Eisenhower, First Lady 1896, Aaron Copland, composer 1900, Astrid Lindgren, writer 1907, Boutros Boutros-Ghali, ex-Secretary General of the U.N. 1922, McLean Stevenson, actor 1929, Hussein I, King of Jordan 1935, Wendy Carlos, composer and musician 1939, Charles, Prince of Wales heir to the British throne 1948, Condoleezza Rice, government official 1954.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A old man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says, "Hold on a second here. You can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" The old man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick." The bartender says, "Well then, lets see!"

The old man whips out his member and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his member without a single scratch. He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says, "I would, but don't hit me with that stick."

Mr. Smith wanted to become a teacher in the worst way, but the only job he could find was as an instructor at an all female college teaching sex education. His wife was a very jealous woman, so Mr. Smith decided he would tell his wife that he would be teaching sailing at this college so that she would not get angry. He was very happy and for months all was well.

As fate would have it, one day in the grocery store check out lane, Mrs. Smith overheard a group of girls standing in line behind her talking about college and their instructor Mr. Smith. The girls went on and on about how great this Mr. Smith was at teaching their class. The cashier handed Mrs. Smith her change and said, "Have a great day Mrs. Smith, and thank you, again."

One of the girls in line heard the cashier, and asked Mrs. Smith if she was related to the Mr. Smith that was teaching at the college. Mrs. Smith replied, "Yes, he is my husband." Well that set off a torrent of accolades about how knowledgeable Mr. Smith was about the subject matter he was teaching, about how he got the whole class to discuss their fears about learning the subject.

Well Mrs. Smith was taken back by what she heard from these girls and replied, "I don't know how you find him to be so gifted at teaching you this course. You know he only tried it twice in his life. The first time he tried it, he got sick and the second time, his hat blew off and he just quit."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar, "Free beer for anyone who can pass the test!" The guy asks the bartender what the test is.

The bartender says, "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a lion out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."

The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. As time goes on and the man drinks a few.

He gets up and says to the bartender, "Wherez that teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.

The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. He says, "Now, where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

A preacher goes into a bar and says, "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."

That's it for today, my little puddy tats. Remember, the difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets. I'm off to  AREA 51 for happy hour. That's it for now. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Veteran's Day 2012 - A Time To Remember

Sunday, the 11th of November, was Veteran's Day and since it fell on a Sunday, today is designated as the day of celebration where many people have the day off with pay and the more fortunate even have a barbecue. It is also a day to remember the scared young soldier who gave his or her life or was injured making sure that America is free.

Please take the time today to say a prayer for all the soldiers and their families, both past and present, who sacrificed their youth serving their country. It is because of them that you may be in good health, have the day off and are enjoying a barbecue on this beautiful Monday, 2012.

The News As I See It: David Petraeush, the head of the CIA and former General,has resigned because of an extramarital affair. So guys, let that be a lesson for you. If the CIA director can't keep an affair secret, you don't have a chance.

The U.S. Postal Service has announced that they are expecting this year's holiday season to be their busiest ever and also their slowest ever. That's probably the only business in America that is complaining about being busy.

Thousands of people complained on Twitter after Facebook recently went down for 60 seconds. It reminded me of the time my grandparents complained about having to make soup out of shoes during World War II.

Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving when you find real bargains. It works on our innate desire to save money and to get away from your family after Thanksgiving.

They've finished counting the votes in Florida even though the election is no longer in doubt and the people who cast them are no longer living.

Honey Boo Boo's in the news A representative from PETA has written her a letter urging her not to eat her new pet chicken. So instead Honey Boo Boo ate the representative from PETA.
 

This Date In History: 1920; Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis was elected the first commissioner of baseball. 1927; Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party and Joseph Stalin became the ruler of the Soviet Union. 1942; The World War II battle of Guadalcanal begins.

1954; Ellis Island stopped serving as the chief immigration station for the United States. Twenty million immigrants went through Ellis Island in its 62 years of operation. 1970; A cyclone and tidal wave hit East Pakistan, killing over 200,000 people.

1981; The space shuttle Columbia was launched for the second time. It was the first time a space vehicle was used more than once. 1990; Akihito becomes emperor of Japan. 1997; Ramzi Yousef, the man behind the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, was convicted in New York.

Picture Of The Day: There comes a time when a young kitten has to summon all his courage and walk into the valley of the shadow of death to see if there is a stray kibble or bit that has not been consumed.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The phrase "All In" takes on a whole new connotation when playing Texas Hold 'em strip poker. 2) I adopted a rescue dog. He rescues food from the table, socks from the laundry, trash from the bin and shoes from the closet. 3) Nine months before I was born, I went to this awesome party with my dad and I left with my mom. 4) Onions don't make me cry. It's just being in the kitchen in general. 5) I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - November 12th: The size of your shoes indicates that you are unlikely to fall down during a mild earthquake. You are a shopping bag and life is one big supermarket, so have at it. Love may find you this week. If it does, be wary since sometimes love can cause you to have to give back half of your shopping bag accumulations. Get a pre-nuptial shopping bag agreement. 

Birthdays: Auguste Rodin, sculptor 1840, Sun Yat-Sen, founder of modern China 1866, Harry Blackmun, Associate Justice 1908, Grace Kelly, actress, Princess of Monaco 1929, Neil Young, singer, songwriter, guitarist 1945, Nadia Comaneci, gymnast 1961, Sammy Sosa, baseball outfielder 1968, Ryan Gosling, actor 1980, Anne Hathaway, actress 1982.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The angry husband said to his sympathetic pal at the bar, "That wife of mine is a liar." His friend asked, "How do you know?" The husband said, "She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley."

The friend replied, "So?" The husband replied, "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she noticed the driver looking at the small container she was carrying. She whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy."

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A woman in her 30's was taking her mother, who was in her 50's to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor. While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups, the doctor remarked, "Don't we look pretty today", as he performed his examination. The lady was quite shocked, but said nothing.

When her daughter picked her up, she was quite upset. The mother said, "Do you know what that doctor said to me? He said, 'Don't we look pretty today', while he was looking between my legs! Do you think that was appropriate?"

Her daughter said, "No! Are you sure he wasn't referring to your hairstyle or something?" The mother said, "Well, it still wasn't appropriate or professional. I wonder if it could be considered sexual harassment. What do you think?"

The daughter said, "I don't know. We're you embarrassed?" The mother said, "I was very embarrassed. I used some of your FDS this morning and he may have smelled that, but I still don't think he should have commented!

The daughter said, "I don't have any FDS." The mother said, "Why, sure you do! In the blue can that was on back of the toilet. I used some before the appointment." The granddaughter said, "That's my Barbie Golden Glitter Hair Spray!"

A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because the lips on her private parts are much to large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees.

She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The doctor says, "Don't worry, I didn't tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself. The second one is from the nurse. She assisted me with the operation and she had the operation done herself." The woman asked, "Who is the third rose from?" The doctor says, "Oh, that rose is from the guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!"

That's it for today, my little rose petals. Remember, Twitter users say that it makes them feel like they're home. Nobody listens to them there either. That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !