F A C E B O O K

Facebook has two new fads. No, not Farmville, Mafia Wars and the other goofy games. Nope this one's called "You know you grew up (are from, lived in, etc) in ____ if you ____ (add your city, recollection, quip. etc.). It was cute, at first. Then again, so was "Jake" from "Two and a Half Men" before he became a teenager.

Imagine every friend you have and then imagine each friend coming up with fifty thoughts and you see the emerging clouds. When it's my city or a neighboring area I'm familiar with, I read the entry. The problem is I don't know anything about Bodunk, Arkansas or Bumphuk, Indiana and therein lies the rub.

The other new fad is Cuban (substitute French, Irish, etc) word of the day. Again, if it's a background, nationality or ethnic word I'm familiar with, I read it and usually laugh. The problem, again, is to imagine 50 words from each friend. The cool thing is that you can hide these types of posts and reduce the number of daily entries that you read. The problem is that I'm a "chismoso" (Cuban slang for gossip) and I don't like to miss anything.....

The News As I See It: S&P (Standard and Poor's) downgraded the United States from AAA to AA+ and it gets worse. Today, Italy, England, and Greece un-friended us on Facebook.

China has warned the United States that its days of squandering borrowed money are over. Maybe we shouldn’t tell the Chinese that we spent $76 million to see the "Smurfs" movie. We owe China more than a trillion dollars. Why don’t we just give them California?

America’s credit rating took a real hit when the U.S. lost its AAA status. Joe O'Biden immediately asked, "What happens if I get a flat tire and need roadside assistance?"

About 45,000 Verizon employees are on strike after failing to reach a new contract. Things are so bad that the S&P downgraded them from "Verizon" to "Metro PCS".

This Date In History: 1821; Missouri became the 24th state in the United States. 1846 The Smithsonian Institution was established in Washington, D.C., from funds left by British scientist James Smithson. 1921; Franklin D. Roosevelt was stricken with polio at his summer home on Campobello island.

1944; U.S. forces seized Guam from Japan. 1948; Candid Camera with Allen Funt debuted on television. 1988; President Reagan signed a bill that awarded $20,000 to each survivor of the Japanese-American internment.

Picture Of The Day: Facebook....the place to socialize and have fun. Whatever happened to a day at the beach?

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The tanking U.S. economy is making Obama more tense than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day. 2) Two rights do not make a wrong, they make an airplane. 3) The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter equals Eskimo Pi 4) Reality shows give me an indication of what my life would be like if it were run by writers not smart enough to make movies. 5) The American Heart and Lung Association surveyed doctors and found that 9 out of 10 doctors who tried Camels went back to women.....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Leo - August 10th: It's hump day and I know you're looking forward to happy hour. Charge your cell phone because you'll be receiving quite a few calls tonight. Most of them will be wrong numbers but the people at the bar will think you're popular. Cologne and a nice clothes are recommended. Oh yeah, feed the animals......

Birthdays: My pal Larry - Happy Birthday Buddy 19XX, Herbert Hoover 31st President of the United States 1874, Norma Shearer, actress 1900, Jorge Amado, author 1912, Rosanna Arquette, actress 1959, Antonio Banderas, actor 1960.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree. As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him for sharing!" She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the Scotsman's endowment.

A while later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature. He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon. He stared for a minute, then said, "I don't know where y'been laddie, but it's nice ta see you won first prize!"

Two elderly gentlemen were sitting on a park bench on North Avenue. After a while, one said, "By the way, George, how's your wife?" George said, "I think she's dead." His friend asked, "What do you mean, you think she dead?" George said, "Well, the sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A pregnant woman is involved in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your Uncle from Brooklyn came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my Uncle, he's an idiot!" She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" The doctor replies, "Denise." The woman says, "Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?" The doctor says, "Denephew."

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry he sat down and looked over the menu. Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Politician: $100.00. The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?" The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"

President Obama wakes up one morning, looks out of the White House window and sees "The President Sucks" written in the snow in urine. Furious, he calls in the FBI and demands the perpetrators be found. Later that day the FBI agents return. The first agent says, "Well sir, the urine has been analysed and it's the Vice President's". Obama goes purple with rage and shouts, "Is that all?" The agent says, "Well, no sir, it's the First Lady's handwriting."

That's it for today my little tootsie rolls. Remember, the best way to combat criminals is by not voting for them. It's hump day and a great reason to go have a scotch in AREA 51. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !