Happy Birthday Bugs !

The world’s favorite rabbit turns 75 today. In 1940, the cotton-tailed character’s debuted in his first cartoon short "Wild Hare". There won’t be much hoopla to, because Warner Brothers inexplicably doesn’t observe the birthdays of animated characters.

There’s some logic to that, especially in Mr. Bunny’s case. There had been earlier variations: A wisecracking rabbit, voiced by Mel Blanc, debuted in the 1938 "Porky’s Hare Hunt" but the speech patterns and look were very different.

In the next few years, WB’s Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies cartoons featured other rabbits. But the 1940 "Wild Hare" was the first one where Bugs looked like himself, sounded like himself and, significantly, it was the first time he uttered the immortal words "What’s up, Doc?"

Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.

The News As I See It: GOP Congressman Carlos Curbelo suggested that Donald Trump may be a "phantom candidate" that has been planted by the Democrats. The DNC strongly denied this while Hillary said, "Crap! They figured it out! Take off the wig, Bill."

A new poll shows that a majority of people in Colorado think Hillary Clinton is not trustworthy. Although, that's not saying much coming from the most paranoid state in America.

This Date In History: 1861; Union general George B. McClellan was put in command of the Army of the Potomac during the Civil War. 1940; Bugs Bunny made his debut in the cartoon "A Wild Hare".

1940; Billboard magazine published its first singles record chart (for the week of July 20). 1953; An armistice was signed ending the Korean War.

1974; The House Judiciary Committee voted to impeach Richard Nixon for obstructing justice in the Watergate case. 1995; The Korean War Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, DC.

1996; A pipe bomb exploded in an Atlanta park during the Olympic Games. 2003; Lance Armstrong won his fifth straight Tour de France, tying Miguel Indurain's record.

2003; Comedian Bob Hope died in his home, at the age of 100. 2012; The 2012 Summer Olympics began in London.

Picture Of The Day: On a darker side, it seems that Elmer Fudd is a bit more dangerous than his character in the cartoons.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) You know you're getting old when you have to turn your music down to park your car. 2) Hey Google, how about letting me type more than three letters in my search before you start trying to confuse me with suggestions. 3) "Always leave them wanting more" is my standard approach to paying my bills. 4) A portmanteau is when you combine two words to make one word. A great example of this is Groupon, a mixture of grey and poupon.  5) I never was an Olympic athlete, but I did participate in a Toyotathon once.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - July 27th: Bread, lightly cooked, buttered. Today's horoscope is sponsored by Toast. All of your aims are achievable, although many of them would involve bionic implants and some theft. Long walks, cold showers and playing with puppies will help alleviate the lack of romance in your life this week.

Birthdays: Alexandre Dumas, French dramatist and novelist 1824, Leo Durocher, baseball player 1905, Norman Lear, television producer 1922, Bharati Mukherjee, writer 1940, Peggy Fleming, Olympic ice skater 1948.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Little Johnny comes down for breakfast and since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has done his chores.Little Johnny replies, "Not yet." His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.

Pissed off, he goes to feed the chickens and he kicks a chicken. He goes off to feed the cows and he kicks a cow. Then he goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk on my cereal?" he asks.

His mother says "I saw you kick the chicken so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk".

Just then his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he is walking into the kitchen. Little johnny looks up at his mother and with a smile says, "Are you going to tell him or should I?"

The isr grade teacher asked her class, "Do you know what sound doggies make?" Everyone in the class said, "Woof woof." So the teacher asked, "Do you know what sound a kitty makes?" The class answered, "Meow, meow."

The teacher said, "Now, for a gold star, do you know what sound a bunny rabbit makes?" There was a long silence and then one little boy stood up and said, "What’s up, Doc?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?” He says, "Ok, get in the car with it."

His wife says, "Where shall I put it to get it warm?" He says, "Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there." His wife asks, "But what about the smell?" Her husband replied, "Just hold its little nose."

(The man is recovering and the little skunk she used to beat him with is expected to recover as well).

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers it. A man says, "Mrs. Sanders, please." The woman replied, "Speaking." The man says, "Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

Mrs Sanders asks nervously, "What do you mean?" The doctor says, "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which." Mrs. Sanders says, "That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?"

The doctor replies, "Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time." Mrs Sanders asks, "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

The doctor says, "The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

That's it for today, my little peacocks. Remember, men can survive an entire weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

What's Up Doc?

Saturday morning cartoons and television shows were always something to look forward to when I was a puppy. I remember getting up early in the morning and watching the test pattern until the station came on the air. There were always cartoons, including Tom and Jerry, Mighty Mouse, Woody Woodpecker, Bugs Bunny and The Roadrunner.

Then the shows came on. We would watch The Buster Brown Show, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, Sky King and The Little Rascals (Our Gang). The Three Stooges were always a treat when they would come on periodically, but they never came on consistently.

If we were really lucky, we'd go to the movie theater. That was almost an all day affair as we would watch the cartoons first, then the Movietone News reel and then the serial, which was a half hour continuing short movie that always left you hanging (so that you would return the following week).

Finally, the "feature" movie would come on. Since it was the closest theater within bicycle distance, we never bothered to see what was playing because just going to the movies was an event unto itself. I saw "Carousel" and "Oklahoma" when they first came out at that theater and I remember being surprised, then angry, that the actors would stop in the scene and start singing for no apparent reason. Musicals were never one of my favorites.

Those days were innocent and bring back fond memories. We would ride our bikes to the movies (which was a mile away) and leave our bikes outside in the rack unlocked. The theater was our playground all day long and we sometimes watched the featured movie twice. Then, just before it got dark, we'd ride home, happy as larks.

It's a shame that the good kids of today can't enjoy similar experiences. With street monkeys lurking in every nook and cranny waiting to rob someone or steal something, it's unsafe for children to go anywhere without adult supervision.

The News As I See It: Japanese researchers have invented a speech-jamming gun that can silence people from 30 meters away. You fire this at them, and they can stop talking. It makes people speechless. I'm thinking that a lot of married people will purchase this.

In a recent interview, Obama said when he plays golf, he doesn't want or expect people to give him a pass on any shots. He just hopes people will give him a mulligan in November.

A phone survey found that 70 percent of Americans support legalizing marijuana. I can't believe that many marijuana supporters were able to answer the phone.

Last week a Chicken McNugget that resembles President George Washington was auctioned on eBay for over $8,000. Meanwhile, a Chicken McNugget that looks like Mitt Romney was eaten by Newt Gingrich.

This Date In History: 1912; Juliette Gordon Low founded the Girl Scouts. 1930; Mohandas Gandhi began his 200-mile march to protest the British salt tax. 1933; President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave the first of his nation-wide "fireside chats" on radio.

1938; "Anschluss" took place when Hitler incorporated his homeland of Austria into the Third Reich. 1947; President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" to aid in the containment of Communism. 1993; Janet Reno was sworn in as the first female attorney general of the United States.

1994; The Church of England ordained women priests for the first time in 460 years. 2002; The color-coded terror alert system was unveiled by Homeland Security chief Tom Ridge. 2003; The prime minister of the Serbian state (of Serbia and Montenegro), Zoran Djindjic, was assassinated.

Picture Of The Day: Those were the days.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I got lost once when I was a kid. I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide." 2) My ex-wife and I didn't think alike. She donated money to the homeless and I donated money to the topless! 3) Television advertisers have stated that silver is out performing gold in the marketplace. I checked with the Lone Ranger and, sure enough, it's true! 4) Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. 5) Fettuccini Alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 12th: The Monday morning blues will fade as the evening nears. Opportunity will come knocking this evening. Chance of romance is 37.65 percent but don't worry, tomorrow looks better. Don't get on an elevator with a midget if you're having any flatulent issues.

Birthdays: George Berkeley, philosopher 1685, Vaslav Nijinsky, ballet dancer and choreographer 1890, Jack Kerouac, American Writer 1922, Edward Albee, dramatist 1928, Andrew Young, political leader 1932, Liza Minnelli, actress 1946, James Taylor, singer and musician 1948.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex.

He first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised. He then asks, how many had sex once a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised. John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? Again a few hands were raised.

After John polled his group several more times he noticed an old guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. John noticed that the guy never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he had sex. The old guy said, "Once a year!" To John's dismay, he responds, "Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year?" The old guy responds, "Tonight's the night!"

A police officer in Pennsylvania was interviewing an old man who was a witness to a murder. The cop asked, "Did you see what happened?" The old man said, "No but I heard it and I know who did it" The cop, a bit dubious, said, "What did you hear?"

The old man said, "Clip-clop, clip-clop, Bang!, clip-clop, clip-clop." The cop said, "And from that you know what happened?" The old timer said, "Yep, it was an Amish drive-by."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man takes his wife to the cattle show. They start heading down the alley that houses all the bulls. The sign on the first bull's stall states: "This bull mated 50 times last year. The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, isn't that nice!"

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one!"

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "Wow! He mated 365 times last year. That's once a day! You could really learn from this one."

The annoyed man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."

Just after opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became confused after reading the enclosed card, which stated, "Deepest Sympathy". While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist who apologized for having sent the wrong card. The store owner said, "Oh, it's alright. I'm a businessman and I understand these things happen."

The florist went on, "I accidentally sent the card that was meant for you to a funeral party." The store owner asked, "What did it say?" The florist relied, "Congratulations on your new location."

A woman posts an ad in the newspaper that states: Looking for man that won't beat me, run out on me and is great in bed. She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad and found someone perfect. She arranged a meeting the next day.

The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I can't run away." The lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?" Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

That's it for today, my little bunny rabbits. Remember, if you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !